Bound to You (20 page)

As the end of the hour drew closer, our pace had slowed considerably. Her lack of enthusiasm concerned me.

“If you're not having fun anymore, we should stop. Before you get sick,” I managed.

“Are you just looking for an out? If you're feeling ill, I understand.” She was trying to be strong and all, but I could tell she was too full to eat more.

“I'm done.” I put the spoon down, my stomach heavy with food. “Come take my loser picture.”

Sophie cheered her victory, not an enthusiastic one, but a cheer nonetheless. “I'm going to fall over and get rolled out of here by the staff.”

I was rather full myself. Sophie continued to recover while I slowly stood and paid for the ice cream.

Instead of heading to the car, we kept walking along the sidewalk into campus, enjoying the cooler weather brought on by sunset.

“You want to keep going?” I asked her. Hopefully, she would say yes. There were a few things she needed to see.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “I need to walk this off.”

The Arizona State University campus extended for several miles, but our destination wasn't too far from here. As we weaved around on the paths between buildings, she threw a questioning glance or two in my direction, but didn't say anything until we reached the Cornerstone Business Research Facility.

“What's this place?” she asked.

“An incubator for startups on campus. They provide facilities for businesses.”

She nodded. “So what are we doing here?”

I took her hand and drew her through the double doors. “You'll see.”

The receptionist waiting behind a counter smiled at us. “Good afternoon, Mr. Quinn. It's a pleasure to see you again.”

I nodded her way and directed Sophie to the elevators.

“Seems like you're important around here. The receptionist in my building at Cambridge doesn't even acknowledge my presence half the time.”

I shrugged. “You could say I'm a recent donor.”

That made her go
ah
for a bit.

On the fifth floor, we headed down a narrow hallway with many closed doors. The signs had names of companies I'd never heard of, but the vibe was one that I was quite familiar with. Silver Sparrow Systems started out in a place like this. Just a bunch of people sitting in a small room pounding away at keyboards, hoping and praying venture capitalists would invest in the ideas we generated. I happened to be one of the lucky ones.

At the end of the hallway, we came to a set of double doors.

“There's no sign,” Sophie remarked.

“I know.” I pulled a key card from my back pocket and brushed the card against the reader attached to the door. After an audible click, the door unlocked.

As she walked into the huge office suite, I waited for her smile—any type of reaction to show she was pleased, but I got silence.

She scanned from the modern lavender-colored couches near the door to the receptionist desk. From beyond there, she wandered into the private office in the back.

The silence was killing me. She walked into the private office bathroom, briefly flicking the light on and off.

At first, I expected her to ask what all this was, but Sophie was far sharper than the women I'd dated in the past.

“This was unexpected,” she began.

“Too much?” When I'd made the arrangements, I'd thought it was too little. Hiring for an assistant could begin as soon as Monday.

“This is the perfect place for you to start again. Many of the companies here will need insight and assistance from someone with your level of experience.” I kept going as she approached the windows, adding distance between us both physically and mentally. “I also began to make arrangements for you to meet with local CEOs—”

“Xavier…”

I outlined my plan until she grated out, “Just don't.”

Silence stood between us, stealing the words I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her again I'd take care of her, but she didn't want to hear that. Everything we'd done today—all the fun we'd had—and I couldn't give her the one thing she truly wanted: success.

“I'm going to London,” she finally said.

Everything in me hardened and a familiar feeling came over me: utter disappointment.

“Why?” I hadn't meant for my reply to come out so harshly, but it did. “I said I'd—”

“You said you'd take care of me. I don't want that. I've been on my own since I was eighteen.” She looked at me briefly, but when I looked back at her with pain I couldn't hide she turned away. “Just like you, I have aspirations. I have things I'm relentless about accomplishing in my career. I don't want to start off at square one again.”

“You'd be starting fresh in London.”

“I would be working with Carlie's clients and supporting her when she needs me.”

“Then I could
get
you clients.”

“I know you could, but I don't want that.” I wanted to hold her hand against my heart. The heart that was breaking.

“Say I moved to London. Would we be happy if we lived like that? Seeing each other every couple of months?”

No, I wouldn't be happy with that. I wanted her with me all the time. By my side. In my bed.

As I strode toward her, filling the gap she'd created, I wondered if something more was at play. When I reached her side, she still didn't look at me. “Is it just your job? Or maybe you haven't let Sato go. Have you opened up enough to accept being with me?”

She jerked back and showed her wrist. “I've already said my final goodbyes and moved on.”

Just seeing her bare skin burned me. What I wouldn't give to see her wearing my cuffs. To know she had bound herself to me the way I was bound to her. “So why not wear mine, then?”

“Because…” she bit out. “I can't tie myself to someone I have to let go.” She marched back the way we came.

“Don't go like this.” I followed her and grabbed her arm. She wasn't walking out on me yet. “Why can't you give in on this
one thing
?” I growled. “We can make it work if you stop running away and love me like I love you.”

“I'm running to where I need to be. If we end it now, no one has to
leave
before things get serious.” She closed her eyes so tightly, as if in pain. “If we end it now, no one gets hurt.”

That stopped me cold.
When someone you love leaves it always hurts, whether it's sooner or later.

Briefly, she bit her lip as if she hadn't meant to let those words slip out.

“I'd never leave you, Sophie,” I said firmly, meaning every word. “And I want you to stay with me.”

“You told me from the beginning you didn't want a relationship. I heard you and I respected that.”

“Yeah, I used to feel that way, but not anymore.” Frustration made it harder for me to think.

“Look at your life and your accomplishments. What has ultimately made you happy?” she asked.

Every time I walked into my office at Silver Sparrow I answered that question: conquering whatever fell into my path. Every failure made my successes all the sweeter. Denying her happiness for my own selfish reasons was something I'd never do. Not in the way it had been done to me. I loved her too much to see her questioning her decision to stay.

When I finally spoke, it was a done deal. “If you want to go, I won't stand in your way. I'll have the jet ready to take you back home.”

Packing, whether or not you want to go to the destination, still bites. Case in point, I couldn't seem to pack my belongings back in Boston without breaking something. A beautiful tiger's eye vase from Thailand ended up in enough pieces to create a mosaic. Four CDs—yep, I still had some—turned into scratched-up coasters when Lana accidentally stepped on them.

I packed away all my cookbooks. They were coming with me, but all my Japanese language–learning materials were shipped as a donation to a library in NYC. Holding on to them when I didn't study anymore seemed wasteful.

My empty room seemed like a reminder of what I was letting go. In the spot where my bed had sat, Xavier had made love to me. In another corner, right next to my desk, he'd placed a beautiful red box in my hand. What I wouldn't have given right now for him to be standing there.

But the room was empty and I had nothing but regrets to fill it.

Getting excited about spending time with Carlie wasn't the same as it used to be.

What about the good days?
Like the days we used what little money we had to enjoy ice cream cones at Eddies Sweet Shop?

I cracked a grin at the sunny feeling remembering such moments washed over me. Those had been good times. We had a few of them—but we were older now with our own aspirations.

Living in the U.K. with her would be different now.

You won't have him,
I reminded myself. In London I wouldn't see Penny or Griffin as often either, but I'd have Carlie and I owed it to her.

Broken discs and all.

I heard the doorbell ring.

Immediately, my breath quickened with a single thought: had Xavier come back for me?

Before Lana had a chance to reach the door, I was there peeking through the peephole, ready to see his face.

I saw a familiar blonde with a smirk instead.

“Carlie?” I gasped.

I opened the door and she giggled when she saw my surprised face.

“Hey, Sophie.” She sneaked in a hug and then looked around for a place to sit. “I'm taking the red-eye next time.” She collapsed on the couch and Lana gave me a wave before she slinked back to her bedroom.

“W-what are you doing here?” I stammered.

She crossed her legs, revealing her expensive Louboutins. “Personal business.”

That personal business must be her parents.

“So where are your bags?” I asked.

“At my hotel, of course. Just seeing the surprised look on your face was worth every fee I've paid!” She giggled mischievously.

I took a place next to her on the couch. “You still haven't answered my question.”

She took my hand and played with the silver rings on my fingers. “It's time for me to settle my personal business.”

“For how long? I'm about to move to London. I'll need—”

“Plans have changed.” The look she gave me was dead serious.

“Carlie.” Utter disbelief had me shaking my head. “You've thrown me for a loop a few times, but today's surprise is beyond messed up. It's borderline
fucked
up.”

She let go of my hand. “What's messed up is how you left Xavier behind for me.”

“You're my best friend. My family. We take care of each other.”

She smiled at me. “That's what I'm doing right now, Sophie. I'm taking care of you. You're staying here. You're going to unpack your fucking bags and get back together with him.”

I rested my head against her shoulder, flabbergasted at what had just occurred. “That's not possible.”

“Why the hell not?”

“He's in Arizona now. More important, he wanted to give me the world and I want to conquer it myself.” I gave a half-shrug. “I've been feeling so lonely over the last month, I've been regretting my decision to leave him. At the time, it seemed like the best thing to do since I was moving.” Over the weeks I continued to rationalize what I'd done, but the part of me that felt carved out and empty seemed to grow emptier.

“Then call him after I leave and figure things out.” She gave me another look. The one where her sharp blond eyebrows lowered and her olive-green eyes darkened.

How many times had I checked the contacts on my phone? Countless times I'd browsed his profile. My feet wouldn't fight me to walk over to my cellphone, but my heart balked. What if he didn't want me back? I'd refused him.

She touched my bare wrist as if to further make a point. “I see you threw away those damn leather cuffs from Sato.”

“It was time. A long time ago.”

“He never collared you. If I would've had my way, I would've cut that shit into strips and watched how fast they burned in a garbage can on the curb.”

A laugh jumped out of me. “Say what you're
really
thinking, Car.”

She rolled her eyes. “That was the tame version of what I was thinking.”

I made us two cups of Earl Grey and we sat together for a while, chatting about what I'd seen and experienced in Phoenix. I'd glossed over the details with my roommates, but Carlie got everything. For a brief moment, I felt like we were back in that minuscule Queens apartment sharing our experiences—both the good and the bad.

By the time I gushed about the ice cream–eating contest, she was smiling, but I could tell she was pained. I'd seen that look before. As hard as she was trying to hide it, I could see her discomfort simmering under the surface of her skin.

“You're going to see him,” I said to her.

She didn't say yes or no. No nod or anything. “It's just for one drink,” she murmured.

“You two are like a metronome. Back and forth. One knocking the other off-kilter. Only to later have the same thing reciprocated.”

“It won't be the same this time. We're meeting once. That's it.”

I snorted. “That's what you think each and every time.”

“He's the one who found the information about my parents.”

“You don't owe him a damn thing. You two can't make it work!”

“It's complicated, Sophie.”

Wow, seemed pretty crystal clear to me after she came home crying for weeks all those years ago. “Bullshit.”

She glanced at the pink watch on her wrist. “My time is up.”

“How convenient.”

Her lips formed a straight line. “Don't be like this. Not right now when I need you.”

“I've seen the aftermath—that's all. It's not pretty.”

She pulled me into a hug and I held her close.

Before she left, she whispered, “Before the aftermath, it was beautiful.”