Bound Together (24 page)
Authors: Marie Coulson
He ran his hands through
his hair and sighed, exasperated. His expression grew darker and I
could see the anger simmering just beneath the surface. He was
desperately trying to restrain himself. “Layla you lied to me!
There is no excuse you could possibly give me for your betrayal.
You’re nineteen years old and that is your first car! You have
limited experience on the road as it is let alone driving half way
across the state! I asked you to do one thing in the interest of
your safety and you promised me you would do it! I believed you.
Well at least I did until I found Amy sitting in a booth at my
coffee shop this morning! Christ Layla I nearly had a heart attack
when I found out that you drove here alone and that you would be
doing the same thing to get back! I must have broken every damn
traffic law to get here! How could you be so reckless?!” He turned
his back to me and continued to grip fistfuls of hair as he tried
to reign in his temper which was beginning to sizzle in the air
between us. The way he had roared at me had further fueled my fury
at him and his actions. I wasn’t the only one with secrets around
here. There was an awful lot he wasn’t telling me but I had
continuously told myself that it was nothing.
I stood directly behind
him with my fists pressed firmly into my hips. There was no way I
was going to allow him to intimidate me. "I am not a child Jared
and you can’t tell me what to do, where to go or how to get there!
Long Beach to
Pasadena
is
not
half-way across the state it’s an hour, tops! I’m done here,
I’m done with this conversation and right now I am done talking to
you! Go home Jared.” His head snapped up as he turned around to
face me. The look of rage on his face was frightening and I stepped
back, slightly trembling in fear of what he might do next. Seeing
the obvious alarm on my face his expression softened and he looked
utterly mortified. Striding over fast, he pulled me to him and
wrapped me in his arms. Pressing his lips to the top of my head he
kissed me repeatedly, muttering that he was sorry over and over. I
buried my head in his chest and grasped his shirt for comfort. I
was still mad at him but I was relieved to see his gentler side
emerging even if it was only momentarily.
Releasing me, he hung his
head and his face was twisted with remorse. “Baby I am so sorry I
frightened you. That look on your face…” He swallowed a lump in his
throat. “I am so sorry. I would never, ever hurt you. You have to
believe me. But god Layla, you scared the fucking shit out of me
princess. The thought of you being hurt or in trouble and me being
totally helpless, it terrifies me. I care about you so deeply and
that scares the shit out of me. The way I feel about you after such
a short time is crazy and I’m completely out of my depth here.
Please forgive me. I swear I would never, for as long as there is
air in my lungs and a beat to my heart, I would never raise my hand
to you.”
Pressing my left palm
against his chest, I lifted his chin with my right hand so that his
eyes met mine. “I know you wouldn’t. You just startled me. I’m
sorry I lied to you Jared but you have to understand I’m a woman,
not a child and you have to let me have my independence. I can’t
always do as I’m tol; I like my freedom and my space, it’s just who
I am. Please, have some faith in me, ok?” He nodded weakly and bent
down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I had missed his mouth on
mine, the smell of his spicy yet sweet cologne, the warmth of his
arms and the comfort of his hard, muscular chest.
I scanned his face,
trying to gage his mood. He gave me a rueful smile and exhaled
loudly. “Layla I can’t help feeling over-protective when it comes
to your safety. I’d really appreciate it if you would come back to
Long Beach in my car and I’ll have yours brought down this
afternoon.” I swayed my head in a silent but definitive no. His
shoulders sagged and his head rolled back. I could see he was used
to getting his own way but he was going to have to learn that Layla
Jennings does not take orders. Rubbing the back of his neck he
stared at me but I stood my ground without giving him an inch.
“Fine, you win. But I will be right behind you, all the way there
in my own car. Understand?”
Rolling my eyes I
regarded him with frustration before finally conceding. “Fine,
fine, stalk me all the way back to Long Beach if that will make you
happy. I have to go pack and say goodbye to Mel. We can leave right
after. You can wait here or wait in the car. I don’t
mind.”
“
I’ll wait in the car and
give you and Mel your privacy. Don’t be long. I want to get you
home and all to myself.”
Swiveling around, he
opened the door and glanced back at me. “I’ve missed you Layla,
truly I have.” I melted into a pool of dripping hot mess right
there on the spot. God he was infuriating and oh so sexy at the
same time. His ability to completely unravel me with a simple
sentence was astounding and completely disarming. I was still mad
at him for his erratic behavior and icy demeanor, but I couldn’t
deny that I too had missed him and that seeing him on my door step,
even with his face contorted with anger, I was pleased to see
him.
more than two vehicles behind me all the way home. At one stage I
ended up a little further ahead than he liked and he had called my
cell. When I answered he lectured and yelled at me for not
concentrating on the road and answering my cell while driving. I’d
yelled back at him and explained that my father, who was also as
cautious a driver as I was, had given me a hands free kit that was
linked directly to the dash and my cell. I had growled in
frustration at his controlling behavior towards me. I applauded
myself for not bowing down to his patronizing tone and completely
ignoring him as he barked his orders to me over the phone on how to
correctly cross lanes. Calling him a condescending ass munch may
have been taking it a little too far and I was probably not going
to get away with it either. I felt it was worth it just to let him
know that I wasn’t intimidated and nor was I willing to be bullied
by him.
When we finally pulled up
outside my dorm, my patience was frayed to say the least. Slamming
my door I stormed across the parking lot towards the dorm entrance.
I could hear Jared’s tires screech to a halt and his door slamming
shut as he sprinted after me, yelling at me to stop. He caught up
with me just as I was about the reach for the steel handle of the
entrance, my salvation, away from him. Holding his hand firmly
against the glass he halted my attempts to escape him, pressing the
door forcefully closed. “Layla stop this. Why do you always go off
the deep end? You act like a child throwing her toys out of her
stroller! It’s fucking infuriating and I’m at my wits end with it.
Grow up!” I tugged hard at it with both hands and lifted my foot
against it in a futile attempt to pry it open. But it was useless,
he was too strong and I was tired of fighting. His eyes blazed with
an emotion I couldn’t fathom. Anger? Lust maybe? Either way I was
momentarily mesmerized and let go of the door in front of me. But
it was only momentarily, as my anger was soon spilling over and out
of my mouth. “Fuck you! Get out of my way douchebag. You think I
act like a child? Fine! I’ll act like one!” I kicked the door, hard
and growled low in my throat. Grabbing my wrist in his free hand he
yanked me towards him. His face was inches from mine and I could
see the burning fury in his eyes “If you ever talk to me like that
again I am going to spank you so hard you won’t sit, stand or walk
for a month! For someone so well read, your vocabulary is
repulsive. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Did he say spank?
Was he serious!? I snorted at him but he was not amused.
Shit
. It was hot and
frightening all at once. “Do not try my patience. Grow up and get
some damn respect.” My own anger dissipated as I looked up at him
with regret. Maybe I
had
gone a little too far. Exhausted, I pleaded with
him. “Jared let go of the door. Don’t you think we’ve argued enough
for one day? Hell we’ve argued enough this week to last me a
lifetime. I’m tired and I just want to go upstairs and lie down.
Please Jared. Just let me go.”
The prickle of unshed
tears was beginning to overpower my desperation to stand firm and
be strong in front of him. The salty droplets were falling down my
cheeks and I was unable to control the quiver of my lip, furious
with myself for being so weak. His cell rang loudly in his pocket.
Staring at him through my tears I waited to see what he would do.
Growling he pulled it from his pocket and answered. “What!? I’m
busy right now, you need to handle it. What are you talking about?
When? I thought we’d fixed this shit already. Fine, I’ll be there
as soon as I can.” Furious, I shoved him hard and with a contrite
look on his face he immediately let go of the door. Swiping my
face, ridding myself of my tears I glared at him. “Clearly I’m not
the only one with a secret around here am I Jared?” Pulling the
door open with one strong tug I ran as fast as my shaking legs
could carry me to my room without giving him a second glance. I was
too angry and upset to be able to control my emotions and I feared
we’d say things we would regret later.
The room was eerily quiet
and Amy’s absence left me feeling slightly relieved. I needed some
time alone to collect my thoughts and calm my nerves. Falling onto
the edge of the bed I wiped my face with my palms, trying to
eradicate the evidence of my tearful episode. Crying was not
something I did often but with Jared it seemed to be happening more
and more. Placing my hand on my chest I could feel the thundering
beat of my heart which was pounding like a drum inside my ribcage.
Taking two deep long calming breaths, I slid myself to the edge of
the bed and gripped the mattress as I sat up. Glancing at the
window I wondered if he could feel what I was feeling. Did he hurt
the way I did? Was our fight haunting him too? I clambered
unsteadily to my feet and sauntered over to the large glass window,
scanning the parking lot. His Jag was still parked next to my Focus
but I couldn’t see him at all. He wasn’t in his car and as I
continued to scour the ground two stories below me, I couldn’t see
his broad and muscular frame anywhere.
The need to cry to my
best friend was now devastatingly important. I needed Mel’s clear,
rational and logical input on the situation. She had always been
completely skittish and hyperactive but in a time of crisis or
panic, she was level headed and calm. I needed that right now. My
head was pounding as I recalled our harsh words. My stomach was
queasy with the hurt and anger that was swirling inside me. I
looked around the empty room, searching for my purse which
contained my cell when I realized I had left it in the car.
Shit
. I was going to
have to go back out there.
Staring across the hall,
I considered knocking at Ollie’s door and begging him to go fetch
it for me. But after what happened at the bar and discovering
Ollie’s feelings for me, I decided against it. I was going to have
to do this myself. Straightening my clothes, I made my way to the
entrance where I thought I had left all the drama behind me. As I
rounded the corner I froze. Sitting on the ground, his back against
the glass and his head in his hands was Jared. I wanted desperately
to run to him, throw my arms around him and let him know everything
was alright. But I couldn’t let him treat me this way, he had to
know how upset I was and things needed to change if our
relationship was to continue. Holding my head high I strode to the
door and pushed it open, without looking at him I walked by and
headed to my car. My breathing was erratic and I could feel his
gaze on the back of my head
. Just go to
the car, get your purse and go back in. Don’t look at him, or
acknowledge him, just haul ass Layla.
Grabbing my purse I made
a conscious decision not to look at him as I walked back but my
eyes and my body betrayed me and I found myself not only staring
right at him but my feet were also aiming in his general
direction.
Damn you feet. Damn you
eyes.
His knees were to his chest and his
elbows were resting on them. He was gazing at me and the closer I
got to him the clearer I could see the pained expression on his
face. He looked like I had kicked him in the gut. My insides
twisted with remorse and regret. After all it had been
my
lies and deceit that
had led us to this point and I had to take responsibility for that.
Taking a deep breath, I threaded my fingers in my hair, combing it
back from root to tip. I sighed and sat myself next to him against
the glass door. He continued to stare straight ahead and it made me
feel uneasy. The silence was leaving an empty feeling inside me and
the air was thick with things we needed to say. Touching his arm I
decided to make my apology.
“
Jared, I’m sorry I lied
to you. You were right, it was childish of me to lie and throwing
my tantrum wasn’t particularly ladylike either. But you weren’t
totally blameless. Calling me in the car and expecting me not to
pick up, really? I’m a grown woman and I although I love that you
care so much about me and my safety, I’m not used to it and it’s
kind of…” I paused wondering if my next word would break us, “…it’s
suffocating. You need to let me make mistakes and experience things
for myself. You can’t wrap me in bubble wrap.”
He let out a long sigh
and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, turning his head to
face me our eyes met and I was once again lost in the deep pools of
blue that glistened as he spoke. “I know baby, and I’m so sorry for
everything I said. I didn’t mean it; I was just so angry and
scared. There are some real idiots on these roads and it’s them I
don’t trust, not you.” Exhaling deeply he broke our gaze as his
eyes pinched closed tightly as if he were in physical pain. “Layla,
when my parents died I was in Seattle. That’s where I went to
college. I was studying business and economics there and was
finishing my first year when they were killed. I always regretted
not being here when it happened. When I got that call I felt
completely helpless, devastated and angry beyond comprehension.
They hadn’t died from an accident, there had been no evil disease
to carry them off; it was the actions of a desperate man with a
gun. Another human being took away the two most important people in
my life; the two people I loved and cared about the most in the
world and the thought that that could happen to me again, that it
could be you that gets hurt, kills me. I keep having visions of
someone running you off the road, a drunk driver, a joy riding
college kid, a mom talking on her cell; all kinds of possibilities
ran through my mind. I know it’s irrational and I know it’s a lot
to put on you but I just can’t help it. I care about you very
deeply; I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. I feel like
I could wrestle an alligator for you or cross the desert just to
see you Layla. The thought of you being hurt in anyway tears me
apart and the idea that it could be somewhere that I can’t reach
you or be there for you completely haunts me. I’m sorry for how I
behaved but I can never be sorry for my reasons. I need you to
understand that and try to forgive me because I told you I was
going to fuck up, more than once and you said you could handle it.
I just hope that’s still true.”
his hair and sighed, exasperated. His expression grew darker and I
could see the anger simmering just beneath the surface. He was
desperately trying to restrain himself. “Layla you lied to me!
There is no excuse you could possibly give me for your betrayal.
You’re nineteen years old and that is your first car! You have
limited experience on the road as it is let alone driving half way
across the state! I asked you to do one thing in the interest of
your safety and you promised me you would do it! I believed you.
Well at least I did until I found Amy sitting in a booth at my
coffee shop this morning! Christ Layla I nearly had a heart attack
when I found out that you drove here alone and that you would be
doing the same thing to get back! I must have broken every damn
traffic law to get here! How could you be so reckless?!” He turned
his back to me and continued to grip fistfuls of hair as he tried
to reign in his temper which was beginning to sizzle in the air
between us. The way he had roared at me had further fueled my fury
at him and his actions. I wasn’t the only one with secrets around
here. There was an awful lot he wasn’t telling me but I had
continuously told myself that it was nothing.
I stood directly behind
him with my fists pressed firmly into my hips. There was no way I
was going to allow him to intimidate me. "I am not a child Jared
and you can’t tell me what to do, where to go or how to get there!
Long Beach to
Pasadena
is
not
half-way across the state it’s an hour, tops! I’m done here,
I’m done with this conversation and right now I am done talking to
you! Go home Jared.” His head snapped up as he turned around to
face me. The look of rage on his face was frightening and I stepped
back, slightly trembling in fear of what he might do next. Seeing
the obvious alarm on my face his expression softened and he looked
utterly mortified. Striding over fast, he pulled me to him and
wrapped me in his arms. Pressing his lips to the top of my head he
kissed me repeatedly, muttering that he was sorry over and over. I
buried my head in his chest and grasped his shirt for comfort. I
was still mad at him but I was relieved to see his gentler side
emerging even if it was only momentarily.
Releasing me, he hung his
head and his face was twisted with remorse. “Baby I am so sorry I
frightened you. That look on your face…” He swallowed a lump in his
throat. “I am so sorry. I would never, ever hurt you. You have to
believe me. But god Layla, you scared the fucking shit out of me
princess. The thought of you being hurt or in trouble and me being
totally helpless, it terrifies me. I care about you so deeply and
that scares the shit out of me. The way I feel about you after such
a short time is crazy and I’m completely out of my depth here.
Please forgive me. I swear I would never, for as long as there is
air in my lungs and a beat to my heart, I would never raise my hand
to you.”
Pressing my left palm
against his chest, I lifted his chin with my right hand so that his
eyes met mine. “I know you wouldn’t. You just startled me. I’m
sorry I lied to you Jared but you have to understand I’m a woman,
not a child and you have to let me have my independence. I can’t
always do as I’m tol; I like my freedom and my space, it’s just who
I am. Please, have some faith in me, ok?” He nodded weakly and bent
down to place a chaste kiss on my lips. I had missed his mouth on
mine, the smell of his spicy yet sweet cologne, the warmth of his
arms and the comfort of his hard, muscular chest.
I scanned his face,
trying to gage his mood. He gave me a rueful smile and exhaled
loudly. “Layla I can’t help feeling over-protective when it comes
to your safety. I’d really appreciate it if you would come back to
Long Beach in my car and I’ll have yours brought down this
afternoon.” I swayed my head in a silent but definitive no. His
shoulders sagged and his head rolled back. I could see he was used
to getting his own way but he was going to have to learn that Layla
Jennings does not take orders. Rubbing the back of his neck he
stared at me but I stood my ground without giving him an inch.
“Fine, you win. But I will be right behind you, all the way there
in my own car. Understand?”
Rolling my eyes I
regarded him with frustration before finally conceding. “Fine,
fine, stalk me all the way back to Long Beach if that will make you
happy. I have to go pack and say goodbye to Mel. We can leave right
after. You can wait here or wait in the car. I don’t
mind.”
“
I’ll wait in the car and
give you and Mel your privacy. Don’t be long. I want to get you
home and all to myself.”
Swiveling around, he
opened the door and glanced back at me. “I’ve missed you Layla,
truly I have.” I melted into a pool of dripping hot mess right
there on the spot. God he was infuriating and oh so sexy at the
same time. His ability to completely unravel me with a simple
sentence was astounding and completely disarming. I was still mad
at him for his erratic behavior and icy demeanor, but I couldn’t
deny that I too had missed him and that seeing him on my door step,
even with his face contorted with anger, I was pleased to see
him.
* * *
more than two vehicles behind me all the way home. At one stage I
ended up a little further ahead than he liked and he had called my
cell. When I answered he lectured and yelled at me for not
concentrating on the road and answering my cell while driving. I’d
yelled back at him and explained that my father, who was also as
cautious a driver as I was, had given me a hands free kit that was
linked directly to the dash and my cell. I had growled in
frustration at his controlling behavior towards me. I applauded
myself for not bowing down to his patronizing tone and completely
ignoring him as he barked his orders to me over the phone on how to
correctly cross lanes. Calling him a condescending ass munch may
have been taking it a little too far and I was probably not going
to get away with it either. I felt it was worth it just to let him
know that I wasn’t intimidated and nor was I willing to be bullied
by him.
When we finally pulled up
outside my dorm, my patience was frayed to say the least. Slamming
my door I stormed across the parking lot towards the dorm entrance.
I could hear Jared’s tires screech to a halt and his door slamming
shut as he sprinted after me, yelling at me to stop. He caught up
with me just as I was about the reach for the steel handle of the
entrance, my salvation, away from him. Holding his hand firmly
against the glass he halted my attempts to escape him, pressing the
door forcefully closed. “Layla stop this. Why do you always go off
the deep end? You act like a child throwing her toys out of her
stroller! It’s fucking infuriating and I’m at my wits end with it.
Grow up!” I tugged hard at it with both hands and lifted my foot
against it in a futile attempt to pry it open. But it was useless,
he was too strong and I was tired of fighting. His eyes blazed with
an emotion I couldn’t fathom. Anger? Lust maybe? Either way I was
momentarily mesmerized and let go of the door in front of me. But
it was only momentarily, as my anger was soon spilling over and out
of my mouth. “Fuck you! Get out of my way douchebag. You think I
act like a child? Fine! I’ll act like one!” I kicked the door, hard
and growled low in my throat. Grabbing my wrist in his free hand he
yanked me towards him. His face was inches from mine and I could
see the burning fury in his eyes “If you ever talk to me like that
again I am going to spank you so hard you won’t sit, stand or walk
for a month! For someone so well read, your vocabulary is
repulsive. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Did he say spank?
Was he serious!? I snorted at him but he was not amused.
Shit
. It was hot and
frightening all at once. “Do not try my patience. Grow up and get
some damn respect.” My own anger dissipated as I looked up at him
with regret. Maybe I
had
gone a little too far. Exhausted, I pleaded with
him. “Jared let go of the door. Don’t you think we’ve argued enough
for one day? Hell we’ve argued enough this week to last me a
lifetime. I’m tired and I just want to go upstairs and lie down.
Please Jared. Just let me go.”
The prickle of unshed
tears was beginning to overpower my desperation to stand firm and
be strong in front of him. The salty droplets were falling down my
cheeks and I was unable to control the quiver of my lip, furious
with myself for being so weak. His cell rang loudly in his pocket.
Staring at him through my tears I waited to see what he would do.
Growling he pulled it from his pocket and answered. “What!? I’m
busy right now, you need to handle it. What are you talking about?
When? I thought we’d fixed this shit already. Fine, I’ll be there
as soon as I can.” Furious, I shoved him hard and with a contrite
look on his face he immediately let go of the door. Swiping my
face, ridding myself of my tears I glared at him. “Clearly I’m not
the only one with a secret around here am I Jared?” Pulling the
door open with one strong tug I ran as fast as my shaking legs
could carry me to my room without giving him a second glance. I was
too angry and upset to be able to control my emotions and I feared
we’d say things we would regret later.
The room was eerily quiet
and Amy’s absence left me feeling slightly relieved. I needed some
time alone to collect my thoughts and calm my nerves. Falling onto
the edge of the bed I wiped my face with my palms, trying to
eradicate the evidence of my tearful episode. Crying was not
something I did often but with Jared it seemed to be happening more
and more. Placing my hand on my chest I could feel the thundering
beat of my heart which was pounding like a drum inside my ribcage.
Taking two deep long calming breaths, I slid myself to the edge of
the bed and gripped the mattress as I sat up. Glancing at the
window I wondered if he could feel what I was feeling. Did he hurt
the way I did? Was our fight haunting him too? I clambered
unsteadily to my feet and sauntered over to the large glass window,
scanning the parking lot. His Jag was still parked next to my Focus
but I couldn’t see him at all. He wasn’t in his car and as I
continued to scour the ground two stories below me, I couldn’t see
his broad and muscular frame anywhere.
The need to cry to my
best friend was now devastatingly important. I needed Mel’s clear,
rational and logical input on the situation. She had always been
completely skittish and hyperactive but in a time of crisis or
panic, she was level headed and calm. I needed that right now. My
head was pounding as I recalled our harsh words. My stomach was
queasy with the hurt and anger that was swirling inside me. I
looked around the empty room, searching for my purse which
contained my cell when I realized I had left it in the car.
Shit
. I was going to
have to go back out there.
Staring across the hall,
I considered knocking at Ollie’s door and begging him to go fetch
it for me. But after what happened at the bar and discovering
Ollie’s feelings for me, I decided against it. I was going to have
to do this myself. Straightening my clothes, I made my way to the
entrance where I thought I had left all the drama behind me. As I
rounded the corner I froze. Sitting on the ground, his back against
the glass and his head in his hands was Jared. I wanted desperately
to run to him, throw my arms around him and let him know everything
was alright. But I couldn’t let him treat me this way, he had to
know how upset I was and things needed to change if our
relationship was to continue. Holding my head high I strode to the
door and pushed it open, without looking at him I walked by and
headed to my car. My breathing was erratic and I could feel his
gaze on the back of my head
. Just go to
the car, get your purse and go back in. Don’t look at him, or
acknowledge him, just haul ass Layla.
Grabbing my purse I made
a conscious decision not to look at him as I walked back but my
eyes and my body betrayed me and I found myself not only staring
right at him but my feet were also aiming in his general
direction.
Damn you feet. Damn you
eyes.
His knees were to his chest and his
elbows were resting on them. He was gazing at me and the closer I
got to him the clearer I could see the pained expression on his
face. He looked like I had kicked him in the gut. My insides
twisted with remorse and regret. After all it had been
my
lies and deceit that
had led us to this point and I had to take responsibility for that.
Taking a deep breath, I threaded my fingers in my hair, combing it
back from root to tip. I sighed and sat myself next to him against
the glass door. He continued to stare straight ahead and it made me
feel uneasy. The silence was leaving an empty feeling inside me and
the air was thick with things we needed to say. Touching his arm I
decided to make my apology.
“
Jared, I’m sorry I lied
to you. You were right, it was childish of me to lie and throwing
my tantrum wasn’t particularly ladylike either. But you weren’t
totally blameless. Calling me in the car and expecting me not to
pick up, really? I’m a grown woman and I although I love that you
care so much about me and my safety, I’m not used to it and it’s
kind of…” I paused wondering if my next word would break us, “…it’s
suffocating. You need to let me make mistakes and experience things
for myself. You can’t wrap me in bubble wrap.”
He let out a long sigh
and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, turning his head to
face me our eyes met and I was once again lost in the deep pools of
blue that glistened as he spoke. “I know baby, and I’m so sorry for
everything I said. I didn’t mean it; I was just so angry and
scared. There are some real idiots on these roads and it’s them I
don’t trust, not you.” Exhaling deeply he broke our gaze as his
eyes pinched closed tightly as if he were in physical pain. “Layla,
when my parents died I was in Seattle. That’s where I went to
college. I was studying business and economics there and was
finishing my first year when they were killed. I always regretted
not being here when it happened. When I got that call I felt
completely helpless, devastated and angry beyond comprehension.
They hadn’t died from an accident, there had been no evil disease
to carry them off; it was the actions of a desperate man with a
gun. Another human being took away the two most important people in
my life; the two people I loved and cared about the most in the
world and the thought that that could happen to me again, that it
could be you that gets hurt, kills me. I keep having visions of
someone running you off the road, a drunk driver, a joy riding
college kid, a mom talking on her cell; all kinds of possibilities
ran through my mind. I know it’s irrational and I know it’s a lot
to put on you but I just can’t help it. I care about you very
deeply; I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. I feel like
I could wrestle an alligator for you or cross the desert just to
see you Layla. The thought of you being hurt in anyway tears me
apart and the idea that it could be somewhere that I can’t reach
you or be there for you completely haunts me. I’m sorry for how I
behaved but I can never be sorry for my reasons. I need you to
understand that and try to forgive me because I told you I was
going to fuck up, more than once and you said you could handle it.
I just hope that’s still true.”
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