Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (10 page)

I turned to go, but he quickly reached out
and pulled me against him.

“If I wasn’t a married man, I would stop at
nothing to have you,” he murmured. “You are years beyond your age
and you are going to break men’s hearts. You have that power.”

I awkwardly eased myself away and escaped to
my room, flustered, my mind spinning with confusion. When I sat
down, finally catching my breath, I turned to Lillian.

“Am I really what he said? Do I have what it
takes to break men’s hearts?” I asked aloud, as if she could really
answer me.

I tried to sleep that night, and all I could
see was the vision of the devil himself in my mind. He was pointing
at me, beckoning me to come stand by him, as Eugenia chanted over
and over, “I told you, Amelia, you’re full of sin!”

Sometime during the night I woke up in a pool
of sweat, cramping and in so much agony I could only lie there and
moan. The sheets of my bed were soaked from my waist down, and when
I finally had the strength to move through the pain, I lit the lamp
next to my bed. The terrified howl that came from me ripped through
the mansion, sending everyone running into my room.

Mlle. Duval was the first to arrive,
immediately followed by Violet, then Beatrice. Seconds later, Daddy
bolted in, and Eugenia was only steps behind.

Everyone stood there speechless as I sat,
pitiful in my own blood. Then, as if a spell was lifted, Mlle.
Duval quickly pushed everyone out, including Eugenia.

The girls snickered under their breath while
being ushered away, and Eugenia just shook her head in customary
disapproval. Daddy was pale and sickened and looked at me as if I
were a complete stranger.

“Mlle. Duval, what is wrong with me?” I
groaned. “Can you help me? Am I doing to die?”

All the while, as she stripped me of my
blood-soaked bed clothing, I thought I was truly going to die. I
must have sinned after all. My desire for Perry Montgomery was
exposed, and I was going straight to hell.

Without comment or explanation of what was
happening or why, Mlle. Duval cleaned me, took out fresh clothing,
and stuffed a rag between my legs. I was in so much pain that I
fell onto the bed and groaned, almost wishing I would die, just so
the pain would stop.

Eugenia returned after I was dressed and
immediately dismissed Mlle. Duval. The sun was just about to crest
the horizon, and the plantation activities were just getting
underway. Eugenia insisted that I rise when she came in.

“I can’t,” I groaned, tossing and turning on
the bed.

“It’s Sunday. Get up and prepare for
church!”

I continued to groan and grasp my
stomach.

“Today of all days you must go to church and
pray. Now that you have had your first bleed, you need his
salvation before the devil claims you.”

“You mean I am not going to die?” I cried out
with hope.

“Not today,” she said and she yanked the
covers off me. “But if you go near to a man now and let him touch
you, any man other than your father, the spawn of the devil will
grow inside you, and that’s when you will be taken to hell. That
spawn will grow inside you, an evil, horned child, and while you’re
giving birth to it, it will kill you,” she spat. “Every month that
you bleed is your warning. It is a warning to let you know that sin
is all around.”

“This will happen every month!”

“Pray to God, pray for your soul.”

I sat stunned and petrified as she waited for
me to rise.

“Take heed, Amelia. Remember this day. Every
man wants to put that seed in you now, and if you let that happen,
you will burn in hell.”

I couldn’t look at anyone at breakfast. They
all ignored me, even Daddy.

When we arrived at church, I entered the pew
and fell to my knees and prayed not to let the devil take me. And
when services started, I stayed at the end of the pew, away from
Perry Montgomery…far away from him.

On occasion, when I looked to Eugenia, she
nodded reassuringly at me, indicating I was honoring God by fearing
the devil. My fear was evident. I was pale, overcome with pain, and
consumed with fright.

Daddy only turned to me once. When we all
stood to sing I remained silent, and he appeared puzzled. Then, I
watched as his eyes scanned over me, and he nodded to himself. Then
he shifted his eyes back onto the hymn book.

It was obvious I was no longer his little
girl. I believed he wanted nothing to do with me. From that day on,
it was as if I was a stranger to him. No longer did he come to,
kiss me good night, and cradle me in his arms.

That evening, when Daddy, Eugenia, and the
girls had retired for the night, I stole away and crept out to the
cabins. I needed Mammy more than ever.

Some of the slaves were still outside
finishing up their chores, preparing for the short night of rest
before they had to rise and get out in the fields to pick the
cotton. The ones not picking cotton or plowing were spinning,
working in the stables, and caring for the farm animals, while
others served Daddy and Eugenia in the mansion. Mammy tirelessly
tended to the vegetable gardens and did all the washing and cooking
for the slaves, with the assistance of a few of the eldest slave
daughters.

I wasn’t used to seeing Mammy so exhausted,
worn, and drained. No longer did she wear fancy store-bought
dresses, smell like sweet perfume, and have an exuberant glow on
her pretty face. Now she possessed only drab work dresses that were
permeated with the sweat of a hard day’s work. Her face was pale,
her eyes sunken in.

“Come in, child,” she whispered when she
noticed me standing in the doorway. “Come in before Mr. Boyd sees
you there.”

Hattie was fast asleep, with a cloth over her
brow.

“Is Hattie with fever again?” I asked, as she
pulled Jacob Thomas from her breast, then buttoned up her
blouse.

Mammy nodded and sighed.

I gazed down at the baby.

“You want to hold him?”

He was wide awake, his big eyes scanning the
room inquisitively.

I opened my arms and carefully cradled
him.

Mammy sat back in her rocker and contently
watched as I pulled the baby against my face. His skin was soft and
warm, like a baby doll come to life.

“He is so precious, Mammy,” I declared and
placed a soft kiss on his cheek. I remembered what Eugenia told me
about how Jacob Thomas was unholy. While gazing down at him,
studying his delicate features, and staring into his eyes, I became
frightened at how much Eugenia hated this innocent baby.

“All God’s children is precious,” she said
with a weary smile. “Now, Miss Amelia, you must be going. If Mr.
Boyd catches you here, don’t know what will happen.”

I reluctantly handed Jacob Thomas back to
her. “But, Mammy, I am so lonely without you.”

Mammy nodded in agreement and quickly brushed
away the tears that cascaded down her face.

“It ain’t easy for you, I know this. There
ain’t much anyone can do but accept.”

“You want me to accept Eugenia as my momma or
those nasty girls as my sisters!” I cried.

“I’m saying accept life for what it is. Some
things make no sense. I tried so many years to understand why
things are and ain’t, things that can never be. Now, I just
accept.”

She looked so defeated!

“A new driver been hired, making a hard life
even extra hard. We all being watched over with a hawk’s eye. Now
you must be going, sweet child. And don’t risk stealing out here no
more. I don’t want you in trouble.”

I had so many things I wanted to share with
my mammy, things that were happening and changing in my life. I
needed to know why I was going to bleed every month and why if a
man now touched me, other than Daddy, an unholy baby would grow
inside me. But Mammy insisted that I go. “Hurry on now, and keep
away from the cabins, Miss Amelia. For your own good.”

The night settled down, and I crawled into
bed. What was there to look forward to, I wondered. Slowly my life
was being torn apart. All the people I loved and cherished were
being kept out of reach. And Daddy, the man who had always made
time for me and wanted me to be happy, every minute of every day,
was preoccupied with keeping only Eugenia happy. But only too soon
Daddy would realize how much he would have to sacrifice to make
that happen.

~ ~ ~

School lessons were finished for the summer
months, and Beatrice and Violet were traveling about Europe with
some rich aunt I often heard them talking about.

Auntie Camille was Eugenia’s deceased first
husband’s only sister - an aristocrat from England, who had
bloodlines connected to the English monarchy, according to Violet.
“She is rich beyond belief,” she exclaimed when she heard that
Mlle. Duval was taking them on a voyage back to England. “She lives
in a grand castle and dines with the kings and queens of Europe. If
she were ever to step foot on this plantation, she would be
disgusted!”

Beatrice and Violet nodded in unison. They
had come to my room just before supper to boast. It came to be
expected for the two of them to saunter into my room without being
invited.

“Is she as snooty as your mother?” I flared
with my arms crossed over my bosom.

“Well!” Violet retorted and stormed out with
her twin sister only a step behind.

The girls hated that fact that I didn’t get
jealous of them. I was never envious of their elaborate,
self-indulgent shopping trips into Savannah. I didn’t flinch when
they described how much money they spent, or bat an eye to see them
displaying all of their newly-acquired possessions, such as
expensive jewelry and bottles of French perfume.

The only time they got a rise out of me was
when I noticed Violet wearing a very special cameo. It was my own
mummy’s cameo!

“Where did you get that?” I demanded to
know.

“Mummy gave it to me. She said it belongs to
me,” she snapped, holding her hand over it so I wouldn’t rip it off
the collar of her dress.

“That belongs to me. Daddy told me he would
give it to me on my next birthday!” I cried.

“I don’t see how that is possible,” she said
confidently, in her thick English accent. “Because your Daddy gave
my mummy all of the jewelry he said belonged to Charlotte.”

I ran out of the room and flew down the grand
staircase to find Daddy. He was sitting in his small office looking
through a pile of papers on his desk.

“Amelia, don’t come bursting in as if the
house is on fire,” he said in a huff.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” he replied with great
impatience without looking up. Daddy now seemed frustrated more
often than not, edgy and easily perturbed.

“Did you allow Violet to have Mummy’s cameo
and all her other jewelry, which you had always promised me!”

Daddy briefly looked up from his papers and
sighed.

“No, I didn’t give your mummy’s cameo to
Violet. I gave it to Eugenia.”

“But you promised it to me!” I exclaimed.

Daddy stood and came to me, but instead of
hushing me with a warm hug and kisses full of regret, he stayed at
a fair distance and quietly said, “That was all before I married
again.”

I looked up at him, pleading with my
tear-filled eyes for him to see how much that hurt me, and what a
huge mistake he had made.

“I have a pile of work I have to get
through,” he said, returning to his seat behind the desk. “Close
the door on your way out.”

With Beatrice and Violet gone with Mlle.
Duval, and Eugenia busy with her obsession with making our
plantation the most notable in the entire country, I was able to
steal away with only a small chance of being caught.

Even with Curtis P. Boyd policing the
plantation with his new assistant slave driver, Otis, my activities
went undetected when it was assumed I was up in my room studying
the Bible, as I’d been instructed by Eugenia to do for all of the
afternoon.

I headed into the woods, seeking relief from
the scorching summer sun under the shade of tall oaks. Each time I
was able to steal away, I wished Hattie were with me. I longed for
her company as I slipped away to a quiet spot along the river to
cool off.

In summers past, we’d spent most of our days
there. It was a little alcove that we called our secret spot. The
other plantation children went there only occasionally. Mostly they
headed to the small pond closer to John Mason’s plantation. Because
Hattie and I were outcasts, we were never invited. It was just as
well, for we enjoyed being alone with each other. No one understood
our sisterhood. It was frowned upon.

Until recently, the color of her skin wasn’t
a burden on our plantation. She was treated as well as I was, loved
and adored by Daddy. But now, since Eugenia returned as Daddy’s
wife, to my dismay, Hattie had become an ordinary slave. I resented
Daddy for allowing that to happen. It was bad enough that she had
been removed from the mansion with Mammy. Now she was in the cotton
fields, picking all day long under the blazing hot sun with her
cousins.

The day I saw this, I ran to Daddy to insist
he remove her from the fields.

He and Eugenia were in a heated discussion,
and if the door hadn’t been left slightly ajar, I would have never
been enlightened as to the intimate details of their marriage.

“You swore to me you would stop laying with
her! How dare you bring her filth into our bed! ”

“Eugenia, please, I swear to you I have
stopped. It is you I am faithful to,” Daddy insisted.

I stepped closer and peered into their suite.
Eugenia was standing facing the window, her long arms folded
insolently over her chest. Daddy was pacing back and forth behind
her and tried several times to place his hands on her shoulders,
but she stiffly pulled back, all the while keeping her gaze out the
windows and over to the slave quarters.