Boxed Set: The His Submissive Series Complete Collection (Part One-Part Twelve) (30 page)

If memory serves, Lay had quite the crush on him.

I pushed away my mother’s voice. Pushed away the past.
Had
a crush. Past tense.

I expected Cade to push the issue, bringing up some other twitch or a lingering smile that he could use to support his argument, but the line was quiet again.

“Hello?” I said gingerly, licking my lips. “Cade?”

“Miss Montgomery?” The voice was lighter, the soft timbre distinctly female.

He’d given the phone back to Lisa.

“I’m sorry about all of that. Cade is just in one of his moods.” She let out a nervous giggle that felt like nails raking down a chalkboard. She and I both knew this was more than a sour mood.

I quickly ran through the itinerary and a list of contacts just in case they needed any assistance outside of the staff provided by the studio then hung up. Ending the call didn’t bring me an ounce of relief. I’d been doing so well all morning, efficient and earning my keep, but I was undone by his jab.
Something low cut? Really?

I could understand that a guy like Cade Wallace didn’t take rejection well. ‘No’ just wasn’t a word that a walking, talking Adonis heard very often. But I thought he was different—that even though he had the looks, the fame, he wasn’t just a jock with a Hollywood star.

Two knocks sounded at the door and I drew a steadying breath before swiveling back to the front, expecting to see Natasha holding even more papers for me to file, but instead, it was Jacob.

God, that man could wear a two piece suit. Every Valentino clad inch of him screamed style and power. His dark hair was shorter than the last time we were together, tapered and cut to bring out the sharp attractive lines of his face. His bright, blue eyes flickered over my face, drinking in my surprise.

“Expecting someone else?”

I was flustered, pulling down my pencil skirt as I popped up. “I definitely wasn’t expecting you.”

His gaze deepened and I could have sworn we were transported in time, to a period with sprawling castles, trumpets and great iron thrones. He commanded me with one single look and I found myself stripped and exposed, wanting nothing more than to drop to my knees at his feet.

I kept my distance, still not 100% sure that I could handle being close to him and keeping my hands to myself. “I called you a couple of times.”

One dark eyebrow vaulted. “A couple?”

“Fine, I’m crazy. Is that what you want me to say? I’m wrong? I’m completely out of my mind?”

“Completely out of your mind works for me.” He moved toward me with predatory-like grace. Close enough that I could reach out and touch him, but far enough away that I ached for him. He freed my bangs from behind my ear, spilling dark curls into my eyes before sweeping it back with his fingertips. His touch was like a kiss and I closed my eyes, savoring it. “I want you to say you’re completely out of your mind without me.”

There was longing in his words and I searched his face, not believing that I had that effect. Not when he didn’t even mind not speaking to me for two days.

His light caresses sent a ripple of desire through me. I needed him to tell me all was forgiven, that I would never feel that throbbing loneliness again. But I would say what he wanted, even though I thought a million texts and voicemails said it pretty plainly.

“I’m completely out of my mind without you,” I murmured.

I’d imagined what our kiss after the argument would play out. I expected some healthy manhandling as he crushed my body into his, reminding me who was in charge. Who had the power.

It would have been a good thing that my desk was clear, the space just the right dimensions for my body as his hurt, his frustration, melted away along with our clothes. He’d have his way and in his arms, I’d have the thing I prayed for when I fell into a restless sleep. I’d have Jacob and everything would be as it was supposed to be.

But when he brought me in, his hesitant touch didn’t deepen as our lips met. The kiss had no time to grow into something more because when I brought my hands to his waist, he yanked away from me like I shot him with a volt of electricity.

He brushed his fingers across his lips, like he was wiping away my taste. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“What?” He couldn’t be leaving. Not after that lackluster kiss. But I couldn’t deny what I saw with my own two eyes—and he was practically out the door. “Jacob!”

He stopped, turning slightly. Giving me a spark of hope before he snuffed it out.

“I can’t do this, Leila.”

I couldn’t breathe. He’d just yanked all the air from my lungs. “Do what?” My gut tightened. “Us?”

I knew I should have let him go, but space was obviously not helping anything. The kiss we’d shared was barely G-rated. It wasn’t one you shared with someone you loved, someone you wanted with every fiber of your being. It was the kiss of death—or the walking dead. It was the half-hearted obligatory kiss of a couple too lazy or afraid to admit things were over.

Were we over?

I wasn’t sure how that question was impossible to say out loud, but the next flowed from my lips with my next haggard breath. “Do you still love me, Jacob?”

He spun back to me, his face a storm of emotions. There was a key one that made my chest tighten.

Fury.

“Did you really just ask me if I loved you?”

I reached out, ignoring my racing heartbeat. Ignoring the fear that I’d just stepped on a land mine. “If we could just-”

“Don’t touch me,” he snarled, looking at my outstretched hand like it was the most appalling thing he’d ever seen. “Do I love you? Do
I
love
you
? You have that wrong—do you love
me
, Leila?”

I took a step back, hurt funneling from him. “Of course I love you!”

“Ah I see.” His voice was calm, the volume lowered, but I saw his corded neck and the way his body trembled with suppressed rage. “So this whole Cade situation...you told me after the fact because you were trying to protect me. Like you ‘protected’ me in Venice?”

I took a step backward. He was pulling out Rachel Laraby? That was low. “I apologized for that, Jacob. And I tried to apologize for not telling you about Cade.”

“You don’t get it,” he spat. “You don’t understand what it meant for me to let you in.” He took a few steps from me, looking at me like I was a stranger. “I thought we were...I was going to...” He threw up his hands.

I was sinking fast, grasping for anything to keep me from drowning. “Of course I get it. But you have to understand that-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he interjected angrily. “Everything is on your terms, Leila. I’m not included. I’m a child that needs to be eased into things, only told what you think I can handle. It’s bullshit and I’m be damned if I let you-” His voice cracked, his eyes flashing with a pain that broke me.

What had I done?

He turned on his heels, leaving the room without another word. I hated myself for hurting him.

I hated myself for letting him go.

****

R
udy’s Diner had a reputation for being bad news for anyone remotely concerned about their health. Their grilled cheese came on a glistening bed of butter and grease. Their bacon was hearty, not shriveling to nothing when fried. They had fried Twinkies on their menu, for crissakes. Luckily, I was in the kind of mood where a burger the size of my head and a milkshake with a gazillion calories sounded like a great idea.

Megan wasn’t so enthused, leafing through their menu gingerly. “Well, that’s a first. They don’t have a salad anywhere on this thing.”

“I think jalapeño poppers are under ‘sides’ on the back,” I offered.

“Jalapeño poppers?” Even though I had my eyes on the menu, I knew hers were narrowed in disgust. “I guess I’ll just grab something on the way home.”

A waitress saddled up to our table. She couldn’t have been older than sixteen, even though her heavy handed makeup made her look about thirty. Her hair was dishwater blond and she smacked on her gum like it was the best thing she’d ever tasted.

“Y’all decided?” she purred.

Megan pushed the menu to the edge of the table with a single finger like any full on contact would infect her. “Just a coffee for me.”

The waitress turned in my direction. “And you?”

“I want the Big Rudy burger, as close to rare as possible, large fries, and I want to substitute a cookies and cream milkshake for my drink.” I handed her my menu and added, “With whipped cream. Lots of whipped cream.”

Her dingy brown eyes softened. “One of those kinda days, huh?”

I just glared at her.

She shrugged a shoulder and hustled off, barking out our order.

“You know rare here probably means just killed out back, right?” Megan said, looking at me like I was insane. “I didn’t even check their sanitation grade. I’ll probably get salmonella from my mug alone.”

“If you’re going to complain all night, I can just take a cab home.” Hurt flickered across her face and I rolled my eyes, dropping my head to the table. Another person I’d done wrong. I was on a freaking roll. “I shouldn’t have invited you.”

“Agreed.” Even muffled, her voice was taut with anger. “I’m not going to be your punching bag, Leila.”

I let out a sigh, peeking at her over the wall of my arms. “Sorry.”

“Uh huh,” she said with an eye roll of her own. The waitress dropped off her coffee and I could tell she was saying a prayer as she brought the rim to her lips and took a sip. She winced like she just threw back a shot.

I sat back up, the sides of my mouth twitching. “Better than Starbucks?”

“I’m gonna sprout hair on my chest any second now,” she joked, cradling the mug between her hands.

“Chest hair is the new black according to my sources,” I remarked, giving into the smile. “And you know I have my finger on the pulse of all things hip and cool.”

She pretended she was scouring the room for our waitress. “I better get a refill then.” She reached for the sugar and sprinkled some in the cup, stirring it in pensively. “You ready to talk about what happened?”

I pushed my back against the tattered booth, the cut of the jagged fabric preferable to poking at the fresh wound. “It’s complicated.”

“You are dating one of the sexiest, most successful businessmen in the country and apparently, Captain Freaking Gorgeous is throwing his hat in the ring. Complicated is a bit of an understatement, don’t you think?”

She had a point. I’d passed complicated as soon as I signed on the dotted line and became Jacob’s assistant and submissive.

There really weren’t any words for my current situation. Somehow, my real life fairytale took a detour and became a nightmare. Somewhere along the way, I became the villain who kept hurting the person I cared about most. It was hard enough admitting that to myself, but saying it out loud? I couldn’t do it.

But Megan didn’t back down. “I’m guessing you finally talked to Jacob, face to face.”

I gave her an inch. “Yes.”

“And it didn’t go well.”

“Now
that’s
an understatement.” I dodged the daggers she flung in my direction. “Yes, we finally talked.” I crossed my arms, remembering the sheer joy at even seeing his face. “He made a joke and then we kissed.”

“You kissed?” she said excitedly. “You kissed, that’s-” She paused, green eyes reading my pinched expression. “-not great?”

“Not great,” I confirmed, looking at the kitchen. Where was my food? I needed grease, chocolate, and fat if I was really going to talk about this. “He barely kissed me and when I tried to touch him...” The hurt sliced as deep as before, right to the bone. I couldn’t finish.

“Oh,” Megan said softly. Her shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh that’s not the worse part,” I said with a bitter chuckle. “The best is yet to come.”

Suddenly she was looking like she wanted to turn back, not wanting to hear any more. “So today in class, one of my students-”

“I thought you wanted to find out why I’m about to devour three thousand calories in one fell swoop?”

Almost on cue, our waitress came up with my mega meal and milkshake on a tray, unloading all of it on my side of the table, then topping off Megan’s coffee. I took a sip of my milkshake, swallowing the creamy mix as she shifted uncomfortably.

“You should only talk about it if you’re ready to talk about it.”

“I’m ready,” I said with a big, plastic smile. “Why wouldn’t I want to tell you all about how I broke Jacob Whitmore’s heart?”

“Leila-”

“Why wouldn’t I want to rehash the single moment that’s been playing on loop for hours? To relive the look of gut wrenching agony on his face? To talk about how after everything we’ve been through, how I fought so hard to get him to open up, he thinks that I did it all just so I could stab him in the chest?”

She snapped her mouth shut.

“He thinks I don’t respect him. And why wouldn’t he? This Cade crap is the second time I’ve kept the whole truth from him.” My voice was getting louder and Megan glanced around nervously at the diners who shot their eyes in our direction. I didn’t even notice them. “He thinks all of his love has been wasted on me. He thinks I don’t love him.” I yanked out the toothpick holding my burger together and picked it up, lettuce and onions raining back onto the plate as tears streamed down my face. I didn’t taste anything but I just kept biting, stuffing the meat down my throat. I just wanted to feel something, anything other than this pain.

“He knows you love him.”

I dropped the last soggy bit onto the graveyard of food and washed it down with half of the shake.

“Of course he does,” I said sarcastically. “That’s why he acted like touching me was revolting. That’s why he wiped off his mouth like...like...” I looked at my plate and my stomach tumbled. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

But I didn’t move. I couldn’t move.

Megan’s concern morphed into horror as she scooted out of the booth and gripped my arm, guiding me to the bathroom. It wasn’t until she pushed me into the stall that my limbs worked again and I sunk to my knees and retched. My body expelled everything I’d forced down my throat in the past ten minutes. When I came up for air and saw that I was in the dirtiest stall on earth, knees glommed to the floor and dirty pads sticking out of crusty wastebasket a few inches from me, I dry heaved.