Breach: The Boxset (13 page)

My voice cracked at the end. I couldn’t take anymore. It felt like my chest had been cut open, and my worthless self had been laid bare for Nathan to see, to dissect, and then to abandon as a lost cause. I wouldn’t blame him, because everything he said was true. I was hollow, nothing but emptiness. I so craved the love I had been denied and the chance to love in return. Words could not express how deeply I craved the feeling of being
wanted
.

Nathan did that. He made me feel what I hadn’t ever felt before: wanted, desired, beautiful, sexy. To him, I was all of those. He made me start to think all I’d been led to believe was a lie. He was filling the void. I would give him anything he wanted. It was twisted and unhealthy, but I didn’t care. My feelings for him were more than I had ever felt for anyone in my life.

Sobs wracked my body, my fists losing their momentum. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me to him, holding me up.

His fingers stroked my hair, calming me. “You’re dead inside, just like me.”

“That’s not true,” I argued. “You have very strong emotions, violent almost.”

He laughed. It was almost maniacal. “You don’t get it.” He pulled back to look at me, his gaze serious and intense. My muscles tensed in response. “I wish I was dead.” I stared up at him in disbelief. “I wish the paramedics had taken five more minutes to get there.”

Without thought, my hand reached up and connected with his cheek. It was as involuntary as him grabbing my wrist. I couldn’t stand the mere thought of him not being there with me. His head snapped back to face me. He wasn’t angry, but stunned instead. Tears slid down my cheeks.

“Please, don’t leave me,” I whispered, my voice breaking.

“I wish the battery on the defibrillator had been out,” he continued on, the emotion gone from his face and voice. “That way they wouldn’t have been able to restart my heart. Because then I wouldn’t feel dead inside, in pain daily. Because I wouldn’t be here, hurting you.”

He paused in thought for a moment, probably asking himself how much he could give.

“I’m angry because I’m alive. My heart, my soul…they’re gone, dead, but my body remains. This is my purgatory.”

Tears were streaming down my face even faster. My fists picked up their beating against his chest.

“No, no, no, no! Please, please, Nathan… I can’t fathom… I
need
you. You make… I’m falling… Please, please, please.” I begged and pleaded over and over again. For what, I didn’t even know: for him to stay with me, for him to live, for him to never wish to be dead and to be with me always. I
needed
him to live.

I couldn’t even make out what I was saying, but I hoped he understood the meaning. I was falling, hard, for him. My chest constricted, and I almost doubled over from the strain. The feeling was so foreign I didn’t know what to do.

His arms wrapped tighter around me in an attempt to contain me, but I pulled back. My hands smacked his away, hitting his chest.

“No!” I screamed, pushing him away.

I didn’t want him to soothe me. Not anymore. If he didn’t want to stay there with me, what was the point?

“Lila,” he cried out, clearly stunned at my reaction. Through my hysteria, I could hear the desperation in his tone, panic setting in. His hands grabbed at my arms. “Baby, stop!”

“No!”

Every time he tried to restrain me, I escaped. Through my blurry eyes, I saw his panic mixed with anger and frustration.

He managed to get a hold of my wrists and walk me backward into the wall, pinning me.

He growled, his forehead resting against mine. “Calm down.”

“Say it!” I screamed at him.

His eyes screwed tight, knowing what I was asking. His fists closed around my hair as he took in a shuddered breath and his eyes locked with mine.

“I want you,” he said before capturing my lips with his.

CHAPTER 14

He leaned over me, pressing me into the wall. Our lips, teeth, and tongues met in a frenzy I had never experienced. I pushed back into him, and my fingers reached into his silky locks and pulled hard, tipping his head back. He groaned as our lips broke apart, his hips rocking against mine. He was ready, very ready.

My teeth nipped at his jaw, working down to his neck. I found a nice spot right below his ear, and bit down, sucking, marking him.

“Fuck.” His hands moved down to my hips, his fingers digging in to the flesh beneath.

I growled at him like a possessed demon. “Jesus… I can’t take it! You’re mine. You’re not going anywhere.
Mine
!”

“Why do I matter? What difference, if any, do I make?” His words spurred me on, gasoline on my raging fire.

I’d show him and then some. I’d tell him why we needed each other, but without words.

I pulled his hair in my fist, smashed his lips to mine one more time and shoved him toward the bedroom.

“Lie down,” I ordered.

I had no idea what I was doing, but that was the point. Thoughts were always getting in our way, keeping us from going anywhere. I needed that blinding white, all-consuming rapture we shared to engulf us, to wipe our minds clean like it always did. In that place, I not only felt whole, I felt powerful.

He stripped off his clothes, his eyes shifting down to his eternal erection. I wasted no time tearing my clothes off and pushed him down on the bed. I’d show him why he couldn’t leave me and why we both mattered.

I climbed on top of him, straddling his legs. His cock was so hard, lying against his stomach. Hard and angry. Beautiful. I wanted to taste him, but my need to ride him was winning. I had to have him inside me.

I slid my hand down over the head of his dick, spreading the pre-cum around. My hips rocked, sliding my pussy over his length.

I grabbed his cock and squeezed it. 

“Power…you think you wield it with this?  It’s what makes you feel alive?” It was rhetorical. He blinked as if in understanding of what I meant, then stared deep in my eyes, his lips parted, his breathing soft. “That’s not a power that can be sustained.  But this,” I pointed to my heart, “this doesn’t end, doesn’t run out. This is true power. But you already know that, don’t you? You’ve just forgotten how to use it.”

His indifference was dwindling, and he was listening with rapt attention.

“You want to know why you matter?”

“No, I don’t care about that shit.” His voice wavered.

“For a lawyer, you suck at lying.” I dipped my head down and bit his bottom lip, then dragged my hands up his forearms and pinned them above his head. “You matter because…”

I left him hanging. He did that to me all the time. I’d let him figure it out.

I reached over and grabbed the tie he was wearing earlier, having thrown it on the bed as he had undressed.  Without skipping a beat, I wound it around his hands and secured them nice and tight to the post.

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to watch me fuck you while you figure out why either of us matter.  Why we feel like this when we’re together.
Suck it up and watch me take what’s mine.”

I stood from my position and turned away from him, bent over, spreading my legs so he could see all I had to offer. My hands wound through my legs to my entrance, my fingers teasing along the slit. I could feel my juices dripping.

“Shit,” he ground out through is teeth. I could hear him struggling to break free, so he could take me hard and fast the way we both needed it. Not tonight.

“Andrew used to touch me here,” I said, torturing him as I slipped my middle finger in.

He snarled at me. “I don’t want to hear that!” I could hear the venom in his bite.

“Don’t listen then. I’ll show you.” I continued on. My fingers dragged in and out, over and over again.  Then I splayed them and didn’t say a word, letting him think what he wanted as I dragged my juices up to my back entrance to tease him.

“That’s mine. No one has touched you there, and no one will but me.” His tone was beyond lethal. His breathing picked up and his hips bucked toward me.

The bed started rocking as he thrashed around, trying to break free, to grab me. There was a pitiful desperation in the sounds coming from him—from his moans, groans and whimpers, and I almost considered letting him go…
almost.

“Think what you want,” I mewled at him as my finger parted my cheeks and pushed in.

“Fucking untie me now!”

I peeked over my shoulder to find him seething. A shudder ran through me, and I licked my lips, continuing on.

We were both lashing out. He wasn’t the only one in pain. But unlike him, I kept fighting, kept going. He’d already given up. When we touched…it all clicked into place. He was my soul mate; I could feel it when he was near. Our bodies together made sense. Our lives on a whole had new meaning. We were no longer condemned to walk alone like the undead.

“Quit being so cold to me,” I said. “We want each other…because…”

I waited for him to fill in the blanks as I continued to finger my ass.

“I don’t know…fucking Christ! I have no idea.” He sounded completely broken.

Hearing him break down was painful, but there was beauty in his surrender.

I relented, releasing my power play, and sat back down, straddling his chest.

“You do know. We both know. When you realize why we belong together…you’ll quit relying on old habits and pretending that you have no purpose, no direction.”  I kissed him hard, and his whole body arched toward me.

His body clung to mine, even though his hands were not free to join in.

“There’s peace in the blackness. We’ve found it. I’m beginning to embrace it.” I tried explaining it to him in simple terms as I scooted down his waist, stopping when I felt his hot head against my clit.

His eyes closed, shutting me out along with the inevitable pain of allowing himself to love me. “Please! Stop this.”

“Won’t admit it out loud? Fine. I’ll just make you feel it.” I slid against him, moaning at the feeling of his silky hard length as it rubbed against my entrance and my clit.

“Shit, baby!” His eyes scrunched tighter, hips pushing up into mine. “I can feel how fucking wet you are for me.”

I slid back up and lined the tip up before gliding down, taking him to the hilt. My eyes screwed tight, my mouth dropping open, a guttural moan escaping me as he filled me. My fingers flexed, pushing my nails into his chest.

“Oh, God. Fuck, Nathan!” I shuddered as he flexed his hips up, his feet gaining purchase to help prop him up.

My body began acting on its own, sliding up and down his hard cock, taking him as deep as I could. I cried out every time I slammed all the way down and whimpered when I retreated.

The pace picked up, my body bouncing up and down as I rode him, as I took control.

“You look so fucking good riding me.” His eyes were clouded, jaw slack. “I love watching my cock disappear in you. Do you like that, too, baby? I bet you do. You’re a good little cock whore that way.”

I cried out. “Fuck, Nathan!”

“That’s it, scream my name. Shit, I want to touch you, baby.”

At that, I stopped and sat on him for a moment before standing up with a smirk and looking down at him.

“Shit, don’t stop!”

His hips were moving of their own volition, seeking my pussy out with desperate thrusts. I licked my lips. He was delectable in that state of lust. My fingers moved back inside of myself, pumping in and out, torturing him. Nathan panting, muscles tight… I almost came just from the sight alone.

I turned around and sat back down, reverse cowgirl, taking him inside my pussy again. My wet fingers moved back to my puckered hole, now on display for him. I pushed one finger in to tease him, then another, stretching it open right in his line of sight.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“See something you like?” My fingers moved in and out at a slow pace.

I could feel my muscles coiling. With each thrust up and downward fall, I was being driven closer and closer to the edge.

Up. Down. In. Out.

“You are such a fucking naughty little slut. I will fucking pound you so hard in your ass. I take what’s mine, and your sweet ass is mine,” he growled, thrusting hard into me.

I shuddered at his words. They sent a fire racing through my body, and I fell over the edge. My head was tilted back, and I screamed his name, unable to move as I clenched around him.

The sound of wood splintering rang out before I felt his hands on me, grabbing me, pushing my body, bending it to his will. He had broken free and flipped us to where my chest was pressed into the mattress, my ass up in the air, and his cock still buried to the hilt. His fingers twisted in my hair, pushing my head down while his other arm pinned the hand that had been teasing my ass, against my back.

He wasted no time and began thrusting, pushing me harder into the bed. A relentless pounding.

“Such a damn fucking tease. Take it. Take my fucking cock.”

I screamed out, my body burning. I hadn’t even had the chance to come down before he was pushing me into another orgasm. My mouth was open, crying out in pleasure, sobbing from it.

“That’s it, baby. Scream. Tell me how much you love my cock buried in your tight pussy. Ungh,” he grunted.

His pace was constant, furious. He wasn’t letting up, and I wasn’t coming down.

He released me and my arm. My head relaxed into the bed.

“Are you ready for it?” he asked. He disappeared from my back, and the sound of a drawer opening, followed by a familiar snap, was all I could hear over my harsh breaths. Cool liquid hit the heated skin above my pussy, and his cock popped out, sliding up the crack between my cheeks, wetting it. “Not that it matters, because I’m going to fuck your sweet ass regardless.”

I tried to relax when I felt him push in. He went slow, letting me adjust to the odd feeling of being so full. He slid in all of the way, and once there, he leaned forward, his mouth at my ear.

“Mine. All fucking mine, baby.”

“Yours,” I agreed.

One arm wrapped around my waist, his fingers ghosting their way down to my eager pussy. The other came around my chest and lifted my body up, bringing my back against his chest. His hand moved up, his fingers wrapping around my neck but pushing down against my collarbone. His other hand moved down and slid two fingers in, the palm of his hand pressing into my clit.

Once he was ready, he pulled his hips back only to slide back in. It was a slower, sensual, punishing pace. His fingers slid into my pussy at the same time his cock filled my ass.

“Baby, God, your fucking ass loves my cock, doesn’t it? Yeah, all of you loves my cock. I could fuck you all day long. So fucking sexy.”

My arms reached behind me, grabbing onto his hair, tugging.

“Nathan…shit, I love your cock!” I was shaking, and with each thrust as I grew closer to another orgasm.

“Getting close again? Fucking naughty girl, so sexy when you come.”

He licked up the side of my neck, his teeth scraping against my skin. I whimpered, my body shuddering, a silent scream building on my lips as my orgasm ripped through me, making me clench around his cock and fingers.

“That’s it, baby. Shit, fucking come…oh fuck!”

His fingers closed around my neck, squeezing as his muscles tensed before he exploded inside me.

His body relaxed, his strength giving out, and we fell to the bed. His arms were still wrapped around me, one hand at my chest, the other cupping my sex.

We lay there for a moment to catch our breaths. His lips ghosted across my neck, his tongue peeking out to taste.

“Mine,” he whispered.

I turned my head to look behind me, my body twisting in his arms. I pressed my lips to his and he leaned forward to deepen the kiss, his arms pulling me tighter to him.

“Mine,” I whispered in return.

He took a deep, shuddering breath before pulling the blanket over us and sending us into what would hopefully be a peaceful sleep.