Break Me (Taken Series Book 2) (10 page)

              I pull out a pen from my desk drawer and start to write in my diary as I have every day since I could write. I put pen to paper and without any real thought, my feelings and thoughts flow through me and onto the paper. In a way, it is freeing. Letting everything out helps me realize my true feelings. I make sure to never mention any names in case Jeremy does decide to read my diary but I think if he were to read my entries now he would know whom I was talking about.

I express every ounce of my love for Forrest, every feeling I have for Jeremy, and all my fears of what could happen to Forrest, Jeremy and I, if Forrest follows through on his promise to rescue me. Forrest’s death is my worst fear but I also fear for Jeremy. I probably shouldn’t and the rational part of my brain is telling me that I shouldn’t care what happens to him but I do care and I don’t want any deaths to be because of me. The fear I have for me is miniscule in comparison but I fear that if I am rescued, and by some chance, Forrest makes it out alive I will no longer be the same. I don’t think I can go back to being his baby girl, not like I had been. Everything has changed. I have been through so much that I don’t know how damaged I am. Will I ever be able to let a man touch me again? Will I ever be able to trust anyone or let anyone into my heart again? Will I ever have a normal relationship or will I be too afraid and screw everything up?

I have seen what happens to some of these women and children who are rescued after being abducted for days, months and even years. They are never the same again. Would I be able to have a relationship with Forrest after this? Will he even want to after he hears what I have to tell him? I know I will never love another as much as I love him but I just don’t see any way around the issues I am bound to have if we made it out alive.

How would I feel if Jeremy died? I know I would be sad. It wouldn’t devastate me to lose Jeremy like it would Forrest but it would hurt nonetheless.

There are so many what ifs and ways things can go right and wrong for all of us. I am scared of them all. It is a scary thought to think about any of it. Why couldn’t life just be simple? Life has gotten so screwed up and I have no idea how to fix it.

As if life wasn’t already complicated enough, I think the birth control has failed again. I’m afraid of what will happen if Jeremy finds out. I don’t want to go through the same brutal beating I had last time when he found out I was pregnant. The pain I had to endure you couldn’t even imagine. The constant blows to my abdomen over and over to force an abortion was torture. I had thrown up continuously while tears streamed down my face like a waterfall. The bruises along my abdomen lasted for weeks it seemed while the pain lasted longer. My muscles were sore and my insides felt like they burst with every continuous blow. I lost the baby as blood flowed out of me and down my legs. I may not have wanted the baby to be Jeremy’s but I did want the baby.

Now I am in a similar predicament and I am afraid to go through the same excruciating pain as I had then. I don’t know how I am going to tell him or if I should but if I wait and he finds out, the baby will be further along and it will be even worse than the last time. But if I tell him now, and explain that I would love nothing more than to have a family, maybe he will have mercy on me and let me keep the baby.

***

As I look out of the balcony several days later, I search the outside of the fence for something to catch my eye. I don’t know what it is but I get the feeling as if I am being watched. Maybe not me specifically but it feels as if there are eyes peering in searching, watching, and plotting. Maybe the new guards that Jeremy hired just give me the creeps. I am not sure.

The feeling that something is coming, something big, is getting stronger as every day passes. Every day that draws closer to the meeting with Jeremy’s uncle, the more I feel like everything is going to come crashing down around me and I will lose everything. Not that I have much to begin with but it just feels like after this, my life will be changed forever once again.

“What’s on your mind beautiful?” Jeremy slides up behind me pulling my back to his chest and wrapping his arms around my waist. I have already mentioned my fears once before and I feel as if he wouldn’t want to hear about them again.

“When you have your meeting with your uncle, can I stay in my room? I have a bad feeling and I would feel much safer the farther I am from your uncle.”

“Are you worried I can’t protect you?” He sounds miffed.

“I’m worried that this is a trap. I’m sure you could protect me but I don’t trust him.”

“And you trust me?”

“Yes. With protecting me against someone else hurting me or taking me from you I believe you would protect me.” My heart and body are a different story. No matter my feelings for him, I know he could hurt me physically and emotionally.

“I see. And what is it you think my uncle is up to?” He seems genuinely curious and surprisingly isn’t angry with my fears.

“I believe he plans to ambush you.”

“Well he would have to get through my guards first. They will check him once he reaches the gates and escort him in. He will not be allowed to bring anyone else with him to this meeting so you have nothing to worry about.”

It does little to comfort me if he has people in place to take the guards out from afar. If I were to take back what I thought was rightfully mine, I would have my men outside far enough away and hidden but close enough to still take out those who threaten me but I don’t explain this because I doubt Jeremy would take what I have to say seriously. He already believes he has it all covered and I hope he is right. Maybe his uncle doesn’t have anything planned this time but it won’t be long before he does orchestrate an attack. If not this time then when Jeremy least expects it. He could just be using this time to get a feel for the layout of Jeremy’s guards and home. I have no idea if he has been here before so he may not know anything about the house or its landscape.

The fear of the unknown has my nerves on edge. I try to keep my fear from showing though as I turn in Jeremy’s arms and face him, wrapping my arms around his neck with a smile on my face. “You’re right. Everything will be fine. I don’t know why I was so worried.” Jeremy searches my face, probably to see if I am lying then looks past me into the distance.

“I would kill anyone who tries to cross me. I’m not worried.” I shiver at his threat.

To take our minds off the upcoming meeting, I lean in and press my lips to his before slipping my tongue between the seams and deepening the kiss. Jeremy grips me tighter into his embrace and pulls me back inside of his bedroom. Breaking the kiss for just a moment, he leads me to the bed and sits, pulling me to straddle him before sealing our lips in a deep kiss. Jeremy slips a hand under my dress and cups my mound while sliding his fingers deep inside me. Slowly he plays my body like strings on a guitar building my pleasure. Sliding back, he pulls his sweats off and pulls me on top of his length impaling me in one swift motion. The pain only lasts for a moment before it turns into pleasure. Gripping my hips in a bruising manner, Jeremy helps my movements along as I grind and swivel my hips, rise up, slam down and repeat the motions.

I have learned what he likes and the rougher I am, the better. I roughly glide my nails down his chest leaving marks and causing him pain. The more I do it the harder he seems to get and the rougher he slams inside of me. He uses one hand to slide to my clit to rub and pinch it helping me to my climax sooner. I moan and writhe on top throwing my head back and riding his cock as hard as I can. The more I spread my legs and lean back the deeper he seems to go. I can’t hold back any longer and he knows it as he sits up and takes a beaded nipple between his lips and sucks before biting while slamming me down on his cock causing both of our orgasms to explode out of us.

Instantly I feel guilty for enjoying what we just did. I squeeze my eyes shut and hide my face against his neck to help stop the hot tears from flowing. I cannot let him see how this has affected me. I have not cried during or after sex in a few months and if he sees that I am now he is going to know something is wrong. I cannot explain to him why I feel guilty or why this is wrong even if it feels good. He cannot know that Forrest is alive and that is why I feel so wrong about everything now. Instead, I breathe deeply as if I am finally catching my breath before climbing off him and heading to his bathroom to clean myself up.

I also have yet to tell him of my suspicions about being pregnant but I will save that for another day. Maybe after his meeting with his uncle. If he decides to forcefully abort this pregnancy as he did the last, I need to wait until after the meeting in case I need to be alert. I cannot be bed ridden again especially when I have a bad feeling about this meeting.

“Clean yourself up. Tonight we have company coming over.” Jeremy calls from his room and I stiffen hoping it’s not one of his buyers.

I take care of myself before heading to my room to gather my things, before showering and getting ready for tonight. I know when he says this he wants me in something sexy and made up to look beautiful while company is here so it will take me a few hours to make sure I am presentable. Each task I move through, such as showering, make up, and hair keeps my mind occupied from drifting off to my unknown future and all the possibilities that can happen. For tonight, I need not worry. Come three days from now, I will worry and I will be prepared for all outcomes.

Chapter 8

Jeremy

              Something is on her mind but she doesn’t want to tell me. I have no idea what could be bothering her but she seems to think that this meeting with my uncle is going to go horribly wrong. I don’t see how but I can’t seem to ease her worry. Maybe I should add more guards to keep watch. Will that make her feel safe? I’d give her a gun but I still don’t completely trust she won’t turn and use it on me even if it would be suicide on her part. I can guarantee my guards will shoot her the moment she turns the gun on me and I can’t have that.

              I never thought this day would come that I would be ruler of my own empire. Now that it has, I feel on top of the world. Nobody can touch me. I am invincible. Not so invincible that I cannot die but the Feds have nothing on me, the police have to stay away due to their harassment of me when Sierra was first taken, and all those with power want me so they won’t be trying to kill me. The only threat right now is my uncle, whom I know is not really a threat but he is still in the police department and he can become a threat if he truly wants to, and those mysterious men that entered my house. I still have not received a name of the intruders and everyday I become more irate. How is it possible that nobody knows whom it is? There had to have been a fucking trail left somewhere but my men are just too stupid to see it.

              Oh fucking well. I can’t deal with them right now when I am about to go into a meeting with my uncle. It is in two hours and I need to make sure all my men have scoured the area for any possible threats and this time they better fucking not let anyone in. I don't need some shithead ruining all I have worked for because of my guards fucking up. If my uncle is planning something, then my men need to be fully alert and stop whatever threat he poses. Those men that somehow made it into my house could be part of some scheme my uncle cooked up but I hope he isn't that stupid. The not knowing what they were doing here has me livid and every day I become more incensed not knowing.

              "Sierra, why don't you go make me some lunch while I go get ready for my uncles arrival."

              "Ok." Sierra is the only one in my life right now who hasn't betrayed me. I fiddle with the small box that rests in my pants pocket that holds a gorgeous platinum tennis bracelet I purchased for her this morning while I was out.

              I head up the stairs and go straight to her room. It is tidy and simple. She doesn't like clutter and always seems to have everything in its exact spot. Anything out of place, I'm sure she fixes the moment she notices. It's not often her room doesn't show just how OCD she is. I am not sure if it has gotten worse since she has been with me but while I watched her in school and out, she was always a clean person.

I peruse through her tiny trinkets on her dresser. There are not many, only what I've gifted her but they are all lined up perfectly to display them with their best features faced forward. Not a single item of clothing is left sitting on the floor or her bed. Her basket is barely full but it seems that if an article of clothing is taken off, it goes straight into the basket. The floor is spotless. I hear the vacuum every other day so I know not a single drop of food or paper is hiding in the plush carpets thread. Even her desk is tidy. Not a single piece of paper or pen is out of place. The pens sit comfortably in their holder at the corner while the notebooks and papers seem to be in her drawers. The only thing out of place is her diary with the pen sitting half-hazard in the middle of it as if she wasn't finished pouring out her heart and feelings.