Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (37 page)

The truth is that I don’t know myself. “The field, Will, that’s where it’s going down. I can’t chance it.”

So here we are, back on that desolate patch of land in Bloomingfield where it all started.

Jumping out of my car, I run a quick check of my gear. But first, there’s the one thing I need to do.

The thing Will won’t understand.

“What now?” he asks anxiously, joining me by the driver’s side.

My heart races but my training prevails. “I forgot my flashlight. Can you reach into the side compartment and get it for me, just in case?”

Will climbs into the driver’s seat eagerly, grabbing onto the steering wheel with one hand and reaching for my glove compartment with the other.

This is what he’s been waiting for. He’s finally getting his girl back.

That’s when he hears the
click
of my handcuffs and realizes what I’ve done.

“What in the devil! What are you doing?” His large hand is securely handcuffed to my steering wheel.

Stepping away from his reach, I call back, “This is for your own safety, Will. I can’t risk losing you in the process. Besides, I need your word that you won’t try to fix the past. Not mine, not anyone else’s. I need your word.”

Will roars in outrage, pulling frantically at his trapped wrist. “You can’t do this! Ileana! Un-cuff me right now!”

“You stay put and I’ll bring her to you, I promise. I just need your word, Will.”

Frustration and fury don’t sit well with Will. A raging debate is going on in that head of his, and it’s entirely up to him if he gets his Lily again. All he has to do is agree to let things be.

Let the past stay in the past.

“Fine. You have my word.”

The sun peers down on me. It’s time to go. Ignoring his pleas for freedom, I walk to the edge of the field.

The wind is calm, warm, a summer day like any other.

Taking a deep breath, I move my feet forward, straight into the lion’s den.

قلب

As if my brain updated overnight with new data, I realized Lily’s words bound me to her essence. I carry her love, regrets, fears, and loss. But most importantly at the moment, her time travel know-how.

Concentrating, I focus my senses, just like aiming a weapon.

Visualize my target, close my eyes, and shoot myself into oblivion.

Energy courses through me, and I’m a live wire exposed to the elements. White light explodes around me and my whole body hums with incomprehensible power.

In the blink of an eye, I’m here, the same old spot of the field in Bloomingfield.

The weather is colder, moisture coating the air. No power lines, no planes in the sky. Deep inside me, I know I’m in the right place, and at the right time. It’s exhilarating.

The wind makes the grass sound like a million birds flapping their wings. The buzzing in my ears won’t stop.

“Come on, Lily, where are you?”

I don’t want to have to venture onto the Shaw farm. It’s important I’m not seen. Although, this is strictly a retrieval mission, this time I came prepared. Better safe than sorry.

My hair is up in a ponytail; I’m wearing my black leather combat boots, my khaki utility pants, a belt, t-shirt, and light jacket. I left my Glock behind. That doesn’t mean I’m defenseless. My small Ruger is strapped behind my back clipped to my belt; my collapsible baton is stashed inside my boot, and Tommy’s Cricket M21 knife is safely tucked inside my pants pocket. I couldn’t resist bringing a little piece of him with me. How I wish I had him for backup.

If everything goes smoothly, I’ll be back before he notices I’m gone. Once I’m back, I’ll remove my note, and he won’t be the wiser.

Voices carry in the distance. Crouching, I take cover amongst the tall grass. My hearing is still buzzing, so I need to stay sharp. Steps quickly approach and I hear a woman crying.

The reality of what I’m doing dawns on me. I’m trying to save my grandmother.

What if I’m not supposed to? What kind of rules am I breaking? Rules I love; however, for this, I’ve had to follow my own instincts.

There has to be a reason why she connected me to her. Perhaps it all leads to this moment. Filled with purpose, I cautiously get on my feet, my eyes landing on her.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

I’m rooted on the spot.

She looks so much like me...or I look like her?

She’s running toward me, her damp hair sticking to her face. Darker than mine, her hair is shorter, but just as curly. She’s wearing a flower dress similar to the ones Mary loaned me. She keeps looking back over her shoulder. My heart beats double time, my adrenaline kicking in.

She’s not crying; she’s openly weeping. My chest compresses with grief, her feelings as palpable and real as the air I’m breathing.

I try to open my mouth, but I’m so afraid I’ll disrupt her private moment, like I’m not supposed to be here. What the hell is wrong with me? I have to interrupt her. Otherwise she’ll end up taking her own life. I know this just as I know the sky is blue.

She reaches for something in her pocket.

A knife.

For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I should do but I can’t do it.
This is wrong.
That nagging voice won’t stop. This is different from catching Wayne; he was hurting others. I was doing my job. Now? This is personal.

Before I can analyze the situation further, she brings the knife to her arm.

“Forgive me, Will,” she breathes into the vast nothingness.

Her life is collapsing in on itself. I can’t stand here and watch it happen.

“Excuse me.” She whips around in surprise, her huge eyes darting to me.

She stumbles back in shock and drops the knife, covering her mouth in horror. I search her features, her eyes are red and bloodshot, face tear stained, nose swollen and lips trembling; it’s like a living, three-dimensional mirror. She’s even around my age, maybe older.
I thought Will said she was younger than I am.

“Oh my God,” she whispers in awe, my own eyes looking straight at me. “You look like me…are you,
me
?” her hoarse voice asks the words like that would be an abomination.

“Well, no.” I fidget nervously at the absurdity of it all. “I don’t think so. Actually, you’re my grandmother.”
This is so surreal.

“Ileana?” she whispers in wonderment.

“Yes. I’m your granddaughter?” For some forsaken reason, I feel like I have to clarify. Standing face to face, we look like doppelgangers.

“I’m too late,” she says, retreating to that dark place that had a stronghold on her just minutes ago. She’s being consumed by darkness again.

“You’re not. That’s why I’m here. I know where Will is.”

Shock registers on her face as it dawns on her. She brings her honey-brown gaze to mine in realization.

“Oh my God, it worked,” she whispers, so soft it’s barely audible.

A rumble of engines fills the air. Then I realize why she kept looking behind her shoulder.

We have company.

CHAPTER 37

Tommy

“Come on, Lil, answer the phone.”

I’ve texted, left voicemails, and nothing.

After the way things went last night, the things she said. I’m not losing her. No fucking way.

“
You’ve reached Agent Ileana Harper from the Federal Bureau—”

“Fuck!” I floor it and dart through traffic. If she won’t answer…I can’t think that way.

Out the balcony. I snuck out the fucking balcony.

No way was I going to answer the door. Not after getting that note that made my skin crawl. How did she know?

P.S. Whatever you do, don’t answer the door.

Luckily, that wasn’t the only clue in her note.

Sometimes to move forward we have to go back to the place where it all began.

The second I read that line I knew where she was.

That fucking field down in Bloomingfield.

Nothing has ever been the same again. Not for Lil, and not for me.

After throwing my clothes on and going for my piece, I jumped in my Charger and took off. Racing down to Bloomingfield, all I do is drive myself nuts thinking about what it all means.  Flashing my undercover emergency lights and my siren at full blast, I swerve through traffic, and chance a glance down at my speedometer.

Fuck! I’m doing 110 mph!

Keep it together, Colton
. Getting killed is not going to fix anything.

I don’t know how I know, but I do. She’s down in that field right now trying to right a wrong, fixing whatever was broken, because that’s Lil. She’s the righter of wrongs, the one that chooses the greater good over self-gratification.

She’s my opposite. I’m the biggest, most selfish son of a bitch that ever lived. I want to blame this Will guy, but deep down, that’s bullshit. I saw her in pain; I saw her struggle trying to deal with whatever happened, and what did I do? Not a damn thing.

Oh sure, like just loving her was enough—let’s face it, I didn’t do that for her. I did it for me. I took what I needed at the time, used her to keep me whole and grounded while I did my thing. Damn the consequences. Did I for one minute think of what not being able to share whatever she was going through with me was doing to
her
? Of course not, because that’s me.

I never think of how my choices affect her. If I did, I would have never left her alone lying in that hospital near death after she was found in the field. I would have been at her bedside like a good friend, making sure I was there when she woke up. But no, selfish prick that I am, I was too busy drowning in self-pity, telling myself I was staying away for her own good. Bullshit. I stayed away because I was a coward. I couldn’t deal.

Abandoning her when she needed me wasn’t bad enough. I went ahead and chased after her, and told her how I felt. Painting myself into her life again, for my own selfish reasons. Telling myself we belong together, when the truth was I went after her because I wanted her. Because I didn’t want to live without her. Didn’t matter to me how she felt, or what my declaration of love would do to her, to our friendship.

She was right. What did I do? Come home, have my way, and leave, self-absorbed in my own shit, thinking my fucking job is so God damned important. Not only am I selfish, I’m fucking self-righteous. Here I am enjoying doing undercover work, while Lil is stuck on desk duty, facing each day without a partner to listen to her, to help her deal.

But of course, the second she’s assigned a partner, I act like a two-year-old. Not wanting to share a toy that’s been sitting in front of me every single day, but the second another kid comes along and pays attention to it, I throw a fit. What a guy.

Lil deserves better.

The scenery zips by my windows, and I’m in the zone, a missile intent on reaching its target.

My hands hurt from strangling the steering wheel. My fingers are strained, and my knuckles white. I’m pure fury. Anger incarnate. I want to punch fucking Will from here to wherever he came from.

“Shit!” My right fist meets the roof of my Charger repeatedly, screams rushing out of my throat. “Fuuuuck!” I slam my steering wheel with the palm of my hand as hard as I can, fighting something I can’t see. I want to tear the inside of my car apart. My jaw clenched so tightly, pain rushes straight to my skull.

I need to calm the fuck down.

I inhale deeply as my hands take turns running through my hair, back and forth, every few minutes, while I try to keep myself in check. Just gotta keep it together for her.

On autopilot, I veer off the exit Lil and I took last year, that fateful night our lives changed forever. I’ve never told her how many times during those months she was missing I took this route, drove down to that field, and sat there on that road in the middle of the night and wept. Some nights I sat there, waiting for her to walk out and yell at me about where the fuck I’d been. Or prayed that maybe I’d find a clue, anything that would lead me to her.

But it never happened.

She never came out. I never found any new clues. I just grieved her.

I don’t know what I’m doing now, but this time it’s different. It feels right. This time I’ll be able to get her back, to stop whatever is happening. I just need to get there.

“Please, Lil, just be there,” I mutter as I floor the accelerator to the max.

قلب

By some miracle, I reach that blessed road in one piece. At the sight of Lil’s car, a sigh of relief leaves my lungs…until I spot him.

Will is standing next to her car. The driver side door is wide open and he’s wrestling with something inside, twisting and turning while looking into the fields like he’s waiting for something.

Fucking guy. I’m going to fuck him up. This stops now.

The screech of my tires echoes along the long, empty road. I slam my Charger into park on the edge of the road right behind Lil’s car. And she’s nowhere in sight.

I’m going to kill this motherfucker if it’s the last thing I do. Rage, anger, and violence are in charge right now.

I don’t want to hear what he has to say ‘cause I don’t give a shit. He’s going down, and I’m burying him right here, in this fucking field to rot with the worms and dead grass.

“Where is
she
!” I roar his way, purposeful strides guiding me straight to my target.

Shock registers in his eyes, then realization that, yup, I’m really here, and I’m pointing my gun straight at his head.

“Tom, don’t— ”

My piece is in the air, the muzzle pushing into his forehead before he finishes the sentence. He stumbles back, but regains his balance, clinging to Lil’s car. He’s a big guy, probably has a good eighty pounds on me, but I’ve taken down guys bigger than him. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins, my ears are ringing, and my face is flooded with hot blood. My skull is pounding like it’s going to explode.

“Fuck you!” I spit in raw rage. My Glock handle crashes against his face.

He holds his jaw, blood staining his lower lip, but his challenging stare locks with mine. The only reason he’s still conscious is because I need answers. “Where’s Lil?”