Breakaway (15 page)

Levi

Seeing the hurt and betrayal in Presley’s eyes brought forth a pain I’ve never felt before. A pain so staggering, I wanted nothing more than to claw my own heart out just to make it stop. Each beat hammered in my chest, sending paralyzing jolts throughout me, torturing me for every second Presley is hurting and knowing I won’t ever be able to get her back.

I’m still mad as fuck at Nichols, but I’ll finish him later. I have to fix things with Presley. Part of me thinks I should give her time to calm down. Part of me can’t stand not going over there right this minute. So I get in my car and drive over to her apartment building. I knock and knock.

“Presley, let me in. Please.”

After about thirty minutes, I conclude she isn’t home because if she was, she would have told me to leave by now. Where is she? If Marley didn’t take her home, then that means McCarthy probably picked her up. My shoulders sag with defeat. I should head home, but I want to be here when she comes back. I sit on the ground and hug my jacket closer. All I can think about is what am I going to do. I need to explain everything. Start to finish.

She isn’t going to want me after this, and I don’t blame her. I’ll have to learn how to live with that devastating fact. Presley isn’t mine any longer. An ache pierces my soul at the thought. The only thing I want is to tell her why. She’ll want to know, right? Either way, I have to tell her how this mess started, and I’m sorry I am an arrogant, selfish, careless ass. I want to tell her how much I regret the reason I started seeing her, but I also want to tell her how much I love her. Hopefully, I can get enough time to do that much.

I text Presley a one worded text saying I’m sorry. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s all I can do right now. I can only hope that she’ll remember I love her. She probably thinks that’s a lie now too. Oh, god, I fucked up. And I have nothing but thinking to do while I sit out here in the freezing cold. My body starts to feel numb, so I go sit in my car for a few minutes to warm up. I’m not parked in the usual lot, but I have a good view of the building. I’m not in the car five minutes when I see Presley walking alone.

I cut my car off, get out and run after her as she starts up the stairs. She hears me coming and after she looks over her shoulders, Presley runs up the steps. She manages to get into her apartment and she slams the door in my face, just as I reach it.

“Presley,” I beg. “Please.”

“Go away,” she yells.

I lean my forehead against her door. “I love you,” I say softly because I don’t know what else to say.

“Go fuck yourself, Levi!”

Sighing, I return to my seat on the floor. Faintly, I can hear her moving around on the other side before everything falls silent. She must have gone to bed. I’m proven wrong when I hear her unlock the deadbolt.

“I’m still here.” The lock clicks back into place quickly. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I’m sure I hear her slide down the door to sit on the floor, little gasps of air escaping as she cries tears I poured myself. “I’m not going anywhere, Presley. Not until you let me talk to you and explain things.”

“Please go away, Levi.” Her voice is so fragile, broken, and I hate myself for doing this to her.

“I’m sorry, Presley. More than you can imagine. I meant what I said earlier. I love you and I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m going to leave now.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Bye, Smarty,” I whisper before I stand and walk away.

~ ~ ~

The week passes without a word from Presley. I sulk in my room for the most part and Andrew has been staying out of my path when he’s here. I’ve been on edge and it shows not only in my schoolwork, but in my game as well. Presley has been on my mind so much, I haven’t been able to focus on anything else. Too many times, I have gone to her contact, tempted to call her, but I never do. She invades my dreams by haunting me with her laugh, killing me with her smile, and leaving me wishing I never went to sleep to start with.

Anytime I get in my car, I want to drive over there and gather her in my arms. If she will give me a chance, I would spend the rest of my life making up for what I’ve done. Especially with how her father is, Presley deserves to know she’s wanted for exactly who she is. I didn’t do that, but I want to do that for her. She’s not going to allow me to do that though. At least not right now. Should I leave her be and wait until she’s ready? What if that moment never comes and I spend the rest of my life without her?

Needing someone besides Gavin to talk to and finished with my classes for today, I drive to my dad’s. He knows I’m coming this time, and I’m hating that I’m going to prove just what a disappointment I am. I park behind my dad’s vehicle and head inside.

“Pops?”

“In the kitchen, son.” He’s reading a newspaper at the table and sits it down when I sit. “What happened?” His words hold nothing but love for his son and wanting to help in whatever way he can.

I pick at the table and avoid his eyes. “It’s over with Presley. I told you it was complicated, remember?” I glance at him and he nods. “And I told you who her brother was? Trevor McCarthy from high school?” He nods again.

“My memory is fine, Levi. What happened with Presley?” he questions gently.

“When I first started seeing her, it was because I wanted to get back at McCarthy.”

Dad’s eyes fill with the failure of his only child. “Levi, son
,
wh
y
?”

“Pops, Mo
m
die
d
after he took my captaincy. The very next day. Not eighteen hours after I told her.” Tears brim in my eyes and fall over. “If he hadn’t taken it or if I had waited to tell her, she wouldn’t have known. I didn’t even get to tell her I loved her.” All the conflicting emotions I’ve felt about my mother’s death are surfacing, forcing me to deal with it. “Momma died knowing I failed. She expected great things from me, you know that, and I didn’t succeed. All I wanted to do was get under his skin, but I fell in love with her.”

Dad looks as if he’s trying to compose himself as he speaks. “Son, your mother was going to pass anyway. She was sick. Don’t for a second think you were ever a failure in her eyes. Levi, you were her pride and joy. She loved you more than anything this world could offer her. Your mother never expected you to be perfect. All Amanda wanted was for you to do what you loved and to be happy. That’s all we both wanted. She was proud all the way to her last breath and she knew you loved her. You didn’t have to tell her. She knew, son.”

“But-”

“But nothing, Levi. Amanda would have a fit if she could see how you felt and what this has been doing to you. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you either, Pops. I’m all you have left and look at what a fool I am.”

“You aren’t a fool. A dummy, maybe.” He tries to smirk, but it falls flat. “Son, you haven’t disappointed me. Struggling with this by yourself wasn’t the way to deal with it and focusing that negativity on people who had nothing to do with it wasn’t the way either.”

“I know.”

“Does Presley know about this?”

I shake my head and say, “She won’t talk to me.”

“Try harder.”

Those two words resound in my head over and over when I leave my father’s to head back home. Not that I expected any different, but when I call Presley, she doesn’t answer. I leave a brief message, asking to speak with her. Maybe the only way to get to Presley is with the same person that led me to her.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Carr?” McCarthy spits at me.

I hold my hands up in surrender because that's precisely what I'm doing. I'm waving the white flag with such desperation, I probably won't be able to handle the rejection that will surely come. But I rather be rejected than wait the rest of my life knowing I didn’t try hard enough. I’m standing by his car and have been waiting for his practice to get over.

“I need to talk to Presley,” my voice reeks of yearning. He rolls his eyes, and I want to punch him. I fucked up. I get that, but could he at least cut me enough slack so I can get through this? “She won't talk to me and -”

“You think? You're worse than I even thought possible.”

“I know that,” I grit. I can't let him get under my skin. With a deep breath, I try again. “I love her, Trevor. Didn't you notice the longer I saw her, the less of a jerk I was to you? That's because I was learning to love her and when I went out of my way to piss you off, I hurt her. So I stopped. Will you give me a chance to tell you how this mess started? My side of things?”

He eyes me carefully before nodding. I follow him back inside, out of the winter air, and he leads us to an office. He sits on one side of the desk, and I take a seat across from him to begin.

“First of all, I'm sorry for how I treated you all these years. It wasn't right, I know that. It started because my mom was dying and the day I lost my captaincy, I went home to talk to her about it. We were close and I'm my momma's boy.” I tell him about that day. How I wasn't the sweetest to her and didn't get to tell her I loved her before she fell asleep. I told him about her faith in me. “When I woke up the next morning, she was dead. My mom was the single most important person in my life. I lost her the day after my captaincy was given to you. Trevor, I shouldn't have blamed you, I know that. Pretty sure I knew it all along, but condemning you was so much easier than me facing things.

“Between regret, anger, and hate for myself, I had to direct it somewhere else and you were my target. In the beginning, seeing Presley was strictly a means to get back to you. My intentions were downright shameful. The more I saw your sister and got to know her, the less I cared about that. All I wanted was for Presley to be happy, to spoil her with strawberry milkshakes, and let her know someone wanted her because of who she is as a woman, a person, and a human being. Especially after I met your father.” I shake my head at the thought of him.

“Can't blame you there,” Trevor inserts.

“Anyway, I've been guilt-ridden ever since I realized that I wanted her. I didn't want her to hurt because I'm a bastard and I wanted to be better for her. There have been a lot of sleepless nights with me trying to figure out how to make things right with her without ruining everything. Then Nichols had to go and fuck everything up for me.” I sigh.

“I don't want to convince her to take me back. She probably doesn't want that at all and that's okay. Trevor, I really need a chance to tell her what I've just told you. You're the only one who can help me with that.”

Before I met Presley, I would have laughed at the mere thought of telling Trevor something like that. I wait as he contemplates his decision and it's not until he gives me a slight nod I realize I was barely breathing for fear he wouldn't help me.

“The moment she says leave, you leave.”

“Understood.”

I follow him to her place. As we’re walking up the stairs, he shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he mumbles. I’m not about to open my mouth, say the wrong thing, and ruin my chance. He opens her door and says, “Pres, it’s me.”

She’s sitting on her couch, facing away from us, watching Wheel of Fortune of all things. Presley glances over her shoulder and stands abruptly when she sees me, something that looks a lot like hate in those light brown eyes I love so much.

“What the hell is he doing here, Trevor?”

McCarthy walks over to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. “Let him tell you what he just told me.”

“I don’t care what he has to say! You’re supposed to hate him, for God’s sake!”

“Pres, just let him talk and when he’s finished, he’s leaving. Isn’t that right, Levi?”

All I can do is nod. Presley glances between me and her twin, trying to decide what to do.

“Fine,” she huffs and relief floods me.

Smarty sits back down, and Trevor takes a seat beside her. I plop into the chair and begin my story. From more about my mom to the exact details of the last day of her life to my evil plan and finally how I fell in love with her.

“I can’t apologize enough, Presley, and I completely understand you not wanting anything to do with me. But I had to tell you everything. You deserve that much.”

She doesn’t say anything at all. Presley only stares at me, the emotions conflicted all over her face.

“Time to leave, Carr.”

Without another word, I walk away one more time. As I leave, my mind replays the song that was playing in the car on the way to the party that night. An idea forms for one last plea. Stopping by a store a few miles from her apartment complex, I buy three blank cards with envelopes and tape.

Sitting in my car, I write in the first card.

You’re the light of my life that took away the darkness.

Forever yours, Levi

I stuff it in the envelope and write in the next one.

I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

With you by my side, growing old never sounded so good.

Forever yours, Levi

In the third, one final chance to sum up how I feel.

I’d do anything, give everything, and lose it all if it meant having you in my life.