Breaker's Passion (18 page)

What relationship? she had asked herself in the dark. This wasn’t a relationship. At least not in the way she was used to it being defined. They weren’t a couple. Hell, they weren’t even dating. What were they? She had fallen for Colby, that was definite. But Colby hadn’t indicated that she felt anything for her other than physically.

Elizabeth tried not to read anything into the way Colby had touched her last night. It had felt unique, more intense, her touch alternating between hot desire and sweet passion, each time melting into the time before until finally they collapsed in exhaustion. She had slept only an hour or so before waking and lying quietly so she wouldn’t disturb her lover. Could she stay? How absurd was that? She had a career, responsibilities, family, and friends. She had a contract for the next three years. She couldn’t possibly leave all that.

And do what? Serve drinks at a resort? There weren’t many jobs like hers here on the island. She would go nuts without something meaningful to do. Yeah, that and the fact that Colby hadn’t given her any indication that she wanted her to. That thought and nature had finally propelled her out of bed, and she was careful not to wake Colby.

“You go, girl!” Diane’s words bounced across the miles. She had ragged on her forever about getting out more. Getting laid was more accurate. Obviously Diane was pleased.

“As a matter of fact…” Elizabeth began teasing her.

“No, I don’t want to hear any more about it. Go back in there and give her a great big wet wake-up kiss just for me. That way when I meet her she’ll remember me.”

Elizabeth paused. “I doubt you’ll ever meet her, Diane. It’s not like we’ve fallen madly in love and will live happily ever after.” Elizabeth heard the catch in her voice. She still didn’t know when she had stupidly gone and done it. Fallen in love with a woman she couldn’t have. Maybe if she kept denying it, it would somehow mysteriously disappear. Fat chance.

“Of course not,” Diane replied. “She’s only a surf instructor, for God’s sake.”

Elizabeth didn’t like the way Diane said “surf instructor.” She made it sound low-class. Like Colby was incapable of anything else. Elizabeth knew how far from the truth that statement was. Diane was a social snob. Was she like that too?

If she was honest, she’d felt a thrill in being with a surf instructor on vacation. A little bad-girl thing. A bit decadent and risqué. It might have been like that in the beginning, but she certainly didn’t think that now.

“She’s more than a surf instructor, Diane.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing, but there’s more to Colby than just teaching people how to surf.”

Diane’s voice was serious this time. “Are you falling for her?”

“Of course not,” Elizabeth answered quickly. She wasn’t falling. She had fallen.

“Be careful, Elizabeth.”

“Diane, I am not falling for her,” Elizabeth said firmly. “You said it yourself. I needed to get out more, have fun. There’s nothing more to our relationship than sex. Well, it’s fabulous sex, but that’s it. Diane, I know what I’m doing and who I am and what my limitations are. I don’t plan to fall for someone that I have nothing in common with and who, by the way, lives thirty states away. How stupid do you think I am?” Keep saying that and eventually you might believe it, Elizabeth.

Colby eased back into the room, careful not to draw Elizabeth’s attention. Elizabeth’s words echoed in her head. “Don’t plan to fall for someone that I have nothing in common with.” Her mother had always told her nothing good came from eavesdropping. She hadn’t meant to listen in on Elizabeth’s conversation. She didn’t even know she was on the phone until she slid the door open. Elizabeth had told her the same thing a few days ago, but it sounded different when she was saying it to somebody else. It hurt. It hurt, a lot, and Colby did what she did best when in pain. She turned into herself and ran.

Her legs were unsteady. She stumbled back to the bedroom. She needed to leave, she needed to get out. She felt the same as she had once the realization of what she had done to Gretchen set in.

Elizabeth spoke when she was buttoning the top button on her shorts. “Where are you going? I’m not done with you yet.”

Her voice was soft and sexy, and Colby cursed the fact that her pulse raced with the familiar fast cadence that began whenever she was around her. She hadn’t heard Elizabeth come into the room. She reached for her shirt, hiding her shaking hands by putting it on, then turned around.

Elizabeth was propped against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her chest, looking relaxed. God, she was sexy, and Colby’s muscles tightened as they did every time she thought it.

“I have to go. There’s something I’ve gotta do this morning.” Her excuse was lame but she didn’t care.

“At seven a.m.? This is Hawaii. Nothing happens at this hour.”

Colby scooted by Elizabeth, careful not to touch any part of her. She knew well enough that she wouldn’t have the willpower to stop what her body cried out to do.

“Colby?” Elizabeth’s voice was questioning.

Colby didn’t look back and continued down the hall and out the front door.

Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She seemed to have left every molecule of oxygen in Elizabeth’s room. Colby felt absolutely alone. Somehow, deep inside, she knew the door closing behind her symbolized much more.

Colby didn’t know how she got here. She hadn’t been to this place in years and never thought she’d come here again. She punched in the code to open the gate without thinking and slowly drove along the brick wall that curved to the right. The shrubs and lawn next to the long drive were neatly trimmed and gave no indication that the owner couldn’t have cared less about the condition of the prime real estate.

The familiar beeping of the security alarm went silent after Colby punched in a different set of numbers that she remembered as if she had entered them just last night. The interior of the large house smelled a bit damp and stale, as if no fresh air had drifted through it in a long time. She hadn’t been inside it for at least five years but, judging by the lack of dust and cobwebs, her attorney continued to periodically send in a cleaning crew.

She ran her fingers across the kitchen countertop, remembering the week she had the dark granite installed. The cabinetmaker had recommended a woman in Honolulu, and Colby was pleasantly surprised when she came to measure that she was a lesbian as well. Colby had sensed the woman was attracted to her and she admired the woman for keeping their relationship strictly professional. More than a few times during the remodeling of this house she had to subtly and at times not so subtly decline an invitation from other contractors for more than what she was paying for. Why did some people think you were fair game just because you were separated from your partner by a few thousand miles?

No matter how stressed or unconnected she had felt with Gretchen, she never strayed. When she committed to someone she was faithful regardless of the situation. She was never attracted to another woman the entire time she was with Gretchen and could proudly state as much even on their last days together.

Having abandoned her shoes at the door, she wandered through the rest of the house, the tile cool on her feet. She couldn’t remember many happy times. Gretchen had never really liked this house, though she liked the idea of having a three-thousand-square-foot house on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean to impress people with. She and Gretchen had argued about that fact so often that Colby had almost put the property up for sale. Colby had inherited the house from her favorite aunt on her father’s side when she was still in med school. That only her name was on the title had caused yet another argument, but a nagging suspicion had made her keep it that way. When she began to see Gretchen’s true nature, Colby was glad she had.

The double French doors opened easily, the curtain billowing in the soft ocean breeze. Gretchen had insisted on decorating the master bedroom; the massive four-poster canopy bed and the shades of red and gold reminded Colby more of a Las Vegas hotel room than the bedroom of two women in love. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Gretchen had made love in the big bed, or anywhere else in the house, for that matter.

She didn’t really care how that room or any of the rest of the house was decorated, preferring to focus her attention on the house’s landscaping at the time, but now it seemed garish. One quick call to one of her weekly dinner mates would change all that.

After slipping her tennis shoes back on her feet, Colby grabbed the key that hung by the back door and headed for the storage shed next to the garage. She made quick work of the lock and swung the double doors open. The scent of grass and dried clippings filled her nostrils, making her feel warm, full, and exhilarated. She checked the fluids in the green lawn tractor and added two gallons of gas and a quart of oil before she settled comfortably onto the yellow seat. With a flick of a switch the engine turned over and, after sputtering a few times, settled into a rhythmic hum. She shifted into drive and edged the mower out onto the expansive green lawn.

Other than surfing, puttering around her yard was the only thing that truly relaxed her. She didn’t know how much she’d missed it until she drove the mower back and forth across the grass, deftly maneuvering around trees and shrubs. The pattern left behind the mower indicated that the grass really didn’t need more than a trim.

Her mind floated as she drove. Familiar sights, sounds, and smells cascaded around her like old friends. The sun warmed her skin and the breeze ruffled her short hair. A fly buzzed around her head. At one time she would have thought it a pest, but now it didn’t bother her. Her sunglasses kept the harshest glare out of her eyes while her ear plugs restricted the mower’s loud noise. She had always been a stickler for safety, whether it was with razor-sharp scalpels in the operating room or yard equipment at home. As a physician, her body was her livelihood. As a…what was she now? A former physician? A surf instructor? A store owner?

It dawned on Colby that she had always defined herself by her job. Her occupation had determined her self-worth as far back as she could remember. But those things really didn’t matter. Not anymore. What mattered was how you were as a person, as an individual living in the present. Did you contribute to society or simply take? Did you make the life of someone better? Did you help preserve the planet for its future inhabitants? Did you make a difference?

Elizabeth did. She was shaping and forming the minds of young people for future generations. She affected the lives of her students every day by creating an atmosphere conducive to learning and fighting for resources that the students at her school needed.

But what did she do? She used to save lives. Or at least work tirelessly using every skill she had to try. Making someone’s vacation memorable was nothing in comparison. Or was it? Memories were made during vacations, families came together, and couples reconnected. Wasn’t she a part of that? Often family members were in her class or at least on the beach keeping a careful eye on their loved one. Wasn’t creating those memories important too?

“I give up,” Elizabeth said, tossing her things into her bag. She’d walked up and down the shoreline for miles every day, looking for any sign of Colby. Finally, exhaustion, sunburn, and the sheer futility of trying to find one person on an island with a population of 150,000 was too much to ignore. That and the fact that Colby obviously didn’t want to be found.

Colby wanted to end their relationship, that was clear. Elizabeth laughed at her choice of words. Where in the hell did that come from? What they were to each other was as much a relationship as sex was to love. One didn’t necessarily equal the other.

She thought she knew what she was getting into when she let Colby kiss her that first time, but she had never anticipated this. And Colby knew she was on her island for only a short time. Locals didn’t sit on the beach in front of a popular tourist resort and drink Lava Flows all day. She was ideal. A little fun, a little sand in all the right places, and Elizabeth would be gone. What a perfect life Colby had carved out for herself. No chance of any demands on her. If someone got too close, she would simply disappear until the woman left the island.

Elizabeth had repeated this mantra ever since Colby walked out the door of her villa five days earlier. She had given her two days to call her, but when she hadn’t, Elizabeth started looking for her. And how stupid was that? Rarely, if ever, had she chased a woman, and it made absolutely no sense to do so now. Especially now.

And what was all this shit about her dead girlfriend? Gretchen was the one who decided to jump off the fucking bridge. Nobody pushed her, even if Colby believed she did. She had read Gretchen’s obituary. The woman was thirty-eight, for God’s sake, and responsible for her own life. Elizabeth could only imagine the pain and grief Colby must have had to endure those first few days. And she carried it with her even now.

The next week passed incredibly slowly, Elizabeth unable to concentrate on anything. Finally it was time to go home. Actually, she was leaving a few days early because nothing was keeping her here. Nothing at all. She was returning to her house, her friends, her job, her life. She’d expected she’d be excited to leave, since she really didn’t want to come on this little vacation in the first place, but she didn’t expect to feel torn and apprehensive.

Silently she packed. Her pulse quickened when she put the waterproof cameras she’d used on their snorkeling trip into her suitcase. Her mouth turned suddenly dry when the swimsuit she was wearing the first time Colby touched her followed. Her stomach churned when she folded the Skyline Experience T-shirt she’d bought before they ascended the mountain. The place where it all started to fall apart. Shaking the thoughts away, she zipped the case, checked the room one more time, then closed the door behind her.

As the front-desk clerk completed her paperwork, Elizabeth didn’t even try to fight the urge to look around the lobby for Colby. She had dreamed last night that she was in this exact spot and a voice from behind her said, “Don’t go.” A jolt of electricity slammed through her body and she grabbed the counter to stay upright. She couldn’t think, her sudden dizziness telling her she probably couldn’t breathe either. All the noise in the busy lobby stopped. Every bird squawking, every car horn, every sound on the island stopped. Except one. “Please.”