Breaking All The Rules (Book 1 - Second Chances Series) (11 page)

Ethan’s expression became serious. “We all serve the same God don’t we?”

My stomach dropped and so did my jaw.

Ethan laughed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.” He continued to laugh. “I’m Team Jesus forever. I just don’t go to Pastor Wright’s church and I don’t want to embarrass him by visiting another one.”

Okay, so there was some family business I didn’t know anything about. Terrance hadn’t mentioned strife with Ethan when we were dating. I cleared my throat like you did right before you were going to ask a nosy question. “Do you mind me asking why?”

“I don’t mind you asking, but I don’t really want to talk about it,” he replied.

I was starting to feel like a hypocrite. I kept insisting I wouldn’t date a younger man, so it shouldn’t have mattered what he was or if he was still dating that model or if he was getting on a plane to God knows where the morning after the wedding. None of that should have mattered, because he was way too young for me. But even with all that rationalization, I couldn’t let it go.

I nodded. “You can’t say something like that and not tell me why. I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

It was Ethan that cleared his throat this time. I could see he was uncomfortable. “I kind of have… had a problem with my uncle.”

I tilted my head toward him indicating I needed more.

“I found a letter my mother wrote to him. I figured out I was eleven based on the postmark. She asked him if she could come back to Garrison. She wanted to live in this house.” He paused. “I asked him about it, specifically why she never came and he said he told her there were conditions. No boyfriends, she had to go to church, get a job and attend drug treatment meetings. I don’t think she liked the rules.”

This was much heavier than I thought. I fingered the cross that hung around my neck and prayed for the right words to say to him. “Pastors always have rules,” I said, easily. “It’s kind of a job requirement.”

He inhaled deeply and then let his breath out in an audible sigh. “I know, but, she was his sister. He knew she was troubled. And it wasn’t like she was going to be in his house. She wanted to stay in her father’s house, but my uncle had the keys, so he had the control.”

I was shocked. This story was getting worse. Ethan slumped in his chair and I was certain his posture was consistent with the way he was probably feeling.

“It’s taken me ten years to stop being angry about it.” He picked up his fork and played with it nervously. “It’s hard for me to not think if she’d been here in Garrison that she wouldn’t have died or at least she wouldn’t have died before I saw her alive again.”

His eyes began to shine in the dim light and my heart broke for him. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. He sat up, shook his head like he was shaking off pain. “I’ve never told anyone that,” he said and then he shoved a piece of bread in his mouth.

“You needed to.” I squeezed his hand again.

“Yeah, I guess, but it hurts to say it. Heck, it hurts to think about it.”  He let out another long sigh. “And Terrance didn’t help.”

My ears perked up. “What did Terrance do?”

“I was upset about the conversation I had with his father. I tried to talk to him and he took up for his dad.” He shook his head. “The thing is I wasn’t looking for someone to agree or disagree with me. I know my mother had issues. I just wanted a listening ear. He started throwing all kinds of scripture and church rules at me.” He pushed his body up in the seat and raised an eyebrow. “What did you ever see in that guy?”

We both laughed. I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said. “But, I’m not trying to figure it out now.”

“Well, anyway, now you know why I haven’t been to my uncle’s church.”

Silence filled the space for a minute while we continued to eat. I had experienced a lot of pain, but this was a kind of loss I didn’t know anything about. I was out of comforting words, but I couldn’t not say anything. “You know your uncle has regrets too, even if he feels he made the right decision, he still has regrets. There’s no way he couldn’t.”

Ethan raised his glass. “And he should.”

I took a deep breath before my next words. “No matter what you think your uncle did you know you need to forgive him, right?”

The smile dropped from Ethan’s face. He finished chewing the food in his mouth before speaking. “I already have. I’m stepping into his church for the wedding. He’ll know what that means.”

“Forgiveness, man style?” I asked, smiling.

“Most definitely different from the way you women do it.”

We laughed again. Our fingers were still intertwined. He turned my hand over, examining it and rubbing the fingertips and palm until he reached my wrist. “So, tell me, did my transparency earn me some cool points?”

I slowly pulled my hand out of his. The way he touched it was so sensual that it unnerved me. I lowered my gaze and reached for bread, determined not to say the wrong thing just because everything felt right.

“I don’t get an answer to that?” he asked.

I stopped being coy and met his stare. The look in his eyes was more than a little serious. I wanted to tell him he was on overload on the cool points, but I couldn’t. Not in this intimate setting.

He drummed his fingers on the table and said, “Okay.” I could tell it was not okay. He stood and gathered our salad dishes. “I’m going to take dessert out of the frig, so it can warm up a bit while we eat dinner.”

I opened my mouth to say something to his back, but I let the protest die on my lips. He was disappointed. I didn’t know what to do about that. This wasn’t a date. It was dinner between friends. I was trying to keep it that way, but Ethan was pushing hard and I didn’t know what he wanted. Sex? Some casual fling while he was in town? He was fine, but he wasn’t fine enough for me to lose my mind and sleep with him.

I was glad to find out he wasn’t backslidden, but he was still seven years younger than me and he was more than a little bit of a globetrotter. I wasn’t going to be a fool. Ethan Wright was not a man who could be pinned down and I was not a woman who took flight. We weren’t right for each other and I wasn’t going to let a romance in Garrison break my heart. I’d been there and done that.

My sleep was troubled. I tossed and turned over how I was leading Ethan on. Still I was glad to see his truck pull in the driveway, because I was two seconds from putting my hand around Janette’s throat. She was such an overly dramatic princess about everything – her cow ankles that she’d named cankles, her sore breast, her weight and her pre-wedding jitters. Terrance had no idea what he signed on for. I would have to put up with her whining and complaining for a little more than a week, Terrance for life. But----- that was his problem, not mine. He wanted to date his ex’s sister. Well, he had her. Maybe the best revenge was letting people live with their choices.

I grabbed my bag and made my way out to the truck. Ethan was waiting next to the passenger side door for me. He opened it, I climbed in and he joined me. “You look like you’ve eaten some nails,” he said.

“It’s Janette. I’ve had my fill of her.”

“It’s only eight a.m.?”

“It doesn’t take much with my sister.” I pulled my seat belt around me.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not at all,” I replied. “Let’s get going.”

I took in his look through my peripheral vision. He and I were dressed alike in jeans and tee-shirts. He also sported a crocheted skull cap patterned as a soccer ball. He looked cool and of course handsome. It sure didn’t take much for him. Sex appeal oozed from his pores.

I caught him looking at my feet, or more aptly, he was staring at my leopard printed pony ankle boots.

“I can walk in these for twenty hours,” I declared, raising a leg and wiggling my foot.

“Does the red bottom guy make any shoes that don’t have ten inch heels?”

“The red bottom guy is Christian Louboutin,” I said to be clear. “Yes, he makes flats, but I’m not sure what the point is when he designs such amazing stilettos.” I smiled and put my foot down. “I thought you liked my heels.”

“I do, but hey, we’re shopping. I’m a practical guy,” he said and then mumbled, “I’m not trying to carry you all day either.”

I laughed. “Don’t worry. My heels are an extension of my legs.”

He shook his head and started the engine. “They’re your feet, babe. Address please. I like to use my navigation when I’m in riding with a pretty lady. Cool points stay up if I don’t get lost.”

I gave him the side eye and then nodded toward the navigation system. “You must wear out the computer on those things.”

He chuckled. “She’s got jokes this morning. This truck stays in Garrison, so not many women have been in it.”

I wasn’t taking that bait. It was too early to talk about his love life. I read off the address and watched as he programmed the fancy buttons on the dash and we pulled out of the driveway. “It’s amazing the technology we have now. I’m waiting for the day when the Jetsons reality comes to fruition. You know, cars driving themselves.”

Ethan shrugged. “I’m sure they’re working on it, but I won’t buy. I personally love to get behind the wheel of a car.”

“I wish I felt the same. I dread it,” I said, anticipating impending nausea. I’d forgotten to pick up  motion sickness meds yesterday. 

I noticed his eye knit over his brow. “Car travel is kind of a weird phobia. I remember you were in college when you finally passed the driver test. Terrance was relieved. He was sick of being your personal driver’s ed. teacher.”

“And he was a horrible teacher,” I said.

“I couldn’t wait to get my license. Driving was a rite of passage. Why so late for you?”

I propped an elbow on the window frame and rested my head against my fist. “I don’t know. I’ve always been car sick for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t looking forward to driving.”

“Some people are like that,” he said. “You ever try to figure out why?”

I shook my head, feeling suddenly claustrophobic about the conversation. “You don’t mind if we change the subject.”

Ethan nodded and silence filled the car. I sensed he was giving me time with my emotions, time to get used to the ride; time to decompress from the tense morning with Janette, but it wasn’t long before we began chatting again. Ethan shared fantastic stories about life in African villages where he had gone to build homes and schools. The most interesting part was about how he slept in structures that were a little more than tents and they had water shortages and no electricity for large hunks of time during the day.

“Sounds like a different world,” I said, trying to imagine what it must be like.

“In some respects it is, but the people want the same things we want here. Water, jobs, medical care. A house to come to at the end of the day and safe, clean schools for their children. Human needs and wants are universal.”

“I guess I never thought about it. The work you do is so deep and important. I’m starting to feel self-conscious about the fact that I help people plan the most excessive day of their lives.”

“Don’t compare it. What you do is important. Those memories of the wedding day last forever. Just because it’s not life saving doesn’t mean it’s not life changing.”

I bit down on my bottom lip and stole a peripheral glace at him. “That was deep.”

“I’m a deep guy.”

“Not your average jock.”

“I try never to be average.” He laughed heartily.

“I’ve always known that.” Those words were meant to stay in my head, but they escaped my mouth.

Ethan paused a moment and then asked, “How could you? I was still a kid when you graduated from college.”

“But I could tell you were mature. I remember thinking how nice it was that you turned out so great after your mom left you to –” I stopped myself. I wanted to insert an entire wedding cake in my mouth.

“It’s okay. You can say it. It is what it is. After my mother ran off with a boyfriend and killed herself taking drugs.” His voice came down an octave. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I accepted my mother’s choices a long time ago and the older I get the more I understand that that’s all we can do. Wishing it was different doesn’t change it and not talking about it doesn’t make it disappear.”

“Still I didn’t mean to bring your mother up again. We just talked about her last night,” I said.

“It’s cool.” He cast a glance at me. “We’re both orphans. It’s not like you don’t understand what I’m feeling.”

“You can’t stop the people you love from having time in your head. I believe you can control your thoughts, take captive every one and bring it under submission… just like it says in the Bible, but I think about my parents every day whether I want to or not.”

Ethan raised his hand to his chest and pointed an index finger at his heart. “That’s because they’re in here. They’re not just in our heads. I like to believe that the good part of them stays with us.”

I smiled. We had been silent for a few minutes when I continued, “I can’t stop wondering how different I would have been if I’d been raised in a house with a woman in it.”

Ethan let go of the steering wheel and took the hand that was closest to him. “Well, if it means anything to you, I can’t imagine that you’d be any more perfect than you are now.”