Breaking (6 page)

“How many times
do I have to say it?
There is nothing going on
.”

She was silent
for a long time, and Ander recognized she was reining in her anger enough to
converse maturely.

Then she
finally said, “You can’t really think I’m going to be okay with this.”

“I would think
that you would trust me enough to accept what I tell you.”

“I’d trust you
if you didn’t keep shutting me out and then lying to me about it. If something
has happened, if something has…has changed, then I need to know about it.”

He took a ragged
breath, torn between frustration and a painful bubble of something close to
grief. The shuddering swell grew in his chest until it almost cracked his ribs.
“Lori,” he began, having absolutely no idea what to say.

“I’ve got to
go,” she interrupted, sounding tired, irritated, and hurt.  “The banquet is
starting soon. I’ll talk to you later.”

Then she hung
up, before Ander could say anything to make it better. Before he could fix what
he’d stupidly messed up.

He had lied to
her. She had every reason to be angry with him.

He sat at the
desk in the office he shared with another PhD student and breathed heavily,
trying to think clearly, trying to figure out a way to be with Lori for real
and still manage to hold himself together.

There had to be
a way to accomplish it. She deserved everything from him, all of the love and
strength and affection he could give her.

But all he had
in his chest was the shuddering ache that wouldn’t go away.

He sat for a
few more minutes until he had his breathing under control. Then he put his
laptop away and repacked his case.

Lori’s
conference hotel wasn’t far from the university. It wouldn’t take him long to
get over there.

He would do
something to make this better.

He arrived at
the hotel less than twenty minutes later, and it wasn’t difficult to find out
the location of the banquet.

He didn’t have
much of a plan. There wouldn’t be a seat for him, so he wasn’t likely to be able
to join her for the banquet, but at least she would see he’d made an effort.

Hopefully, she
wouldn’t be annoyed.

Before he even
made it to the ballroom, he saw her standing in a wide hallway. Looking
gorgeous and sensual in her fitted skirt, clingy sweater, and high heels. She
usually dressed casually, but she always made an effort for events like this.
She’d told him once that she didn’t want people to be disappointed when they
saw an author they loved or even hated was just “plain old” her.

The idea of her
ever being plain was laughable to Ander.

At the moment,
she looked utterly scrumptious.

And she was
smiling and talking to another man.

The man wore
jeans and a corduroy blazer. He had thick dark hair and needed a shave.

He was Phil Rothe.
Lawyer turned bestselling novelist.

Whom Lori had
dated not so long ago. Whom she’d stopped seeing Ander for, back when she was
his client.

Whom he’d seen
her kissing in a devastating memory he still couldn’t shake from his mind.

But she didn’t
like Rothe. He’d treated her like garbage and had been an ass in every way.

There was no
reason for her to be smiling up at him like that now—as if she were genuinely
happy to see him.

And there was even
less reason for Rothe to be gazing down at her as if she were something good to
eat.

An unexpected
rush of possessiveness washed over Ander. Rothe might have taken her away from
him once, but that was in an entirely different situation.

Lori was
his
fiancée. Rothe couldn’t have her.

Without
thinking through the wisdom of his actions, he strode over to where they stood.

They both obviously
should be in the banquet by now. It had already started, if the speaker’s voice
coming from the adjacent room was any indication.

Rothe turned
his head first, his eyes widening at whatever he saw in Ander’s expression.
Then Lori turned too.

If he was
reading her face accurately, her first reaction was happiness to see him, but
it was quickly replaced by confusion and a slight defensiveness.

“What are you
doing here?” she asked when he’d reached them. She glanced back at Rothe. “This
is Ander, my fiancé. And this is Phil Rothe. He writes all those lawyer books.”

“I know who he
is.” Ander was still smoldering with possessiveness, and there was an edge of
it in his tone.

Lori narrowed
her eyes, searching his face.

Rothe took his
hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ve seen you before somewhere.”

They’d seen
each other before. That night at the museum fundraiser, when Ander had been
with a client and Lori had been with Rothe.

 “Maybe.”

“I’m sure I
have. It’s the…” Rothe trailed off, but it was obvious what he was going to
say.

It was Ander’s
bald head. Distinct. Unmistakable. Branding him like the mark of Cain or a
visible scar.

“What are you
doing here?” Lori asked, stepping into the silence. “I thought you had to
work.”

“I changed my
mind.” He was still bristling, wanting to wipe the smug expression off Rothe’s
obnoxious face.

 “Oh. Okay.”
Her face reflected lingering confusion, but she turned to Rothe and said
politely, “It was nice catching up with you. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Sure thing.”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek, causing Ander to tense up and move closer.

Lori rolled her
eyes at him, and Rothe grinned as he swaggered into the ballroom.

“Now what the
hell are you doing here?” she demanded. “And why are you acting this way?”

Since he didn’t
really have an answer to her first question, he answered her second one. “I’m
wondering why you were being so friendly with the asshole.”

“Are you
kidding? Did you think I would slap him or something?”

“I thought you
would ignore him, which is exactly what he deserves.”

“Of course, he
deserves it. But the only way to act when you run into an old boyfriend who
treated you badly is to act like you’re blissfully happy without him. I
certainly wasn’t going to act like I was still hurt by his behavior. I have my
pride, after all.”

Ander got stuck
on one part of her response. “What do you mean
act
like you’re
blissfully happy. I thought you
were
happy.”

“I
am
happy. For God’s sake, what’s the matter with you, Ander? I meant you just act
like you’re happy whether you are or not. In my case, it happens to be true.
Except when you charge in like an alpha dog, nipping at any imagined threat.
What the hell—”  It was only then that she realized what had prompted his mood.
“Are you serious? Are you
jealous
? Of Phil Rothe?”

“I’m not
jealous,” he gritted out. “I just don’t see any reason for you to be talking to
him, much less smiling at him that way.”

She almost
choked on her surprise, which was a clear sign that Ander was being
unreasonable and not at all like himself. “You can’t possibly think I would
hook up with Phil Rothe. You can’t possibly think I would hook up with
anyone
.
After everything we’ve been through, you can’t think I would—”

“Of course, I
don’t think you would do anything.”

“You can’t
think I
want
to do anything.”

Ander made
himself force down the irrational possessiveness. “I know you wouldn’t.”

She scanned his
face, searching for some truth she couldn’t find. “Ander, tell me you don’t
think I want to be with anyone but you. You’re the only man I’ve ever been
with. You’re the only man I
want
to be with. You know that.”

“Yeah,” he
admitted, letting out a breath and turning his head away in an awkward jerk. “I
know that.”

“Then what’s
the problem.” She reached up to cup his face, making him look back at her. 
“Where did this come from?”

“I don’t know,”
he admitted. “I don’t know. I just…I just overreacted.”

To his
surprise, she stifled a laugh. “Do you think so?”

He couldn’t
help but smile back at the warm irony on her face. “Maybe a little.”

“Can you tell
me why?”

He couldn’t
tell her everything, but he forced himself to tell her this much, even though
the words were stilted and awkward. “You left me for him once.”

“But that was…
We weren’t together then, Ander. I thought we could never be together. I was
just trying to have a real relationship, and I didn’t think I could have one
with you.”

“I know.”

“Then why—”

“It still hurt
me. When you stopped seeing me. Because of him. It hurt a lot.”

Her face
tightened with emotion, and she reached out to pull him into a hug. “Oh, Ander.
I’m so sorry.”

He hugged her
back. Couldn’t help it. Needed her warmth and affection and support as much as
he needed his next breath. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who’d
fallen for you, when I knew better.”

“You know I’d
fallen for you too,” she said against his shirt.                                

His arms
tightened. “Yeah. I know that now. I didn’t know it then. And Rothe had taken everything
I ever wanted. I knew I’d never really had you to begin with, but it still felt
like he’d taken you away from me. I hated him for it.”

Finally, she
pulled away, and he could see a trace of tears in her eyes. “But you have me
now. You have what you want now. Right?”

He leaned down
to give her a hard kiss. “Right.”

It was true.

And he wasn’t
going to let any shattered remnants of his past threaten what they finally had.

***

Lori didn’t stay for the
banquet. The two of them just went home together, leaving her car in the
garage, since Ander could drop her back off for the final conference sessions
the following morning.

They were both
tired and quiet on the ride back, but he could tell she wasn’t annoyed with him
anymore.

When they got
into their apartment, they stood looking at each other for a minute.

 “Are you
okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“What did you
want to do now? Are you hungry? Because I could probably—”

Ander gave into
an impulse and grabbed her, pulling her into a deep kiss before she could
finish the sentence.

She responded
immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck and her soft body pressing into
his.

A wave of need
overtook him before he could stop it, and he thrust his tongue into her mouth.
Then, without breaking the kiss, he gathered her up in his arms and carried her
into their room.

The bed was a
little rumpled, since neither of them had made it very carefully that morning.
He laid her down and let her pull him on top of her. He couldn’t stop kissing
her, and his mind was a hot, hungry blur as she eagerly responded, clutching at
him and trying to pull off his clothes.

He didn’t have
the patience to wait for either of them to undress, and soon he’d managed to
bunch up her skirt around her waist, spread her legs and unzip his pants. Her
hands fumbled with his cock until they’d moved aside her panties and lined him up.
Then, with a hard push of his pelvis, he was inside her.

She was hot and
clinging, and his hips worked instinctively as she wrapped her legs tightly around
his middle. He wasn’t even aware of specific moves—just the feel, the scent,
the warmth of Lori surrounding him.

He heard her
gasping, the rhythm matching the low grunts he couldn’t hold back as he thrust
hard and fast. The sound was intoxicating, speaking to something deep at his
core. She was writhing between his body and the mattress, her hands clawing
desperately at the shirt he hadn’t managed to take off.

He buried his
face in the hollow of her neck and tried to hold on, but he couldn’t. A wave of
pleasure overwhelmed him, and he lost all control.

He bit down on
her neck as he released a thick sound, coming before he wanted to, vaguely
realizing that he hadn’t lasted long enough to please her.

When the spasms
of his climax finally passed, he slumped on top of her. She held him tightly,
murmuring wordless sounds of tenderness.

He couldn’t
possibly speak. He’d given up too much in the hunger with which he’d taken her,
in the need he’d offered her, knowing she could fill it.

But he hadn’t
done the same for her.

She stroked him
gently until his breathing evened out.

Then he lifted
his head to say, “Sorry.”

“Do you know
how many times I’ve come in the last couple of days?” she asked with a scowl. “I’m
more than satisfied. You know I love being with you, regardless of the orgasm.”

“Yeah.” He knew
she was speaking the truth, but it still felt like he’d been selfish before,
assuaging his own hunger in her without giving her what she needed first.

They lay
together for several minutes. He really was wiped out, so he was surprised when
the delicious press of her body caused his sated cock to slowly harden again.

“Well, what do
you know.” There was a wry note in her voice that he recognized very well.

“I know that
you’re going to get that orgasm now.”

She laughed.
Then she stopped laughing when he rolled her over onto her back. He spent some
time on foreplay so he wouldn’t get out of control again, slowly removing her
clothes and tending to every part of her body. When she was clawing at his
back, he slid inside her again.

He moved slowly
at first, carefully directing his motion to give her the most pleasure. She
responded beautifully, starting to gasp raggedly and stretching out her arms
and back in languid pleasure.

Then he felt
her tighten around him, and she squeezed her legs around his middle almost
unbearably. “Ander! Oh, God!”