Breaking Clear (Full Hearts Series Book 3) (32 page)

Manhattan, New York

“Next!” Harper called as she finished dressing the second model for the shoot. The young man who appeared was so confident he was almost sneering. Harper looked at him for a moment before recognizing him. “Dustin. I haven’t seen you since that first shoot you did for us. How are you?”

“Great. I’ve hit my stride this year. I told my agent I’d fit you in because you helped me out last spring.” He gave her an approving nod.

Harper bit back a laugh. “Well, thank you for remembering.” Her cell buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and saw that it was her dad calling. Turning to Jasmine, she said, “I have to take this. Can you finish getting the models prepped?”

Harper strode to the hall as she answered. “Dad, what’s up? Everything okay?”

“Fine, Harper. I’m good. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“I always have a few minutes for you.”

“You let me know if I’m interrupting. I just wanted to tell you that some of those plants are starting to come up. The ones at the front of the flower bed. I’m just outside looking at them now.”

“Really? That must be the daffodils. I wish I was there to see them.”

“Me too. They’re really nice. It’s like you brought spring to the yard early.”

Harper smiled even though her dad couldn’t see her. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Of course. Well, I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to say hi. And thank you for everything you did when you were here.”

“You can stop thanking me. But don’t stop calling to say hi.”

“Deal. You doing okay? You happy there?”

“Um, it’s taking me a bit to settle in but I’ll get there.”

“I’m sure you will. Listen, don’t be afraid to come home if you get sick of it.”

“I’m not a quitter, Dad.”

“It’s only quitting if you leave because it’s too hard. If you leave because you belong somewhere else, it’s called living the life you’re meant to.”

Harper chuckled. “Have you been watching reruns of
Oprah
, by any chance?”

“No, I’m just growing very wise in my old age. I should let you go. Call me in a couple of days.”

“Count on it.”

Boulder, Colorado

Evan lay in bed that night, staring out the window at the moon and wondering if Harper might be doing the same at that moment. When he’d left work he forced himself to go to the gym to do some climbing. It seemed like the best way to work off some of the frustration and pain he was feeling. Now, as he lay there, he could feel every fibre of every muscle in his body aching along with his heart. She was gone. His Harper. The woman he’d been hoping to grow old with was really gone. And he’d done nothing to stop her. He hadn’t even had the guts to tell her the truth—that he needed her to stay. That he loved her and he always would. What kind of man did that make him? A shit-poor excuse for one, in his book. But he would have to live with that. And he would have to do his level best to forget she’d ever existed. It wouldn’t have mattered even if he had told her. She’d have gone anyway.

Manhattan, New York

Harper got home after nine for the fourth evening in a row. So much for the fun and excitement of New York. She’d done nothing but work since she got here, and from the looks of things, there was no end in sight. She stood in the entrance to her tiny apartment, suddenly feeling very confined. She’d gone from one box to another. The rain pattered at the window, calling Harper to open it and let in the air. The fresh smell was accompanied by the jarring sound of the traffic below. Harper longed for the quiet stillness of Maplewood Drive. She thought of how hectic the week had been, barely giving her time to breathe. Instead of the thrill she had expected to feel at being back, she felt hemmed in and irritated by it all. She had a sinking feeling that she’d made the wrong choice. Maybe this life wasn’t meant for her after all.

Her stomach growled, reminding her that she’d missed dinner. Too tired to cook and too hungry to wait, she poured herself a bowl of cereal and plunked herself down at the table to eat. An old ritual, but not one that she relished.

She’d spent the weekend putting everything back in its place. It was all so familiar to her. And yet, different. She was different. She had tried on a completely new life and it had started to fit her. But she couldn’t go back. Not after the way she’d left things with Evan. She couldn’t live in a place where she’d run the risk of seeing him everywhere she went. Maybe what she was really feeling was the sense of having lost the man she loved.

Her mind wandered back to the moment the previous June when she had stood in this kitchen hearing about her dad’s accident for the first time. That had been the moment that changed everything, setting her life on a new path. And it had changed her in ways she had never expected. Her priorities just weren’t the same anymore.

Her cellphone rang, interrupting her thoughts.

“Hey, Megs,” she answered.

“Hello, my friend. I’m calling to check on you.”

“Oh, thanks. I’m fine. I’m all settled in. Crazy busy.” Harper’s voice was flat. “Do you mind if I crunch granola in your ear? I’m starving.”

“Go for it. No time to eat?”

“None.” Her mouth was full as she spoke. Chewing quickly, she swallowed. “Sorry.”

“You okay?”

“You mean because of Evan?”

“Yes.”

“Not so much.” Harper’s voice broke. The lump in her throat made swallowing impossible. Dropping her spoon into the bowl, she pushed her dinner away. “Stupid. Why the fuck did I think I could be with him for months without falling for him?”

“Humans are incredibly good at denial. I know you hate to admit it, but you are one of us.”

“God. Don’t say that. I need you tell me that I’ll get over him soon. That I’ll start to enjoy my life again, because right now I have a sinking feeling that I’ve just fucked everything up and I’ll never be happy again.” Harper’s voice broke again. “And I’m just so tired, Megan. So tired that I don’t know what to think or do.”

“I know. You’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a long time now. And you’ve been through so much. It’s bound to take its toll on you.”

Tears streamed down Harper’s cheeks. “I don’t think I want this anymore. I think I might hate it here. I miss you and the kids and Luc and my dad and . . . and I can’t just quit. I don’t know what to do.” Her voice was strained, her makeup now ruined.

“Oh, honey, don’t decide anything right now. For now, crawl into bed and get some sleep. Call me as soon as you wake up, before you do anything.”

“But it’ll be early for you . . .”

“As soon as you wake up. Immediately. Don’t even get out of bed to go pee,” Megan ordered.

“Okay, Bossy. I will.”

*     *     *

The next morning Harper lay in bed, numb. She’d had a big cry after she hung up the phone, then had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Now, ten hours later, she woke, feeling anything but refreshed. Her entire body ached, from her head to her toes, and there was a horrible emptiness in her heart where Evan had once resided.

She picked up her cell and called Megan. “I’m up.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Shitty,” Harper whispered, losing her voice.

“I know. What’s the first thing you wanted to do when you woke up today?”

“Come home.”

“Then come home.”

“I can’t. He’s there. And I just can’t be next door to him right now.”

“So stay here until you get your own place. You need to be with people who love you right now.”

“I can’t. I just took my fucking dream job, remember? Maybe it’ll turn out to be the best way to forget him.”

“Your first instinct this morning was to come home, Harper. And you meant Boulder, not New York. You need to follow your instincts. If you want to be with Evan and make a life with him, do it. If the only thing that was standing in the way of you two making a life together was your job, then the answer is pretty simple.”

“It’s not. He doesn’t want to make a life with me. He was really clear about that.”

“You live on your terms, Harper. You said you wanted to come home. So come home. You’ve got a job and a really wonderful life waiting for you here even without him.”

Harper let out a loud sob. “You’re right. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want the politics or the backstabbing or the working like a maniac all hours of the day and night. It’s just not worth it for me anymore. I want to be with you guys and my family and have time to read and go for walks and think.”

“Good for you, honey. You’ve figured out what you want from life. Now, go into the office and tell Blaire thank you, but no thank you. Get on a plane and come home. We’ve got a bedroom here for you until you find your own place.”

“Oh God, I’m going to have to tell Blaire that I’m bailing on her. It’s going to be so awful.”

“Then do it this morning. Get it over with. Agree to stay on for a while until she can replace you. Then get the hell home.”

Boulder, Colorado

Evan sat at his desk, alone in the trailer. He’d just gotten off the phone with Lacey, who was home with her new baby boy, after calling to ask for her help finding a file. Of course, she knew exactly where it was and was happy to take his call. He could hear the baby cooing in the background as they spoke, and something about that sound brought him a profound sense of loss.

His mind wandered back to their conversation. “You okay, boss man? Chad said you haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I’m fine, really. Nothing to worry about. Harper moved back to New York a few weeks ago and it’s just taking me a little time to readjust.”

“She did? I’m sorry to hear that. You two were so perfect together. I thought maybe she’d change her mind.”

“She didn’t.”

“Oh, Evan. Is there any way she’ll come back?”

“No. I made sure of that.”

“Well, if she knew you were in love with her and she left anyway, maybe it’s for the best.”

“Technically . . . Oh, nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

“Technically what?” Lacey asked. “You never told her, did you?”

“Not exactly. I knew the deal going in, so I thought it better if I didn’t say anything. It was actually my weird way of protecting her.”

“You idiot,” Lacey said. “I’m sorry, but you men are dumber than a sack of hammers sometimes. Protecting her from being loved? What about that makes any sense?”

“It’s complicated, and I really don’t want to—”

“It’s simple. You two are in love. You’re meant to be together. Now get your cute butt on a plane and go get her.”

“You
do
know I’m your boss, right?”

“I haven’t slept since this baby came and I don’t have any patience for anyone right now, even you.”

“Or any filter, apparently.”

“That either. Now get going. Sitting at that desk moping isn’t going to get the love of your life back.”

After he hung up, he stared out the window, watching the rain streak down in thin rivers, feeling the empty fog that had settled over him. It had been weeks since Harper left and things weren’t getting any easier. So much for no regrets. He’d been dead wrong about that.

But what was done was done. He couldn’t change it now. Lacey was wrong. She didn’t understand. He’d promised never to ask for more than Harper could give and he wasn’t about to go back on his word. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he’d never promised not to tell her how he felt about her. That had been on the table the entire time, but he’d been too blind to see it. What if he had told her he was in love with her? That he always would be? Would that have changed everything? Could it still?

*     *     *

Harper sat in the cab of the Rent-Haul truck, freezing. Banging on the dashboard, she willed the heat to come on, but of course it didn’t. She glanced up at the sky, hoping the sun would peek out from behind the clouds. One more day and she’d be home. She blew warm air onto her fingers and turned on the radio. The Clash posed the question,
Should I stay or should I go?

“I’m going. And when I get there, I’m staying,” she answered.

Megan and Luc would put her up until the possession date on her new condo arrived. Boulder was big enough that she could avoid Evan, but not if she was next door. She and Megan had agreed to make their partnership permanent, and Harper would call Monica and go back to work at Fashion Forward. She knew when to visit her dad so she wouldn’t have to see Evan. She was going to have a rich and beautiful life, surrounded by friends and family and important work to fill her days. And even though it hurt to think of him, at least she was free from the fear of losing him that she’d felt when they were together. That had already happened and she was surviving it.

Her phone rang. It was Megan. “Where are you? I’m getting too excited to wait any longer!”

“I’ll be there tomorrow night,” Harper answered.

“Yay! I have your bedroom all ready. How are you feeling?”

“Good. Except when I think about Blaire. Then I feel pretty guilty.”

“I know. It’ll take a while, but she’ll get over it. You couldn’t live the rest of your life working at a job you don’t want just because you didn’t want to disappoint her.”

“No, but she was right. I should have damn well decided before I came back.”

“Sometimes it’s impossible to know until you’re in a situation,” Megan said.

“At least now my mind is made up. There’s no way I can go back to
Style
after leaving this time.”

“Our gain, totally,” Megan said. “You feel okay with it?”

“I really do. Right now my biggest complaint, other than what’s-his-name, is that I’m fucking freezing. This truck has no heat.”

Megan laughed. “Oh God, how about you make this your last cross-country move?”

“Deal.”

A few minutes later, Harper called Monica. “Do you have room for a retired fashion insider?”

Manhattan, New York

“Thank you for flying with Jet Away. The weather in New York today is rainy and forty-eight degrees, but we hope you’ll enjoy taking a bite out of the Big Apple anyway.”

Evan’s knee bounced restlessly as he waited for the plane to land. Once he had made the decision to go find Harper, he could think of nothing else. His heart pounded as the wheels touched the ground, bringing him closer to her than he’d been in weeks. He unbuckled quickly and grabbed his overnight bag.