Breaking Hearts (23 page)

“Did you give it to her?”

Lizette feigned shame. “No. I’m friends with Simon and I wanted to see him happy. I didn’t want to ruin their relationship.” Her voice climbed an octave higher than it had been a moment earlier.

Pfft.

Cal strode to his desk--a man on a mission--and extracted a piece of paper from an envelope.

Shit. Damn. Shit.
I looked away as he handed the paper to Lizette.

“Is this what he gave you?”

More teeth than I’d ever seen before enveloped her face as she smiled. “Yes.”

Cal reclaimed the paper, then handed it to Grace. She stood and without ceremony approached the bench.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Grace returned to the table, paper in hand. “Your honor, we ask for an immediate recess so my office can verify the validity of this report.”

The judge cast a weary glance at Cal. He shrugged as though he hadn’t a care in the world. I sighed and she granted a recess until Thursday at one PM.

Grace grimaced at me. “I guess it’s time I earn your money.”

“Please, I can’t have it come out this way, Grace. Not now.”

She dropped me at home and promised to call me later. Fear stuttered my steps as I walked out to where Simon and Kieran lounged on the chaise, both dripping water all over the concrete.

“Are you gonna marry my mom?” Kieran looked over at Simon and I stepped behind a column holding up the awning over the patio. Anticipation pooled in my stomach. I wanted to hear his answer before I made my presence known.

“Would it be okay? If I asked your mom to be my wife?”

“I guess.” Kieran pulled his towel tighter. “My dad hit my mom.” Simon stayed quiet and Kieran added, “He hit me once.” His finger touched the spot where a two-inch white scar remained. He turned away from Simon and stared out at the floating ring on the surface of the pool.

“I would never hit your mom, or you.”

I had known him all my life. Simon solved life’s problems with words and love, not fists and anger. Gentility rolled off him in waves. Believing him was easy.

Kieran turned to Simon. “Promise?”

Simon nodded. “I promise.”

I stepped from behind the column and up to the chair they shared. “Hi.”

Kieran looked up. He used Simon’s leg as a springboard to launch himself into my arms. I stumbled backward, but caught my balance as I landed against another pillar. “I missed you today, buddy!” I pressed a kiss against his scar, then his cheek.

“I missed you too. I went swimming with Simon, and he said later we’re going to muck a stall.” He said it fast, as though all one word.

I laughed. “Do you know what mucking a stall means?”

“Nope.”

Simon beamed a grin over the top of Kieran’s head, and I, once again, thanked God for all I had and all I no longer had to worry about. I had one detail gnawing at me, the one I’d hid so long--too long.

“Simon, I need to talk to you.” My voice trembled and I clutched my son tighter. The time had come for the big reveal.

Concern furrowed his brows as he regarded me with what I could only call wary eyes. “Do you have another husband stuck away somewhere?”

I smiled. “No.” I watched him pull on his T-shirt, and for once, I hated all things cotton. As soon as I said the words, everything between me and Simon, everything in my entire world would change, and before it happened, I selfishly wanted one more perfect afternoon with him. “But we can talk later. I’m going to go put on a suit and get some sun before it all disappears.”

“I’ll wait here and take my let’s-have-a-talk shirt off.” He grinned, and yanked his T-shirt over his head.

We spent the afternoon with Kieran, splashing and playing in the last of the summer sunshine.

“Mom, don’t you think I should have a nap?” He had a fisted hand on each hip, a wide stance, and a tight line for a mouth.

“I suppose so.” I chuckled. “Let’s go.”

He ran upstairs, changed his clothes, and hopped into his bed before I made it to the landing. I kissed his cheek and pulled the blanket up to his chin. “If you need me, just call out.”

But his eyes were already closed in sleep.

I took a deep breath and walked outside to sit by Simon.

Finally, he pressed his lips to mine. “Why were you home so early?”

“Recess so Grace could take care of something--an evidence thing.” I’d never been vague with him about my case before--never had a real reason--but, if he noticed, he didn’t react. His smile remained in place, and his gaze raked over my body.

Taking in every detail of his face, I slowly memorized as much as I could. I didn’t know how the next few moments were going to go, but if it went badly, I wanted to be able to recall everything about him later. The summer sun lightened his blond hair even more, reacting with the highlights Gatlin begged to put in. His eyes glowed the color of warmed brandy. He needed to shave, but the look on him inspired a desire to run my hands over his cheeks. His body glistened, smooth and rippled, as though it had been chiseled from stone, and I slid a hand over his abs.

The only flaw, if it could be called such a thing, was the small sunburst at his hairline that showed his courage, his willingness to die to protect others. Unless he pulled his hair straight back, the scar hid behind long strands. He’d always been beautiful and perfect, and I had about six seconds left before I lost him. My body trembled at the thought.

He sat quietly as I continued my inventory of all the things that made him the Simon I loved. After a few minutes, he tipped my chin up with his finger. “Whatever it is, Dani, you can tell me.”

I swallowed hard. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have words ready. I put my head on his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

“This is us. You can tell me anything.”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

His thumb caressed my cheek. “Dani, don’t you know?” He pulled me close and touched his lips to mine in a kiss so gentle I sighed when he pulled back. “I don’t remember my life after I turned seventeen, but you are familiar to me. As soon as I saw you in the bakery that day, I felt a connection to you. It’s why Lizette and I didn’t work out. I needed you before we ever touched again.” His forehead rested against mine. “Nothing you can say will drive me away. I’m here because I
can’t
be without you. And as weak as it makes me, I don’t want to be without you.”

As I opened my mouth to say the words, my phone rang. I looked at the screen. Grace. “I have to take this, okay?” He dropped his hands as I answered. “Well?” We’d dispensed with hello as a greeting long ago.

“There’s nothing I can do to stop it. You are going to have to testify, and it better be good.”

I closed my eyes.

“Dani? Are you there?”

“Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, I blew it out into the speaker of the phone, trying to disguise my turmoil from the waiting Simon.

“You’d better tell him and soon. Today might not be soon enough.”

“Okay.” My voice shrunk into a squeak. “Grace, am I going to jail?”

She took a long pause, then came back in a whisper. “I don’t know, Dani. I hope not.” She ended the call without a good-bye, and I stared at the phone in my hand.

“Simon, Sean isn’t Kieran’s dad, and I have to tell the person who is.” I blurted the words in a quick breath before my courage escaped.

“I know.”

My eyes, previously downcast, searched his face.

“And it’s going to come out in court on Thursday.”

“It’s okay.” He didn’t understand. In fairness, he didn’t have all the information yet.

I ran my hands through my hair and took two steps away, needing the distance. “Before I left Storybook Lake to”--to what? Be with Keaton? Sleep with Sean?--“to go to Arizona the first time, I had a little fling. The timing’s why Keaton thought…why I let Keaton think… Kieran belonged to him. I was pregnant when I got there.”

“And Sean?”

I sounded like a big slut, but I continued with my tawdry tale. “I met him a couple days after I got there. He also assumed because of the timing and how old Kieran was when we ran into each other the second time.” Why couldn’t I just say the words? I took a deep breath as his hands came up to rest on my shoulders and his body warmed mine. “Anyway, before I left, I slept with someone.”

“So you said.”

“Two someones actually.” A little love drained from his eyes and the gap between our bodies widened.

“Two?” He dropped his hands. “Who?”

“It was a few days apart.” I didn’t want to give him names. I couldn’t bear to consider what he would think about me and closed my eyes. “There was no reason to tell. I did everything I could, I mean, I still do, to make it not matter to Kieran.”

“And you think that’s fair?” He backed off five or six more steps. “You think
he
doesn’t have a right to know? What are you going to tell him when he asks?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes darkened and his hands clenched at his side. I moved closer, needing to touch him, if only this one last time. “There were so many reasons I thought I couldn’t tell.” And every single one sounded stupid. “I made a mistake.”

“Then why?” He shook his head and crossed his arms. “Why the hell would you not tell a man he has a son as soon as you know you’re pregnant?”

I reached for him and he moved farther away. “Does he not deserve to know? You’re not being fair to Kieran or…his father.” He ran his hands though his hair, capturing it at the crown of his skull before he let it fall around his face. “Don’t you think he needs a dad? Someone to teach him right from wrong? Someone to scare the monsters out from under his bed?”

A fight with Simon wouldn’t help the situation, but my blood turned cold. “I scare the monsters away.” It didn’t matter. I had to tell him. “I have to get this out, Simon.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and turned away. “Oh, man.”

“There’s a reason I never told anyone about Kieran.”

“Oh, I’d love to hear how you justify that.” The sarcasm fell from between clenched teeth.

“Would you stop being this way?” Not that I could blame him, but my newfound courage waned in the face of his anger. “I’m trying to tell you something.”

“I don’t want to know, Dani.” His voice turned to steel, and the pain of his words slammed into me the same as if he’d slapped me in the face.

“You don’t get a choice. I’m sorry. This isn’t the way I wanted to handle it, but I don’t have a choice now. There’s a very real possibility I’m going to jail. I have to tell the truth.”

“Isn’t it a little late for that?”

“Seriously.”

“I can’t deal with this right now.”

He turned to walk away, and I gave a three step chase to grab him by the arm and step around him. “Why do you get to choose what you deal with when the rest of us have to buck up and handle things we don’t want to? What makes you so special that you get to pick?” My voice rose parallel to my anger.

“Because I haven’t spent my life lying to everyone who loves me.”

“I didn’t lie.” I shook my head and crossed my arms. “All I have ever done is take care of Kieran. I hold him when he cries. I teach him right from wrong, and I protect him from the big bad wolf.” My heart shattered with every word I spoke. “I’m the one he cries for. I’m the home he knows. Once, I thought I would tell, but so many things happened and I couldn’t. He wouldn’t have been able to deal with it, or maybe he wouldn’t have believed me, but I didn’t lie.” My eyes blazed a path up his body.

“Bullshit. And it isn’t about protecting Kieran. It’s about you. Always about you.” He moved closer, towering over me.

I shoved against his chest. “You go to hell, Simon. Everything I do is for Kieran.” I knew he would be angry and upset. I expected it and tried to brace myself to handle it like an adult. I failed. “And what about the things you kept from him? From me?”

“Fuck. You.”

He looked over my shoulder at the door to the house where Kieran stood, tears dripping down his cheeks. “Shit.”

I went to Kieran, pulled him into my arms, then turned to Simon. “Go, Simon. Just go.”

“I’m so sorry. I would never hurt you or Kieran.” His chin hung against his chest, and his voice turned soft as he reached out a hand. “Please, Dani.”

“Go.” I shook my head, then walked into the house cradling my son in my arms, and never looked back.

I woke up sadder and lonelier than I’d ever been before, mourning the loss of yet another man in my life. The worst part? This one had been right about everything. I’d been selfish, but not in the way he thought. When I’d first figured out who Kieran belonged to, I wanted nothing more than to tell, but I couldn’t. He needed to decide on his own. Just once, I wanted someone to pick me, not by default or because of obligation, but because
he
really wanted
me
. Because of my selfishness, I hadn’t taken Kieran into consideration. Who would take my boy on his first camping trip? Or be the Boy Scout troop leader? Coach his soccer games?

I hadn’t concentrated on the trial at all during the morning session, and the afternoon wasn’t looking promising, either. Snippets of Grace’s conversation with the detective broke through my grief, but for the most part, I wallowed my way through the day.

After the judge called the daily recess, I stood next to Grace. “I think today went our way. They can’t prove the gun was Simon’s, and they handled so many things incorrectly.”

I nodded, but couldn’t summon a reaction to wipe the wide-eyed look from her face.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” She jerked me to a halt by the arm as I walked ahead of her to the car. “I’m telling you what a great day we had today and it’s like you don’t care. This is your life, Dani. You think you might want to participate in it a little?”

“What do you want, Grace? A cartwheel? A ‘you go girl?’ I’m paying you a lot of money, so I figured by the decrease in my checking account, I was absolved from being your damned cheerleader.”

Instead of drawing back a fist and punching me in the face, she dropped her hand, laughing. “Wow. You and Simon aren’t playing nice anymore, I guess?”

“What? No. We’re fine.”