Breaking Love Full Hearts 2 (34 page)

Megan smiled back. “Is he asleep already?”

“Yeah, he was pretty tuckered out. Thank you for letting me put him to bed, Meg. It means a lot to me.”

“Oh, well, it means a lot to him too.”

Ian crossed the room to the counter and picked up a dishtowel to help. They stood beside each other, working quietly for a moment as though this were the most normal thing in the world for them to be doing together.

“He’s an amazing kid. He’s more like a little version of a grown man in some ways. Some of the things he comes out with just floor me.”

Megan smiled at Ian’s insight into their son. “He really is very mature for his age. I think it’s from spending most of his time surrounded by grown-ups.”

“I bet. It’s pretty obvious you don’t treat him like a baby and that’s served him well.”

Silence fell over them again as they worked. Megan reflected on how many years had gone by since they had done something as simple as cleaning up the kitchen together. “So, I thought maybe Georgie would come with you?”

“She had to work this weekend. She’s an ER nurse.”

“Oh, that must be stressful.”

“She says it’s hours of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer panic. How’s your photography business doing?”

“Pretty good, actually. I’ve been keeping busy.” Megan rinsed a glass, and Ian took it from her hand, letting his fingers brush against hers for a moment.

“Well, you always were so talented. It makes sense that you would be busy.” There was a long pause before Ian spoke again. “I’ve been sober for over three months now. Been going to meetings every couple of days. Got a sponsor.”

“Wow, good for you, Ian! I’m really happy for you.” Megan smiled up at him, her voice sincere.

“Thanks. I feel good.” Ian looked down at the glass in his hand and drew in a long breath. “Meg, I am so sorry for everything. I just wish I could go back to the time I was injured and refuse anything more than an Advil.” Ian rubbed his face with his hand. “I know that words aren’t ever going to be enough to fix what I’ve done, or how I’ve neglected Elliott and you . . . I just want you to know that things are going to be different from now on. I’m done disappointing you both.”

Megan watched him talk, wanting to believe him.

Ian continued. “I know it’s going to take a lot of time and work to rebuild the trust you had in me, but I intend to do it, starting with supporting you both more financially. I’m making more money now so I’m going to start putting more money in your account each month. I put an extra thousand in yesterday; it should be there by Monday. I know I’ve missed a lot of payments, so if you have a record of it, let me know, and I’ll get caught up.”

Megan let the water out of the sink and dried her hands on the dishtowel. “I don’t have a record of it, actually. There didn’t seem to be a point to it after a while.”

Ian looked over at her. “You had to give up on me. I didn’t leave you any choice. I failed you and I failed Elliott.”

Megan swallowed hard and nodded in agreement. This was the first time he had acknowledged, out loud, any of the pain he had caused. From comments he had made from time to time, she knew he felt bad, but he had never been this honest. She leaned her back against the counter, feeling tears pool up in her eyes.

Ian sighed heavily and drew her to him, hugging her tightly. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, tears forming in his eyes as well. She let him hold her while they both let the full weight of the loss, the regret and the pain sink in.

“I fucked it all up, Megan, and I will never forgive myself for that. I have been a complete shit as a dad. I was a lousy husband too. If I could start again with you, I would do everything right this time. I would take care of you, love you like you deserve to be loved. I would be there for you and our son every day, like I should have been. You gave me everything and I just threw it all away. I missed it all. Our son turned seven today, and I missed everything. His first day of school, the first time he rode a bike, every Christmas and birthday until today. I don’t even know if he still believes in Santa. And I don’t know what any of this has done to him or to you. I’ve ruined three lives, and that’s the worst of it.”

Megan sobbed into Ian’s chest, letting his words wash over her. It was everything she had wished he would realize and say to her. Nothing would take back all the years of neglect and distance, but at least she knew he finally understood what they had done to her.

Ian reached his hands up to her face and tilted her head back, looking into her eyes and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Megan. I hope you know I never stopped loving you, even when I had nothing to give. I know I hurt you so horribly, and you have never been anything but amazing to me.”

Ian stared down at Megan, seeing the tears stream down her face—tears he had caused—knowing that these were just a fraction of the thousands she must have shed over the years. His heart broke at the sight of her like this. At that moment, he would have done anything to stop her from crying. He pressed his cheek to hers so she wouldn’t see his eyes welling up again. Her tears were hot against his face. Her skin was so soft, the smell of her hair so familiar. Ian let his lips graze her cheek and then find their way to her mouth. He kissed her softly and slowly.

Megan allowed him to kiss her, overwhelmed by the depth of emotion they were both feeling, overcome by his tears. His kiss brought back a flood of memories. The passion, the love, the anger, the pain—all of it was there. He kissed her again, this time bringing his tongue into her mouth, exploring her passionately as he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

Megan pulled back, looking down at her feet to stop him.

“Let me stay the night, Meg,” he whispered in her ear.

* * *

Outside on the sidewalk, Luc stood watching through the kitchen window, Megan in the arms of another man. As the couple walked away in the direction of the living room—or maybe Megan’s bedroom—his heart felt like someone had reached into his chest and was squeezing it relentlessly. The man might have been Ian, based on a photo Luc had seen in Elliott’s room, but from this distance he couldn’t be sure.

In one hand Luc held a large gift bag for Elliott, containing a black hoodie like the one Elliott had picked out for him, along with the complete collection of his favourite comic, bound in hardcover. In his other hand, he had an increasingly tightening grip on a bouquet of two dozen white roses. He had carefully tucked the real estate listing for his new house on Timber Lane into the bouquet. On the back of the listing he had written,
My life is meaningless without you. I will be right here waiting for us to start over. L.

What had started out as the most exhilarating day of his life was now one of the most devastating. It had taken him close to sixteen hours to get to Boulder from Paris. He had gone straight from the airport to the new house to meet the realtor and the inspector. By the time the inspection and all the paperwork had been completed, it was late afternoon. He had decided to wait until Elliott was in bed before going over to Megan’s.

It had been weeks since he and Megan had spoken, and he knew that what he was doing was both completely devoid of common sense and very risky. Although Luc was no stranger to risk, it was the first time he had ever wagered his heart. That didn’t scare him, however; his heart didn’t belong to him anymore anyway. He knew that any chance he had of getting Megan back depended on showing her how serious he was about making things work permanently.

Since making his decision, his heart had been full, his enthusiasm nearly impossible to contain. Only a few hours earlier, his step had been lively and his smile easy as he looked around his new house, planning and dreaming of making it their home together.

This was supposed to be the day that they would start again, except this time they wouldn’t lie to themselves about what they meant to each other. They were in love, and his moving to be near her would finally allow them to speak those words out loud, would allow them to be vulnerable, to take the chance that was theirs for the taking.

Luc exhaled sharply as the pain of seeing Megan in another man’s arms seared through him. He had to fight every instinct that told him to kick down the door and use any means necessary to get that man away from the woman he loved. Luc clenched his fists tightly, his jaw matching them with such intensity it caused his teeth to grind together audibly. He realized in that moment that he would kill for her. She was his. And the sight of another man touching her brought out a rage so intense it was like nothing he’d known in his life.

There was no way he could create such a scene with little Elliott in the house. It would frighten and confuse him and drive Megan away from Luc. It looked like Megan was moving on anyway. He had had his chance with her, but he was too late. Using every bit of self-restraint he could muster, he tossed the flowers in the neighbour’s garbage can and walked back to the car. He drove slowly down the street and away from her, his heart shattered.

If he had stayed another few minutes, he would have seen Ian leave, having been sent away by Megan.

TWENTY-FIVE

“Whoa, Megs, I don’t even know what to say,” Harper replied with a sigh. She had been sitting at her desk, gazing out at the Manhattan skyline for the past fifteen minutes as her best friend poured her heart out about Ian’s visit the day before.

“It’s really strange, you know? It was actually a good thing for me. It made me realize there really is no part of me that is in love with him anymore. Up until now, there was always a nagging question in the back of my mind. I wondered if Ian ever recovered, if we could pick up where we left off and be a family again. But now I see that could never happen. It’s a relief to know that.”

“Yeah, I guess. Do you think maybe that nagging question has been what’s kept you from giving things with Luc a fair shot?”

“I don’t know. I suppose part of me wanted to hold out in case Ian and I could make it work for Elliott’s sake. Stupid, really. The eternal optimist hidden under the cloak of a jaded pessimist.”

Harper smiled, thinking about how accurately her friend had just described herself. “You know, Megan, that might be the most insightful thing I’ve ever heard you say. I think deep down, most pessimists are really just people who are afraid of being vulnerable to life’s disappointments.”

Megan laughed. “Have you been hanging out with the Dalai Lama, by any chance?”

Harper laughed with her friend. “No! I’m just getting really insightful in my old age.”

“Well, if you ever give up the magazine business, you should write a book of wisdoms,” Megan teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” Harper brushed off Meg’s compliment. “Back to you. Does this change things between you and Luc?”

“No. Definitely not. There is no way anyone could make that work. That whole thing is long over.”

“Hmm. Too bad. I really think you’d be perfect together. It’s just a matter of logistics, you know.”

Megan groaned. “Listen, it’s much more than that. Luc doesn’t want to be married any more than I do. He has his life, and it is far away and would never be right for me or for Elliott.”

“I’m not saying it would be easy, but I think it would be worth it. I called him last month to yell at him, you know,” Harper admitted.

“What?!”

Harper spoke quickly. “Don’t get mad until you hear me out. I
may
have assumed he had ended things, then called and threatened to cut off his dick. He told me you sent him away, I apologized and we said goodbye.”

“Ohhh, Haaarrrppperrr. . . .” Megan whined. “Seriously?”

“I’m sorry! I was only looking out for you. You’re exactly right for each other and you both know it, deep down. You’re also both too stubborn to admit that you need each other. You know, he told me he’s in love with you.”

“What?” Megan’s voice was quiet.

“He told me he’s in love with you. At least, he’s pretty sure, but he’s never felt this way before so he can’t say with one-hundred-percent accuracy. If it were me, I’d be on the next flight to Paris to go get him. I’m just sayin’.”

“If you were me, you’d know why you couldn’t risk it.” Megan shut her eyes tightly, as if that would shut out what she had just learned.

“Megan, I’m going to say something that might make you mad, but you need to hear it. And since you’re already pissed at me right now, I might as well say it. I’m worried you’re going to teach Elliott that he should be afraid to take chances in life, and that he’ll never get married or find happiness.”

Megan growled at her friend. “You’re right.”

“I am?” Harper’s voice was hopeful.

“That made me mad.”

“Oh. Damn. You’re not going to stay mad at me too long, are you?” Harper sounded worried.

“I’m really pissed, but I’ll get over it.”

Harper gave it one last shot. “Think about it, okay? There’s a reason you met. You could save each other, Meg. It could be everything you both need.”

“I have to go. I need to stop at my mom’s before I pick up Elliott from school. I’m looking after her orchids for a few days. I’ll talk to you later, Harper.” Megan sounded completely drained of all energy.

“Okay. I’m sorry. But think about it, alright?”

“I better not. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

* * *

“Mom, these are beautiful!” Megan took a long whiff of the white roses displayed on her mom’s kitchen table. “There must be eighteen of them!”

Helen beamed in the direction of the flowers. “Two dozen, actually. That Charlie, I don’t know how to take him. Every time I try to thank him, he claims he found them in the trash outside his house.” She laughed. “Honestly! That man.”

“Sounds like it’s going really well.” Megan smiled at her mom.

“It is. I like him a lot.” Helen grinned.

“I’m so glad for you, Mom. He’s such a nice man. Now, show me how to keep these orchids from dying a horrible death while you’re off cavorting in San Diego with my neighbour.”

* * *

“Hello?” Megan cradled the phone under her chin as she finished spreading jam onto a piece of bread with a knife. It was late in the evening and she was trying to get a head start on the next day by making Elliott’s lunch for school.