Breaking the Rules (18 page)

She knew it with sudden certainty. Joe sat alone in his apartment. Her feet itched to run there and see him.

Would it be so wrong?

Yes. It would be. To go visit him and then leave to marry Frankie?

The image faded. Concentrate! She didn’t want to lose sight of him, even though the vision told her nothing about her own future or anyone else’s.

The picture sharpened and she watched him lift his head and stare at the ceiling. Even though the image was tiny, the colors muted, she could see his eyes. Black and empty. Her belly quivered, and she felt like an intruder, stealing into his room.

Go to him. Be with him
. Adrenaline sizzled in her muscles, goading her.

Don’t do it, Susana
! An opposing plea buzzed in her head. A thousand ancestral whispers begging her.

She rose from her chair and locked up the
ofisa
. Sunset drenched the city in syrupy golden light as she strode along the sidewalk, down Second Avenue, along Houston Street, and south to Tribeca.

To Joe’s apartment.

A young couple were going into the building as she arrived so she didn’t have to ring the buzzer. She avoided the elevator, needing the slower journey of the stairwell to collect herself. She climbed, each step weighed down by a growing sense of unease and an opposing jingle of mad anticipation.

By the time she reached his apartment on the fifth floor, her stomach churned and her breath came in irregular bursts, despite her efforts to be calm.

She could turn around and leave and no one would be any the wiser.

She put her finger on the doorbell and pushed. As she heard the chime sound through the apartment, her insides curled up into a knot and she gripped her arms.

No sound came from inside. Not even the scurry of a visiting mouse. Was she wrong? Maybe her “vision” was a delusion? Maybe he was out on the town with a beautiful woman? Or just busy working. Maybe it was only wishful thinking that he’d be lying on the bed, missing her.

That’s what she’d thought all those years ago.
It’s just wishful thinking
, the vision of you and that handsome young sailor walking arm in arm.

She pressed the doorbell, and again the chime rang through the apartment, the sound reflecting off bare walls and floor. But this time something stirred. She heard footsteps on the wood. Her ribcage tightened like steel bands around her heart and lungs, squeezing her breath out as she waited, eyes fixed on the gray paint of the door.

A surge of adrenaline shook her as she heard the bolt pulled back. As the massive door slid aside, she caught her breath and held it.

“Susana.”

She’d been wrong about the clothes because he wasn’t wearing a suit. Or maybe he’d just taken it off. His crumpled white shirt hung unbuttoned over faded jeans, revealing a shadowed glimpse of the eagle on his chest.

But she’d been right about the eyes. Not bright and lively as they’d been when she last saw him, they were black and lightless, hollow and empty. A muscle ticked in his cheek.

“I had to see you.” Her words bounced off the hard surfaces around them, hushing her to a whisper. “I missed you.” Her voice cracked, the words loaded with emotion she hadn’t allowed herself to feel. She’d missed him so much it ached in her bones.

“Come in.” He stepped aside to let her pass through the doorway. As she walked by him her nerves screamed at her to touch him, but she held her fists tight, pressed against her skirt. He pushed the heavy door closed, and it thudded into place.

For a moment she hoped he’d say something, give her some direction to head in, but he didn’t. He stood watching her, his expression unreadable.

She realized her arms had wrapped themselves around her waist, hugging her, perhaps giving her the comfort she wanted from Joe. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

He didn’t reply.

Had she hoped he’d run to her and say, “I love you. Will you marry me?” The squeeze in her stomach told her she had, even though she didn’t know what her answer would be. For a girl who used to be able to see the future, she couldn’t even handle the present too well any more.

That’s what happens when you try to give up your powers. And find yourself in the grip of something far more powerful
.

“I had to come.” She whispered it, afraid anything louder would come out like a shout.

The muscle ticked in Joe’s cheek again, and he ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it. “You shouldn’t be here. If your family finds out…”

“I know.” She lifted an arm and held it out, palm up. Joe hesitated for a moment before raising his own arm very slowly and extending his hand toward hers.

Her palm buzzed with the expectation of his touch, but instead she found herself enveloped in his embrace. His arms wrapped around her waist as hers flew to his neck, eagerly gripping him and holding him to her. His big hands, flat on her back, hugged her to him. As she clung to him, a swell of emotion emerged as a choking sob, muffled in the collar of his shirt.

The scent of his warm skin filled her nostrils, soothing her like precious incense. Lifting her lips she kissed the bare skin at his neck.

“Don’t…” he rasped. She felt a shudder ripple through the hard muscles of his torso. He pulled back, seizing her waist in his hands and tugging her away from him. “We can’t. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Nothing makes sense any more,” she murmured, trying to keep back the tears burning her throat. His fingers dug into her waist as he held her at bay. She wanted so badly to sink back into his embrace. Her fingers had been pulled from his back as he pushed her away, and she gripped his arms, feeling the thick muscle though the stiff cotton of his shirt. Feeling his strength and wanting to rest in it.

“My uncle has found a husband for me.” She couldn’t look at him while she said it. He stiffened, and his fingers dug a little deeper into the flesh at her waist.

He was silent for a moment, then his voice emerged in a snarl. “And you came here to get my blessing?”

“No.”

“Are you going to marry him?”

Her gut clenched. “I don’t know.”

She glanced up at his face, afraid of what she’d see there. His eyes black and fierce, his whole face taut. He lifted a brow. “I see. You came here to see if maybe you want me instead.”

Susana swallowed but held her tongue.

“Well, you don’t. I can’t do this any more. There isn’t enough of me left to play games. I’m just trying to keep my head above water here…”

“And I sucked you under.” The first words she said in a normal voice surprised them both.

“Yes.” A hollow laugh shook his muscles. “Yes, you sucked me under and carried me far out to sea on the undertow. I’m just trying to swim my way back, so don’t…” His voice cracked, and he looked away to the window.

“You never did tell me what happened to you.”

“There’s no need for you to know about that. Let’s part with some of my dignity still intact.”

“No.” She shook her head, staring hard into his eyes. “If we part, I want it to be because we stared all the facts in the face and made a decision about the future. Together. No more gazing into crystal balls or cards looking for answers. And no more secrets.”

“Bold, aren’t you? What makes you think I want you in my future?”

She didn’t answer. But she saw something flickering in his eyes. Almost as if a flame had popped to life like the pilot light in her old gas heater.

“Come, Joe.” She took his hand, trying to ignore the swirls of energy that stung her fingers as they wrapped around his. And she led him toward the bedroom.

“No,” he blew out a snort. “No way. I don’t know what you’re planning, but we’re not…”

“We’re not going to do anything but talk. No naked fortune telling today.” The cool, almost amused sound of her voice amazed her.

“That’s a relief.”

“We need somewhere to sit down, and I notice you haven’t been spending your time furniture shopping.” The only additions to the apartment were piles of papers spread out over the floor.

“I’ve been busy working.”

“Good. How’s your business going?” Cool, calm and collected. She sounded like a grown up.

“It’s all right. I’ve got three contracts and hired a couple of software developers. Things are looking good.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” She sat down on the bed and patted it, inviting him to sit next to her. The conflicted expression on his face revealed his doubts, but he sat anyway.

She shifted herself to the middle of the mattress, crossed her legs and arranged her skirt over them. Joe hesitated, perched on the edge of the mattress.

“Come on, get comfortable.”

She watched the muscles bunch below his rolled up shirtsleeves as he clenched his fists. “I can’t.”

“Don’t then. But talk to me.”

“Why?”

“It helps. Trust me, it’s my business. My real business. People think they want to see into the future, but that’s not important. What is important is to make sense of what you’ve been through so you don’t make the same mistakes again. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“Nope.” He looked almost surprised by the realization. She knew from her work that people rarely spoke about the stuff that was eating them alive. Just kept it all buried inside them like a tumor.

“How long were you married?”

“Eight years.”

“That’s a long time. And were you ever happy?”

“Sure. I was gone a lot, though. At sea.” He rubbed his temple. “I guess that helped. We were never really together all the time until I left the Navy. And by then I’d let her down. I let everybody down.” His fingers moved to the scar at his waist, rubbing the raised line of pale tissue.

“And one day I came home from work and found her in bed with another man.” He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “I want a divorce, she said. Right there in front of him. And he was my business partner. An old Navy buddy I’d trusted and loved like a brother.
I want a divorce
. I’ll never forget those words as long as I live. Our marriage had been struggling, we both knew it wasn’t perfect, but marriage is a commitment.” He turned to Susana, eyes hollow with pain. “You know? A lifetime commitment. You have trouble, and you work through it together. It’s something you can count on…”

His fists clenched and unclenched as he stared at them. Then he shook his head slowly. “But you can’t count on anything. I learned that the hard way.”

She wanted to touch him, but she knew better. She didn’t dare offer more half-hearted comfort that could only hurt him more. He needed someone who could give him their whole heart. Their whole life.

She wanted him to be loved.
Ain’t that cute, Susana
. Maybe you can get married to Frankie and set about finding a loving wife to look after Joe. A practical arrangement for all concerned.

The thought of another woman in Joe’s arms stole her breath and made her muscles seize. She could handle hearing about his ex-wife, because that was over and done with. But the future?

The future
. Always there like an apparition, hovering just out of reach. She’d tried to see into it and ended up right here in the present—with Joe. Was this where she was meant to be?

Joe lowered himself slowly back down to the mattress. “You know, it does feel good to talk about it.” He turned his head to her. “You’re not as crazy as you look.”

“I look crazy?”

“You look like you’ve stepped out of a Dickens novel with your long skirt and blouse, today even more so with that scarf over your hair. I think it’s cute.”

Her hands flew to her hair and pulled out the scarf. She’d forgotten all about it. It was part of the “gypsy fortune-teller” costume Granna had favored, and it did keep her hair out of her eyes. She clutched the piece of colorful fabric between her palms, which were starting to sweat.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” A smile crept across his mouth. “It’s good to be different.”

“I’ve been different all my life, and it’s getting old.” She twisted the scarf in her fingers.

“We’re all getting old, but with age comes wisdom.”

“Does it? Sometimes it feels like it’s the other way around.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” He turned onto his side, facing her. Sudden energy roared between them, and a surge of anticipation heated her blood. But he rolled back and snapped his glance up to the ceiling. She struggled to keep her breathing silent.

Joe’s shirt had fallen to either side of his chest, revealing the tattooed eagle, which shifted as he took a deep breath. “When you’re young, you don’t have any idea of the many ways you can screw up your life. Ignorance is bliss.”

“I don’t know much about ignorant bliss. Too much rigid tradition and too many bitter old women in my upbringing.”

“I think we enjoyed a little ignorant bliss together.” He inclined his head slightly and smiled. Her heart squeezed.

“Tell me about the scar.” She nodded toward the white curving line that slashed across his belly.

“She’s so romantic,” he said to the ceiling. A smile tugged at her lips. “You try to tell her you…”

What
?

“Oh, never mind. I’ll tell you about my scar. My scars.” He lifted an arm from behind his head and ran a finger over the scar on his face. “I’m not as pretty as I used to be.”

Susana had a flash of memory of Joe as she’d first seen him ten years ago. She suppressed a laugh because he had been pretty. Big brown eyes, clear shiny skin, features so breathtakingly handsome it had made her all hot under her preteen collar. And best of all he’d been totally unaware of his own appeal.

“It was an explosion.” He sat up like a shot. “Oh, shit. I can’t sit while I talk about this.” He stood, and started pacing about the bedroom. “I’ve talked about this before.
A lot
.” He glanced at her. “I had to, there were a lot of legal hearings. I narrowly escaped getting a dishonorable discharge.”

Her face must have betrayed some surprise because he nodded. “Yup, ugly as all get out. You’ll see me in a different light after I tell you the story of my scars. But I’ll tell you.”

He turned and continued pacing. “We were patrolling waters off South America, keeping an eye out for drug traffic. I was in naval security, not the computer kind at that time, the ‘always carry a weapon,’ kind. We heard there was a boat with suspicious cargo and I was ordered to board it and investigate.