Breaking Through (22 page)

I knew I couldn’t
avoid this conversation forever. Arriving to the simulation room late this morning helped—sort of—but even so, I felt Kray digging around in my head as soon as I entered within mindshot. I’d worked hard to recite the doubles multiplication table at rock concert decibels so he wouldn’t hear what I was thinking.

“Oh my God. You had sex!” Kray exclaims, letting himself into my room before dinner.

“What? No.”

“Yes you did, princess. I don’t even have to bungee jump into your brain to see you did.”

“No. I—”

Why am I trying to lie to him?

He dives into my head, eyes widening when he locates the jackpot. “Holy fuck, girl! Four times?”

I pull the damp towel off my hair and evaporate the water. “Explain to me how this is different from you being in the room and watching us? Privacy is a
thing
, Kray. People like theirs.”

Kray fakes an offended look. “It’s completely different. One is in real time, the other is simply a second-hand memory. Fuzzy in places, and it’s only one-sided, so I miss out on all the good parts.” He frowns.

I toss the towel at Kray. “And the privacy part? You know, the part that is, by definition, private?”

Kray’s brows furrow. “I don’t understand the question.”

I sweep a hand around my head. “Clearly.”

“Built-in hairdryer. You should see if you can sell that to Britta. I bet she’d buy two.”

“Ha. Ha.”

“So, are you in love with him?” Kray asks.

His question catches me off guard, and I choke on my own saliva. “Love? God, how am I supposed to know?”

“Do you think about him more than you don’t? Fantasize about him even when he’s next to you? Crave every ounce of his attention, plus some? When you think about the future, is he there? Would you give up anything for him? Your very life?”

I open my mouth to answer, but snap it closed at the dreamy glint in my best friend’s eyes. “Wait, you’ve been
in love
?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I’m a mind reader; I’m not heartless.”

“How have I never known this?”

He grins. “Because you, princess, are not a mind reader. See how lucky I am?”

“Want to talk about it?” I offer, even though I already know the answer.

“Hell no. This is about you, and about you this will stay.”

“Can I tell you how unsurprised by that statement I am?”

“As long as it’s about you, tell me whatever you want.” Kray puts an arm around my shoulders and squeezes me to his side. “It’s okay to love someone, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“It’s not okay to not tell them, though.”

I look up at him. “Is that what happened to you?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I’m sorry. That must have sucked for you.”

When he doesn’t respond, I add, “I promise, when I know, I’ll tell him.”

My best friend kisses my temple, then lets go of me. “Good.”

After my mission.

“All right. You ready? Military dining at its finest awaits our presence.” I start toward the door, but Kray holds a hand out to stop me.

“Not yet.” He closes his eyes and slips back into my mind. His eyes pop open. I assume he’ll mention the lack of a wall in here, but instead, he chooses the
other
thing. “So when did you plan on telling him about
that
minefield? Fuck that. When the hell were you going to tell
me
?”

“Ah shit,” I mutter, knowing exactly what he’s found. Stupid thoughts.

“You can’t take on Cara by yourself, Nautia,” he says, staring at me.

“Look, as long as North Korea has this program and Cara is working for them, more and more students will die. This won’t be over until she’s dead, Kray. Not for me. Not for any of the students back at Brighton. I can’t let that happen.”

“This is about Nate, isn’t it?”

“Of course it’s about Nate! Cara took everything away from me. She orchestrated the whole damn thing.” I lower my voice. “Did you know? About Nate, I mean?”

“When did you figure it out?”

“As soon as the wall came down.”

Kray sighs and plops down onto my bed. “I suspected, but I didn’t know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was crazy, Nautia. Completely asinine. Would you have believed me?”

I sit beside him and sigh. “Probably not.”

Kray stares forward. “I’m not going to convince you to change your mind. But I’m not letting you do this by yourself.”

“She can block you out, Kray. Then she’ll destroy you.”

“I don’t care. We’re doing this together.”

“This is my fight, not yours. I won’t let you risk your life for this.”

His attention snaps to me. “I already am. Why do you think I agreed to come on this mission?” He grabs ahold of my hand. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I’m not going to lose you. Besides, you love me.”

“I’ve never told you that.”

Kray winks. “You don’t have to.”

“Do you realize how unfair it is that you know everything about me, but I only know a fraction of what there is to know about you?”

“I like it that way.”

“I’ll bet you do.”

“So, together?”

“Doesn’t look like you’re giving me a choice. And if I change my mind, you’ll be the first to know and you’ll tag along anyway.”

Kray tugs me up with him. “Your logic is sound, princess.”

Nautia nestles her head
against my chest and sighs in her sleep. A week of successful simulations has passed, and with them, dreamless sleep keeps her rested. Unfortunately, she hasn’t spent all of those nights in my bed. But tonight, the one that counts, I have her.

I run my fingertips down her spine. She shivers under my touch, but she doesn’t wake up. I made sure she’d sleep well, pleasing her over and over until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. I caught Gibson and Kray popping sleeping pills. Haskal followed Ivan into her cabin. Tonight, everyone is dealing differently with tomorrow’s deployment.

The eve of the mission is always the hardest. Until now, I haven’t found anything that works a hundred percent for me, but with Nautia beside me, it’s the best I’ve ever been. Her dark hair fans out over the pillow, and I inhale the fruity scent of her shampoo. She must use the same thing on her body, because her sweet skin is just as delectable.

This mystery of a girl came onto this ship insecure and broken, and tomorrow, when we paddle onto the beach at Wonsan, she’ll be the opposite. She’s determined, and I love it. Hell, I might love everything about her.

I kiss her shoulder, my lips lingering as the logistics of tomorrow’s mission replays in my mind. Every aspect, each move I analyze again and again. Start to finish, because I don’t want to lose a single crew member.

My thoughts stray to Cara, to how badly I want to take her out. One shot in the middle of the forehead. I wouldn’t even have to be that close to make the shot. But Cara isn’t part of the objective. I have my orders, and Cara might not even be in North Korea right now. What I know is I won’t hesitate if I get the chance. Cara tried to destroy Nautia, and I’d jump at the opportunity to destroy her.

Nautia’s body shifts, bringing me back to her. She swivels to face me and twists her hair over her shoulder. Ocean blue eyes sparkle in the moonlight from the window.

“Hey you,” she says softly, a tiny smile drawing me to those pink lips. “You’re up early.”

“Up implies there was a down. I’m still awake.”

“From the moans you made, I figured I’d done enough to make you pass out,” she teases, then playfully bites her lower lip because she knows what it does to me.

Yep, that little action has me hard in three seconds.

“I guess you’ll just have to try again,” I say, pushing her onto her back.

She giggles as I prowl over her. “Oh. Looks like I’ll have to up my game,” she murmurs. Her voice is sultry and as sexy as hell.

“From under me?”

“I’m creative.”

Brazen eyes peer up at me, and she arches her back to let me know her breasts want my attention. A quick suckle on her lips and I oblige. Small pleasurable moans pour out of her, and she lies back with a tiny grin on her beautiful face. God, I’ve never loved pleasing a woman this much.

She lifts her naked hips to meet mine, thrusting against me so that my head rubs over her. Soft hair tickling my skin deepens my arousal, and if I didn’t care so much about this girl, I’d just slip inside. But I want her so worked up, so fucking wet, she’s begging for me.

Her nipples jut out to meet my tongue like they’ve been waiting. I circle each before gently tugging on one with my teeth. I glance at her to check if she’s enjoying the bit of pressure, and judging by the way her mouth forms a breathless “O” and the sound that accompanies it, I’d say she does.

Nautia’s body resonates desire, and she’s allowing herself the freedom she’d been denied before. She’s letting it go now. Tension, worry, stress, hot-as-fuck sexual need—they all pour out of her in a controlled stream of energy.

And the sea outside remains calm.

I slide down her, sorry to abandon her swollen breasts but ready for another taste of sweetness that’s dripping with excitement. Hooded eyes dip down to meet my gaze as Nautia settles into the mattress. One leg wraps around me, and—

I’m
suddenly on my back?

Above me, Nautia chuckles, pebbled nipples grazing my chest as she lowers herself over me. “I caught the captain off his guard.” She sucks my earlobe into her mouth. “Told you I’d have to up my game.”

Damn, I think I love this woman.

I run my fingers through her hair, gently bringing her mouth to mine. “Combat training has paid off, I see.”

“Uh-huh, and I’m not through with you yet,” she says and kisses me, her tongue massaging mine like this is her first taste.

She moves her hips down over me, leaving a trail of her down my abdomen. Lower, lower, until her opening is directly over me. The little tease dips just enough that my head enters her, but then she’s off me again.

She giggles at my pained expression. “You hate not having control, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but I trust you,” I murmur. I cup her face between my palms, holding her so she understands what I’m saying. “I trust you, Nautia.”

Slowly, she nods like she knows I’m not talking about sex. I kiss her like this might be the last time I feel her lips against mine. The warmth of her skin on my skin. The taste of her on my tongue.

She sinks down, accepting me. Her mouth doesn’t leave mine. Her rhythm varies; short quick thrusts, then deep slow glides, taking the length of me inside her before sliding back up.

I grip her hips as she works, sometimes pushing her down onto me when I need to feel more of her, sometimes letting her choose how much of me she needs. I want more of my body inside the slick warmth she offers. I want to drown in her.

I feel her heartbeat quicken. She’s panting. Her kiss gets lost on my lips with her mounting pleasure. She whimpers, then moans as she speeds up. I match the pace from below her; the sound of our bodies slapping against each other mixes with our groans.

I hold her tighter, thrusting into her until we both cry out our climax. A gush of water pours from her, coating my pelvis with the pleasure I gave her. I push in deeper to feel her muscles throb like beats around me.

I finally break the kiss so she can catch her breath, but my arms remain wrapped around her so I can feel her heart thump with mine. She buries her face in my shoulder and presses a soft kiss to my neck.

“Riley,” she murmurs. The words “I love you” barely break through her lips, but I hear them more clearly than the lapping water of the incoming tide.

I comb my fingers through her hair, wishing we could lie here in the safety of each others’ arms. Like we’re not crossing into enemy waters in a few short hours. Like I have all the time in the world to tell her how
I
feel.

But I don’t. And now may be all I have.

“I love you,” I whisper.

Beside me, her body relaxes, and she hums quietly. I run my fingertips up her back, lulling her to sleep. Soon, her breaths even out, small puffs of air blowing onto my neck.

In this moment, I know that protecting Nautia has become my priority. My number one mission.

It’s dangerous and stupid.

It must be done.

Because Nautia has become my everything.