Breaking Ties (18 page)

“You made up your mind, though,” I said. “Dad fought for you.”

“I know,” she said quietly, and I swore that I heard it for the first time in those two words—Mom realized what she’d lost. “I pushed all three of you away, and that’s something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.”

My dry eyes stung with a rush of tears, and I suddenly found myself struggling to catch a breath.

“Please believe me when I tell you that this is not how I wanted our lives to turn out,” Mom said. “I made a selfish decision. I turned my back on you, and there will never be a day that I don’t hate myself for that. I know I’ve caused more damage than I can ever fix. I know now that your father is never going to listen to me; he’ll never give me a chance to say these things to him, not the way you and Bailey have. All I can do is hope that time will change things, and maybe someday he’ll at least allow me a chance to apologize.”

“I’m sure he will,” I said, but even as I said it, I didn’t believe it. That stubbornness that I had, that quality that Bailey and I had been accused of having for most of our lives, we came by it very honestly. Dad was set in his ways; he’d lived all of his years that way, stubborn to the core, and I doubted that he would ever change. And even though I’d never expect him to open his heart to her again, I could at least hope that, in time, he’d lend her his ears.

“I recognize that my expectations were high,” Mom said. “After everything we’ve been through, I’m not surprised at this ending. But honestly, I’m okay with this—getting a chance to tell you that I’m sorry. Because I am, Amanda. I am so sorry for all of the pain I’ve caused all three of you.”

I turned away, pretending to wipe the window between the kitchen and the storefront. I didn’t want her to see my tears—not the ones in my eyes, nor the ones streaming down my cheeks. She was apologizing, and I was supposed to tell her what every person seeking redemption wants to hear—that it was okay, that all was forgiven.

But I wasn’t there yet. I wasn’t ready.

“You said I could talk,” I said, turning back to her. I dried my tears with the back of my hand and drew in a deep breath. “You said that you welcomed the idea of hearing what I had to say, what I’ve been wanting to say since you showed up.”

“Absolutely.”

“Then I want to know one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Why him?” I asked, losing tears again. “We were right there, Mom—all three of us. Dad, Bailey, and I, we all wanted you. We kept fighting; we kept holding on. We would’ve done anything to be your number one choice, but you wouldn’t let us. So why him? Why did you choose Ronnie?”

Mom looked down to the floor. “It was a selfish decision.”

“You think I don’t know it was a selfish decision? I want more than that. I want to know
why
. Why him? What made him worth fighting for? What made us so easily disposable? What else could we have done?”

“It was easy with Ronnie,” she said. “When I talked, he listened. I enjoyed his company. I loved the way I felt with him. When I would come home at the end of every day, all I could think about was the next time I’d see him again.” She didn’t like admitting that; I could see it on her face. She was ashamed to admit that her thoughts were always with someone else. “I don’t know what happened with Jim; we sort of lost our way. He was always focused on his work, being the next big thing, and you girls … you
never
did anything wrong. I wanted freedom, and I didn’t care what it cost to get it. I was selfish, down to my very core.”

If that wasn’t complete and utter honesty, then I didn’t want to know the truth, because hearing that was painful enough. But at least she could tell the truth, as hard as it was to hear.

“You never called.”

“I thought that if you wanted to talk to me, you’d call. And when I never heard from you, I assumed you didn’t need me. Jim promised you would all be better without me, and somewhere deep down in my heart, I hoped that was true. Sure, I thought of calling plenty of times, but I didn’t know if it was a welcome gesture. I didn’t know if you even had room for me in your lives.” Mom was no longer focused on anything but watching me. “What can I do to make this better? How do I make you stop hating me?”

“I don’t hate you, Mom,” I said, surprising even myself with those words. “I’m hurt, and it’s going to take a while for that pain to go away.”

“I’m doing the best I can—”

“And I understand that,” I said. “Mom, I get that you’re trying to move on, and getting our forgiveness is a huge step toward being able to do that. I admire your courage to recognize and admit what you’ve done wrong, but now I need you to respect that I’m not ready to act like the last four years didn’t happen.”

Mom nodded, and then a single tear fell down her cheek. She turned slowly, dipping the mop back into the bucket, and she propped the handle against the wall.

“I’m flying out on Monday,” she said, her eyes heavy with tears. “I won’t bother you again while I’m here, but … if you want to talk again, you know where to find me.”

“Mom—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she said. “I asked for a chance and you gave that to me. Now that you’re asking for time, it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t give that to you. I’ll leave you to close up.”

And as quickly as she’d walked through that bakery door, Mom was gone again, disappearing into the dark of the night.

I leaned against the counter, taking a deep breath, and allowing myself a slow count to ten when my phone buzzed in my pocket again. I pulled it out to find another message from Gabe.

You still there? Everything okay?

I steadied my breath and wiped my tears. I honestly didn’t know.
Was
I okay? Talking to Mom was the last thing I’d expected going into the night, and after everything we’d said, I couldn’t make any sense of my emotions. After all the time we spent apart, all the time I tried to avoid her, I let Mom talk. I let her say the things she’d come here to say, and I’d even gotten some answers of my own.

Mandy?

Another message, and that one made me smile. He was worried about me, concerned when I hadn’t answered. I tapped a button on the screen to call him, and he picked up after the first ring.

“Thank God. You’re alive.” That’s how he answered, a tiny smile in his tone.

“Alive,” I promised, but my voice cracked with the one word.

“Mandy, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Do you have a few minutes?”

“Of course I do.”

“You’re sure?” I asked, wiping another tear. “Because I think I need to talk.”

“Then I’m hanging up the phone,” he said quickly. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Chapter Twenty

We stayed up all night talking, just the two of us. Gabe and I did what we’d always done so well—we walked … around the block, around Sugar Creek, and all the way back again until his tiny limp became more and more noticeable. I told him everything that had happened—from the dinner on Wednesday night to Jones’s visit before work, and then the conversation that unfolded with Mom at the bakery.

And when we stopped walking and ended up at the house, we only made it as far as the porch swing. He sat on one end, and I rested my head in his lap, looking out at the world. As I lay talking and crying, he caressed my hair and listened to me. Sometime after my eyes couldn’t last another second awake, I fell asleep right there on the porch.

He must’ve carried me inside at some point, because I woke up the next morning in my own bed with a note at my side.
See you tonight. I love you
.

###

“Wow, they really pulled this thing off,” I said, leaning against the back wall of the gymnasium the next night. I don’t know why I sounded so surprised when I said it. There hadn’t been a doubt in my mind that Fletcher was going to lead our district into the best finale possible.

You couldn’t even tell it was Sugar Creek High School. Bailey’s team of expert designers had transformed the gym into something spectacular in only a matter of hours. The team, and the team alone. Bailey hadn’t held up her end of the deal; she never showed up to help Fletcher, which hadn’t surprised me much, given her track record.

To my surprise, she showed up at school again today, probably so she wouldn’t have to miss out on the dance. Still, I was surprised when I saw her walk into the gym, dressed in a beautiful black gown and her hair swept up in an elegant bun. She hadn’t spoken a word to me since the dinner on Wednesday night, and she hadn’t looked in my direction once.

She sat at a table, alone in the back, and watched Jones as he played. I, too, watched Jones behind his drum set, carried away and lost in the beat, and I couldn’t help but wonder how their dinner had gone the night before.

Extra Bacon was entertaining the entire crowd. All across the floor there were students, parents, grandparents, and more, all enjoying the expertly planned party. Even the ticket sales at the door were through the roof. It was a success if I’d ever seen one.

“You did this, you know?” Gabe said, draping an arm around my shoulders. “This was all you.”

“Are you crazy?” I asked, shaking my head. “Sure, it was my plan, my hope, my ambition for the program, but
I
didn’t execute this. That was all on Fletcher. He called the shots; he made this happen.”

Gabe gave me a gentle squeeze. “Big turnout.”

“You think it’ll be enough to secure the win?” I asked. After all, the results were going to be announced the very next day. This was, in every sense of the word, Sugar Creek’s
final
attempt at getting ahead.

“It’s hard to say,” he shrugged a shoulder. “The Desden team is holding a major auction as we speak. In terms of progress, ideas, and carry-through, it’s dead even. The money will be the final tiebreaker for the districts.”

I looked out at the crowd, finding Fletcher as he weaved in and out of the students, talking and laughing, trying to have a good time. But I could see the tension in his raised shoulders. He was a walking ball of nerves. He knew, like everyone else, that his future was riding on the success of tonight’s event.

“I’m gonna go check on him,” I said, turning to Gabe. “Save me a dance?”

“You bet.”

I gave his hand a quick squeeze before turning away, and I darted straight for Fletcher.

“How’s it going?”

“It’s going great,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “Look at this turnout, Mandy. Can you believe how many people are here?”

“I never doubted it would happen,” I said, remembering how at one point there were at least
some
people on the team who doubted the ability to make this dance a success.

“We could actually win this thing.”

“It’s already won,” I said, smiling. “You’ve got this in the bag, Fletch. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks. Listen, I hate to run, Mandy, but the band is going to wrap up their first set soon, and I have to make a few announcements. Do you think we can catch up later?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m not going anywhere,” I said, giving him a quick wink. “Have fun tonight, and relax those shoulders. You have nothing to worry about.”

The night carried on that way. Everyone involved with the program was either scurrying around or tearing up the dance floor, and all of the tables remained relatively empty for the better part of the night. That was a good sign—people were having fun. Julia’s desserts from the bakery were disappearing at an alarming rate, but that was a pretty great thing, too. The whole night was shaping up to be one huge success.

But there was one thing I couldn’t quit looking at—the one person in the room who wasn’t having a good time at all. And even though my sister hadn’t spoken a kind word to me in two days, I found myself walking in her direction. She looked down at my approach and started fiddling with some of the confetti strewn around the table, acting as though she hadn’t seen me coming.

“Your team did a great job,” I said, admiring the handiwork. “I hope you know how much it means to Fletcher.”

“Glad they could help,” she said, turning in her chair to watch the band.

She stared at the group, watching them as intensely as they played.

I slid into the chair next to her, hoping that if I stared at her long enough, she might turn back and look at me.

“Bailey, you can’t stay mad at me forever; you know that right?” I asked. “You can’t honestly sit there and be angry with me because you and Mom didn’t get your way.” I imagine she rolled her eyes, but I couldn’t tell. I was still talking to the back of her head. “I think, deep down, you knew all along that Dad and I would never go for your plan,” I continued. “I think that’s why you were desperate to spend time with Mom, while she was here. You wanted to get in all the time you could. You knew how this would play out. And honestly, I think that’s why you’re so angry—because you wanted to be wrong, and we proved you right.”

“I’m not angry with you,” she said, taking a deep breath. She turned in her seat, meeting my stare without pause. Her gray eyes watered, and the tears fell down her face—one quick stream after another. “I’m not angry.”

“Then—”

“I’m going to miss you,” she said. “And I don’t know how to say goodbye.”

“Miss me?” I laughed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m going back to California with Mom,” she said quickly.

“You’re taking a vacation?” I asked. “You’re seriously going to skip
even more
school with homecoming next week? What about your crown?”

“I’m not going on vacation, Mandy. I’m moving back,” she said. “We’re leaving on Monday.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No way, Bailey.
She’s
leaving. You’re staying here—with us. With Dad, with Jones and Gabe. With
me
.
”

“Mandy, no. You’ve made your decision, and you had every right to choose to stay here. You don’t want to be with Mom, and that’s fine.” Another steady stream of tears soaked her face. “I do; I want to be with her.”

“But Bailey,” I said, starting to cry myself, “what about—”

“I’m not going to let the fact that you can’t get over the past keep me from being with my mother.”

I guessed that meant she knew about my conversation with Mom. Bailey must’ve known that she’d come seeking my forgiveness, and even after all of the things we’d said, I still hadn’t given it to her.

“What about your friends?” I asked. I knew she was angry, even if she couldn’t admit it; it was partially my fault she didn’t get her way. So if I couldn’t convince her to stay for me, I had to find another way. “What about all your plans? You had your whole senior year mapped out here.”

I couldn’t help but remember the argument we’d had not even six weeks ago. Back when we thought Dad was going to move us to California, Bailey was just as against the idea as I was. She had plans to conquer Sugar Creek and take the place by storm—homecoming queen, prom queen, graduation, and
then
California. What changed?

“What about Jones?” I asked, glancing to the band, hoping that I might get my answer of where they stood. The fact that I hadn’t heard from him was concerning.

“He broke up with me,” she said, looking back over to him. She watched him as he drummed, each fluid movement filling the gym with a rhythmic beat. He was lost in his own little world, having no clue that we were both watching him with tear-filled eyes. “He said he couldn’t stand by and watch me hurt the people that loved me, and that if he kept hanging on, I’d eventually hurt him the way I hurt you.”

“Okay?”

“And then I told him that I was moving to LA, and he called it off.”

“And what did you do?”

“I told him that it didn’t matter,” she said, and my mouth dropped. She jumped to her defense. “There was no point in fighting him. I was planning to move to LA anyway, so what
did
it matter? We were going to have to break up sooner or later.”

“But—”

“He walked away,” she said. “He chose to call it quits, and he hasn’t said a word to me since.”

“Probably because he broke up with you and your immediate response was that it didn’t matter,” I said, shaking my head. “He wanted you to fight him, Bailey. He wanted you to prove that your relationship was something you were willing to fight for.”

“What’s done is done,” she said, sounding a lot like Mom. “I’ve already made up my mind.”

“But you love him.”

“And I’ll always love him, but my heart isn’t in Sugar Creek anymore.”

I couldn’t look at her. I turned in my chair to find Gabe, watching him sway across the dance floor with little Amanda Goodwin propped on his feet, her arms holding him tightly at the waist. They danced that way, swaying with one another for the entirety of the song, and she beamed like the happiest person on earth.

“So you’re leaving?” I asked, looking back to her.

“I am.”

“And you’re sure this is what you want?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. Mandy, I never wanted to leave her, but I didn’t have a choice then. I have a choice now. If she wants me back, I’m jumping on that plane and I’m never looking back.”

My eyes filled with tears again as I listened to my sister, so adamant that her life was taking her in the one direction I could never see myself headed again.

“Does Dad know?”

“He does. I told him last night.”

“And he’s okay with you going?”

“No,” she said, “but it’s my decision.”

I nodded.

“Okay,” I said. “Okay then.”

“Do you hate me?”

“I’ve never hated you, Bailey,” I said through tears. “I love you. I just… I can’t believe this is it.”

“We still have a few days. I’ll be here tomorrow for the RI announcement. And then we have all day Sunday; let’s take the day, the two of us. We’ll do something fun.”

“Okay.”

“And you can skip school Monday, right?” she asked. “Take me to the airport?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Yes, absolutely. If that’s what you want.”

“I love you, you know?”

“I know,” I said, leaning forward to hug her. “I know.”

###

I sat outside on the cold steps, shutting myself away from the music and the crowd for a few minutes. It was a lot to take in, a lot to absorb. While Mom was at the bakery taking her chance last night, Bailey had gone from her dinner with Jones and straight home, just to tell Dad that she was leaving for good.

I couldn’t stop my tears, and thankfully I was able to escape the gym without anyone noticing that I turned into a complete crybaby.

“Oh, Lord,” Lashell’s voice carried from the parking lot. I kept my head low at her slow approach. I didn’t want to explain it. I didn’t want to have to tell her what had happened in there. “I certainly hope this isn’t the aftermath of that first kiss you’ve been waiting on.”

I cracked a smile and lifted my head, seeing the two women in front of me.

“Lenora,” I said, focusing first on the woman in the chair. Lashell stood behind her, her hands grasping the handles. I stood up quickly, smoothing the wrinkles from my dress. “You came?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” she asked, breaking into a small smile.

“My God, you look wonderful,” I said, admiring how much effort she’d put into fixing her hair and makeup. I suspected Lashell had a lot to do with that. “You look great.”

“I wish I could say the same for you.” She motioned for me to come closer. I skipped down the stairs, careful not to trip on my heels, and stopped short of her wheelchair. She reached up and pulled me closer, bringing my face down to hers. With the edge of her thumb and a gentle motion, she wiped the mascara trails away from my eyes. “There.”

“Is everything okay, Mandy?” Lashell asked as I stood tall again.

“Yeah. It’s nothing. Family drama.”

“Bailey, right?” Lenora asked, looking back to Lashell to confirm. “That’s the sister.”

“Right,” Lashell winked.

“Should we get out of the cold?” I asked, eager to get the two of them inside. “You’re missing a great dance in there.”

Lashell managed to push the wheelchair up the ramp until it leveled out at the doors. We entered the gymnasium together, the three of us clustered in a group. The two women passed their tickets off to the student at the doors.

“I’ll go find Gabe.”

“Wait,” Lenora stopped me. “Let me.”

She put her hands on the wheels and started into the crowd, and I turned to look at Lashell.

“That’s a wonderful thing you did there, Mandy,” she said. “I’m not sure how you did it. I’ve been trying for years.”

“It wasn’t me. It was William.”

“Will?”

“And Gabe,” I said, and her eyes started to tear at the mention of her late husband. “Gabe said he always preached a lot about having faith in things working out, and I had faith that this would. I’m just not as patient as most, so I gave her a little nudge in the right direction, that’s all.”