Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? (2 page)

There is a Jewish tradition that Jacob illustrated the power of unity to his sons by taking twelve sticks (one for each of his sons) and tying them in a bundle. He then asked each of his sons to attempt to break the bundle. None was able. Afterwards he removed the individual sticks and gave each to a son who could easily snap it.

Jesus Our Pattern

Jesus was the only man who ever lived in a sinless body, and who possessed an undamaged soul.
Jesus led a happy, spiritually successful life because He knew the following truths, which He also taught:

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.

Mark 8:35

...the prince of this world cometh, hath nothing in me.

John 14:30

All human soul-ties must be counterbalanced by a love for Jesus.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

Matt. 10:34–37

Jesus, obviously, is not speaking in this passage of a man actually hating his father, for that contradicts the sense of the overall teachings of Jesus. He is teaching that
relatively
, a man’s love for Jesus must be so much greater than that for his own father, as to make the natural love seem less. He also warns that love for Jesus and the seeking of His kingdom will often prove to be divisive and may be misunderstood by men.

The way we avoid loving man too much, or becoming too attached (bound) to any man, is by loving Jesus more. Also, we have seen the necessity of walking in truth. To make any compromise with truth is dangerous. There is no such thing as a “little” or “white” lie. It is still a lie, big or small, and thus is a denial of the truth. Any relinquishment to something less than the truth is to identify oneself with untruth, and is tantamount to identifying with Satan and his kingdom, for Jesus identified Himself as the Truth:

I am the way, the
truth
, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

John 14:6

Truth Must Not Be Compromised

Paul and John warned against compromise both by their actions and by their words:

This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to
make us slaves
. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you.

Gal. 2:4–5 NIV

If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house, and do not give him a greeting; for the one who gives him a greeting participates in his evil deeds.

2 John 1:10 –11 NASB

When Jesus spoke of Himself as
the Truth
, the word He chose in the Greek literally means
reality
. “I am the reality,” He was saying, which truth of course is. An alternative to the problem of negative soul-ties is the hope of the new relationships which Jesus introduced:

And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren? ... and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

Mark 3:33–35

Jesus made a decision to be controlled only by God, and no one else, even those whom He greatly loved. We must do the same, determining not to allow even loving relationships to draw us into a state of disobedience to God. Anything less than full, total and immediate obedience, is disobedience.

Our Pattern Refused Bondage

Jesus refused the bondage of those closest to Him, namely, His mother. When His mother tried to get Him to manifest His miracle-working power before He was ready, he responded,

Woman, what have I to do with thee? Mine hour is not yet come.

John 2:4

Jesus refused to move ahead of God’s timetable, and to do anything for any selfish benefit. He was awaiting the go-ahead from His heavenly Father to work the great prophetic miracle at Cana which would launch His supernatural miracle, ministry of obedience. He resisted every ungodly pressure, whether to work miracles outside of God’s timing (Matt. 4:3) for the wrong reasons (Matt. 4:6), to submit to someone other than the Father (Matt. 4:9) or to prove Himself to man (John 3:18, 6:30).

He also resisted the pressure placed upon Him by His own brothers. He resisted the temptation to please man; the man-pleasing spirit was rejected. He refused to come under their influence. The definition of demonization is to be under the influence of an ungodly spirit.

Jesus’ brothers said to him, “Leave Galilee and go to Judea, so that your disciples there may see the works you do. No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret... show yourself to the world.” For even his own brothers did not believe in him. Therefore Jesus told them, “My time is not yet here; for you any time will do.”

John 7:3–6 NIV

Jesus refused to be deterred from God’s plans for His life by Satan speaking through one of His closest and most intimate friends, Peter, a member of His inner circle. Jesus was explaining the nature of the death that he would soon experience in Jerusalem, when Peter began to rebuke Him, saying,

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

Matt. 16:22 NIV

Jesus then rebuked the words which Satan had spoken to Him through the mouth of His dear friend.

...he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.

Mark 8:33 NIV

Luke adds a significant additional clause.

And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God,
and
him only shalt thou serve
.

Luke 4:8

Satan was attempting to deflect Jesus from the will of God, trying to appeal to His own flesh which stood in opposition to the will of God. Luke points out in the preceding passage that it is God
alone
whom we should serve. In other words we are again admonished
to be in subjection to no man, but only unto God;
to serve God and Him alone, faithfully and without reservation, without being bound by unbalanced soul-ties to any man.

Jesus resisted the temptation of seeking public approval. He sought not the approval of man, only the approval of His heavenly Father and the doing of His will. He did not need, seek, nor accept the world’s approval, which could easily have been His. He knew that in man was the tendency to control, to use, or to depend upon Him naturally instead of supernaturally.

Now in Jerusalem at the passover... many believed... when they saw the miracles which he did.
But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men
... for he knew what was in man.

John 2:22–25

Satan also attempted to establish an attachment, a source of control with Jesus on the Mount of Temptation when he sought the obedience and worship of Christ. Thus we see the strength that Jesus manifested in His single-minded commitment to placing God, His Father, first.

Jesus even refused to assert His own soul’s need for self-preservation, as evidenced when He prayed thrice in the Garden to bring His flesh into submission to His Spirit, which was already in obedience unto the will of God. Thus, He prayed,

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless
not my will
, but thine, be done.

Luke 22:42

Clearly the will of God was in conflict with his own will (soul), which is why he prayed so fervently to bring His soul under the domination of His spirit.

God Wants Unhealthy
Soul-Ties Broken

God desires to restore our souls that we might be able to seek Him with our whole (entire) spirit, soul and body.

And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray to God your
whole
spirit
and
soul
and
body
be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Thes. 5:23

But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with
all your heart and with all your soul
.

Josh. 22:5

Therefore, it seems evident that in order to be able to love God with “all one’s soul,” we should better understand godly and ungodly soul-ties, which are explored in the following chapter.

2
Soul-Ties:
Godly and Ungodly

Perhaps it would be helpful at the outset to differentiate between godly soul-ties and ungodly soul-ties. Remember, a soul-tie is a bonding in the soulish realm; a bonding between the souls of two or more people. Although in today’s thinking any links to another person are generally thought to be unhealthy, there are
healthy
and Godly soul-ties. The first soul-tie was designed by God and intended for the benefit of the first couple.

All soul-ties incorporate influence, compromise and obedience for the sake of peaceful coexistence. Godly soul-ties have a settling, peaceful influence and not only help to stabilize the relationship with another, but also with the Heavenly Father. I believe far more godly soul-ties exist than ungodly.

In an ungodly soul-tie, one individual pulls another away from his or her commitment to God’s laws of morality and obedience. We think of such pulls as evil soul-ties, wherein the one who becomes linked with another person finds himself to be corrupted by the association. Paul warns against these types of relationships in 1 Corinthians:

Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

1 Cor. 15:33 NASB

The literal meaning of this passage might be rendered,
do not let depraved companionship spoil or defile your moral habits
(i.e. your manner or acting).

Consider the godly soul-ties outlined in Scripture. God saw that man was incomplete alone. He was made for union. First and foremost, man was designed for union with Christ, for without God a void exists. Secondly, man was designed for union with his wife — his helpmate. Finally, man was designed for union with his fellow man.

Love thy neighbour as thyself.

Lev. 19:18

Our first and primary soul-tie is therefore union with Christ. That is, be yoked with God.

Take
my yoke
upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Matt. 11:29

Christ calls His people into vital union with Him. In addition to the figure of the yoke, He also figuratively uses the connection of the branches to the vine as the means for the believers to draw sustenance and produce fruit.

We are called upon to be in vital union with Christ in a variety of metaphors and similes, such as being united with Him, the Bread from heaven, by which we are to sustain ourselves; as the Vine to which we are attached as branches; as the Head to which we are attached as members of His Body; as the Shepherd whose flock we are; a King and Lord whose subjects we are; and as the Bridegroom for whom we await as the Bride. We, as His Body, are called to be one; to exist in union with Him, and in unity with one another.

There is a Scriptural confirmation of the Umbilical Concept in his teaching regarding the vine.

Christ’s Vine Analogy
is
the Umbilical Concept

Jesus’ illustration of the vine explains how the Body should function and relate to Him. He is explaining that we should be vitally dependent upon Him for all things.

I am the true vine
, and my Father is the husbandman. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

John 15:1,4–5

We are only able to bear fruit by depending upon Him, by drawing strength and our very life from Him. Our own strength and effort in the flesh will not have life-changing impact upon the lives of others; it is only as we allow His life to be manifested through us, as we allow ourselves to be His agents, or branches, enabling His love to flow outward, that fruit is produced in the lives of others.

From the vine the branch receives:

Nourishment
– We are fed spiritually by staying in union with Him; like the little birds in the nest we simply open our mouths in faith expecting Him to provide life-giving sustenance to us. We thus are able to feed on the Word of God, just as Jesus taught.

God desires to be our Source! He feeds us with the real sustenance of life — every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.

Now the just shall live by faith...

Heb. 10:38a

Growth
– We grow up spiritually as we choose to draw upon Him as our source of life and nourishment, and to feed upon His Word.

As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye
may grow
thereby...

1 Pet. 2:2

But speaking the truth in love, [that you] may
grow up
into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ...

Eph. 4:15

But
grow in grace
, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

2 Pet. 3:18a

Both the potential for growth and the very DNA of the vine is passed to the branches as the vital contact is maintained so that each will possess the same characteristics and nature as the vine upon which they develop.

Support and strength
– The vine provides the support that prevents the branch from sagging down into the corruption of the earth and being destroyed by long-term contact. The uplifting force of the vine aids the branches, keeping them off the ground, and the pattern of its strength encourages us to...

...lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us...

Heb. 12:1

It is also through the support and strength of Jesus Christ that the Body is built and maintained.

From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Eph. 4:16

Guidance
– Just as the Vine “plans” and directs the growth of the branches to be exactly where they can be of the most benefit to the plant, so it is in the Kingdom. Jesus deploys His workers where He wants them for the good of the Body and for the accomplishment of His purposes. He has a wonderful plan for the entire Body.

After these things the Lord appointed other seventy also, and sent them... into every city and place, whither he himself would come.

Luke 10:1

The vine causes a lifting up. The vine exerts an “upward-calling,” urging the plant to grow higher and upward.

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works...

Heb. 10:24

Fruit-bearing
– The purpose of the vine is that it might bear good fruit for the kingdom of God, and bring glory to God.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Eph. 2:10

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your
good works
, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Matt. 5:16

...having heard the word, keep it, and
bring forth fruit
with patience.

Luke 8:15

Herein is my Father glorified, that ye
bear much fruit
; so shall ye be my disciples.

John 15:8

P
rotection
– The strength and support of the vine sustains the branches, and the interrelationship between the branches affords mutual protection from strong winds and storms, which increases the strength of the entire body of the plant or vine.

Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die...

Rev. 3:2a

But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

Luke 22:32

Gift
– the life of the Vine is a gift.

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.

Eph. 2:8

Body to Body Ministry
– Staying connected to the Vine allows for life to flow horizontally, from one believer to another.

Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow,
our sphere of activity among you will greatly expand
...

2 Cor. 10:15b NIV

Man and the Creation

God wanted this world to be a visible representation of His invisible attributes, eternal power, and Divine nature.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Rom. 1:20 NIV

All of God’s creation is “very good” and was meant to give man provision and refreshment. Man, when he fully appreciates the beauty and intelligence of all things created as a representation of the beauty and intelligence of the Creator, will be able to form a healthy relationship with the world around him.

However, we are not to love the world, nor to become unduly attached to it; nor to things, even inanimate objects, so as to worship the creation rather than the Creator. There are curses attached to some objects. Soul-ties can be formed with objects through
sentimental attachment
; “I cannot part with it,” “I can’t live without it.” Man can become so soul-bound to an animal that it takes precedence over human relationships. Attaching too much importance to things or to places allows such items to become idols for us.

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

1 John 2:15

The Greek word for love used in I John is
agapao
, to love with the God kind of love, in a social or moral sense. Man, however, has perverted the love of God and replaced it with the love of the world, His creation. Man has formed a soul-tie with the
created
instead of the
Creator
.

I say that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons and not to God; and I do not want you to become
sharers in demons
.

1 Cor. 10:20 NASB

For if you ever go back and
cling to
... these nations... and intermarry with them, so that you associate with them and they with you, know with certainty that the LORD your God will not continue to drive these nations out from before you;
but they will be a snare and a trap to you
, and a whip on your sides and thorns in your eyes,
until you perish
from off this good land which the LORD your God has given you.

Josh. 23:12–13 NASB

Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things ... Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and
worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator
, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

Rom. 1:22–25

This attachment opens the way for demonic invasion of a person’s life. Matthew states that one cannot serve two masters (Matt. 6:24). To be linked to Christ means to view His creation as a revelation
of
the Creator.

It is possible for man to bind himself to demons by turning a created thing into an object of worship or by seeking protection from it, as in witchcraft. But for the purposes of this book we will limit ourselves primarily to those soul-ties which occur between two or more human beings and the potential for bondages to develop in those relationships.

Union with Spouse and Family

In the marriage union, husband and wife become one flesh as seen in God’s command to Adam and Eve:

Therefore
shall a man leave
his father and his mother, and
shall cleave unto his wife
: and they shall be one flesh.

Gen. 2:24

The first soul-tie was designed and intended for the first couple. In the first command or principle given to man regarding marriage, God required the man entering marriage to “leave” and “cleave.” That is, he should break the emotional soul-ties and the control of his parents, replacing them with a godly soul-tie by cleaving to his wife. God speaks of making of two individuals into one new flesh, or one single individual. The visible memorial of this union is the child with which the union is blessed.