Breath Of The Heart (16 page)

I slid out of bed and padded into the bathroom. I switched on the light and it temporarily blinded me until I focused on my surroundings. His cologne was there and I grasped onto it. I loved the way he smelled, fresh and crisp, like a woodsy winter morning. I set it down next to my toiletry bag. It seemed natural, the two of them together.

I ran some cold water and splashed my face. Probably the wrong thing to do when suffering from insomnia, but sleep was the not on the horizon. The hamster in my head was running at full speed on her wheel and until I got thoughts of Zach out of my head, I'd never sleep.

I massaged my temples as my heart raced. I felt like my brain wanted to shut down and sleep, boot that hamster off the wheel, while the rest of me had other ideas. An epic battle was going on and my brain lost.

I tiptoed to the door, opening it slowly so I wouldn't make any noise. The TV was off and no other sounds came from the apartment. I crept down the hallway not knowing what kind of sleeper Genie was. Once in the living room I listened for Zach's breathing and it was deep and even. Did I let him sleep? Did I chicken out and let my brain back into the match?

I made my way to the sofa and knelt down next to him. With the limited light coming from the window I could barely make out his serene face. I still had time to turn back and forget all about this stupid, spontaneous plan.

"Zach," I whispered.

He didn't stir. I grasped onto his arm and called out his name again and his eyes flickered open, adjusting themselves to the dim light.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice groggy.

"Uh, nothing."

"Why'd you wake me up then?"

This was already going so terribly wrong. "Um, I . . ." My stomach was full of knots and my brain was telling me to go back to bed and let him sleep.

"Em, what's going on?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

I wanted to kiss him, but I was such a coward. I slunk back, sitting on my heels and staring at him. Why did I start things I could never finish? "I thought . . ."

He tilted his head even more perplexed. "Yes?"

Abort, abort, my brain screamed. I shook my head, my inner struggle unknown to him. I was not about to let my brain win this war.

"Come to bed with me." My voice was so quiet I wasn't sure he'd even heard me. His expression didn't change and it felt like forever before he even blinked.

"Emma–"

"Just come," I said, taking hold of his hand. I threw back the comforter and pulled on his arm. I couldn't stop staring at his toned, bare chest. "Let's go," I said.

He got up and followed me into the bedroom. I closed the door gently and turned to face him. Blood raced through my veins as we stood facing each other.

"Kiss me already," I said.

"Gladly."

He scooped me into his arms, effortlessly lifting me to his height. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he kissed me, a hungry kiss I happily returned. He brought me to the bed and set me down. He took a moment to stare at me in my t-shirt and pajama shorts. Was he reconsidering? I waited and then he smiled and stretched out onto the bed next to me. At first his kisses brushed against my lips as one hand caressed my back, but then they grew more and more intense, and I let out a small sigh of pleasure. His lips explored my neck before returning to my lips, his tongue passing over mine. I inched closer to him, touching, desperate to feel his entire body against mine. My body tingled now, every part of me wanting him.

His hand moved under my shirt to my breasts and he caressed each of them, pinching and tugging ever so slightly. It felt amazing. I arched my back, pressing my chest into him, feeling his erection against my leg. I wanted to touch it, but I didn't dare do anything wrong.

He helped me out of my top and threw it down on the ground before paying full attention to my breasts, his mouth playing, sucking and biting down on each nipple. I groaned as his lips found my mouth again, hard and wanting.

His hand resumed its exploration and moved down my back and grabbing hold of a butt cheek. He squeezed not too hard but enough to get me to lean into him. He broke the kiss and stared at me, not saying a word. His hand slid around over my stomach and under my shorts and down between my legs. His eyes never left mine as he fingers massaged me. His touch made me shudder. Everything he did made me feel alive. Connected.

"Emma, you're so wet," he said, his voice low.

Just those few words had an impact. I moaned pushing myself into his hand. He slid two fingers inside me and I gasped as they moved, slowly at first before picking up speed. I came without much effort, a blinding ecstasy I'd never felt before and only read about in trashy novels. Zach kissed me to muffle out my cries.

"Are you okay?" he asked, our noses touching.

"Yes," I said, catching my breath.

He slipped off my shorts and underwear before taking off his pajama pants. I sat up, staring at his erection. It was going inside of me and I could hardly wait. He reached over to the nightstand, pulled out a condom and started to unwrap it.

"Wait," I said. "I want to touch you."

He stretched back out onto the bed and I took him into my hand, gently rubbing. He clasped onto my hand, moving it back and forth just the way he liked it. He let go and let me continue, closing his eyes and leaning his head back, letting out a low groan of pleasure.

"You have to stop," he said, "or I'll come."

I did and he took a second before putting on the condom. I watched, taking in every second. He was then on top of me, kissing me, touching me, his fingers inside of me again.

"Em, you have to relax," he said.

"Okay," I murmured. I was anticipating it, him, what it would feel like and I could feel my body constrict. I took a few deep breaths, shutting my eyes and willing myself to calm down.

"Look at me," he said.

I opened my eyes and stared into his. I felt a release, my body opening for him.

"And stop clenching the sheets. Just chill," he said, his lips brushing mine.

I had no idea that both my hands were balled into fists. I opened them and wrapped my arms around Zach.

He moved between my legs, and I wanted to close my eyes, expecting the invasion, but I kept them fixed on his. He guided himself into me, just a little at first but as he sunk into me I felt a little pinch of pain. It had been three years and my only sexual experience had lasted less than thirty seconds.

He did nothing at first, just letting my body get acquainted with him, but as he slowly moved in and out, my body trembled with desire. It felt so good, him inside me, linked to me. He stopped and started, teasing me. I moved against him, thrusting into him.

"Em, I don't know how much longer I can go. You're so tight," he said breathlessly.

"Then come."

With a few frantic thrusts he came and I let out a quiet cry. We stayed that way awhile, his body pressed up against mine, him still inside me, kissing me as my body gently bucked against him.

"I've got to clean up. I'll be right back."

With his warmth gone, I pulled a blanket over top my naked, pulsating body. I tried to cement every moment in my mind and when he slid back into bed next to me, I wrapped my arm around him and nestled my head against his chest, not waiting for an invitation. It was like the spot was made for just me. He caressed my arm and I let out a contented sigh before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep.

Chapter-Twenty-nine

Zach

Normally the first time with a new girl could be awkward, but with Emma it was so intense and natural. She literally had me by the balls. Thinking about the previous night got my blood flowing. I badly wanted to wake her up with a little morning sex, but thought against it. This was new and I didn't want to push the limits.

I watched her sleep, her body curled up in a ball, the blanket wrapped tightly around her. She'd hogged it a few times during the night, but I didn't care. I rarely let girls stay the night, finding crafty ways to gently kick them out. Letting them sleep over gave them ideas, but Emma could share my bed for as long as she wanted.

Her eyes fluttered open. She looked at me and smiled shyly. Those big hazel eyes killed me every time.

"Good morning," she said, stretching out her body. I glimpsed her breasts and wanted my hands all over them. Like most girls, I expected her to quickly cover up, but she didn't. She scooted closer and kissed me.

"Good morning to you too." I put my hand on her waist, then her ass. She had the tightest body with the most perfect little breasts. Everything on her was just right.

"How'd you sleep?" A nervous smile crept up on her perfect, rosy lips.

"Very good. And you?"

"Well, thank you."

She reached out and let a finger trace the muscles on my chest. I stiffened and wondered if she could feel it. I would have done anything to have her again.

"Are you my boyfriend now?"

There was something so innocent about her, those big eyes looking at me, waiting for an answer. She seemed worried what I'd say.

"Do you want me to be?"

She ran a finger over my Adam's apple. "Yes."

"Then I guess I'm your boyfriend."

She grinned. "I was worried you were going to get mad at me last night."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't want you to think I was leading you on or anything. I know I frustrated you and–" I stopped her with a kiss. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about any of that shit again. We were starting fresh, no crap from the past.

"I like kissing you," she said as if she shouldn't.

"I like kissing you," I said, giving her any reassurance she needed.

She bit her lip and giggled. "I really like having sex with you. I thought you should know."

"I really like having sex with you too. That could be a problem."

"Why?"

"Because all I'll think about is this amazing hot body of yours and then I'm going to want to have sex with you again and again and again."

"Well, if you want . . ." I didn't let her finish. I kissed her, pulling her closer. She grabbed hold of me and stroked, just like I'd shown her. I was so hard it hurt. "Em, from the nightstand, grab a condom," I said. She reached over and got one. I put it on and motioned for her to get on top.

"Really?" she asked, those eyes sucking me in.

I nodded and she straddled me, uncertain of herself. She eased onto me, only a little at first, sending the blood pumping through me. I grasped onto her breasts, gently pinching and massaging. She sunk down lower, slowly grinding. I pushed deeper inside her and she resisted a little. She rested her hands on my shoulders, supporting herself as she began to move. I rubbed her clit which made her gasp and sink even deeper. I wanted to get her on her back, but I didn't know her limits yet and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her.

"Oh my God, this feels so good," she said, almost pained to say it.

"It's supposed to."

"I think I'm going to . . ." I felt her release and in that moment I held onto her waist, pushing her down on me. I came too.

She collapsed on top of me, her arm wrapped around me, her cheek resting on my shoulder. She let out a few deep sighs. "We should probably get up," she said after a minute or two.

"We should."

We didn't move, other than me caressing her back. Finally she sat up, her hair disheveled in a sexy kind of way.

"Do you think Genie heard us?"

"I doubt it. She could sleep through an air siren."

She pondered that then shrugged. "I'm getting hungry."

"Me too. How about a shower first?"

She smiled devilishly. "That sounds like a great idea."

We showered and a girl who barely let me touch her before now explored every inch of my body. Her fingers passed over every inch of my face, and she brushed her cheek against my stubbly one before kissing me. She broke the kiss and stared at me, an intense gaze that made me want her right there again. This girl was going to destroy me.

I tore myself away from Emma and got changed. Genie was in the kitchen reading the newspaper, a knowing smile on her face.

"I didn't see you on the sofa this morning."

I pulled out the coffee canister and put on a pot while Genie sipped her tea. "I slept in my bed."

"With Emma? In Emma?"

"Funny and really not your business."

Genie's face turned serious. "Don't break her heart. I really, really like her."

"Noted."

"I guess you won't be sleeping on the sofa then?"

I faced Genie, leaned up against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest, listening to coffee drip. "No arrangements have been made."

"I told you she'd come around."

"How did I get so lucky to have a genius for a sister?"

"Like I said, don't screw it up.”

Chapter Thirty

Emma

While Zach was at the gym and Genie out with Andrea for the day, I called Dad. He was at the shop and I took the chance he wouldn't be busy and be able to talk.

"Andrew's Antiques," Dad said in her most cheerful voice.

"Hey Dad, it's me."

"Hello, Kiddo. You're calling early."

"Did I catch you at a busy time?"

"No, it's pretty quiet right now. Just a few browsers. What's up?"

"I could call later."

"No, it's all right. If it gets busy I'll let you know."

My mouth went dry. Telling Dad I had a boyfriend wasn't something I did everyday . . . well, never. And he was a senator's son to boot. "So Dad, I wanted to let you know that Zach Walker and I started dating." No use drawing it out or prolonging my own agony.

Silence. The longer it went, the more my heart raced. Was Dad angry? I wondered if I should have waited until I'd seen him in person to drop the bombshell. His only kid had a boyfriend, a boyfriend he'd never met.

"I see," Dad finally said. "I figured it was inevitable. When am I going to meet this young man?"

Dad's tone wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't furious either. "I don't know. I have a tennis tournament next week, mid-terms after that then it's spring break. We could come to Pine Falls then."

More silence.

"He's a good kid, right? I'm not going to lie. I've been asking around and I googled him. I even got Wendy to look into him. He seems fine. Does he do drugs?"

"No!"

"What does Jake think of him?"

I wanted to let out a sarcastic laugh. "Jake thinks he's all right."

"Well, then spring break it is. I want to meet him."

We talked a few minutes more before Dad had to go. I was relieved. Dad didn't have a coronary.

~~~~~~~

There was no hiding that Zach and I were dating. We kissed and hugged before and after classes, not the drawn out PDAs or anything, just quick pecks and off we went. I expected the backlash from Bianca because one way or another she was going to find out. By Friday I started receiving a steady stream of texts. Some I deleted without reading, others I subjected myself to. The worst came as I was waiting for Zach. He texted to tell me he'd be a few minutes late. Almost immediately after I got another one.

000:000:0000: I'm going to mess you up.

That was the first one indicating violence. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me for a reaction, but there was no one. I didn't care about any of these harassing texts but this one had me spooked.

Me: I'm going to call the cops.

000:000:0000: Go ahead BITCH.

Me: Who is this?

000:000:0000: Your worst fucking nightmare.

Me: Leave me alone.

000:000:0000: Can't. And I'll get you when you least expect it.

My hands shook and I stuffed my phone into my backpack. Did I tell Zach? I'd been keeping the texts quiet because they'd been nothing more than an annoyance. Bianca was harmless, that's what Zach had assured me, but these texts crossed the line. Suddenly I felt exposed, a wide open target. I hated that I needed Zach around to feel protected, but Bianca was sounding crazy.

"Sorry I'm late," Zach said, kissing me on the cheek.

"Oh, hi."

"You look upset. What's wrong?"

I'd reached my breaking point. I pulled out my phone and brought up the texts. I showed them to Zach and he scrolled through them. His face went from cheerful to furious.

"Why didn't you tell me about these?"

"Before today they were all harmless and stupid."

"Do not reply to any more of them. I'm going to download them and see if Dad can help."

"No, please don't make a big deal," I begged. "That just pisses her off."

"I thought this was over."

"She probably found out about us and is pissed. Can't we just forget about it?"

He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek. "At the very least let me download them so we have a copy. Then I want you to delete them. And any other ones you get, I want to see and download. Okay?"

"Yes, fine."

I felt relieved telling him, but I didn't trust him to let it go. Just like getting Bianca not to press charges, I had a feeling he was going to do something. Secretly if it kept her from bothering me, I didn't care.

We got home to the smell of butter chicken in my Crockpot. I put on a pot of water for rice and prepped a salad and a vegetarian paella for Genie. She and some friends were going on a weekend shopping trip and she'd already informed us she'd have a quick dinner with us before packing. They'd asked me to come along but Helen and I had our big tennis tournament Saturday and Sunday. She'd been practicing on her own all week in preparation.

"I was going to invite Brett over tomorrow night," Zach said. "We were going to watch hockey. Why don't we make pizzas?"

His voice sounded weird, taking on a bit of a higher pitch. "I won't be home until about six. Why is this a big deal?"

"It's not . . . well, it kind of is. Brett's my best friend and I want him to get to know you."

I involuntarily frowned. "You can't make him like me."

"He doesn't know you."

"All right, I'll make pizzas and hang out for a bit, but I don't want to be a third wheel. And you'll need to do some prep work. I'll leave you a to do list."

He smiled. "No problem."

Genie breezed through the door like a whirlwind. "It smells fantastic in here! Are we eating soon? I've got to pack and turn in early because we're on the road at six am. Outlet shopping, here I come!"

"We'll be eating in about twenty minutes."

"Perfect. Call me when it's ready."

And she was gone. Zach and I looked at each other and laughed.

"So I was thinking," I said, handing him tomatoes to slice, "spring break is coming and I'm going back to Pine Falls for a bit. Do you want to come out for a couple of days and meet Dad and Grandpa?"

He popped a chunk of tomato in his mouth and gave me a thumbs up. "I'd like that."

"There will be rules. You'll have your own room and no sneaking around for sex. I'd be mortified if either one of them caught us."

"I can be on my best behavior for awhile," he said with a wink.

I plated the food and put out the naan I'd bought the night before. I wanted to learn how to make it, but no time for that. Zach called Genie and we sat down for a meal.

"Who needs a man when I get an orgasm from this food," Genie said, savoring her paella.

"Really?" Zach said. "Steve was that bad?"

"Come on, maybe you're used to it, but eating like this? You're so spoiled. My compliments to Emma."

"Thanks."

"Emma, why are you wasting your talents here? Go to culinary school."

"There's nothing around here. I don't want to be a plane ride away to go to school."

"What are you going to do instead? Toil in some shitty job you can't stand? Zach talk some sense into her? Besides, once Zach graduates he's not sticking around here."

"He's not?" That news was a punch to the gut. Zach had one year left. Not once had he mentioned leaving for law school; I'd assumed he'd stay at Western.

"Dad won't let him get his undergraduate and his law degree from the same university. As we speak he's probably trying to get him into Harvard."

I looked over at Zach. He was biting down on his lower lip, trying to keep his temper in check. I thought he was going to reach over and strangle Genie.

"Nothing is set in stone," he said, shooting Genie the death glare.

"Law school is set in stone. Wherever Zach ends up, there has to be a good culinary school nearby." Had Genie realized she'd upset both of us and was trying to find some kind of bright side?

"And maybe you could just shut up?" Zach suggested.

"Oh shit, Emma, did I shoot my mouth off? I'm sorry. I thought you knew." The fun and lively Genie was replaced by an apologetic one.

"No, I didn't."

"Why don't you take your dinner and bugger off so that I can talk to Emma," Zach said to his sister.

She dutifully picked up her plate and disappeared.

Zach grasped onto my hand. "Emma, it's more than a year away and so much can happen before then."

"Like what?" I asked, taking my hand away and pushing my half-empty plate to the side. I'd lost my appetite.

"Despite what Genie says, I may not go to law school. And even if I do, it would only be half a year that we'd be apart. Then you could come out to wherever I am, get a job, go to culinary school, whatever you want. If I get into Columbia, there are a million culinary schools you could go to. I've already checked it out."

Columbia? Where was this coming from? Why hadn't he mentioned it before? "Or we might not even be together in a year."

"That wasn't one of my considerations."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's so far off. I don't look that far ahead."

"But everything is already mapped out for you. And I don't even know what I'm doing with my life."

"Then what's to stop you from coming with me? Transferring out to another school?"

"Nothing, I guess."

"I might even end up here. Who knows? But wherever I go, we'll figure it out. I promise."

"I know."

"We have so much time to make plans. I don't want you to worry about this."

"I won't."

I did feel a little better mostly at the thought of leaving this school and all its horrible memories behind. And he was right. It was a long way off.

~~~~~~~

"Should I stick around and watch?" Zach asked, dropping me off at the tennis club.

"It's only the preliminaries. Semi-finals and finals are next weekend. That's if we make it."

He kissed my cheek before I grabbed my duffel bag. "I'm sure you'll make the finals."

"We'll see."

I waved goodbye and went inside. Helen was in the locker room, pacing in our usual meeting place. She already had her tennis outfit on and was chewing vigorously on her nails.

"You're finally here! I was worried you wouldn't come."

Was I late? I took a quick glance at my watch. I was fifteen minutes early. "You seem a tad nervous."

Helen stopped. "I am. We have to win. I always meet up with Sally's team and she knocks me out of the tournament every time. She cannot beat me this year."

Helen was wound so tight I could have spun her like a top. "Don't worry. It'll be fine. We'll have a great time."

At least I hoped we would. We'd practiced three times a week together and then she came in the rest of the week and played with anyone she could get her hands on. Her obsession with Sally Carruthers was making her crazy.

"This is the first year there's been sixteen teams. Sixteen! What if we don't win any prize money? I'll feel bad that you worked so hard for nothing."

I smiled. "Helen, don't worry about it. I got to spend time with you and work on my tennis game. Who cares if we don't win anything."

She frowned. "I like to win."

I got that impression.

I changed and we made our way out to the courts. Round of sixteen started in twenty minutes for the adult ladies side, followed by the adult men. The women's teams were on the court getting in some last minute practice. I scanned our competition. Helen had nothing to worry about, but I didn't tell her that.

"She's over there, first court, pink outfit," Helen said under her breath.

I took a look. Sally was a decent player, but not a huge challenge. "Helen, are you sure I'm cleared to play in this tournament?"

Helen grabbed the only open court and a few balls. "Yes. Trust me, I made sure this was all kosher."

We warmed up with a simple rally. We then moved on to our serves and that's when I knew something was wrong. I didn't notice at first, mostly because I was focusing on hitting my points, but almost all the other ladies, including the few assembled to watch, had stopped what they were doing to watch me. I was getting ready for another toss when Helen waved at me to stop, then motioned for me to look over at the other courts. Faces were staring, some in awe, jaws dropped, others mortified.

Helen jogged over, a wide smile all over her face. "They're all scared shitless. Let's paste them."

I nodded. I'd have to take something off the serve. My intent wasn't to hurt or humiliate anyone even though Helen was out for blood.

Our first opponents were Kellea and Bree, two lovely ladies in their mid-thirties. Neither was able to return a single one of my serves and that's after I took some heat off. In the history of my tennis life, I'd never served a perfect game. This new accomplishment did not make me proud.

And, as predetermined in our many practice sessions, I took any ball that was in my reach. In fact, some of the few points Kellea and Bree made were from Helen overestimating my capabilities. We won the match in thirty-two minutes. Both Kellea and Bree were gracious, but I had a feeling not all our opponents would feel that way.

The umpire came up to us at the end of the match as we headed off court. "Emma Andrews?" she asked.

A moment of dread washed over me. She was going to find a way to disqualify us and ruin Helen's dream. "Yes," I said.

"I remember you. It's been a few years. I umped a few of your matches."

The boom was about to be laid. Helen's moment in the sun was about to be dimmed.

"I quit when I was sixteen."

"I heard. A lot of us were shocked. I'm happy to see you playing again, but aren't you selling yourself short in this tournament?"

I cringed. "I think so. I've never played in one of these, so I had no idea."

Mercifully Helen had wandered off. She didn't need to hear all this.

"I know you're going easy on these ladies, but you want to turn it down at least another two or three notches?"

"I will. I'm sorry."

She smiled. "Don't be sorry. Win the damn thing! It will be nice seeing someone other than Sally Carruthers hoisting that trophy. Good luck, dear. And think about coaching. You've got a great game and so much talent. Don't waste it."

With the umpire gone, Helen returned. "What was that about? She getting us in trouble?"