Breathe (40 page)

he asked.

“I"m not sure I can understand—not sure I can see the two of you together—

but I don"t want him to think he has to be ashamed of it, that he has to hide who he

loves.”

“He doesn"t love me.”

She let go of the stone. The sound of an approaching car broke the silence

between them. It faded as the car drove past the cemetery.

“I used to watch my daughter with him. From the time they were seven years

old they always had their heads together, talking, laughing. Like girlfriends. I"d

never been that close to any boys, not even Stuart. At first, I was afraid Jay would

break her heart. After they were married, I finally accepted there was something

special there. Even if I didn"t want to admit it, their connection was obvious. She

loved him with everything she was. It was in the way she looked at him.” Emily

paused. “The same way I saw him look at you.”

Lincoln shook his head and stared into the darkness toward the cemetery"s

lone exit.

“I know what I saw. He couldn"t have gotten there without forgiving you first.

There"s not one ounce of hate in that man. Never has been.”

She was right. Jay was the best of all of them.

“I don"t mind you being here,” she said. “It means something to me that you"ve

come so often. I used to watch you from my car. I saw the shame, the sorrow.” She

raised her hand as if she wanted to reach over the tombstone and touch him. She

didn"t. She dropped her hand to her side. “My daughter wouldn"t want you to live

with that.”

The glow of headlights spilled over them, blinding Lincoln. He held up a hand

to shield his eyes. The light dimmed and swept away as the vehicle turned a corner

in the distance, but not before he caught sight of the powder blue Honda parked

along the cemetery road.

“Is that your car?” he asked her.

“Yes.”

“Do you know the time?”

She checked her watch. “Four fifteen.”

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“You should leave.” Whoever drove the vehicle through the winding road of

Pleasant Valley Cemetery would be back. “It isn"t safe here.”

“Why?” She glanced to where the lights had come from. “Why did you ask if I

wanted to meet you here?”

“You need to go.” He gestured to her car. He had the urge to tug on her arm to

get her moving but couldn"t bring himself to approach her with any harshness.

She started for her car, and he followed a step behind.

“Do you have a cell phone?” he asked.

“I left it at home.” She unlocked her car doors but didn"t move to get in. “Is this

about the shooting? The police said there were threats. Why?” She closed her eyes

for a moment. She didn"t need to ask, and he didn"t need to answer. “Come with

me,” she said.

He opened the driver"s-side door for her. “I have to end this.”

She didn"t move.

“I"m going to the police as soon as I see who it is.”

She glanced around the dark cemetery and then at him before finally getting

into the car. He shut the door behind her, and she started the engine, but didn"t pull

away. Instead she rolled down the window and spoke in a low whisper he couldn"t

hear. He leaned forward and rested a hand on the edge of the window frame.

“Things were easier then,” she said. “Simpler for all of us. I think he needs you

more than he ever needed her.”

Lincoln squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn"t let himself believe her. “I"m sorry,”

he said when he met her gaze. “I"m sorry for taking her from you—from him.”

“I know you are.” She patted his hand but didn"t let the touch linger. He

understood. “I want him to be happy, but I"m not certain I can watch—”

“No one expects you to be okay with seeing us together.”

“Do you have to stay?”

“Yes.” He straightened and stepped back from her car.

“If he loses someone again… I think this time, losing you will destroy him.”

She drove off without rolling up her car window. Her helmet hair still didn"t blow in

the breeze. It seemed more fitting than before.

She was a strong woman. Lincoln hoped he could be as strong.

* * *

gas harder. Was there a speed limit in the cemetery? Probably nothing official. Most

people knew to drive at a snail"s pace. He would too, had he not been trying to save

Lincoln"s life.

The beam of the truck"s headlights had revealed Lincoln standing at Katie"s

grave, staring at her headstone. Jay had to turn a corner on the lone road through

Pleasant Valley, and he lost Lincoln to the darkness.

Breathe

211

Another turn, and he slammed on the brakes. He was as close as he was going

to get. He threw the truck in park, shoved open the door, and ran through the rows

of headstones. “Lincoln!” he yelled again even though he couldn"t see the man. He

was out of breath fast. He had to be close. His foot caught on the edge of a flat grave

marker, and he tripped. He landed on his belly, the heels of his hands scraping

across the ground.

“Jay?” Lincoln was close, but Jay still couldn"t see him in the darkness.

“Yeah.” He pushed onto his hands and knees. Lincoln gripped him around the

waist and helped him up. He winced as he put weight on his right ankle.

“Are you okay?” Lincoln"s breath brushed over Jay"s cheek. The moonlight

offered enough light for Jay to see those dark eyes studying him. “What are you

doing here?” Lincoln asked.

“Nancy said there was another note. What do you think you"re doing coming

here alone?”

“I need to take care of this. My way this time.” Lincoln turned and walked

away, the darkness enveloping him.

Jay followed, hobbling on his twisted ankle, keeping Lincoln in his sight. “I

know who shot you.”

Lincoln halted, and Jay did the same. His ankle throbbed more than when he"d

walked on it. He leaned on the edge of the tombstone next to him. Something

rustled above them. A flock of birds fluttered out from the black oak tree overhead.

“Oh God.” Jay jerked his hand away from the headstone. His legs shook as he

took a step back and looked down at the face of the stone. Thanks to the moon

behind him, he saw the words. The headstones surrounding him were gone. He"d

never see the rest of them again. Only that one.

“It"s pretty,” Lincoln said to the ground before them. “A good fit for her. She

was beautiful.”

Lilies adorned the top of the headstone and continued down the length of the

sides, leafy stems and petals growing smaller until one lone lily sat near the bottom

corner on each side. Etched into the granite above the dates were three simple lines:

Our Beloved

Katherine Anne Miller

Forever Young, Forever in Our Hearts

Nowhere did it mention she"d been a wife. A standard Stuart Shaw rewrite of

history.

Jay dropped to his knees. He raised a hand and followed the stem of a lily

toward the words. He traced her first name, and tears blurred his vision. There was

no stopping them this time.

Lincoln knelt beside him and laid a hand on his back. “You never looked?”

“I couldn"t.” He swiped at the tears.

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Lincoln grasped Jay"s hands and lowered them from his face. “Don"t. You have

to let yourself grieve.” He slid an arm around Jay"s chest and pulled him sideways

until he was cradled in Lincoln"s arms, half across the man"s lap. “So you can live.”

With those words, Jay let the walls fall. He could barely breathe between the

gasps. The tears fell from his face and dripped onto Lincoln"s forearm, those strong

arms never letting go of him.

“Breathe,” Lincoln said in a low whisper to the hair above Jay"s ear. “Just

breathe.”

Jay focused in on the low, deep voice.

“Let yourself miss her. Talk about her. Be angry. Or lonely. Or even happy.

Whatever you need to feel. It"s all okay, Jay. Just feel it. Keep remembering Katie,

and it"ll get easier to keep close to her.”

Katie.

Jay pushed himself up. He wiped the tears from his eyes and met Lincoln"s

stare. “At first, I thought you and she were nothing alike. I know better now.” He

touched the side of Lincoln"s face and ran the pad of his thumb over the man"s lips.

“You"re the only one who made the pain go away. Who made me feel alive. Who

listened. Who talked about her. The only one who"s said her name since the

funeral.”

Lincoln pressed his forehead to Jay"s. “No matter what, no one can take her

from you.”

Jay fell into Lincoln"s arms again, holding as much as being held, taking in the

warmth and scent of the man he loved. He wanted Lincoln in his life. They had to

find a way. They had to take a chance.

Lincoln"s hand around Jay"s neck tightened, then went slack, and the man

slumped in his arms. Jay caught him. “Lincoln?” He lowered him to the ground, and

Lincoln sprawled out on the grass. “Lincoln!”

A sharp prick struck Jay"s left arm, like a bee sting. Dizziness overwhelmed

him. He fell backward and landed on the ground, his right arm draped over

Lincoln"s chest, his left foot touching the lower corner of the headstone, a lone lily

visible over the tip of his shoe as his vision slowly darkened.

Breathe

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Chapter Thirty-one

Jay groaned and stretched. His left arm and hip ached, both feeling the

throbbing pain of lying on a solid surface for far too long. The stubble of trimmed

grass tickled his nose, and the smell of earth and flowers surrounded him.

The cemetery.

He opened his eyes. He was on the ground under the oak tree near Katie"s

grave. He tried to sit up but could barely move. His arms were restrained behind

him and his ankles tied with rope.

Red nylon rope.

It stung to know he"d guessed right when he"d seen the fire on the news. All

those gas cans in the garage had nothing to do with a generator. Would he ever stop

losing people he loved?

More of the cemetery was visible around Jay. Dawn was fast approaching. A

dark figure sat slumped against the headstone ten feet in front of him. Lincoln.

Restrained similarly.

Jay gathered his strength and forced himself to a sitting position, his legs out

in front of him. He leaned his shoulder against the tree. More dizziness. He"d been

shot full of some kind of drug, and whatever it was, it was still in his system. He

blinked and tried to force his feet under him.

His right ankle throbbed with each movement, the tight ropes keeping his legs

pinned together. There was no way he"d make it to standing. “Lincoln! Wake up.”

“Don"t talk to him.”

Despite Jay"s earlier acceptance of who he"d find at the cemetery, his stomach

churned at the ring of the familiar voice.

Todd sat perched on a headstone four rows away. The sun was rising behind

him, and Jay didn"t miss the gun Todd had aimed at Lincoln.

She had said, “Someone should kill him.” How far would Todd go to please

their mom?

Jay gasped. “What are you doing?” A low rumble came from Lincoln. He

shifted in his restraints, but he didn"t open his eyes. “What did you do to him?”

“He"s fine. Just something to keep him out for a while.”

Jay turned to get a better look at his brother. “Why are you doing this?”

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Todd laughed, but the sound wasn"t joyful or happy. He jumped off the

tombstone without lowering the gun, and stepped closer. Jay saw his brother"s face

more clearly. The frustration and disappointment weren"t a new expression.

What would it take to stop him?

“You"re a real great brother, you know that?” Lincoln"s words slurred.

The air rushed to Jay"s lungs. “Linc, are you okay?”

Lincoln lifted his head. “Drugging him? Tying him up? Who does that to his

own brother?”

“Shut up!” Todd moved a step toward Lincoln. “You take a man"s world away,

and you don"t have the decency to stay clear of him? You should have walked away

the minute you figured out who he was.”

“Linc?” Jay squirmed in his restraints.

“It"s okay, Jay. I"m all right.”

“Todd, get over here and untie me.” Jay struggled to wrangle his feet under

him again.

Todd took another step closer to the headstone, the gun aimed at Lincoln"s

chest. “Stop talking to my brother.”

“Fucking untie me!” Jay screamed.

“I"m sorry, Jay. Not yet. You weren"t supposed to be here.”

“
I’m
not supposed to be here? Why are you doing all this? For mom?”

Todd gave up on staring Lincoln down. The confused look he threw Jay"s way

was almost amusing. Did he think what he was doing made sense?

“Yes, for Mom.” The gun shook in his grip. “And for you. For everyone.” The

warmth and compassion on Todd"s face unnerved Jay. “I thought if I tortured him