Breathe (22 page)

‘
It wasn’t your fault,’ I answered. ‘And it wasn’t Anna’s either.’ I didn’t move, but he laid his arms around me and pulled me closer anyway.

‘
I know,’ he sighed. ‘It’s just that I had missed you so much, and I really didn’t need that interruption. I was on my way to getting you to stay, and I’m sure that didn’t help my cause.’

‘
No, it didn’t,’ I giggled, relived that his anger was gone. It still gave me chills to hear an angry man’s voice. My pulse had been throbbing.

‘
Well, you are right. We can’t stay here. I thought this would be a safe spot, I thought Julia would understand. Lord knows I certainly have these past seven years.’ I saw him glance at my suitcase. ‘Let’s go away, Sara. Just you and me. I want us to talk like we did our first night, and spend the day together cooking, and making love and be together without any interruptions. Let’s go tonight.’

I stared at him confused. He couldn’t be seen with me in public. I wanted to, not the public part, but the being together part. My apartment was fine, because I rarely had company,
but he talked about going away. How would that work? It’s not like we could check into a hotel together. Was he serious? Could he just drop everything and go away with me? Where?

‘
Where?’ I repeated out loud, still considering the possibilities. I would love to have him all to myself.

He dropped me as soon as I asked the question, rushing to the door and called Anna.

‘Do you need more clothes?’ he asked me while holding the door and waiting. Anna came before I could answer. She seemed to hesitate before entering the room. Christopher closed it and turned to her.

‘
First of all, I’m sorry I acted like a jerk. I know it wasn’t your fault. And I know I said you could take the rest of the night of, but can you help me arrange something first? Can you cancel my plan for this week, I don’t think it is anything imperative. And see if they can move the meeting in Texas. Call Kevin and ask if I can borrow his jet tonight, I think he said it was on standby all week. No, never mind, I can do that myself. Oh! And ask Charles to take Sara home so she can pack a fresh suitcase. Ask him to wait for her and help her, and then drive her to Farnborough, I think Kevin keeps his jet there. Get a hold of Jefferson for me.’

Christopher was babbling on while Anna wrote on a small notepad. I took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and refasten my dress and clean up my face.
This was happening to fast. Ten minutes ago, I was ready to leave this house and never set foot in it again. Now, Christopher was planning to take me away to an unknown destination. Me, who never goes anywhere.

‘
Anna, nobody, not Julia or anybody else, is to know where we’re going, ok?’ his voice muffled through.

‘
Of course,’ I heard her answer, before a door opened and shut, indicating that she had left.

A quick knock
came at the bathroom door, and Christopher asked me if I was ok, his voice sounded worried.

I opened
for him and stretched my arms around him and smiled. ‘Yes.’ I felt happy, and excited and scared in a good way. ‘Where are we going?’

«I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.»
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Four hours later
I was on a private jet for the first time in my life. The few times I had flown before, was on economic tickets, with narrow space and noisy passengers, screaming children or drunken middle-aged men who didn’t seem too know when you wanted to be left alone. This plane was quiet. Even the engine made less noise. My light brown leather seat was wide and comfortable, and could be bent backwards almost to a bed. Five other seats were placed around, and I could see additional seats that could be folded out in the back. We only needed two seats. Except for the two pilots situated in the cockpit, Christopher and I were alone. A table was situated between us, and Christopher had poured some champagne as soon as the plane had reached a good altitude. I felt grand. 

Alice had called me just before I entered the plane, telling me that she just got back from
Lisbon, and wanted me to meet her at Red Lion, she was dreadfully hung over, and in need of a refill.

‘
Don’t tell me your still painting that picture. Please, it’s been ages. I need you,’ she pleaded.

‘
I know,’ I laughed ‘but I’m sorry. I’m actually on my way on a airplane.’

‘
What?’ she gasped. ‘Are you leaving? To Norway? Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘
No, I’m not moving home. I’m just taking a trip.’

‘
Where?’ She asked curious.  

‘
Eh… I don’t really know…’ I should have just made something up.

‘
What do you mean, you don’t know? For how long?’

Shit! She would love this one.
‘I’m not sure on that either.’ I started to climb the stairs, I knew Christopher was waiting impatiently inside. Alice was quite for a while. Not like her. But I could hear her breathing, so I knew the line wasn’t broken.

‘
Sara, what’s going on? This isn’t like you.’

‘
I know. It’s complicated. I will tell you later.’ I needed to come up with a story. 

‘
Are you going with that guy you have been messing around with these last weeks?’

‘
Emmh.... Maybe. Look, I have to go. But I promise to call you as soon as I get back, ok?’

‘
You better! You’re sure your ok?’

I looked in Christophe
r’s eyes and smiled. ‘Yes, I’m ok. I’m very ok.’ My whole stomach had butterflies.

‘
Well, I hope he is good for you,’ she muttered before saying goodbye and hanging up. I wasn’t sure he was good for me. But it felt good now.

The days went by too fast. We were somewhere in the north country, in a beautiful secluded place owned by Karl Jefferson, a former businessman who had sold his business and bought a large farm that now held over 300 sheep and cattle, and two dozen horses used to round up the herd. I loved the horses. I got to have my own while we stayed here. A chestnut coloured paint horse with white spots and a gentle temper. It felt liberating sitting in the saddle racing down the hills, and feeling the sun on my face and hear nothing but the wind and hooves and the birds singing. I hadn’t realized how I had missed the nature, after staying two years in a concrete jungle. Christopher was by my side the whole time. From we got up in the late morning, to we went to bed in the early nights. We made love everywhere. Apart from the workers on the farm, there was nobody for miles. Christopher left his phone turned off in the cabin we were staying in, a small house secluded from the main house. Karl and his staff left us alone most of the time, and we only joined them when it was mealtime, or when they took care of the horses. Mrs Jefferson made us picnic baskets, so we could stay out for hours at a time. It was just him and me. I loved every second of it. I had never shared so much of my life with anyone, we talked about everything. Christopher checked his phone every night when we got back, and sometimes he stepped outside and made a call. I got a few text messages from Alice, mainly something like ‘wru?’ (where are you), ‘wrud?’ (what are you doing), or ‘who r u with?’ (who are you with). Alice was big on shortening everything when it came to text, which was weird, cause in real life she talked non stop. I tried answering her evasive, without pissing her off. I knew how she hated not to know everything. I suspected a thorough interrogation when I got back. I did not look forward to that. Alfred had called me too, but I hadn’t returned his call. He probably wanted me to move on, find a new place. I was going to, but I didn’t feel like dealing with him while I was here. My mind was only focused on Christopher. And he seemed focused on me. I was enjoying the fact that he had trouble keeping his hands of me. And I had trouble resisting him. The best part of being here; we didn’t need to restrain our self.

We had been here about five days, and I had begun to think of it as paradise, when Karl
came walking up to meet us as we came from a morning excursion. He was an old friend of Christopher. They had met when his company invested in one of Christopher’s movies, and now Christopher trusted him with his life. I had been a little reluctant in the beginning, especially when it came to Christopher and me. I didn’t feel comfortable letting others see how we felt about each other. But it only took a day before I started to relax. Karl exuded a calm and openness it was hard not to be infected by. I liked him very much, and was glad that he seemed to accept me without hesitation. Neither of us mentioned Julia. I pretended she didn’t exist. At first, I suspected he accepted me because he was used to Christopher bringing other women here. But Christopher told me I was the first. Except Julia, but she didn’t come here too often, she and Karl didn’t get along that well. Maybe that’s why I liked Karl so much. It was reason enough.

K
arl Jefferson was tall and broad shouldered, and had dark wavy hair, a crooked nose and a large moustache. I would never have pictured him for a successful businessman, cause it looked like he fit right in on this ranch. He was even wearing a flannel shirt, cowboy boots and a wide-brimmed hat. Now he came toward us with a grave look on his face. One of his boys was with him, and the boy took the reins from our horses and led them away.

‘
Morning Chris. Sara.’ He tipped his hat towards me like a real cowboy, but he didn’t smile.

‘
What’s up, Karl?’ Christopher said, wrapping an arm around me as we stopped in front of him.

‘
Anna called. Some kind of emergency. I was about to get a horse and ride out to find you, she told me you needed to call her back right away.’

I could feel Christopher tense by my side. I knew Anna wouldn’t call him unless it was something urgent. She usually left him a message so he could call her back when he had the time, she knew he didn’t keep his phone on him while we were here.

‘Did she say what it was about?’ he asked, dropping his arm from me.

‘
No, just that you needed to call as soon as possible. She sounded upset.’

We headed back to the cabin, and Christopher ran inside to get his phone. I saw Karl taking a long look at us before he headed to the main house.
I knew he was as curious as I was, but he was tactful enough to leave us alone. I could hear Christopher already on the phone, and decided that I would give him some privacy too. This was probably none of my business. So I sat on the stairs and waited, letting the sun warm my face, trying not to think what I already knew. We had to leave. He had to go back. I have had the most amazing days, but I knew that phone call was the end of it. So I wasn’t surprised when he called me inside and told me to start packing. I was surprise, though, by his abruptness. He threw my things on the bed beside my suitcase at the same time he collected his own. He didn’t fold anything, and didn’t explain to me what was going on. In stead he ran around the small space and collected our clothes and things, throwing them either at the bed or in his own suitcase. I wasn’t doing it fast enough apparently, because when he had packed his own stuff, he started shoving my clothes in my bag. All the while he was on the phone arranging our journey back to London.

‘
We leave in fifteen minutes,’ he said to me, holding the phone away for two seconds before continuing his conversation with who ever. Then he went outside, and I saw him powerwalk towards the main house, probably to let Karl know and to arrange for someone to drive us to the airport. I was still standing with a bunch off my clothes in my hand, wondering what happened that would make him behave this way. It must be bad. His family? Julia? I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to know.

When Christopher came back five minutes later, I was waiting on the terrace with all our luggage
ready.

‘
Is that all?’ he asked and walked past me to check him self. I followed him inside.

‘
You need to tell me what’s going on, Chris. Why did Anna call?’ I blocked the door, forcing him to face me. I heard him take a deep breath, before he placed both his hands to my face, holding them and staring into my eyes. He looked tired, all the happiness that was present earlier in the day was gone.

‘
You know I love you.’

No, I didn’t know that. He had never said that in words before.
I had wished for the words, dreamed about them, but never believed I would actually hear them. It spread a warm feeling through my body. I wanted to jump up and wrap my feet around him and kiss him. But this wasn’t a time for passion. I let him continue.

‘
I have had the time of my life here with you, and I wish we never had to leave. I told you Julia had a rough time lately. What I didn’t tell you is that her long time relationship ended while we were in Florence. She was pretty upset about it. Apparently, he had gone back to his wife, or another mistress, I don’t know. All I know is that it didn’t end well for Julia. I thought maybe her mother might help, so I convinced her to go to New York. And she seemed better, but insisted on coming home with me. I should have known she wasn’t stable by the way she treated you, but she always seems so strong. She has always been the strong one.’ He sat on the bed now, no longer in a rush. I went over and sat beside him, stroking his back and leaning my head against his shoulder.