Breathe (14 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Abby

We parked a block away and stole through the pitch-black darkness amid the other partygoers still clad in their tuxedos and ball gowns. We knew no one would notice us. We were just two more teenagers wandering home after leaving the dance. Garrett walked ahead of me but as we neared Dr. Cross’s office, he reached back to take my hand.

It was a friendly enough gesture. Something I wouldn’t have hesitated to do in the past when we were just friends. Now I briefly wondered what the gesture meant.

Deciding I didn’t care, I slipped my hand into his and fell into step beside him. Feeling the warmth of his body next to mine, I inched closer, wanting to experience the full force of it. Let it wash over me. Overwhelm me. Drown me. It was moments like those that made me think that it wouldn’t matter if I surrendered to it, if I allowed myself to love him completely. I felt guilty when I thought about Zoe and Jeff. About abandoning them at the dance. But Garrett was the only person who would commit breaking and entering for me.

We entered Dr. Cross’s office through the rear entrance in the alleyway by the bar. Charlie’s cage was empty, so I knew Dr. Cross must have moved him inside. Silently I cursed Paul Ford. Charlie didn’t deserve to die for doing what he’d done. He was just trying to protect me. One of the few creatures on Earth who cared enough to look out for me.

Garrett removed his tuxedo jacket and wrapped it around his elbow, which he used to break the small window on the back door. He reached through the shattered glass and unlocked the door. We didn’t have to worry about an alarm. No one in Little Bend had one. Dr. Cross was no exception.

I glanced around quickly to make sure nobody had seen us before I followed Garrett into the darkened building. The busted glass crunched beneath my heels. I looked to the floor and examined the evidence I’d ground to dust beneath my feet. It glinted in the dull overhead fluorescent light, a fine powder of proof that Garrett would do anything for me.

I smiled a little at this realization and when I looked up, I could see Garrett staring back at me through the darkness. I saw that night again in his eyes and for a moment I thought he might kiss me again. I wanted him to kiss me again, but he didn’t. He just reached out his hand once more and pulled me along to the double-doored room at the end of the hallway.

“Charlie,” I called, spying the dog in a cage on the far side of the tiny, spotless room we entered. He didn’t move. He barely even acknowledged my presence. It was almost as if he’d given up already and resigned himself to his fate. I kneeled before the cage and examined the lock. “Don’t worry Charlie,” I promised. “No one’s gonna hurt you. We’re gonna get you out of here.”

“Shit,” Garrett swore from a kneeling position beside me. He examined the lock and flung it back against the cage in anger. In the corner, I heard Charlie growl. “I’d need bolt cutters to get through the lock,” he told me.

“Do you have any?” I asked.

“Not in the truck.”

“Keys,” I told him, remembering the months I spent helping Dr. Cross nurse Charlie back to health. “Dr. Cross keeps the keys to the cages in her office. Above her filing cabinet.”

Garrett dashed off to retrieve them while I took a seat on the floor. I stuck my arm into the cage and called Charlie to me. He didn’t move and I wished I’d brought some treats to give him.

“Watch out,” Garrett whispered when he returned. I moved out of the way so he could open the lock and release Charlie. When he finished, he stepped back and I opened the cage door. Still Charlie didn’t stir. “Come on boy, let’s go,” I called to him a few times until Garrett stepped into the cage to retrieve him. Charlie growled at him and I knew that it would have to be me. I stepped in behind Garrett, placed a hand upon his shoulder, and motioned for him to exit. Then I approached Charlie.

He allowed me to near him and when I’d reached him, he allowed me to pick him up. I knew there was no way for me to carry him back to the truck a block away and there was no way he’d allow Garrett to touch him. “You’re gonna have to bring the truck around,” I told Garrett.

“Someone might see us,” he cautioned. “If they do they’ll definitely recognize my pickup.”

I couldn’t care about that at this point. I had to get Charlie out of there. To hell with the consequences. “Do it,” I said and he did. He always did. Whatever I asked, Garrett would do it.

I waited to exit the building until I saw the taillights at the edge of the alley. Garrett knew better than to try to help me carry the dog, but he held the door open for me and steadied me as I climbed into the cab and positioned Charlie with his head upon my lap. I tried not to react to the feel of Garrett’s hands against my back.

We drove most of the way with the windows down and the radio on, avoiding conversation. I held tight to Charlie. He was scared, I could feel his whole body convulsing. I whispered in his ear. Promised that I’d take care of him. I wanted him to feel safe, loved. I wanted him to know I would never do anything to hurt him. But each time his body shook I wondered if he knew they were promises I wasn’t certain I could keep.

As we drove, I fell asleep, not waking until it was nearing two o’clock on Saturday morning. The clock on the dash flashed the time at me in bright red, reminding me that we were on a deadline. I had to get back to Little Bend by nine if I wanted to swim for Penn State. We were nearing the shore. I could smell the salt in the air. Taste it on my sleep-dried tongue. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“There’s a 24 hour no-kill shelter in Barnegat,” he replied. “I figured the Jersey shore was far enough away. But,” he said, pulling the truck to the side of the road and switching the ignition off. “I’ve gotta pee first.”

I smiled and nodded. He’d been driving for hours, non-stop. I was surprised he hadn’t needed to get out before that point, but he’d probably wanted to let me sleep. Truth was, I could use a bathroom myself. And a toothbrush. Preferably with some toothpaste on it. Of course, right then I would have settled for a stick of gum or half a mint.

Charlie was asleep so I gently moved his head from my lap onto the seat before reaching for my purse. I shoved a hand inside and searched until I found a pack of gum at the bottom. I stuffed a piece into my mouth before I stepped out of the truck.

Garrett had yet to emerge from the cluster of trees where he’d gone to relieve himself so I rounded the truck and dropped the tailgate so I could take a seat. I shook out of my hair and rolled my dress up to my knees before stretching out. It was a good deal warmer there than in Little Bend and I enjoyed the feel of the warmth on my skin where hours before there’d been frost.

“So I was thinking,” Garrett said as he hopped up beside me. “We’ll have a few extra hours after we drop Charlie off. What d’ya say we head to the shore? Check out the ocean?”

I repositioned myself so that I was lying across the tailgate with my head resting on his outstretched legs. “Or we could stay here.”

“Here?”

“Yeah, here. You. Me. Just like this.”

Garrett laughed. “Well as interesting as this desolate stretch of road is, I could really use some food. How about some breakfast at least? Then we can plan the rest of our boring future in the middle of nowhere.” Reluctantly, I agreed and got back into the truck so Garrett could drive until we found a roadside diner that was open twenty-four hours a day.

Inside, I waited for the waitress to seat us then I headed straight for the bathroom. The warm water from the sink felt incredible, bringing life back to the tired skin of my face. I patted my skin dry using some paper towels than ran a wet hand through my hair. I was still wearing my homecoming dress and my hair was windblown and a downright mess. I still looked like shit but it was the best I could do under the circumstances.

I returned to our table to find a glass of cola on my side. I finished it quickly and thanked the waitress when she brought me a refill with our meal. “Let me guess, you two are on your way to the shore,” our waitress commented

“How’d you know?” Garrett asked.

“Kids like you come through here all the time,” she replied. “All dressed up after a dance.”

“I haven’t been to the shore since mom had Nick,” Garrett said between mouthfuls after the waitress left. “We used to go every summer before that. We stayed in a house right on the beach. Have you ever been?”

“To the shore?”

“No, the moon,” Garrett laughed. “Of course the shore.”

“Once,” I smiled and answered. “With Maggie when I was about seven or eight. She got it into her head one morning that she wanted to watch the sun rise from the beach, so she pulled me out of bed and dressed me in my favorite bathing suit. It was pink and had all the Disney princesses on the front—”

“Oh, I bet that was cute.”

“Whatever, I was adorable.”

“I’m sure.” Garrett stuffed a forkful of waffle into his mouth and washed it down with some orange juice. “Which part of the shore?” He asked after he’d swallowed.

“Wildwood,” I replied, remembering the disastrous trip clearly. “Maggie talked the whole trip down about the time she’d gone with her mother before she died. She told me all about the boardwalk and the rides and about how much fun we’d have together. I wanted desperately to believe her.”

Garrett stopped chewing and reached across the table to take my hand. For as long as I’d known him I’d never had one completely honest conversation with him about Maggie and yet he seemed to instinctively know that this story was one that was hard for me to tell.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing at first. We sat on the beach, wrapped together in a blanket, and waited for the sun to come up. And when it did, I was almost sad to see it because I knew it was the end of one of the best moments I’d ever spent with my mother.”

“Did you get to go on the rides at least?”

I shook my head and looked down at my plate, still overflowing with food, but I’d lost my appetite. “We walked to the boardwalk when Maggie grew bored with the sunrise, but the stores were all closed and the rides were shut down.”

“You got there too early?”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “By about six months. It was the middle of January.”

“You want me to wrap this up to go?” The waitress interrupted from behind me as she placed a manicured hand on my untouched plate of sausage.

I nodded and stopped speaking and when the waitress returned with my to-go bag I took it out to the car to feed Charlie while Garrett paid the bill at the cashier station by the door. I opened the door and called Charlie to me. He came to life once he smelled the food, hopping from the truck, pushing his nose against my leg, and whining until I opened the Styrofoam container.

I didn’t tell Garrett about the snow on the beach or that Maggie dragged me around in that bathing suit and a pair of flip-flops like it was eighty degrees and sunny. I didn’t tell him that I nearly froze to death when she insisted that I take a swim. What good would it have done now? It was in the past. And I think finally I was ready to move on.

Chapter Eighteen

Garrett

We dropped Charlie off at the no-kill shelter around three am. Abby hugged him around his collar but she didn’t cry. Not even a single tear. I thought for sure I’d see something considering how upset she’d been about his potential demise. But nothing. She just hugged him goodbye and thanked the shelter lady who put Charlie on a leash and dragged him away.

Back in the truck she scanned radio stations but couldn’t settle on one so she turned it off and rested her head on my shoulder. She stared straight through the windshield as we drove along the shoreline. “Stop here,” she finally said when we approached a rocky stretch of ocean on the southern tip of New Jersey. I slowed the truck to a stop along the sidewalk and put it into park. Abby jumped down and ran across the boardwalk to the rocks beyond so I followed. “Come on,” she hollered. “I want to go swimming.”

I watched her strip in the moonlight, down to the short slip she wore under her long dress, while I took a seat on the rocky shore and removed my slick black shoes. We had to have looked pretty ridiculous, all dressed up, delivering a dog in the middle of the night.

“Are you coming?” she turned around and questioned.

“Give me a minute. I have more clothes on here than you do.”

She giggled and dived into the water not waiting for me to jump with her. I think she trusted that I’d never let her go alone. That I would follow. That I would always follow her.

I removed the remainder of my tuxedo, stripping down to my boxers and leaped from the rocks into the thrashing water below. “Holy shit,” I hollered when I surfaced. “The water’s fricking cold.”

“Don’t be such a chicken shit, Scott,” Abby hollered back, clearly remembering the night at the bridge when I’d said those words to her. She’d issued the challenge this time and I met it, swimming further into the ocean to where her head bobbed up and down in the water.

“Your lips are blue,” I told her once I reached her.

“That’s ‘cause the water’s cold,” she replied through chattering teeth.

“I told you.”

She laughed and so did I. “I don’t care,” she screamed into the endless night. “I just want to enjoy this moment. Here with you, I feel like everything will be all right, like nothing can bother me or hurt me. I feel invincible.”

I took it all in—the smell of the salty sea air, the moonlight glinting off her skin, her wet hair—trying to experience what she was experiencing at that moment. “I want to kiss you,” I told her, surprising myself with the honesty and the intensity of my words.

She looked down from the sky and into my eyes. “I want you to kiss me,” she replied. I hesitated a moment and she laughed again. “Well, are you going to do it or not?” she asked.

“If I do this,” I told her. “And you kiss me back, you can’t take it away tomorrow. You can’t pretend nothing happened. I don’t think my heart can take it. If you kiss me back tonight, you gotta mean it.”

She swam closer to me in the water and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I mean it,” she promised before she leaned in and kissed me.

My body grew warmer with her touch. Suddenly the water wasn’t so damn cold. I pulled her closer to me, craving the warmth, the feel of her body pressed to mine. I never wanted to let her go and we stayed like that—locked together in our embrace—for what felt like forever, until I felt Abby shuddering against me.

“You’re freezing, aren’t you?” I asked. Abby shivered, wrapping her arms around her body and nodding. Together we swam back to shore and climbed up onto the rocks. “I’m so cold,” Abby complained in a trembling voice.

I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her up. “Swimming was your bright idea, remember?” I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her again. “I can think of a few ways to warm you up.”

“And they would be?”

“Option one: I could run to the truck and get you my jacket,” I told her.

“And option two?”

“I could kiss you again.”

She smiled, her teeth still clacking together. “I like option two.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

She wrapped her wet arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, then she rolled over onto the rocks, bringing me down on top of her. I brought my mouth to hers, melting into the warmth of her kiss again.

I moved my hand up her slip and she stopped to whisper in my ear and asked if I had protection. “I’ll be right back,” I told her, hopping to my feet and jogging to the spot on the rocks where we’d left our clothes. I rifled through my pocket for my wallet and pulled it out only to find it didn’t have what I was looking for. I remembered slipping one into my tuxedo jacket pocket so I ran back to the truck to find it, but when I got to the truck I couldn’t find my jacket.

“Fuck,” I swore under my breath, realizing I’d left my jacket in Dr. Cross’ office. I could see it clearly now, when I went to get the keys I set it down on her desk. I must’ve forgotten to pick it back up.

“What?” Abby asked coming up behind me.

I didn’t want to worry her so I lied. “I can’t find one,” I told her.

“Oh,” she said and she sounded as disappointed as I felt. “May as well get out of the cold then.”

I went back to gather our discarded clothing while Abby climbed into the truck and cranked up the heat. “What now?” I asked when I returned to the truck and slid behind the wheel.

“Home, I guess,” she replied. I groaned and she reached out to stroke my hair. “We have to go back, Garrett,” she said and I immediately understood why. Penn State. The Scouts. Swimming. The one thing that still meant more to Abby than me.