Breathe (54 page)

I scrolled up, saw Chace had entered the conversation pretending to be me which wasn’t cool but I decided to share my thoughts about this when he hadn’t just lost his mind.

I took a deep breath and I put my hands to the keyboard.

Actually, guys, you were talking to Chace. Now, it’s Faye and I’m here.

Nothing then,
What?!?!?
This from Serenity.

And
What the frak?!?!?
This from Benji.

Typing hesitantly, (yes, you could type hesitantly), I shared,
Chace and I are kinda together.

More nothing then,
What?!?!?
This from Serenity.

And
What the frak?!?!?
This from Benji.

Oh jeez. Here we go.

Well, actually, Chace and I are more than kinda together. We’re REALLY together. And now he knows what we’ve been doing since he was here and turned on the computer. Your chats popped up. He joined as me. You spilled the beans and he’s a little peeved.
That was me finishing on an understatement.

You got to be fraking kidding!!!
This was Benji.

OMG! What the hell?!?!
This was Serenity.

I typed a bunch of stuff, explaining my lie (I hoped). Explaining Chace and I getting together. Telling them about Malachi and all that went down. Finally explaining why Chace was pissed, including the scary, alarming, heartbreaking new info about Misty but skirting over Chace being terrifyingly angry. Though not skirting over it too much in the hopes that they’d understand and finally back down.

So, to end, it seems this might put me in harm’s way. Chace doesn’t like that much so you have to stop or he’ll arrest you or end up on a hunt to kill the man who violated and killed me. Obviously, if this is my possible end, I’m also asking you to help with not making that happen and backing down.
I finished.

There was again nothing until Serenity popped up with,
It’s kinda not cool he pretended to be you.

I’ll talk to him about that later after I assure him I won’t end up riddled with bullets in a ditch because we’re being stupid.
I replied.

That was when Benji came in with,
I cannot fraking BELIEVE you two are TOGETHER!

I can’t either,
I shared.

Is it good?
Benji asked.

How to answer that?

I decided on,
On a scale of one to ten with ten being how good I was sure it would be, it’s about seven thousand, six hundred, and twenty-three.

Whoa.
Serenity typed. Then,
Righteous.

Fraking AWESOME!!!!
Benji put in.

So, seeing as I’m with the man I’ve been crushing on for forever and it’s that good, I’d like to keep it that way WITHOUT him being pissed at me. Can you help me with that?
I asked.

No probs,
Benji answered instantly.

Then nothing.

Serenity?
I prompted.

We’re close.
She pointed out and I sighed.

Maybe, maybe not and maybe we’re close to me coming to an untimely demise because we stuck our noses into something we shouldn’t.
I returned.

Inara, I get you, but there’s still a murderer to be caught.
Serenity replied like catching murderers was her job. Which it could be, I didn’t know. I just knew this particular murder wasn’t her job to solve (maybe).

Serenity, girl, stand down.
Benji urged.

Serenity, honey, you are where you are, wherever that is, and I’m here. Someone is already DEAD. Someone else might have recently got dead because of this. I do not want to be strike three. This isn’t real to you but I’m living it. What we’re doing, from Chace’s response, tells me I could be in the path of destruction. You might be enjoying this but it isn’t fun for me. The fear I’ve been feeling as you’ve been uncovering things hasn’t been fun for me either. Something I already told you. Last, Chace was seriously pissed and although it wasn’t cool he pretended to be me with you two, honestly, in a weird way, he had the right to be. I get you but please get me. Back down. Promise me. Stop everything. For your sakes, for my sake and also for the sake of Chace and me.
I begged.

Nothing from Serenity until,
Oh, all right. Whatever. I’ll stand down.

Swear on any possible future, no matter how slight, that Nathan Fillion could kiss you, the universe would take that opportunity away if you keep up with ANY of this.
I pressed.

Yeesh, Inara, I said I’d stand down.
Serenity evaded.

Swear.
I demanded.

Nothing then,
Fine. I swear on losing the opportunity to kiss Nathan Fillion that I’ll stand down.

I sighed with relief because that was so big it was
huge
but I typed.
Thank you.

Is he there now?
Benji asked.

Yes.
I answered.

What’s he doing?
Benji asked and I looked to the kitchen to see Chace was doing something at the counter.

Cooking dinner.
I answered.

Sah-fraking-weet.
Benji repled.

Pictures, sister, seriously. He’s yours, you’re tight, we want files.
Serenity ordered.

I could do that.

So I replied.
Okay but I have to go. I’m hungry and Chace might still be a little mad.

Go!
Benji urged and finished on,
Pictures!

Inara?
Serenity on-line called.

Yes?
I on-line answered.

Cool for you. I get you holding it close. But I’m really happy for you.
Serenity typed.

Me too, darling.
Benji added.

Thanks guys.
I replied wishing one day I’d meet them at the same time knowing it was a high probability I wouldn’t which sucked because they were cool and really, when you got down to it, the best friends I ever had. So I finished with,
Sorry I’ve not been around. I’ll keep in better touch.

Girl!
Serenity shot back.
Nathan was in my kitchen cooking dinner, I would NOT be on the computer talking to you.

This was true. She wouldn’t.

Friends fit in your life,
Benji added.
They don’t take away from you living it.

Seriously, really, I hoped one day I met these guys.

Love you guys.
I told them

Right back at you.
Serenity told me.

To the moon and back.
Benji said.

I sighed.

Go to your guy.
Serenity urged.

Okay, later guys.
I agreed.

Later, Inara.
Benji said.

Later, Faye.
Serenity typed.

I closed the chat and went off-line without looking to see what went down when Chace impersonated me partly because I didn’t want to know and partly because it might make me mad and we’d had enough of that for one night. Then I made a mental note to reprogram my chat software so it didn’t log me in on startup.

Out of the corner of my eye, a glass of wine appeared with Chace’s fingers around the bowl. I watched him set it on my Wonder Woman coaster and then tipped my head back to look at him.

“Did they vow on Luke Skywalker’s light saber that they’d stand down?” he asked. I saw he was no longer pissed, there was a teasing light in his eyes but that didn’t mean he didn’t still look troubled.

“Something like that,” I mumbled, dropping my eyes and reaching for my wineglass.

I felt the tips of Chace’s fingers under my chin so I looked up at him again. The second I caught his eyes, he demanded softly, “Assure me they’re done.”

“They promised me they’re done,” I assured him just as softly.

“Okay,” he muttered, leaned in and touched his mouth to mine.

Then he straightened, turned and sauntered to the kitchen while I watched and sipped my wine.

He hit the kitchen and called, “Deal is, I bake the potatoes and broil the steaks. You twice bake the potatoes. Potatoes are baked, darlin’. You’re up.”

“Chace,” I called back.

He closed the fridge his head was in, came out with a beer and his eyes came to me. “Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll never speak to me and scare me like that again no matter how pissed you are at me.”

I saw his beer disappear as both of his hands went behind the high counter that cut the kitchen from the other space but his eyes didn’t leave me when he ordered, “Come here, Faye.”

“Promise me,” I pushed.

“Baby, come here,” he called gently.

My body started to move but my mind shut it down and I repeated, “Promise.”

He held my gaze and I let him.

Then he spoke.

“You fucked up, Faye,” he told me, still talking gently but loud enough for me to hear across the apartment.

“I know,” I agreed.

“He raped her face. I’m not a woman, I can’t call it but I’m guessin’ that isn’t much better than violating other parts of her.”

I
was
a woman but I luckily didn’t know either. That said, my guess, it wasn’t.

“I didn’t know that,” I reminded him.

“You knew she was dead,” he returned.

I did know that.

I remained silent because he had a point. But I stayed where I was because I felt I did too.

We held each other’s eyes in silence and this lasted a long time before Chace ended it.

“Never hurt you.” His voice was soft but firm. A vow.

“You scared me,” I told him.

“No, honey,
you
scared
me.
”

“What?” I whispered but he heard it because he answered.

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Chace –”

“You in my life, me livin’ in hell, feels like I’ve been touched by an angel.”

I stopped breathing.

Was he serious?

“Anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do,” he repeated.

He was serious.

I forced air in my lungs.

Chace kept talking.

“See them in my head, her footprints in the dirt on the trail. She was wearin’ heels. She stumbled. She fell. He drove her on. Her knee prints in the clearing where he violated her. They were yours, those were your last moments, no drama, no joke, I’d lose my mind.”

“It haunts you,” I said softly but he again heard me.

“Damn straight. I didn’t want her but that didn’t make her not mine.”

Oh God, Laurie was right.

I stood and reminded him, “You didn’t kill her, Chace.”

“I didn’t protect her either.”

Oh God. Laurie was
so
right.

“Has it occurred to you that you couldn’t even if you tried?” I asked.

“Yeah, Faye, but I also didn’t try,” he answered instantly.

Oh
God.

I reminded him of something else. “She trapped you into marriage.”

“That make it okay she died that way?” he asked swiftly.

“Of course not,” I answered just as swiftly.

He studied me a moment before asking, “You’re so okay with Misty gettin’ done the way she did and me holdin’ no responsibility for that, why are you so far away?”

At that, I moved to him, I did it quickly, setting my wineglass on the counter as I rounded it and went right to him. He turned to me as I got close and I fitted my front to him, rested my hands on his chest and tipped my head back to look right in his eyes.

“I suppose,” I began to give in, “since I’m not doing anything else as stupid as being the de facto ringleader of a band of amateur computer sleuths, I won’t have to be worried you’ll get that pissed at me again so I also suppose this conversation is moot.”