Breathe Again (18 page)

“What did Teresa want this morning?” I asked, avoiding his
question. I tried putting a smile on my face, but I knew it wouldn’t fool him.

Jackson sighed. “She was here to tell me I got a part I’ve
been wanting. It’s kind of big news, and I was hoping you’d be in a better mood
when I came in here to tell you.” I could see his disappointment in the look on
his face, and I instantly felt terrible.

“Oh, Jackson,” I said, wrapping my arms around him and
burying my face in his chest. “That’s great! I’m really happy for you. Just
ignore me and my grumpiness. We should get out and celebrate.”

“Thanks,” he murmured into my hair. “I actually didn’t want
to tell you about it at all, not until I knew. I didn’t want to jinx it.”

I pulled away from his chest so I could look him in the eye.
“What do you mean? Jackson, what role is it?” I asked nervously.

Jackson grinned this time, and I could tell how happy he was
before he even told me. “I think you’ve heard it.
State of Beauty
?
I got it.”

I turned the name over in my head, and immediately my jaw
almost hit the floor. Judging by the smug look on his face, Jackson was pleased
by my reaction. I was speechless, literally. There were a thousand things I
wanted to say, questions I wanted to ask, but I just flung myself at him, threw
my arms around him and hugged him.

“
State of Beauty
,” I squeaked, my voice
high from excitement. “You got it? You mean, you’re playing Eli Christiansen?
The
Eli Christiansen?” I watched him with wide eyes as he nodded, and I practically
screamed. I’d never fangirled in front of Jackson before, but then, he’d never
gotten to play one of the hottest guys in contemporary fiction before. Everyone
had read
State
of Beauty
. My mother had read it, Darcy had read it, even
Josephine read it, and had admitted that Eli Christiansen was sexy as hell.

Holy shit. My boyfriend was about to become every girl’s wet
dream.

In about ten seconds flat, my concern
for whatever the tabloids were writing about me had almost vanished. And as
happy as I was that Jackson had gotten a role he really wanted, I was secretly
dying that he was playing my number-one literary crush. Girls, and women, had
written poetry about Eli Christiansen. There were entire websites dedicated to
speculation about
State of Beauty
and who would play the
main characters in the movie.

I was immediately turned on by the news. Hell, any woman
would have been turned on by having Eli Christiansen standing in front of her,
especially when she was wearing nothing but a towel and he was just in a pair
of sweatpants, with no shirt on.

I flung myself at him and latched my mouth onto his. I didn’t
even notice as my towel dropped to the floor and Jackson groaned into my mouth.
I scrambled up his body, wrapping my legs around his waist so he had to hold on
to my ass to keep me from falling. So much for my inhibitions; they’d
officially disappeared, along with my ambivalence about Jackson’s celebrity
status.

Jackson stumbled toward the counter as he thrust his tongue
into my mouth. I sucked on it willingly, letting my fingernails rake his back
and his neck. It was a move that drove him absolutely crazy. While I normally
did it intentionally, knowing exactly what it did to him, this was pure, primal
instinct. If I had a clear head, I might almost have felt guilty about using
Jackson’s body for my own personal Eli Christiansen fantasies, but my mind
wasn’t working that way.

Instead, I just squeezed my legs tighter around Jackson’s
waist, pulling him even closer to me. He sat me on the counter, continuing to
fuck my mouth with his tongue, and I loved every second of it. I groaned when
he pulled away to look into my eyes.

“I love you, Mellie Rose,” he said. His voice was coarse with
passion, but there was still tenderness there. I knew that no matter how rough
we were, how hard we went at it, he would always be gentle with me.

“I love you too, Jackson,” I said, looking in his eyes. His lips,
which were raw and swollen from kissing me, turned up in a half smile. I leaned
in so that my mouth grazed his ear. “Now fuck me.”

I didn’t have to look to know that his eyes were wild with
lust. I could tell by the way that he tore his sweatpants off, and by the
frenzied way he thrust into me, without warning. I cried out and dug my
fingernails into his shoulder blades, which just made him pump into me even
harder.

It didn’t take long for both of us to cry out in release;
morning sex was supposed to be sweet and lazy, but this was anything but. I
collapsed into Jackson’s arms, and he wrapped them around my naked back
instinctively. I rested my head on his shoulder, both of us covered in sweat. I
would need to take another shower, and the thought made me giggle.

Jackson pulled away, looking at me strangely. “What?”

“I think I’m going to need another shower,” I said between
giggles.

Jackson smiled darkly and moved back in close to my face. “I
think we can arrange that.”

We went at it again in the shower, finally coming out of the
bathroom a full hour later. It was almost noon by this point, and I was
thankful we didn’t actually have anything planned for the day. We were both
putting on our clothes when my phone buzzed on the bedside table, where I’d put
it on top of the papers Teresa brought over.

“Who’s that?” Jackson asked as he pulled on a faded pair of
gray jeans.

I was standing there in just my bra and underwear, but I
barely noticed. So much had changed since Jackson had gotten hold of me; it was
crazy to think about. I glanced down at the phone and saw a text from Lucy.

Let’s do something today. I know Jackson has the day off.
Dinner? Shopping? Both?

“It’s Lucy,” I said, picking up the phone. “She wants to do
dinner tonight.”

“Sure,” Jackson said, looking at me from across the room.
“Unless there’s something else you wanted to do?”

I shrugged and texted Lucy back. “No, that sounds like fun.
We didn’t get to see much of her last night anyway. She wants to go shopping or
something too, but I’ll tell her no.”

“Why not?” Jackson asked, his head crooked to one side. It
still amazed me that he could go from sexy as hell to downright adorable in a
matter of just a few minutes.

“I mean . . .” I started to say, but realized that I didn’t
actually have a good reason. Jackson raised his eyebrow. “Well, I thought we
were going to do something today.”

“You just said that we didn’t have anything else you wanted
to do today.”

“Yeah, but—” I said, but Jackson interrupted me.

“You should go out with her, Mellie. She really likes you,
and I think she could use a girlfriend.”

I nodded, thinking for a second. He was right, of course. “Do
you think I’m the right type of girlfriend for her, though?”

“What do you mean?” Jackson said. He’d pulled a T-shirt over
his head, which I was slightly disappointed about. I was still standing there
in my underwear, so I made my way to the closet to grab one of the dresses I’d
brought with me.

“I mean, I adore Lucy. I’ve only spent a little bit of time
with her, and I think she’s a sweetheart, but I think there’s something she
needs that I can’t provide. A family; a mom.”

Jackson thought for a second, then nodded his head. “I think
you’re right. She does need her mom, but hers doesn’t care much. I wouldn’t
blame you if you decided to stay away from Lucy, I really wouldn’t. I just
think you’d be good for her.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment, just grabbed the ivory
sweater dress I had hanging in Jackson’s closet. I pulled it on, along with a
pair of gray leggings and black boots.

“I think I could be good for her too. I just get nervous that
I don’t know what I’m doing. This girl has some issues, and so do I. I can’t
expect to be everything for her, and neither can you.”

“You’re right,” Jackson said, sitting down on the bed and
watching me as I stood in front of the mirror, fixing my hair into a messy bun
on the top of my head. “But I don’t think she expects you to be everything for
her. Just someone.”

I looked at him in the mirror, much like I did the night
before. He was right; I knew that. She was only a few years younger than me,
but she didn’t really have anyone in her life to teach her how to be an adult.
She’d grown up so fast and I was at least
relatively
normal. Well, normal compared to Jackson and Jude, at least.

“Alright,” I said, picking up my phone to text Lucy back and
let her know I’d meet her a little early so we could do some shopping. “I’ll go
with her, but Lord knows I can’t afford anything right now. She’ll probably
want to go to Rodeo Drive or something, which is going to be even more
painful.”

Jackson laughed and got up from the bed so he could hold me
from behind. “Just say the word, Mellie,” he whispered into my ear, “and I
would give you the world. Or my Amex, at least. You know that.”

I scowled at him in the mirror and he smiled.

I was slightly mortified when I
realized that Jackson really did slip his credit card into my purse on my way
out of the apartment. Lucy and I were spending a few hours on Third Street in
Santa Monica before meeting Jackson for dinner. It wasn’t Beverly Hills, but
the stores were still out of my budget. I ran my fingers over the black
American Express card in my bag, wondering if I should splurge on just one
little thing, but immediately pulled my hand out. I’d already used Jackson’s celebrity
for sex today; I couldn’t use his money too.

Jackson had also insisted that we bring one of his bodyguards
with us. Lucy had her own; she called him Claude, though I’m pretty sure he
introduced himself to me as Michael when they came to pick me up at Jackson’s
apartment. I recognized the bodyguard that Jackson sent with me; he’d come with
us the few times we actually left my loft or his apartment, which had been rare
up to this point. The world already knew about Jackson and me, so it couldn’t hurt
if were actually seen in public now.

“So, what do you think of Jude?” Lucy asked me as we sifted
through the racks at Nordstrom. She was on the hunt for the perfect gold
glitter skirt, which I found a bit random. Not to mention that she could
probably just call up Marc Jacobs directly and have one sent straight to her
doorstep, but apparently she liked the hunt.

“I’m not really sure, Lucy,” I said, only halfheartedly
paying attention to what I was looking at on the racks. It wasn’t like I was
going to buy anything. “I only met him for a few minutes last night, but he
seemed nice enough.”

“Well, you’ll get to talk to him more tonight. He’s meeting
us for dinner.”

I stopped what I was going and turned to stare at her. “Jude
is coming to dinner too?” I asked, suddenly nervous.

Lucy frowned. “Yeah, is that a problem or something?”

I shook my head. “No, I guess not. I just don’t think Jackson
likes him very much.”

“I don’t know why not,” Lucy said. “He’s a great guy. Jackson
is just too . . . smug.”

I choked back a laugh. “Smug? Is that what you really think,
Lucy?”

She pulled out a black, sequined skirt from the rack, and
held it at arms length. “Well, yeah. He doesn’t like any of the guys that I
date. Thinks I’m too good for them or something. I’m pretty sure he even gave
the last guy I was seeing a black eye, though neither will confirm nor deny.”

Though I couldn’t say it surprised me, I was slightly taken
aback that she thought Jackson beat up her last boyfriend. “He’s not smug,
Lucy. He loves you. He’s protective, and he does think you are too good for
anyone.” Lucy just shrugged. “He thinks of you as family, as someone he needs
to protect. Believe me, he’s not smug. He’s just acting like your big brother.”

Lucy put the skirt back quickly, and turned her back to me to
start rifling through another rack. I tried not to let it get to me, figured
she was just being a moody girl, but then I caught a glimpse of her face in one
of the mirrors up against the wall. There were tears in her eyes, though I
could tell she was trying to keep them from falling. It was a look I knew all
too well.

A few months ago, I would have turned my back on Lucy too. I
didn’t even know how to deal with my own emotions, let alone someone else’s.
The thought of having to comfort someone while she cried would have panicked
me, but all I wanted now was to give Lucy a hug. Which was exactly what I did.

She tensed up at first when I came up behind her to wrap my
arms around her, but eventually I felt her soften under my grip and turn toward
me. She let a tear slip, and I moved my hand up so I could brush it away from
her cheek.

“I know it’s scary, Lucy. I don’t have many people in this
world that care about me either. But I promise you that you have Jackson, and
now you have me too. We just don’t want to see you hurt.”

She nodded and took a deep breath, though she didn’t try to
move from my hug. “I know,” was all she said. We stood there for a few more
minutes before I finally pulled away so we could finish shopping.

Lucy eventually did find the perfect gold skirt, and actually
convinced me to buy a stunning black leather jacket that I’d fallen in love
with. Well, convinced me in the sense that she threatened to buy it for me if I
didn’t just use Jackson’s credit card. As guilty as I felt about it, I knew he
wouldn’t mind.

We were late to dinner, arriving almost fifteen minutes after
Jackson and Jude got there. As soon as we walked in, I knew that Jackson was
annoyed at both of us for not telling him Jude was going to be there. Jude, on
the other hand, looked completely at ease, drinking a beer and cheering along
with the rest of the restaurant at one of the football games on TV.

“Hey, baby,” I said, giving Jackson a kiss on the cheek. I
heard Lucy gag from behind us, right before she shoved past me to give Jackson
a hug—before she even said hello to Jude. I wasn’t quite sure I liked this
routine we had going.

I took my seat next to Jackson. “Hello, Jude,” I said,
smiling in his direction. He waved back at me, though his focus was still on
one of the big-screen televisions behind me.

“He’s said about three words to me the entire time we’ve been
here,” Jackson whispered in my ear.

I just shrugged and stole the beer in front of him to take a
drink. Lucy took her seat next to Jude, finally saying hello to him too. When
she said it, however, he actually turned his attention away from the TV so he
could give her a quick peck on the cheek.

The waitress came by to get our drink orders, then headed
back to the bar. The restaurant was somewhat full, but it was dark enough
inside that we weren’t conspicuous. I was still slightly nervous at the thought
of having three celebrities at one table. Thankfully, both Claude and Peter, my
bodyguard for the night, were positioned near us to block most of those in the
restaurant from seeing us. I noticed that Jackson had another bodyguard
stationed near the entrance, and there were a few guys at a nearby table that I
figured must have been there for Jude, since they were just drinking water, and
barely talked to each other.

“Did you get anything?” Jackson asked me once the waitress
returned with my glass of wine and Lucy’s margarita. She was already sipping
it, not seeming to mind that Jude’s attention was back on the football game.

“Um, yeah,” I said, taking a small sip from my wine. “I got a
jacket . . .”

Jackson smiled at me and placed a kiss in my hair. “Good. I’m
glad.”

“I can take it back, though, if it’s too expensive. Lucy
basically forced me to get it, but it’s okay if you want me to take it back.”

“Oh please,” Lucy said. “It’s a gorgeous jacket, and it makes
you look like a badass. Plus, I have a feeling that Jackson can afford it,” she
said, raising an eyebrow.

I looked down at the napkin in my lap, annoyed that she would
say anything.

“She’s right,” Jackson said. “I can afford it. And I gave you
my card for a reason.” I harrumphed, and took another sip of wine.

The waitress came back to the table to take our entrée
orders, and I found myself deciding between a few different items. While I was
looking over the menu, a younger girl began making her way to our table, and I
looked up to see Claude and Peter block her. I wasn’t sure who she wanted to
see, but she was visibly upset when they refused to move so she could get close
to us.

The rest of the table seemed oblivious to the presence of the
younger girl, who couldn’t have been older than thirteen or fourteen. They just
kept ordering, and talking to one another. I was the closest to her, and could
actually hear her conversation with Claude and Peter.

“Please,” she said, her voice wavering. “I really, really
loved Jackson’s last movie. I’m pretty sure I’m his biggest fan. Can I just get
one picture? Just one?” I turned in her direction, and gave her a small smile.
She didn’t seem to notice me; her eyes were on Jackson.

I nudged Jackson next to me. “I think that girl wants to meet
you,” I said quietly, so that only he could hear. He glanced up to see her
standing a few feet away from us, still pleading with Claude and Peter.

He paused for only a moment before standing up and excusing
himself from the table. Claude and Peter moved once they saw him approach, and
the girl’s eyes widened.

I couldn’t really hear him, but I did hear her laugh at
something he said. He motioned for Peter to take their picture, and her smile
got even bigger, if that was possible. After they were done, he signaled to me,
and I got up. The girl’s face went from pure bliss to absolute annoyance in a
matter of only a few seconds, though I wasn’t sure if Jackson had noticed that
yet. I kept a smile on my face, taking a few more nervous steps in their
direction.

“Mellie, this is Grace. She said that she’s excited to see my
new movie,” Jackson said, smiling in my direction. He was leaning down slightly
to be on her level, but I didn’t need to. We were the same height, which made
me a little uneasy, especially since she looked downright disgusted at the
sight of me. As soon as Jackson turned back to his newest friend, I knew he
realized it too. “We should probably get back to dinner,” he said quickly. I knew
he was trying to get me away from her, but it was too late.

“I saw you last night,” she said, her voice loud. “I don’t
like you. I don’t think you’re good enough for Jackson. He’s supposed to be
with Sophia, not you.”

I was horrified, and I was almost afraid to look in Jackson’s
direction. If there was anyone that could come up with a retort to that, it
would be Jackson, but even he was speechless. This girl was half my age, but
she made me want to run away to hide in the bathroom or, preferably, in the solitude
of my own apartment.

All those terrible things I’d read earlier seemed distant
from me. Sure, they called me some nasty names, but the people who’d written
those things were writing for the Internet, and it as almost as if they didn’t
realize their comments were about a real person.

This, on the other hand, was much more painful. This was
someone who was telling me to my face, that I wasn’t good enough for Jackson.
She said it with such conviction too, like she believed every word she said.

“Naw, I don’t think that’s true.”

It wasn’t Jackson who said it; he was still too busy trying
to figure out exactly what to say. It was Jude, who was now standing behind us,
looking that little girl in the eye.

“Mellie’s cool. She’s pretty too, don’t you think?” The girl
just shrugged, surprisingly unfazed by Jude’s presence. Most girls her age
would have been a whimpering mess at his feet, but this girl only had eyes for
Jackson, apparently. “And she has great taste in friends,” he said, turning
back to Lucy and winking at her.

The girl huffed, obviously annoyed that her own personal
fangirl moment with Jackson was over, and turned to go back to her own table. I
shook my head and made my way back to my seat, Jackson following me.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled when we sat back down.

“It’s fine. Nothing I haven’t heard already today,” I said,
shrugging.

All three of them looked at me. Lucy was horrified, Jude
looked amused, and Jackson was most definitely upset. “What do you mean it’s
nothing you haven’t heard already today? Did you look yourself up or something?
I’m pretty sure I told you quite a few times that you probably shouldn’t do
that,” Jackson said, turning toward me.

I realized my slipup, but didn’t really want to rat Teresa
out. “Oh, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Of course Jackson wouldn’t let it go. “It isn’t nothing. You
don’t have a computer, Mellie, and I don’t remember you using mine today, so
where did you hear those things? Lucy didn’t say anything, did she?” He gave
Lucy a pointed look across the table, but she just looked affronted.

“Don’t be an ass, Jackson,” she said. “Of course I didn’t say
anything to her. I don’t even read the news anymore; it isn’t worth it. I know
it and you know it, and Mellie should know it too.”

I sighed. “It was Teresa, alright? She brought over this
stack of articles that she’d printed and apparently I just wanted to torture
myself while you two were talking,” I said to Jackson. The look that came over
his face was pure disgust once he realized what I was saying.

“Teresa is the one who showed you what people are saying
about you?” he asked me, though he already knew the answer.

I nodded, and grabbed a piece of the bread from the basket at
the center of the table.

“What a bitch,” Lucy said, causing Jude to smirk. Jackson
looked over at her, unamused.

“I figured she just wanted me to be aware,” I said quietly,
suddenly annoyed that the conversation was focused on me and my inability to
take handle what people said. Lucy, Jude, and Jackson were talked and speculated
about on a daily, if not hourly, basis, and I was slightly mortified they were
all so concerned about me being upset. Not only that, but I was even more
embarrassed that I actually let it all get to me.

“No,” Lucy said, her annoyed gaze focused directly on
Jackson, “she didn’t. She did it because she wanted to shake you up.”

“Lucy,” Jackson warned her, and I moved my eyes between the
two. They were staring each other down, neither willing to give up any time
soon, it seemed.

“Did Teresa also tell you about Saturday?” she asked, and I
looked at Jackson, confused.

“What about Saturday?”

I could hear Jude chuckle, as if he knew exactly what was
about to go down. He knew to stay out of it, thank goodness, and took another
sip from his beer. Apparently our little spat was much more interesting than
the television, though, since his focus was now completely on us.

Lucy looked at Jackson pointedly, which caused me to stare at
him too. He was keeping something from me, which was most definitely not okay.
Jackson rubbed his face with his hand and leaned back in his chair, looking up
at the ceiling.