Breathe Into Me (5 page)

We had watched a few of our favorite Channing Tatum movies before I decided to call it a night. I wanted to make sure I got plenty of sleep so I wouldn’t be dragging for my first day of classes. As I crawled into my bed, the ping of Jessi’s cell alerting her of a text caught my attention. For a minute I questioned who she was texting so much but my gut told me it was Landon.

She had managed to put her phone down while we watched our movies, but every time it would vibrate, her eyes would shift to look at it, and I knew her palm had to be itching to pick it up and see what he had said.

That had been another reason I decided to call it an early night. Who was I to keep her from sexting some guy she barely knew? At least I would be asleep shortly and wouldn’t have to listen to her giggles every time a new text came in. But every time her phone chimed I couldn’t help but wonder, if she was talking to Landon … where was Kane?

Where is Kane? Why in the hell did I even think that?
He was probably off playing doctor with that girl from the bar, or any other girl for that matter. He was attractive enough to probably have his pick of anyone in this whole town. I was surprised he had wasted any of his time talking to me.

While Kane was everything I thought I would never want, there was still a nagging at the back of my mind telling me I couldn’t be
sure
of what I wanted. It wasn’t like I had a whole lot of past boyfriends to know what my type was. Here I was—eighteen, and I had never even had a steady boyfriend before. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t a prude. It wasn’t like I had never been kissed. But it was hard to find a relationship when everyone in town pitied you. Another reason I withdrew from everyone I once knew. I didn’t need their pity. What I needed was my mom. And I didn’t have her anymore.

I hated thinking about my mom before falling asleep, because almost every time I did, the nightmares of what had happened that night would follow. The guilt that almost consumed me daily, and the grief I hadn’t truly let myself feel, were enough to nearly cripple me. I didn’t need to add exhaustion on top of that from staying awake all hours of the night, for fear that every time I closed my eyes I would be back there, in that moment, living it all over again. I couldn’t handle that. Not now. Tomorrow was a new beginning. I needed this. I would start over fresh—for her.

I had managed to make it through the night without any nightmares and awoke the next morning before Jessi, again. I softly crept across the floor, trying my best not to wake her. I wanted to shower first like I did yesterday, but this time I didn’t take my time in the shower. I was too full of nervous energy and anticipation for my first class. I just wanted to get ready and get this day started.

My nerves had me hoping I hadn’t bit off more than I could chew with the classes I had picked. All the AP courses I had taken in high school had given me a slight advantage, making me feel a little more at ease about what was in store for me. But I knew nothing would compare to the real deal. This was college after all. There would be no second chances. It was up to me to make something of myself now.

Classes for the first part of the morning had gone as smoothly as I could have hoped for. The professors seemed to be really nice, but still had that no nonsense air about them. We, the students, of course got the expected speeches on how we were
no longer in high school
, and how
they would not baby us
and so on and so forth.

By midday I was starving. I had never been a breakfast person. A piece of toast every now and then was my breakfast of choice and I could usually make it all morning on that and not be hungry. But classes ran a little longer now then what they did in high school, and by the time I had I had a break it was a little past one o’clock and I was famished.

I made my way to the cafeteria, knowing Jessi would already be there waiting for me. Our tour the day before had shown us that her class was closer to the caf and let out earlier than mine, so we agreed that we would just meet there and eat together as soon as my class was over.

I was hurrying along, looking down over the syllabus from the last class when I collided with something hard.

Great!

The first thing that ran through my mind was that I had just walked into a door—like an idiot.

I slowly raised my head, expecting everyone around to be rolling with laughter. But with my head fully elevated, I saw that I had not just crashed into a door. No, instead of a door I was staring at a broad back in a white shirt.

I automatically ducked my head again and began apologizing to the poor person I had just plowed into. “I’m so sorry; I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Glancing up when I didn’t get a response, I watched as the person I had run into turned around and slowly pulled his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose until they were resting on the tip.
Man that seemed familiar.

“So we meet again, beautiful. Ya know, just because you got run over the other night, that does not justify mowing down anyone you come in contact with today,” Kane laughed.

I should have known, that was just my luck. I
would
go crashing into him to further prove my klutz-like tendencies.

Wait. Did he just call me beautiful?

“Oh please, if I could mow you over with you being four times my size, then I would say it’s well deserved.” I needed to be snarky with him. If I wasn’t, I would probably end up stuttering like a mad woman and make an even bigger fool of myself then I already had.

Now that I was standing this close to him in the clear light of day, I could see all his glorious features. He wasn’t wearing a ball cap again and even though his hair was cut pretty short I could still tell the color was black. And in the bright sunshine his eyes gleamed like someone had poured mercury into his irises. They were completely mesmerizing.

“Are you calling me fat?” He questioned, pulling my attention away from his eyes.
What were we talking about again? “
I don’t take to kindly to that. This school has zero tolerance when it comes to bullying—do I need to report you?” He raised one eyebrow at me, and our earlier conversation came rushing back.

I leaned in close, glaring at him from under my lashes. “Tattle tale,” I whispered.

It was so nice to be able to banter with him. It had been so long since I was able to cut loose with someone other than Jessi or her family. Like I said, people back home tiptoed around me. I tried to make everyone more comfortable so they wouldn’t feel the need to do so, but no matter what I did, I never changed anything so I eventually just gave up trying.

Seeing him again reminded me about how he’d rushed off the other night, and I blurted out, “Hey, how are you? You were pretty heated at the bar and then you just took off—I was kind of worried about you.” I could slap myself for divulging that last little bit of information. Sure, it might have been true, but now he was going to run off screaming into the night thinking I was some sort of stalker freak.

“Worried about me, huh?” One side of his mouth pulled up into a sly smile and I watched as a lone dimple sank deep into his cheek. Usually when you think of dimples you think cuteness, but on a man like Kane, they were far from
cute
—He was the epitome of sex appeal.

I rolled my eyes at his question and stepped around him, continuing on to the cafeteria. I was still very hungry and now I wasn’t going to have a lot of time to eat before my next class began. Kane fell into step with me, but as we reached the doors to the caf, he paused. I turned to look at him, and watched as the smile he had been wearing slowly slid from his face.

“I’m sorry I ran off like I did. It was a dick move.” He rubbed the back of his neck and his gray eyes held mine. “Sometimes I lose hold on my temper. I really don’t like to do that and to do it around a female, well, that’s unforgiveable. My Paw would have my head for it. It was best I just removed myself from the equation. God, I didn’t even make sure you got home safe.”

I could see guilt written all over his face, and it surprised me. Why would he be so worried about seeing to it that a random girl he had just met made it home safely? “It’s not a problem, really. Jess and I walked home right after. No bad guys jumped out of the shadows and snatched us up, or anything like that,” I joked to try and bring back the light-hearted mood from earlier.

He nodded, but something told me it was just for show—but he was willing to drop the subject and I was fine with that. After a minute, I turned back toward the doors, but before I could pull one open, his voice stopped me.

“Hey, let me at least get your lunch to make up for that night, all right?” he asked, and pulled one of the doors open so we could both enter. As soon as my eyes adjusted to the dimmer lighting in the caf, I immediately spot Jessi. She also had some company at the table with her in the form of Landon.

“Well, seeing as we are more than likely going to be sitting at the same table today”—I nodded in the couple’s direction—“I guess I’ll take you up on that.” I smiled at him, pulling my long hair over one of my shoulders, and watch his eyes as they glance down at my now exposed neck, but he quickly jerks them away and begins looking around the room.

An odd feeling forms in the pit of my stomach from the way he was looking at my neck, but I write it off to being completely famished.

We made our way around the various different foods being offered that day. As hungry as I was, everything sounded and smelled remarkably good. I finally decided on a nice, juicy, greasy, burger and fries and called out my order to the cafeteria lady. I stepped back, giving Kane room to make his order. When he didn’t proceed to tell her what he wanted, I looked over at him and see him just staring at me—mouth slightly open, just staring away.

I started feeling a little uncomfortable and finally bark at him, “What?! Do I have something on my face—in my hair—in my teeth?! What is it?! Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shook his head slightly, almost as though he was trying to bring himself out of a daze, and then grabbed his stomach and laughed. His laughter did nothing to help with the fear that I did in fact have some kind of gunk somewhere on my body. Immediately, one of my hands went to my hair and I started running my fingers through it, making sure to smooth it down and feel for whatever filth must have been stuck in there—the other began rubbing at my face, trying to wipe away whatever had him howling with laughter.

When his laughter finally halted, he slowly reached over and took my hand into his. “First, there is nothing in your silky hair, on your beautiful face, or in your perfectly straight teeth.” Bringing my hand away from my head, he dropped our arms, but didn’t let go just yet. “I was simply in a state of shock from your order. And before you go and get all self-conscious, I don’t mean that in the way you are thinking. Usually when you offer to buy girls lunch, they get nervous about what they eat in front of you. So they order a green salad just because they think that will make them look skinnier or some shit, when really, all they want is that cheeseburger”—he winked at me—“So, you skipping over the bullshit is really refreshing.” He let go of my hand, and the cool air hitting it made me miss the warmth of his.

“You ask to buy me lunch right? Well, that’s exactly what you’re going to do.
Grass
doesn’t really constitute as a meal, in my opinion. If I’m going to eat, then damn it I want some meat in there.” My belly growled further proving I say exactly what I mean.

“Well then, beautiful, let’s get that food and get some seats before you go all ravenous beast on me over that burger, huh?” he laughed.

I realized then that I love his laugh. He had one of those contagious laughs that you couldn’t help but smile when you heard it. It was so deep and full, like he always means it when he laughs about something.
Means it when he laughs? Really Kelsey? What does that even mean?
Being close with Kane was going to make me question my sanity. I had the most idiotic thoughts whenever he was near.

We got our food and headed over to the table that Jessi and Landon were already seated at. The table had quite a few more people seated at it than what it had when we first came in, but there were still two empty seats saved directly across from Jess and Landon. We walked to the seats, and before I could set my tray down, Kane was pulling my chair out for me. You never see men pull chairs out for women these days and you definitely wouldn’t expect it from someone who looks like Kane. With his facial piercing and tattoos, he looks more like a person who would be jerking the chair away as you went to sit so that your ass would hit the floor.

I gently sat down in my chair and cast quick glances in his direction as he gave the chair a little push in toward the table. I watched as he grabbed his chair and spun it around backward before straddling it, and going about separating the ginormous amount of food he had piled on his tray. When I finally pulled my eyes away from Kane, I saw Jessi staring at me with a questioning smile on her face. She ever so slightly tilted her head in Kane’s direction, and I gave her leg a swift kick under the table.