Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3) (29 page)

I try to enjoy it by focusing on breathing in the sweet fumes of daisies, pansies and daffodils that drift over the subtly humid air. It’s no use. I snap my head around to say I’m sorry, to say we need to talk, anything, but before I can open my mouth, his warm hand is in mine and I turn only to meet his stare.

“We’re here.” The cart stops and Evan bounces out of his seat, tugging me along. “Come on…I want to show you something. Grandpa, we’ll be right in.”

“Is that your aunt’s house?” I ask as Evan pulls at my hand, already three paces in the direction he wants to go.

I keep my eyes dead ahead, barely seeing sections of a tarnished brick red cottage-style home with oversized windows that looks right over the entire lake.

“Yeah, that’s where the party is. You coming with me? I wanted to show you something real quick.”

I nod, slowly, still looking at the house as my legs follow along after him. Flipping my head around, I look past Evan as he walks toward a row of trees with a huge open space just beyond, blanketed in tiny white daisy-looking flowers that make it literally look like heaven. The sky is still bright blue with streams of light showering the field in an array of beams that make it seem magical.

“Oh wow.” I smile with my mouth half open and my eyes dazzled by the view. “How did you know this was here.”

“Mitch and I used to play back here when we were younger.” He scoots closer, leaning his face next to mine and holding his hand out in front of us. “See that big tree over there?”

I nod, staring at a whole assembly of trees, but one in specific stands out. It is free of branches on the lower half of it and appears to have planks of boards lined up side-by-side along the front, several feet up from the bottom.

“That was our fort…well mine really. I carried every scrap of wood I could find out this way and nailed it together to build a little hangout,” he chuckles and backs away a bit. “I just thought you’d think this was pretty or you know…” he shrugs, pressing his lips together as he usually does when he wants to say more, but is biting his tongue.

My heart melts. This isn’t the usual smartass Evan that I know, that likes to dunk me under the water when we go swimming or the one that loves to run into the shower house while I’m showering and flip off the light then run off; it’s not even the prankster that likes to leave fake plastic insects on my pillow or in my bed so that I freak out, bouncing up onto the highest surface to escape a sudden attack by the creepy crawler.

I pause looking down and around at the soft green grass covered ground before bending to take a seat. I’m in no hurry to get to the party. Evan stands above me, a look of skepticism crossing his face as he lets out a breath and sits beside me.

“So…” he says in a questioning tone.

My chest tightens and I know it’s time. Closing both my eyes slowly, a lump forms in my throat, and tears start to well up to the point of spilling over. I reopen them. Evan doesn’t look shocked by my tears; he doesn’t look panicked as most guys would, he looks relieved, almost as if just seeing me cry has given him some long awaited answers. He already knows. My entire body constricts as all the held back emotion and pain that I’ve bottled up for so long surfaces. It engulfs me like quicksand, but before I can sink, he grabs my hand, threading his fingers through each of mine.

“Hey,” he says in a low raspy grief stricken whisper as his voice cracks. “I’m right here, ok?” I nod again, knowing I can still breathe as long as he’s here; as long as he stays right here with me. “You can talk to me or we can just sit here…it’s up to you.”

He smiles and that alone breaks through all my doubts in carrying this burden around any longer; so I finally open up, I let it all out, crying through every single word until it feels as though my heart may crumble into dust. Evan squeezes my hand, his eyes misting over before he can blink them away and hide the emotion that is swallowing him as well.

After I finish telling him everything up to the moment I came to his door that night, the look in his eyes crushes me. I thought I was the only one that could look that devastated by what happened, but I almost think his heart may have shattered tonight as well. After the summer that it happened, I withdrew from any group activities. Evan quickly began coercing me on duo trips to swimming holes, fishing excursions with just the two of us and my favorite, playing games in his camper nearly all night until a few times I ended up falling asleep beside him. It was always innocent, and it made the loneliness that had settled in my heart almost go away.

Laying my head on his shoulder as I finish with the entire story, he pulls me tight towards him like a magic cloak that is meant to transfer all my pain to him; and it works. All that I’ve felt for so long lessens the more he holds me. With the sudden urge to know what he’s thinking, I sit up straight and look him in the eyes. Apprehension begins to consume me as I worry that he may treat me differently as if I’m an injured animal that needs to be handled gently and with caution. That has been my fear forever; that if he found out, everything would change.

He sucks in a breath that may be the first one he’s taken since I began talking and gives me a sweet, ordinary smile that I’ve seen a million times; not a smirk or grin like when he teases me, but the same one he gave me the night I showed up at his door. One that tells me, it will be ok.

“So…” his voice wobbles and he takes another breath. “…when I touch you, you…”

I automatically feel awful, a gut-wrenching guilt twisting in my stomach.

“Oh no, I didn’t…”

He chuckles and this surprises me. “No, it’s ok. I just need to find out all the road blocks that there are so we can work around them until the road is paved again, you know?” He looks at me, a strange frown on his face, but one that sets me at ease for some reason.

I nod, knowing exactly what he means.

“So when I grabbed you quickly earlier, is that what did it?”

I shake my head, staring forward at a patch of bright green grass, each blade coming into focus right down to the small divots torn away from the edges as if a bug just feasted on it.

“I don’t think so.” I scrunch up my face, refusing to think of the night Trent did what he did, but conjuring up the times when I’ve blacked out. “I think it’s when you touch my hips or whisper too close to my ear, honestly.” A light touch sweeps over my hips and hot breaths sting at my ears, causing me to tense up as a sudden wave of unwelcome nostalgia hits me; I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Ok, so we don’t think about that stuff if it makes you think of it, ok?” I nod frantically, tears beginning to form again. “And we won’t do anything that…” Evan stops talking and draws his brows down, looking pained before he straightens his face and sighs. “Listen, I’m not in any hurry to get to that point. I mean, let’s face it, I’ll probably suck at it at first.” He laughs, dipping his chin down to my level so he can look into my more than likely puffy blood shot eyes. “And we all know I am not about to do something that I won’t do absolutely perfect the first time.”

I laugh, the ease of being around Evan flooding my heart and pushing away all the discomfort and heartache.

“So…we’ll take it slow, ok? And when that time comes, we’ll still take it slow. The most important thing you need to remember is, I’ll never force anything on you or do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

I keep my head rocking back and forth on an endless loop of agreeing with everything he says.

“If the kissing makes you uneasy…”

I stiffen my head, completely not in agreement with this. “Oh no, the kissing is fine,” I spit out rather excitedly, causing a slight smirk to rise over Evan’s lips. “I meant, I’m ok with the kissing…now. At first, it was a little different and I worried that I would freak out, but I’m used to it and it doesn’t…ummmm…well, I…I like it,” I stutter, sounding like an idiot, gushing over a kiss.

This obviously blows Evan’s ego out of proportion as he grins uncontrollably.

“You do?” he whispers in a low breathy tone as if he’s trying his best to be sexy and alluring.

“Whatever, it’s ok.” I turn to look forward, refusing to cave to his dramatic methods of luring me in.

“What? No dice? That wasn’t sexy?”

I glance over as he keeps his face completely free of emotion or humor. Sometimes him being such a smartass trips me up; I never know when he’s being serious or pulling my leg. I shrug, rolling my eyes.

“Oh come on. That was funny.”

His fingertips dig into my side and I turn quickly, swinging my head around in surprise that he would still be the exact same towards me as he always has been. Not even a trace of regret or hesitation shows in his eyes, just complete confidence in being himself with me; just Evan.

Everything stops for me in that moment as I stare into his hazel green eyes. “Thank you,” I barely hear myself.

“For what?”

I shake my head slowly, knowing what I feel, but struggling to bring up the words that will fulfill the amplified emotional state of my heart.

“For bringing me here…For listening…For being the best friend I’ve ever had…” I pause, a sensation so much more profound than friendship sweeping through my mind before I go on, “…for being you…for always being you.”

“Always.” He grins, a smile that I’ve never seen; an almost bashful expression that is very un-Evan like. He glances down for a second then looks back up, his eyes bright and full of life. “So, what can I do to help?” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean to ruin the moment, but I need to know everything.”

Frowning, I synch my eyebrows together confused.

“I don’t want to ever make it harder on you, and I never ever want you to think of that when we are together, so what can I do?”

Oh ok. “Just do what you always do. Be yourself…that’s always worked.”

He chuckles, kicking his head back and bringing his knees up in the air as he nearly falls back. Catching himself, he looks at me, seriously.

“So tell you to wake your ass up?” he laughs. “Slap at your face until you come to?”

My smile grow, thinking of how he was patting my face earlier like I was a fragile fainting victim in a movie, but I also remember how worried he looked.

“Tell you, Dammit, Piper…breathe?”

I nod at that, remembering the words he said back when I first flipped out on the dock and he helped me regain control of consciousness.

“Ok…so…” he lowers his voice to a soft whisper, remaining in front of me a few inches, but dropping all hilarity from his tone. “…maybe just have you focus on me breathing.” He licks his lips. “I breathe, you breathe, right?” My heart pulsates with his words, stuck on the fact that he may be thinking about the same thing I am. He moves closer to me, licking his lips again. “Breathe with me when you think you can’t stand on your own. I’ll keep you here.”

I’m not even sure he’s done talking, but my arms suddenly take over. Wrapping them around his neck, I bring my mouth to his, taking in every breath he has and making it mine; just like him.

SKYLAR CONTINUES TO TALK MY
ear off as I watch Piper. I know her mind is exactly where mine is, back to that day. That’s the day I knew exactly what she meant to me; for someone to share something that sacred with you, that is something special. She had always kept up this guard with everyone. I think she usually held it at half-staff with me, but that day she trusted me and I knew precisely how extraordinary that was. Although, my heart was singing sonnets in her honor as she spoke, every inch of my body wanted to find Trent and make him pay. I never let on how much anger filled my heart that day; my only goal was to let her know I was there for her.

“Evan…Evan…” Skylar sings, making me completely aware that I may not have joined in on part of the conversation.