Breed of Envy (The Breed Chronicles, #02) (20 page)

He knocked to me the ground once (he was supposed to) and then, I think, shocked us both by holding out his hand to help me up—something he’d never done before.

I took his offered hand, trying not to give him the look that matched my were-you-abducted-by-aliens thought. “Thanks,” I said, unable to completely hide my surprise. As soon as my hand touched his, I could’ve sworn the move caused him physical pain or something because he winced. I let go quickly. “You okay?” This time, my voice held concern.

“Fine,” he muttered.

And then things went downhill.

His hits became harder again, almost brutal. His reflexes amped up. I barely had time to block one move before he was delivering the next, catching me in my ribs, shoulders, arms, legs, my back—anywhere and everywhere he could hit. The class still had an hour left and already every muscle in my body felt like pummeled jelly.

I stayed on the ground after the last hit and held up my hands in a T sign. “Timeout!” I barely managed to get the word out. I was, for the first time in a long time, out of breath and breathing hard.

In typical Brian fashion, he sneered down at me. “You’re calling a timeout? Really? Do you think that’ll save you from a demon?”

Finally, I jumped to my feet. I had to convince myself I really didn’t want to punch him, which was way harder than it should’ve been. My arms ached from forcing them to stay at my sides. “No,” I snapped. “I don’t think a demon will give me a timeout, but then I wouldn’t ask for one. We’re sparring, not fighting. And damnit, I’m not a demon, so stop treating me like one!”

By the time I finished my short tirade, I noticed three things in the span of two seconds. One, I had said my piece really, really loudly; two, everyone was now staring at me like I was a freak; and three, I really
was
a demon, or at least part demon, so telling him I wasn’t one felt like a huge lie.

I felt bad enough as it was, both physically and mentally, and then, somehow, those feelings got even worse. Out of the corner of my eye, I realized I was wrong about one thing: not everyone was watching. Linc had his back turned away. He had to have heard us. He just didn’t care.

For some reason, that, more than anything else, cut bone deep. More than Linc’s words on Saturday, more than getting my butt kicked. More than being hated for mistakes that weren’t entirely mine.

My stomach dropped and my face went slack. I just stood there, stunned, forgetting everything else but that moment. What had I really expected? Linc to jump to my defense? Him to say something?
Another lesson learned.

Mr. Connor touched my shoulder. “You okay, Jade?”

I barely glanced up, but I still saw him give Brian a stern look and wave him away.

“No, I’m not.” I shook my head. “I can’t do this, I’m sorry,” I whispered, and then as tears fell from my eyes, I did what I hadn’t been able to do before. I ran. Right out of the classroom and down the hall. I climbed out of the window and started up the ladder to the catwalk. I almost lost my footing twice because I couldn’t see clearly, but it only made me angrier and made me cry harder until the sounds coming from my throat sounded inhuman.

“Stupid, stupid, Jade,” I muttered to myself once I was seated.

Why did I let people get close to me? They left. They disappointed. They died. What was the point? You liked them, then got attached to them and used to them, and then…this. Nothingness. Alone. Hurt.

“I was just fine before I got here.” I didn’t know why I was talking out loud, like anyone was actually listening or cared, but I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t really care, either. “Maybe because I’m going crazy,” I said with a laugh. “Or maybe I just feel like it.” Wasn’t crazy just an absence of…something? A conscience, maybe? Or something deeper than that.

I sighed. This was all Greene’s fault. “I was fine before him, wasn’t I? Maybe I wasn’t exactly happy, but at least I knew what I was getting into. I had enemies. That was it. I knew what to expect, and that was absolutely nothing.”

But here…here, having expectations was bad. And…and damnit. I knew better! If you didn’t have expectations, then you couldn’t be disappointed. You couldn’t be hurt.

“And Linc.” I laughed again. “His fault, too, the dumb jerk.”

I wiped my face as the last of the tears finally dried. A bird—pigeon maybe—landed a few feet away and made bird sounds at me. “Maybe this is a good thing,” I told the bird. “I mean, without Linc as a distraction, then I can really focus on what I came here for, right? Right. Demons. Hunting. Now I have my focus back for other stuff. Important stuff.” The pigeon made another sound at me. “Exactly! This is a good thing. A silver lining or something philosophical. Who needs a guy around, anyway?”

The bird—who had obviously been male in gender—made an angry sound and then flew away.

“Stupid bird.”

Screw the bird. Screw Linc, too. He’d called me tough before, but I hadn’t believed it, not really. Now I had no choice. I had to be tough. Without him. Without anyone.

The only one I could depend on was myself and it was time I remembered that.

C
HAPTER 11

Tasha hunted me down after Demonology class later in the week (once she’d realized I was avoiding the café court—and her—entirely). Apparently, she’d made some visitation schedule for me and Linc. No one got to sit with her at breakfast, but Linc got her for lunch, and then I’d get her for dinner. She was crazy, but it made me love her a little more knowing she was going out of her way to make things easier for us. But it also made me feel really guilty for coming between them. They’d been friends a lot longer than we had.

I was playing the big Avoidance game and not wanting to see
him
more than absolutely necessary (except in classes when I couldn’t avoid him), so Tasha and I’d been having dinner in my room.

“Linc talked to Director Greene,” she said in between bites of her dinner—some mac and cheese stuff with bacon in it.

“About going after his demon?”

“Yup. Director agreed to let him go after Christmas break.”

“Christmas break?” I frowned. Between all my fights with…well, everyone, I’d totally forgotten about it. “Oh, right,” I said after I took a minute to chew a bite of the food she’d brought me. It smelled really good, and it didn’t taste bad, but I wasn’t really hungry.

“There are conditions, of course,” she continued on.

“Of course.”

“You don’t want the details?” She rolled her eyes at me. Apparently, I wasn’t being nosy enough to suit her. “Tough. I’m gonna tell ‘em to you, anyway.” She took another bite. “So, he has to study everything on the demon. And the director means everything. The texts, reports, sightings. And he’ll have this big ol’ test-like thing. Plus, he’s gotta train with one of the senior agents five nights a week, for at least two hours, on ways to trap, immobilize, and kill the demon.”

I really didn’t want to talk about this, but she didn’t know why. I still hadn’t told her the truth about the whole thing, so she had no idea what Linc and I were really fighting about. She didn’t know that just talking about him made me want to cry. But I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. She’d gone out of her way to make room for me and to come to me instead of making me go to her. “That’s fair,” I finally said, keeping my tone neutral.

“Yeah. He has to do that for at least a month straight, without missing a minute of his training or a single question when they give him a written test. If he does, he starts over from the beginning.”

He wasn’t the greatest at Demonology, but he wasn’t dumb. This was too serious for him to mess up, so I knew he wouldn’t. He’d make sure of it. “He’ll pass,” I murmured quietly, though I wasn’t sure if it was a comment or a plea.

Tasha nodded. “Director Greene told him he could start after Christmas break, since it’s our only vacation for a while, but Linc declined.” She took another bite, chewed. “They compromised. He’s starting next Friday.”

“That’s good,” I said, trying not to frown.

“He’s pretty excited.”

“I bet.”

My appetite was officially gone, so I set my plate aside.

Linc was going to do his training during Christmas break. I didn’t know why I cared. It wasn’t as if I’d really celebrated it in a few years. It wasn’t like we were done fighting or that we’d made any plans to spend it together or anything. Heck, I hadn’t even given it much thought until now.

So it was no big deal, right? Just another typical day.

Just another Christmas alone.

*~*~*

Demonology was our last class before Christmas break. Mr. Sheldon, in his usual happy-go-lucky way, delivered some not-so-happy news at the end of class. “A report,” he said, making the entire class groan. He moved to the front of his desk and leaned against it as people started raising their hands.

“What kind of report?” a girl asked.

“A ten page report on a new demon hybrid. Not just any hybrid, but one
you
create based off of what you’ve all learned so far. I want to know what demons you picked to base it off of and why, what qualities your hybrid has, what weapons would be effective and ineffective against it. The bad news: it’s not going to be as easy as you think. You’re expected to do some real research here. Don’t just pick two random demons and mash them together. You should all know by now that not all demon breeds work well together. So if you pick two demons that, under normal circumstances, are known not to be compatible, you’re going to get marked off.” He paused for a few groaners. “However, the good news: if you actually put the work in, there is very little chance of failing. You’re not scientists, and I realize this, so use your best judgment based off of the information you have.”

“We can’t fail?” Eric asked.

“I said it was hard to fail, not impossible. But if you show that you’ve actually put the work in and did your best, then no, you likely won’t fail.”

“How long do we have?” Linc asked.

I glanced at him briefly, then looked away. I think he saw me, because he clenched his jaw. My stomach sank.

“I want you guys to take your time on this one,” Mr. Sheldon said, “so you have until after spring break. If anyone turns it in before February, I’m going to be mildly unhappy and assume you didn’t take it seriously. This counts for a third of your grade, so keep that in mind.” He pushed away from the desk. “Okay, read the next two chapters sometime before classes start up again, and if you have any time left over, start making lists of the demons that interest you. And…we’re done. Enjoy your break!”

Tasha and I were the last ones to pile out. She tapped my arm. “You’re done with it already, aren’t you?”

“The report? No, I’m not.”

“I don’t think I believe you.”

I frowned. “Mr. Sheldon never told me about it.” Otherwise I probably would’ve been finished with it already, but he really hadn’t mentioned it. I didn’t mind, though. I’d probably do it over Christmas Break. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do.

*~*~*

Tasha volunteered to go with me to my appointment with Doc on Friday since she knew Linc usually went with me. I wanted to say yes, to beg and plead and kiss her well-dressed feet, but it was something I needed to do alone. Wasn’t that why I was in this mess in the first place? Because I’d needed to have my hand held? Because I’d let myself get dependent on Linc? It was time to depend on myself for a change and stop depending on other people, so I declined, sucked it up, and went by myself. I still hated it, but the world didn’t fall on my head and Doc didn’t torture me anymore than usual, so I considered it a success.

Since Friday was the first official day of Christmas Break, everyone was thrilled. Unsurprisingly, I seemed to be the only one who found it depressing.

On the bright side (because I was determined to be in a semi-good mood for the holidays), agents had started decorating the CGE. Every floor now had at least one real tree and half a dozen holo-discs that had holographic trees that could be customized. I probably spent an hour or two every night playing with them, making the trees bigger or smaller, adding and removing tinsil and decorations. It wasn’t quite the same as decorating a real tree, but it was kind of more fun, because I could change it a hundred times a day (which I did whenever I walked by one). There weren’t many Prospects above P2 that played around with them much, but me and a few of the P1s had fun.

After Greene caught me playing with one of the holo-trees on the first floor, he let me have my own. (I was doubly glad he gave me one because every time I even looked at one, Tasha rolled her eyes and shook her head at me.) I had the holo-tree on my dresser, mini-sized so it didn’t disappear into the ceiling (which was both cool and kind of freaky), and even after hours of playing with it, I discovered new things it could do.

At night, I had it play Silent Night and had Santa, with his sleigh and reindeer (Rudolph included!), riding around the treetop. It was dorky and would probably make me look like an idiot if anyone saw me, but I didn’t care. I’d always liked Christmas before, and since I hadn’t been able to do anything Christmasy in two years, I was taking full advantage.