Brenner and God (14 page)

Brenner stood there dumbfounded a moment before opening the passenger-side door, because the idea of the Frau Doctor sitting at the steering wheel and he getting into the passenger seat seemed very strange to him all of a sudden.

“The car’s the only place right now where I don’t have the feeling that I’m being listened in on,” she said in greeting.

“By the police or by the kidnappers?”

Brenner had never seen a person change so much in
three days. Except for someone getting an arm or a leg shot off, that’s always a sudden change, or slipping under a bus, both legs gone, something like that’s a sudden change, too, of course, but right after that would come Frau Doctor Kressdorf’s change. Because she must not have eaten a bite since the day her child disappeared, and even that doesn’t explain it, either, because—completely different type of person. If there is such a thing! It even looked to Brenner like her hair and eyes were a different color, but not what you’re thinking: dyed. No, like they’d really changed.

Character-wise, absolutely unchanged. And that was a huge relief to Brenner right now. No hysterical outbursts, no embittered remarks, not even a sigh or an accusatory look. Brenner was profoundly impressed by her self-control. She was utterly calm as she drove downtown, no aggressive accelerating, no abrupt brake slamming, no accusatory gear shifting, no demonstrative temperature adjusting, no frantic windshield wiping, no nervous window opening, no sacrificial-lamb turn signaling, no lane changing where it wouldn’t have been advisable to do so, and where the sensitive passenger and child-loser might’ve detected a sighing rebuke.

Brenner thought to himself,
other families who’ve been affected by kidnappings should really look to her as a model
. Not always making things more complicated, because when you’ve been affected by a kidnapping, you see it as your great hour having arrived.
Finally, the big chance and now it’s my turn for once, now people will indulge all of my whims, and now everything around me will have to pay until it doesn’t know which way’s up anymore
. Brenner had experienced this more often than not in his days on the force. Because the motto of
families affected by kidnappings:
the police will pay for everything that’s ever been done to me in life
. And families affected by kidnappings wield power, you wouldn’t believe it, they drive doctors, psychologists, and social workers to suicide—ergo, all new victims of kidnappings.

“I have to tell you something,” Frau Doctor Kressdorf began abruptly after driving for a full minute in silence. But then she fell silent again, and it was only as she was turning onto the Ringstrasse that she found her words. “There’s something I can’t tell the police. If you can’t, or won’t, keep it to yourself, please tell me right now.”

“No problem. No one will hear anything from me.”

He would’ve liked to have said that with a little more conviction, but personally I think a dry promise isn’t the worst, because how do you prove to someone that you won’t tell someone else? It basically only applies to your best friend anyway, who’ll probably tell his wife the very same evening, who’ll solemnly swear not to tell anybody else, and her best friend will have to swear the same thing half an hour later. The more adamantly a person vows to keep a lid on it, the more certain you can be that, come tomorrow, the entire world will know. And you see, Brenner said it just that dryly, and he’s probably the first person in the world who’s never actually spoken a dying word of it to anybody. These are the things I like about Brenner. But since it’s just us, I’ll make an exception and tell you what the doctor said.

“I’ve done something that I could go to prison for.”

“You?”

Pay attention: if one of the advantages of driving is the freedom to shout openly, it only applies, of course, to when
you’re driving alone. So why is Brenner shouting so loudly now when he’s sitting right next to the Frau Doctor:

“You?”

And what kind of a shout was that? A shout of surprise? A shout of rage? A shout of pain? I’m tempted to say, all of them together. Surprise, because naturally he expected her secret to involve her husband, the Construction Lion, who’d lured Knoll out to his house in the mountains. And rage, because he sensed that she’d already decided, before she even began her story, to withhold half of it. And pain, I don’t even need to explain to you, when you’re speaking for the first time with the mother—who looks like she’s aged thirty years in seventy-two hours—of the child you lost.

“Yes, me,” the doctor answered softly, and got honked at from behind for the crime of not stealing into the intersection while the light was still red.

Her confession of guilt made Brenner feel completely hopeless. Because one thing you can’t forget: nothing derails a manhunt more effectively than a self-afflicted guilty search party that constantly holds up the investigation with its self-blame.

Brenner would’ve preferred for her to tell him something about her husband. But the Frau Doctor didn’t have much of a clue about his construction business. That’s often how it is, that you don’t know exactly what kind of business your spouse actually does, main thing, the money’s there, main thing, the villa’s there, main thing, the park’s there, main thing, the yacht’s there, main thing, the staff’s there, main thing, the art’s there, main thing, the charity thing’s there, main thing, the therapist’s there, in other words, the most
important things have got to be there, it’s got nothing to do with your own standards, my god, you could live a much more modest life by yourself, you could get by with a smaller villa, with a smaller park full of smaller trees, too, with a smaller yacht, with smaller paintings—and if you must, even with smaller charity things—but for the child it would be a pity indeed to grow up in cramped conditions, and that’s why it’s important for the family estate to be established a far cry from the poverty line. But now I’m talking as fanatically as Knoll, this kind of thinking’s contagious. You’ve got to be careful not to go sympathizing with Knoll all of a sudden just because he landed in the cesspit of a Construction Lion.

For a second there Brenner thought,
the Frau Doctor knows what happened to Knoll, and she wants to tell me
. He asked her very cautiously whether she believed there was a connection between her law violation and the kidnapping, and the Frau Doctor, completely calm and matter-of-fact, said, “I don’t know. In my situation, you believe everything could be connected with it.”

“We’ve all broken the law at some point,” Brenner said, purely out of discomfort.

But he was already thinking that she probably wasn’t talking about driving too fast, parking illegally, listening to loud music after midnight, vacuuming on a Sunday, or walking off with a pretty sweater from a boutique back when she was a med student.

“Terminating the pregnancy of a twelve-year-old girl.”

“Is that illegal?” Brenner asked, in an effort to cover up his relief that she wasn’t mixed up in Knoll’s murder.

“It depends.”

“You probably did it for the child.”

Already you can see how Brenner’s bad conscience had put him more on the side of the doctor than on the side of the law. Or not just a bad conscience, but sheer masculine sympathy for the doctor, too. And from a professional standpoint, it’s always better with confessions to give the confessor a good feeling. “Confession comes from comprehension”—they hammered that one right into him at the police academy, i.e., interrogation rule number one, if force doesn’t do anything.

The doctor gave him a look that made it clear she would refuse any and all excuses. Some people are so incredibly stubborn, they want the kind of guilt that they can hang on to and never let go.

“I meant to say, you must have done it for the twelve-year-old girl,” Brenner explained. Because suddenly it occurred to him that his remark—that she’d done it for the child—might have come out wrong, that maybe the Frau Doctor had thought he meant that she’d done it for the aborted child; that possibly, purely out of self-flagellation, she’d thought Brenner had referred to the aborted gnat as a “child.”

“The girl was poor,” the Frau Doctor said. “At first she didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant, and then it was too late. But I wasn’t supposed to do it. Not anymore by that point. And not before, either. Not without reporting it.”

They were coming back around now to where they’d first turned onto the Ring. And on this second lap around, the whole thing seemed like a hand over situation to Brenner, where the kidnapper demands,
drive around the Ring until
you receive the next instruction
, i.e., a tactic to wear you down. And maybe that’s why you see so many cars here, day and night, driving in circles, because everybody’s waiting for their kidnapper’s next instruction.

“I don’t want to justify it to myself, either, that there are countries where it’s legal.” The doctor’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

“On the other hand,” Brenner said, because the Frau Doctor looked so crestfallen that all he wanted to do now was console her.

“On what other hand?”

“On the other hand”—it’s always bad to begin a sentence with “on the other hand” when you don’t know what you want to say after that—“it wouldn’t have done anybody any good if the abortion had waited any longer,” Brenner stammered. “How many months along was she when she came to you?”

“We calculate in weeks, not months.”

That was her entire answer.

“Got it. There used to be a saying: ten months but no cash on delivery.”

Brenner thought he could lighten up the mood a little, but the doctor hardened at his remark, and it wouldn’t have surprised him if she’d driven straight to the Hotel Imperial.

“I just meant,” Brenner said, “if they were that poor. Twelve years old and life already screwed up. You’ve got to help. You can’t just force morality about becoming a mother on a child like that. Women used to die because of illegal abortions!”

“I didn’t come to you for consolation,” she interrupted
him. “My problem is that I can’t tell the police. I was even prepared to. But my husband’s convinced that this is exactly what Knoll set out to accomplish.”

“Knoll knew about it?”

Brenner was starting to feel like he was riding a merry-go-round as the palaces along the Ringstrasse went past him again, the Opera, the Hofburg Palace, the Parliament, the Burgtheater, and down to the Mint again, to the Ring Tower, around and around in circles. Or a few laps around the Lilliput Rail, but for some reason, instead of trees they passed buildings, and for some reason instead of Helena, it was her mother who sat beside him, and for some reason instead of being happy he was—how shall I put it—devastated would be an exaggeration; more like numb.

“My husband turned to Reinhard, and Reinhard advised Knoll not to use his evidence. Or else he’d call his loan due. We’d looked it up in the Land Registry—which bank Knoll was keeping the money in that he’d bought up the other units in the building with.”

Defense Ministry, Museum of Applied Arts, City Park, Schwarzenberg Square, Opera.

“I’ve wished ever since that he wouldn’t have let himself get cowed by Reinhard. Then that maniac wouldn’t have taken my child away from me.”

Brenner shot her a look like she was only telling him half the truth. But he couldn’t very well call her on it. He wasn’t telling her everything, either; quite the contrary, he even asked her now whether she’d heard anything from Knoll in the meantime, i.e. intentional misrepresentation.

“You know what I think?” she said, while they were stopped at a red light at the Schottentor for the fourth time.
“Knoll is calmly waiting for me to go to the police myself with this story about having illegally terminated the pregnancy. Then I’ll be ruined professionally, and he’ll send Helena back to me.” Her voice faltered for a moment, but she kept impressive self-control—not even half a tear. “And he’s accomplished everything without making himself known. He’ll be rid of me without ever making contact with me.”

“It really wouldn’t have been badly orchestrated,” Brenner had to admit. “But most of the time criminals aren’t thinking about it from so many angles.” He couldn’t exactly tell her that Knoll was dead. Drowned in the cesspit behind her own house.

Instead he just pulled out the photo that Knoll had given him. “Was this your underage patient?”

The Frau Doctor looked at Brenner as if he were Knoll himself.

“Do you know where she lives?” Brenner asked smoothly.

“Where did you get that photo?”

Brenner shook his head. “Surely you have her address somewhere.”

“You really don’t get it! I don’t want you to find this girl. This isn’t about her.”

“So where does she live?”

Approximately one centimeter before a jingling streetcar crossed the tracks, the doctor yanked on the steering wheel and came to a stop at an empty taxi stand in the adjacent lane. She gave Brenner a look as if to say, the entire conversation had just been sadistic foreplay leading up to this second when she was going to eat him alive, the man who’d managed to misplace her child.

“I get it, you don’t want to put your patient in a difficult
position. That it’s purely about Knoll for you. But the direct route doesn’t always get you anywhere,” Brenner explained to her, and shocked himself by how consistent this was with the truth according to Knoll. “Often it’s only through the detours. Our professions aren’t so different on this score. Doctors ask, too, whether you have cold toes at night when you go to them because of a headache. And those are opposite ends of the body.”

“Which you don’t know everything about.”

“That the head’s on the opposite end of the body than the toes, even non-doctors know that.”

But the next moment nearly saw Brenner and the Frau Doctor become Vienna’s latest criminal case. Because a furious taxi driver pounded on the windshield, and if Brenner hadn’t immediately locked the doors from the passenger seat, everything would have been over, guaranteed. He suddenly had an inkling of what Knoll’s last seconds must have been like, because unfortunately the passenger-side window was open a crack, and the atmosphere inside the car changed because of the killer cabbie, as if the entire car were sinking into a cesspit.