Authors: Kam Carr
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me,
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
there must be something more...........
Meet Georgina Dawson
I zipped up my skirt and smoothed it back down my thighs. I was still breathing heavily from the unacceptable behaviour. My legs felt weak and my mind was in a whirlwind. How could a man you have just met make you feel this way? I gazed over my shoulder.
Sat at his desk as if nothing had happened. I watched as he placed a cigarette between his luscious lips and lit it gracefully. He inhaled while tilting his head back to release the climax of his nicotine.
How did I just submit myself to him?
Besides wasn't it illegal to smoke in the workplace??
Maybe not for him, maybe he thought he was special. No rules too big for him. He owned this place and he was in
My mind turned back to the task in hand; straighten myself out. I did up the buttons on my blouse and ran a hand through my long baby blonde hair.
I turned on my heel to face him. He was still sitting at his large dark marble desk smoking his cigarette. My eyes immediately focused on his handsome face, strong chin and perfect mouth. It was as if his blue eyes could see right through me. I shook my head,
go home a voice urged me. I gathered up my coat, bag and headed for the exit.
"You aren't going to say I'm welcome??" I looked over again, this time trying to avoid his mouth and eyes. He looked confused. He took in a deep breath and ran a hand through his reddish spiky hair.
"You should receive a phone call by Monday."
I nodded and within a second I left. I made my way towards the lifts, my heart felt like it was in my mouth and tears were welling up in my eyes.
You're a dumb bitch!!!
I kept repeating to myself.
I pressed the call button. As soon as the lift opened I raced inside, as the doors closed my legs could no longer retain my weight and I slumped into the corner. I hugged my knees and the self inflicted tears began to pour out.
"Miss you okay?" asked a concerned voice. I looked up, the lift had stopped and the doors were now open. An older man dressed in a navy blue suit was standing before me. I glanced at his badge Security it read. I slowly stood up and wiped the tears away.
"I'm fine" I replied and left the lift.
I had to get home. I stopped in my tracks and it felt like something had sucked all the air out of me.
Shit! Blake! What have you done Georgina Dawson? What have you fucking done?
I practically ran home. I needed to be safe in my little bubble I had created with the man I loved. I had decided I wasn't going to tell him. There was no way I would get the job now and there was no point in breaking Blake's heart. I was just going to forget about tonight. .
But could I forget about him?
I got to our front door and I could hear his music playing. I pressed my ear to the door and I could hear his sweet voice singing along. Relief filled my heart, I wanted to feel Blake's kiss and touch. Then within a second the feeling of guilt filled my body. I felt the bile creeping up my throat. I moved back, could I go inside and pretend things were fine?
"Hey!" The door opened and there HE was standing before me. All six foot, blonde flopping hair and white pearly teeth. Women loved him, he knew it and he enjoyed it. People would stop to admire him, "A young Brad Pitt" they would gush and he would just lap it up.
"You coming in?"
I nodded. "Yes please." I stepped inside the studio flat we shared together and the door clicked shut behind me. I kicked my shoes off and discarded my bag where ever it landed. For a few seconds I was glad to be home, the friendly smell and the sense of normality. Blake wrapped his arms around me and I just fell into them.
"How was the job interview?"
So soon, he asked the question I had been dreading. All of a sudden the self pity tears began to fall again.
"George," he stood back and pulled my head up to meet his eyes. "Was it really that bad?" Concerned love filled his voice. He leaned forward and started to kiss away my bitter tears with gentle kisses. I backed away, I didn't deserve his pity, I didn't deserve anything.
You're a selfish and a horrible person. You're a bitch Georgina Dawson!!
I shook my head. "Nothing," I wrapped my arms around myself in aid of some comfort. "My Dad was right" I lied. "I'm not up to working. I need to shower" I shrugged.
Blake sighed- giving me his I-LOVE-YOU look. My heart was torn apart. "Okay," he ran his warm hand through my hair. "Dinner will be soon and then you can tell me all about it." He bent forward "I love you" our lips touched.
I melted into his kiss. "I love you" I groaned. At that moment I just wanted to confess all. I wanted him to scream at me maybe even hit me. I couldn't. I took another look at his innocent charming face and headed in the direction of the bathroom.
I stood in the shower and tried to scrub all the shame off me. I could still smell his scent on my skin. I rested my head on the shower wall and allowed the water to cascade down on me. What was I trying to do? Wash all my sins away. I closed my eyes and the memory of my first ever encounter with Blake filled my head. I wanted to relive it. I wanted to go back in time and delete tonight. To be that person again would be lush...
I looked at my watch not long and my shift would be over. I worked at the Grand Café in Oxford City Centre. I was almost done at Uni a few more months and I would be graduating. I looked around we were actually quiet today. Mrs Dontra was sitting at her normal table dressed in her old fashion hat that had a feather sticking out. She was a wonderful woman. She was in her 90's and every day she came here for a coffee. I loved to listen to her stories about her belated husband. He sounded like a romantic man.
I doubted I would ever find anyone. I had spent my whole time at Uni studying or working here. Amy my best friend said it was unnatural. Only because she had bedded most of population of Oxford. I looked over at the other side of the café. Peter had pulled up a chair and was chatting to a group of women. He was such a womaniser.
Just then the door opened and an almighty cheer filled the place. Obviously it was students. I rolled my eyes. I looked over at them; There were about six and they sat down in the window seat.
Well, as Peter wasn't making any attempt at moving I guess it was down to me, I wasn't going to share my tips and that was his punishment. He knew how awkward I felt around the opposite sex and now I had to deal with a table of rowdy students. I took a deep breath and made my way over. This could go two ways... Either I embarrass myself (Which I normally did!!) Or Prince Charming could be sitting at the table and save me from my doom.
"Hey" I beamed when I finally got to the table. "What would you like?"
"Your telephone number!" A voice said and everyone cheered. I studied each one, only one wasn't cheering his eyes were fixated on me. I took in his beauty, his blond floppy hair and his eyes looked like emeralds beaming at me. I swallowed as my mouth had gone dry. I couldn't take my eyes off him, I had never seen such a handsome man before.
"Are you going to give it to me or what?" The voice bellowed, by the sound of his voice he was no longer asking but demanding.
"Shut up Rex!!" The blonde god spoke and his voice made the butterflies in my stomach react like crazy. I could feel myself biting down on my lip. "We will have six coffees." I didn't reply. I was hypnotized by him. I just nodded and walked off.
I hope I didn't trip I was really useless. I was the worst waitress that this place had EVER had, I was told that wasn't a compliment but at least I had achieved something; In spite of what my father thought.
I walked over to the coffee machine and got to work. My hands were shaking. Was I nervous? I looked round at the table and he was still watching me. I gave a little smile and he smiled back. Wow!! There had to be something wrong with this man? No one could be that perfect. I sat the six cups of coffees on the tray and headed back towards the table.
"Here you go" I said huskily. I sat the tray down on the table and began to hand the coffee's out. I was feeling pleased with myself- so far so good. I left his till last, I steadily picked the cup up but as I leaned over I felt someone slap my arse HARD!!
The coffee went all over him and I could feel the heat in my face, I stood up and froze. He was just staring down at the coffee stain and trying to move the material away from his manhood. I placed a hand over my mouth and ran off. What an idiot!!!
I ran to the back of the café and sat down at a table. I placed my head in my hands and the tears began to fall. I wanted the floor to open and swallow me up. I couldn't ever face him again!!
"Hey" I looked up and he was leaning over with coffee stains all over his jeans. "Can I sit?" I nodded I was too stunned to speak. I tried to quickly wipe the tears away. What was he doing? Was he trying to look big in front of his friends? Or embarrass me just like I had done to him?
"I'm Blake" he said softly.
"Georgina" I replied in the same tone. I looked down at my hands and started shifting in my seat. "I really didn't mean to do that!"
He tilted his head back and laughed. "Blame Rex.." He stopped and looked deep into my eyes. My insides could of melted just from that look. "I think he likes you!'
"Oh" I mumbled in disappointment. He had come over here to get my number his friend wanted. I was stupid... Like a man who looked like him would ever want someone like me!
"No!" He yelled, I noticed his cheeks had gone red. How cute... A man that blushed. "Can I see you tonight? What time do you finish?"
I looked down at my watch it was officially home time and I gave a smile. "Now, if you want?" I shrugged my shoulders I didn't want to seem too keen. My eyes urged him on. He copied my smile and placed a hand on mine. "What about your friends?" I head gestured to full table.
"Fuck them!" I gave a little giggle. It didn't sound right him swearing with that posh manly voice....
* * *
I wiped away my tears... That was two years ago and we hadn't spent one day apart. I hadn't even looked at another man before. I slipped into the bedroom and walked over to our walk-in wardrobe; I grabbed sweats, a vest. And I quickly pulled them on. I towel dried my hair briefly. Just as I was about to leave I caught my reflection in the full length mirror.
How could you? What has Blake ever done to you?
I put my head down in shame.
Surely you shouldn't be making these mistakes?
Questions, questions, questions and not one I could not answer. I took a deep breath then headed into the living area. I really had to pull myself together otherwise these feelings of guilt were going to be the death of me.