Broken (13 page)

“
Ariadne,” I said. “She was tracking you for some reason.”

“
Nice,” he said with a look back to the bottles behind the bar. “Probably trying to figure out a way to make me drown my ex-girlfriend so she could send me over the edge.” I flinched and he caught it, and gave me a look of apology. “Sorry.” The barman sat another shot in front of him and he took it, fast. “But in all seriousness, I doubt I’d need a ton of motivation to do her in at this point, especially if she’s working with Omega now.”

We stood there in silence for a moment. The bartender refilled Scott’s glass, and at his urging put another one in front of me. I thought about waving him off; I didn’t like the taste of alcohol, didn’t like the effects, didn’t care for any of it. Ultimately, though, I let it lie there, looked at the glass, smelled the pungent aroma, and listened to the jukebox keep going in the background of the near-empty room. “I’ve been in and around a lot of bars lately. What do you make of that?”

“
Must be something in our chosen profession,” Scott said. “Something that makes a body want to drink heavily.”

I thought about it for a moment. “You know, you might have something there.”

He cast an accusing eye toward the shot occupying the bar in front of me. “Yet still you remain as sober as a priest.”

I took a sniff of the alcohol wafting off the shot in front of me. “Probably the memory of what happened to me last time I wasn’t.” I gave a slight shrug. “They say judgment is the first thing to go.”

He laughed, a sound so bereft of any amusement I wondered if it might be better called a bark. “What are you up to, Sienna?”

“
Me?” I stared at the drink in front of me and thought about lying. “I’m going to kill Old Man Winter.”

There was a pause. “Good for you.”

“
You really mean that?”

“
I don’t know,” Scott said, and I saw a line of water drip down the shot glass in his hand. “I know I’d like to have a convenient target for my emotional toxic waste.” He sighed. “I can’t even hate her. She saved my life, because of that dumb bastard Clary—” He turned to me. “I could hate him.”

I watched him carefully. “You could. But he’s dead.”

Scott didn’t even bat an eyelash, just looked at me with undisguised curiosity. “Did you?”

I looked back at the drink and took it, slopping it down in one. I slapped the glass back down on the bar and cringed as the alcohol burned all the way down. “I did.”

His expression settled, going from a kind of muted rage to relaxed. “I’d say, ‘Good for you’ but I kind of doubt it actually is any good for you.”

“
It doesn’t feel very good,” I conceded. “I got Parks and Clary. I had Eve, filled her with bullet holes, but she got away. That leaves her, Bastian and … “ I let my jaw harden, “the man himself.”

He looked at me and I could see the wheels turning for him. “Do you think he was playing us all along?”

I cocked my head at him. “What do you mean?”

“
I mean Winter strung us along, right?” Scott’s hand came off his glass and he gestured wildly. “He made you think he was on your side all along, and then bam—kills your boyfriend. Do you think he ever actually gave a damn about us or was he just playing some sort of game that only he knew about?”

“
I don’t know,” I said. “I think he did what he did for reasons that he didn’t share. He wanted me to kill, to ‘do what was necessary,’“ I said in a faux Old Man Winter accent. “I don’t know that he ever cared, though. I think he was always focused on his own means, this war with Omega and Century and whoever else. The storm, my mom called it. We were just the tools for him to use to get whatever he needed out of it.”

“
So did we do any good?” Scott asked, as the barman refilled our glasses. “Was there any point to all the training, the missions? I mean, the Directorate’s toast, so I guess Omega wins, right?”

“
Reed’s still out there, somewhere in Rome,” I said, thinking of my brother. “I don’t know how to get ahold of him, but he’s out there. Alpha’s probably still fighting them, in Europe. All that other stuff is still going on, some other group—Century they’re called—they wiped out all those metas in China and India. So I don’t know. Maybe Omega did win. At least, between that and what happened afterward, I don’t know where I fit anymore.” I felt a snarl curl my lips. “I guess I’m on my own side, now.”

“
That’s a tough place to be in a fight like this,” Scott said. “We were always the little kids playing in the old gods’ play yard, though, right?”

I stared straight ahead at the bottles behind the bar. “I guess. I don’t know.”

“
Well,” Scott said with an air of making a great pronouncement, and I saw him looking me over, “it sounds like you made a good start with Parks and Clary. But … if you missed Eve, I’m betting she’s working with Bastian and Winter. They know you’re coming now, right?”

“
Yep.”

“
So, are you gonna finish it?” Scott was watching carefully for my reaction.

“
I dunno,” I said. “There are other factors in play.”

“
Like what?” he asked.

“
Like that since I can’t get my hands on my medication anymore, I’m not the only one steering my course.” I said it glumly, and felt it all the way through me.

Scott didn’t answer for a minute. “You mean … if you didn’t have other voices in your head, you wouldn’t want to get them back for what they did to Zack?”

“
Zack was a paid plant,” I said quietly. “Winter told him from the beginning to get close to me.” I leaned in closer to the bar, and considered the fresh drink the barman had placed in front of me. It didn’t smell so bad, now.

“
Holy shit,” Scott said in awe and took down this shot faster than any of the others. He remained quiet and pensive for a moment, then turned back to me. “I don’t buy it.”

“
Don’t buy what?” I asked. “I saw Zack’s memory. I saw the meeting where it happened.”

“
Could be Wolfe,” Scott said, “he could be feeding you something to make you—”

“
Make me what?” I said with an odd smile. “Make me not want to kill? Wolfe wants me to kill. It’s his purpose in afterlife.”

Scott rested fingers on his chin, which I noticed had the hints of sandy stubble upon them. “I just don’t believe it, I’m sorry. I knew Zack. I saw him look at you. He—”

“
Stop,” I said quietly, and smiled a fake smile. “I appreciate it, but stop. I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do. If I go after Winter … and I’m leaning toward it … it’ll be for me, not for Zack.” I felt my jaw harden again. “It’ll be for what he did to me, not what he did to … anyone else.”

“
Gotta love a girl who can settle her own account,” Scott said. He looked back to the bartender, who was a few feet away now. “In this case, though, her drink’s on me.” He looked at the still-full shot resting in front of me. “Both of them and more, if she wants them.”

“
I think I’m done,” I said, and pushed back from the bar, getting up off the stool. “What about you? You just gonna hang out here for the rest of your life?”

He smiled, a faint one. “What life? I wanted to be a member of M-Squad since the day I learned what I was, which was … a long time ago. Probably since my parents first sent me to the Directorate at thirteen. It’s all I ever wanted.” He took a drink, just a sip this time. “Now I don’t want to be anything like them. Or at least what’s left of them.” He put the shot glass down. “I hope you kill them for what they did to you. I hope you kill ‘em all.”

“
What are you gonna be doing?” I asked. “Hanging out here?”

He gave a loose shrug, but I saw the sadness in his eyes. “At night, yep. During the day, I sleep. Keep repeating the cycle until something else comes up.”

“
And the war?” I pointed toward the door. “What about what’s going on out there?”

He let only a faint amusement show. “I don’t know. What are you gonna do about it?”

I deflated slightly. “I don’t know. It all feels … so much bigger than me or you, doesn’t it?”

He nodded and picked up his glass again. “Yep. Just a couple of little pieces in a very, very big game. One that’s way too big for me to navigate my way into alone.”

I shrugged. “You know someone in Omega, now. You could always ask to go with them.”

He got a sour look. “I haven’t forgotten Wolfe and what he did to my aunt and uncle. Nor Henderschott, or Fries, those vampires … “ He frowned. “Was Gavrikov with Omega?”

“
Before he came looking for Kat, yeah, I think so. He was with them from way back.”

“
I hate ‘em,” he pronounced. “I hate everything about them—what they’ve done, the people they’ve used. I couldn’t trust them. I
wouldn’t
trust them. If Reed came back and asked me to fight for Alpha, I’d go with him. You know, after I’ve gotten all this out of my system.” He tipped his glass back. “I trust him, and I trust you.” His eyes grew glazed. “And that’s about it, I’m sad to say.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just stared at him. “I’m sorry it came to this.”

“
So am I,” Scott said. “I really am sorry about Zack. If I was betting man—and, hey I kinda am—I would bet you any amount of money that you’re wrong about him.”

“
It’s kind of you to say.” I walked backward, careful not to trip over a table on my way out the door. “But I know what I’ve seen.” I felt my voice harden. “And I know what I have to do.”

“
You don’t have to do anything, Sienna,” Scott called to me as I reached the door. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s you who’s choosing it. Remember that.”

“
I will,” I said, and gave him a last look as I clutched the handle to the door of the bar. The whiskey smell hung thick in the air, and the crowd in the corner was watching me leave, looking at Scott furtively, expectantly, wondering if he was going to return to them now. I smiled. “I kinda doubt, based on your current condition, that you’ll remember this conversation tomorrow, though.”

He smiled back, and it was the warmest look I could remember seeing anyone give me since the morning I actually woke up with my boyfriend still alive at my side. It hadn’t even been a week, but it felt like forever ago already. “I find it hard to forget you, Sienna Nealon.” He raised his glass. “You’ve saved my life a few too many times for me to do you that particular disservice.” His smile faded. “But you wouldn’t be the first if you didn’t remember me.”

“
I can’t forget you, Scott,” I said as I opened the door and felt the cold air hit me hard as I walked out, feeling the first crunch of my boot in the snow. “After all, you’re the only actual friend I think I have left.”

16.

I hit my stride walking to my car and I slammed the door once I got inside. It was sad to consider but probably true; other than Reed, Scott was probably the last person I actually liked on the face of the planet. Everyone else was persona non grata to me or on my list of people I was actively trying to kill. I cursed loudly to the empty car, furious at myself again for letting Eve get away. I’d had a chance, and I taunted her just a little too long. I should have finished her and trusted that Kurt would find Bastian and Winter for me later. It wasn’t the first mistake I’d made; I hoped it wouldn’t lead to my last, but frankly, I didn’t care all that much if it was, so long as I knocked the last three things off my bucket list first.

I pondered going somewhere but felt the soft buzz of the whiskey I’d had and knew it was a bad idea. I leaned my head back against the seat and took a sniff. Zack’s faint smell was beginning to fade, the car’s cloth seats gradually giving up their former master’s scent as time went by and I used it more and more. I tried to find reassurance in that, but there was none; whatever else Zack had done to me, he’d made me love him. “Mission accomplished, Winter,” I said out loud. “You dick.”

I didn’t even realize I had slipped off to sleep until I saw myself somewhere else, again as formless as every other memory I’d lived through. Kurt was there, sitting beside Zack in a car. He looked over at his younger partner, almost guilty. “You know what he had me do, right?” I heard the little bit of acid in his tone, like he despised someone.

“
I just got back,” Zack said. “Thrilling vacation in South America, you know, where I almost got fried by a man who catches his own skin on fire. I have no idea what’s going on.”

Kurt reached for his own head, massaging the scalp. “Yeah, well, not three hours ago I got the holy hell clubbed out of me by a guy wearing an oversized soup can. Count your blessings.”

Zack gave him a subtle nod. “You were talking about Winter?”

“
Yeah,” Kurt said. “And that girl.” He swore. “That friggin’ girl, I swear—”

Zack laughed. “Don’t let her get to you, man. She’s seventeen. She’s probably writing in her diary right now, ‘I hate that Kurt guy, he’s a big meanie.’“

Hannegan stared at him grudgingly. “You got a point. Count yourself lucky you didn’t try and sleep with her before you took off for South America.”