Broken (2 page)

I
dentifying
her sister’s body at the county morgue was the hardest thing Bella had ever had to do. She’d been abused multiple times by disgusting men. She’d been in porn movies where she had done unbelievable things that made her cringe to think about. But nothing compared to the moment that she had to look at her sister lying lifeless on a cold, metal table. Her injuries had been severe, and Bella had not been as prepared for that as she thought.

As soon as she did the official identification, she promptly excused herself and ran outside to vomit into the bushes. It was nightfall, and her next stop would be to pick up young Ethan who was gleefully playing at his friend’s house completely unaware that his mother was never coming home again.

Bella didn’t know how she would tell him. She remembered being eight years old herself, innocently playing dodge ball at recess, when her principal came to get her. She was having so much fun, but Mrs. Delancourt told her she had something important to talk to her about. When she walked into the principal’s office, her six year old sister, Lori, was sitting in a chair with her feet dangling above the ground. Bella could distinctly remember the pink skirt and black flats that her sister wore, right down to the little bows on her shoes.

The next few minutes after that were really a blur. Mrs. Delancourt called in the school counselor and a police officer who proceeded to tell them that a drunk driver had crossed the center line and killed their beloved mother. The only person they had on Earth was gone. Within hours, they were in their first foster home. Bella’s stomach churned at the thought of it all.

As she drove her rental car toward the address that Officer Carlton had given her for Ethan’s friend’s house, she vowed that he would not suffer the same fate that she did. He would never see a foster home. He would never suffer abuse from anyone. She would protect him in the same way she had protected her sister all those years ago. He wouldn’t want for anything, she decided. Once the funeral was over, she would get a real legitimate job and become his full-time Mommy. He would never have to know the ways that his aunt had debased herself for the last two years. She would make Lori proud if it was the last thing she did.

As the home came into view in front of her, she saw the lit-up pumpkin on the porch, which only reminded her that Ethan wouldn’t get to show off his Halloween costume to his Mom in a couple of weeks. Pushing back the inevitable tears that were lurking just under the surface, she took a deep breath and put the car in park. As she stepped out and approached the house, she realized that her life was never going to be the same again. In a few moments, she would become a mother by default.

“You must be Bella. I’m Sharon Ingle. Ethan plays with my son, Howie,” she said stretching her hand out to shake Bella’s. She stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her to shield both boys from their conversation.

“Nice to meet you,” Bella said with a big sigh.

“I am so sorry about Lori. She was one of our room mothers and always did a great job coordinating parties and field trips…” Bella knew she was just trying to be nice, but she thought the comment was inappropriate given that her sister had only been dead for a few hours. Field trips? Really? “Ethan is going to be devastated. He adored his Mom.”

“Don’t most boys adore their Moms?” Bella snapped without meaning to.

“Of course. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say…” Sharon said apologetically.

“No, I’m sorry. Really. It’s just been a very tough day, and the worst is yet to come.”

“Is there anything I can do to help you? I am glad to sit with you while you talk to Ethan…” she offered.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think I have to do this alone…”

“I understand. Let me get Ethan for you…” she said softly as she opened the front door. “Come on in.”

As Bella walked into the foyer of the expansive home, she was immediately taken by the smell of cookies baking. It reminded her of everything she’d missed as a kid. Not having a real Mom made her feel like an outcast much of the time at school. There was no cookie baking in her past - that was for sure.

“Aunt Bella!” Ethan yelled as he grinned from ear to ear and ran across the room to hug her. She knelt down and scooped him into her arms. She hugged him tighter than she’d ever hugged anyone in her life, and she knew he could feel something was wrong.

“Ethan, I am soooo glad to see you, buddy!” she said trying to hold herself together. “How about saying bye to Howie so I can take you home, okay?” she said as she stood back up.

Ethan said his goodbyes and made his way to the rental car. As he climbed in and buckled up, Bella was quiet. Then the questions started.

“Aunt Bella, why did you pick me up? Did Mommy have to work late?” he asked poking his head between the front seats as she backed out of the driveway.

“No buddy, she didn’t work late…” Bella stammered trying not to cry.

“Is she at home already?” he asked trying to figure out what was going on. He was smart for seven years old.

“No, she’s not at home, sweetie…”

“Then where is she?” he asked. Boy, he was persistent.

Bella knew they were at least fifteen minutes from Lori’s house, so she couldn’t hold him off much longer. Instead of prolonging the agony, she pulled off the side of the road into a parking lot.

“Ethan, unbuckle and climb up here with me for a second, okay?” she asked with her voice already starting to shake.

“Okay,” he said giddily as he climbed over the seats. He looked at her with a smile on his face as if he was about to get a surprise. It tore her heart apart.

“Sweetie, something happened today. To your Mommy…”

“Is she sick? Is she at the hospital?” Ethan asked cocking his head to the side.

“No, honey, she’s not. There was an accident. Ethan, your Mommy went up to heaven today to become an angel…” she said. She hoped her words were enough, but how could they be? How could her measly words ever be enough to explain that his beloved mother was gone forever?

“To heaven? When is she coming back?” he asked still not understanding the concept.

“She’s not, honey. But she will always be your guardian angel watching over you,” Bella said pushing a stray hair out of his eye and rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

“Where was her guardian angel? Why wasn’t her angel watching over her?” he asked with a tear rolling down his cheek. “That’s not fair!”

“I know it’s not, baby…” Bella said pulling him into her embrace and trying to hold back her own tears. She couldn’t remember ever crying as much as she had cried in the last twelve hours.

“I want Mommy to come home! Please come home, Mommy!” he kept sobbing and yelling into Bella’s shoulder.

For over an hour, he sobbed and screamed in the car until he finally tuckered out and fell asleep. When he did, Bella sat there completely still, staring into the black, night sky. She worried that she hadn’t explained it the right way. Did she say it too fast? Did she say the wrong words? Did she scar him for life?

She quietly slid the seatbelt over him and drove the rest of the way to Lori’s house. As she picked him up and carried him inside to bed, she silently prayed to God that she would be up to the challenge. She hadn’t talked to God much in her life, but this time she was willing to ask for help anywhere she could get it.

T
he next week
was a blur for Bella. Thankfully, the school had taken up contributions for Lori’s funeral arrangements, or else she would never have been able to afford it. She was buried in a small cemetery just outside of town. Poor Ethan had sobbed during the funeral even though Bella had her arm around him and Howie held his little hand. It was the most sorrow Bella had ever seen in one room.

The small, country church only had a few pews, but they were full of parents and teachers from Ethan’s school. After the service, Howie’s mom had lunch at her house so the kids could play and people could talk about Lori. Bella learned a lot about her sister during that lunch.

One woman talked about how Lori had volunteered to take the kids on a field trip to the local apple farm earlier in the month. Another woman said her son’s puppy had been hit by a car, and Lori went to the local shelter to get him a new one as a surprise. Story after story showed Bella just how amazing her sister was, and that only made her miss Lori more. The grief was like a dagger in her heart that she couldn’t remove, but more than anything she hoped that she could live up to even a small part of the mother that Lori was to Ethan.

After the funeral was over, Bella called one of her only real friends back in California, Sonya, and asked her to pack up her things for her. She shipped as many of her clothes as she could, as well as a few mementos. Bella didn’t have all that much anyway. She’d always sent most of her money to Lori and Ethan. If she was honest with herself, she was pretty terrified about how she would financially support her nephew and herself without the money she made from her “movies”.

Ethan went back to school exactly one week after his mother’s funeral. Bella was surprised at how quickly he bounced back once the initial shock was over, although Sharon and Howie had been critical in that. They gave him the stability that he needed as he transitioned from his mother to Bella.

Taking on the role of Ethan’s mother was proving to be harder than she imagined. Trying to remember to make his lunch, keep up with his homework, and organize her own life was tougher than she would have ever thought. She was thankful that Sharon had set her up with a job at the local coffee house. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to cover the rent on Lori’s house until she could think of a better plan.

“Good morning, Bella,” Roslyn said as Bella walked in for her second day at work. Roslyn was an older woman in her sixties who reminded Bella of the type of grandmother she had always wanted. Her snow white hair reminded her of Mrs. Claus, and she had the peppy demeanor to go with it.

“Good morning, Roslyn,” Bella said, forcing a smile. She was always forcing her smiles lately. Losing Lori had hit her incredibly hard, and Ethan seemed to be recovering better than she was. Kids were resilient from what she’d heard, and it must have been true since she and Lori had survived what they had in childhood.

“Honey, are you okay? You look so tired,” Roslyn said putting her hand on Bella’s shoulder.

“I’m fine. I just haven’t slept well lately,” Bella said biting her lower lip.

“You know, I lost my sister four years ago myself…”

“You did? How did you get through it?” Bella asked as she put on her green apron and started cleaning dishes from the morning rush.

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, including burying Murray…”

“Murray?”

“My husband of thirty-two years. He died of cancer about six years ago. That was tough stuff, but losing Harriet was the worst. She was the only person who’d known me my whole life, ya know?” Roslyn said shaking her head.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Bella said as she scrubbed a particularly stubborn hot chocolate mug.

“I know it’s gotta be hard coming to a new town like this and taking over for your sister, but I admire your tenacity.”

“Thank you. I don’t feel very strong right now, but I’ve always had tenacity,” Bella said with an ironic laugh. Of course, Roslyn had no idea what kind of life Bella and Lori had lived.

“Well, that will get you anywhere. You can’t give up, Bella, because I’ve learned that the best things in life are sometimes just around that corner that you’re afraid to turn,” she said as she wiped down one of the counters. Before Bella could respond, a customer came in and their workday continued.

“
H
ey
, buddy!” Bella said with a smile as Ethan walked into the kitchen. Sharon had agreed to bring him home from school that day so Bella could do a little shopping for his Halloween costume. He’d wanted to be Spiderman, of course, so she went out and bought him the best costume she could find.

Bella was thankful that she had saved quite a bit of money to send to Lori for Christmas shopping. It was that money that would get her through those first few months without having to worry much.

“Hi, Aunt Bella…” he said, throwing his backpack onto the stool by the breakfast bar.

“How was school today?” she asked as she stirred a pot of frozen dumplings. She was attempting to make chicken and dumplings since they were one of Ethan’s favorites.

“Not great. Someone made fun of me. About my mom…” he said hanging his head. Bella froze in place. Who would make fun of a child whose mother had died two weeks before?

“What?” was all she could say as she put down the spoon and turned to him.

“This kid, Jake Oliver, is a real jerk. He got mad at me because I was the line leader, so he said my family was trash since my Mom got hit by a garbage truck.”

Bella’s anger started to rise to the surface as she struggled to put a muzzle on her mouth. She intended to take care of little Jake Oliver as soon as possible whether he was seven years old or not. She leaned on the counter across from him and grabbed both of his hands.

“Ethan, some kids are silly and say stupid things. One day, Jake is going to feel really sorry for saying something so mean to you. I’m sorry he said it, but you know it’s not true.”

“I know, but everyone stared. It made me feel so bad. Howie punched him in the arm, but he couldn’t take those words back.”

“Hey, I have some good news! I found that Spiderman costume you wanted today.” She handed him the bag with the costume inside. Ethan opened it, muttered a half-hearted thanks and walked down the hall.

With that, he went to his room and shut the door. Bella knew he needed time alone, so she left it at that. But, she had a definite plan to make a visit to the school the next morning.

“
H
ello
?” Bella said as she quickly answered her phone just after eleven at night. Ethan was fast asleep, and she didn’t want her loud Black Eyed Peas ringtone to wake him up.

“Desiree? It’s Nathan. We need to have a chat.”

She felt acid literally rising up her throat at the sound of his voice. Nathan had always grossed her out with his yellow teeth and paunchy belly. He was exactly the guy most people would imagine sitting on the other side of his computer screen watching X-rated movies.

“What?” she said trying to sound disinterested.

“Sonya tells me you had your stuff shipped to some redneck Georgia town?”

“That’s really none of your business.”

“Well, you see, it is my business. You signed a contract, Desiree. You owe me three more months, and I plan to collect. You know you have fans, and they are expecting to see a lot more of you. You need to get your ass back here pronto because you’ve cost me money holding up production.” His tone was angry and pointed, and Bella didn’t appreciate it at all. She and Nathan had never been friendly. He was only interested in what was between her legs and how much money it could make him.

Bella sat there silent for a moment trying to figure out what to say next. On one hand, she didn’t want him to know anything about her personal life. On the other hand, she knew that he would never give up hounding her until she told him why she left like she did. She figured that he might have a heart if she was honest with him. Anything was possible, right?

“Look, Nathan, I’m going to be honest with you. My sister was killed in a head-on collision with a garbage truck. She was my only family except for her little boy. I now have to become his mother, and I am not coming back to California.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, but that doesn’t change the fact that we have a contract we have to settle,” he said. She could hear him rummaging around doing something else, and it irritated the crap out of her. Why did she open up to him in the first place?

“Nathan, I have to go now.”

“You’d better come up with a babysitter for the kid so you can come back and finish shooting this movie. I will give you another week to figure it out, Desiree,” he said before he slammed the phone down.

Bella sat there staring at her cell phone for several minutes. What was she going to do now? She knew that Nathan would never just let it go. When he was a man on a mission, he was unstoppable. The last thing she wanted was for him to show up in her small town and create havoc for her and Ethan. She also knew that there was no way on Earth she could just leave Ethan so soon after his mother died.

Heartsick and nauseous from her phone call with Nathan, she slid down under the covers of her sister’s bed and attempted to fall asleep. At one in the morning, it became apparent that she wasn’t going to fall asleep, so she flipped on the light and started reading. It was going to be a long night.