Broken & Damaged Love (10 page)

“Huh. Yeah, it was kind of brave of him, wasn’t it? But that’s just Jake. He’s that kind of guy.”

“Oh is he? How many people have you seen him kiss?”

“Umm…OK none, but he’s still flamboyant.”

“Frank. There’s a world of difference between flamboyant and ballsy. Actually, I think his flamboyance is there to cover up his insecurity. I think deep down he’s actually even more scared than you are.”

“Really?”

“Those types usually are.”

“Shit. And how did I repay him?”

Frank buried his face in his hands.

“Right, so you were a bit of a wanker.”

“Hey!”

Tina ignored his protestation.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Frank shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe try apologising?”

Frank was looking at Tina in wonder.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Bitch slap me with the truth and yet make me feel happy about it.”

“I don’t know. It’s just a gift I have.” Tina said as she flounced her shoulders.

“Come here and give me a hug,” she said as she moved in for said hug anyway.

“Sorry for making you come out here.”

“It’s OK. I’ll always be here for you. I wasn’t really cross. I’m sorry I sounded so harsh.”

“No, I needed it. Thanks. It’s really late, you want to sleep here?”

“Won’t your roommate mind?”

“Looks like he’s not coming back again. I’ve hardly ever seen him. I’m sure he won’t mind if you use his bed. At least someone will.”

So, they finished their cups of tea whilst chatting about happier things before turning in for the night.

On the way to bed Tina passed the desk and saw Frank’s drawing.

“What’s this..?”

Tina woke up first the next morning, and couldn’t resist taking another look at Frank’s artistry.

He’d dismissed it as nothing the night before but she was fascinated. She had shrewdly pointed out that traditionally (she thought) Apollo had blue and not green eyes.

She had smirked as she pointed this out to Frank, who had clearly drawn a Jake-looking Apollo. But he’d blushed so much she had dropped the subject.

Still, she was worried at just how dark his mood had clearly turned after his argument with Jake. More worrying was the elevation of Jake as some sort of saviour. But maybe she was overreacting, but part of her couldn’t shrug off the discomfort of putting someone on a pedestal like that.

Mind you, if those two could actually talk this through and get over Frank’s anxiety the relationship could clearly be a good thing. Jake was such a lovely guy she was sure they’d make a great couple.

Tina started wondering if perhaps it was time for her to try dating again. There was a guy at work she was sort of interested in. But she shrank inwardly as the idea occurred to her. ‘Or maybe not’ she thought.

She made herself coffee as she waited for Frank to wake up. He looked so peaceful sleeping that she couldn’t bring herself to wake him up.

“Are you alright now?” Tina asked as Frank finally stirred.

“Yeah. Thanks again.”

“Do you want to go and do something fun today?”

“Thanks, but I think I need to face the music with Jake,” he said awkwardly.

So Tina parted company and got into her car. Her mum would be home soon and she couldn’t face going back and having yet another argument with her. So, where should she go?

She admitted to herself she felt a bit lost without her companion. It looked like she was going to have to get used to it though, so she wanted to find something constructive to do.

‘First things first,’ she thought out loud, and drove to a local eatery to find some breakfast.

Having found a coffee shop with a shortish queue, she sat down with her caffé latte and croissant and hungrily started munching whilst perusing a newspaper.

“Hi. Mind if I sit down?” asked a rather odd looking yet strangely handsome man.

Tina started to open her mouth, but hesitated, unable to find polite words with which to tell him to kindly park himself elsewhere, she just wanted to be left alone.

“It’s just there’s no other comfy chairs left, and I could really do with slouching somewhere right now,” the stranger offered apologetically.

Tina’s mouth was still looking fish like as it moved open and closed wordlessly.

“You don’t recognise me, do you?”

“Ummm…yeah of course.”

Blushing she added, “Sorry but no, I really don’t.”

The stranger smiled as he took a seat near her.

“I don’t blame you. I think we only passed each other in the corridor once. I’m Peter, Frank’s roommate.”

“Oh, the prodigal roommate,” Tina pronounced without thinking.

It was Peter’s turn to look embarrassed. “I’m really not around much, am I?”

Flushing at the steady blue gaze Tina told him, “Sorry. It’s really none of my business. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s no massive secret. I’m studying Psychology at the moment, but am hoping to go on to do Counselling Psychology. So, between the lectures and volunteer work I don’t get back to the room much, and when I do it seems to be when your boyfriend is out. The place I volunteer at is the other side of town and one of my mates lets me stay over with him rather than travel on my pushbike late at night I’m just on my way home now, but thought I’d grab breakfast on my way.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Tina dismissed, wondering why she felt the need to.

Out of all the stuff he’d just divulged, that was the thing she picked up on? Really?

“Oh. Good.”

The thought Peter had was more, ‘good that’s exactly what I was hoping you’d say’.

“No. We’re just good friends.”

“So, are you studying here too?” (‘I was hoping I might bump into you on campus.’)

“No. I work in an office, but studying AAT at the same time, but that’s not here.”

“AAT?”

“Yeah, boring accountant in the making.”

“Oh, I don’t know about boring…” he grinned.

Tina laughed nervously.

“You can tell that from a pass in the hall, can you?”

“Psych student,” he declared with a wink.

“Does that involve mind reading?” she asked, slightly huffily.

Peter put his index and middle fingers to his temples and closed his eyes in a mock trance, “Ommmm…you are thinking…I wish this loser would leave me alone so I could finish my croissant in peace.”

“Wow, you
can
read minds,” she laughed.

“Sorry. I’ll just have my coffee to go,” he said as he began to rise.

“No. Please stay. Honestly, it’s fine.”

Great, he was about to do exactly as she wanted and she was stopping him. What was wrong with her?

“Well, if you’re sure,” he said sitting back down.

He laced his fingers together and put his chin on them as he leaned forward.

“Why do I make you nervous?”

“What makes you say that?”

“The way you’re biting your lip and looking anywhere but me.”

“Sorry, I’m just not that good with people I don’t know.”

“And why would that be?”

Woah he was getting much too nosey!

“Look….”

“Peter. Or Pete if you prefer,” he supplied helpfully.

“Look Peter, you can keep your psychobabble to yourself thank you very much. I was quite happy sitting here minding my own business before you came along.”

Pete put his hands up in surrender with a chuckle, “OK OK, sorry. I was just interested. I just get carried away sometimes. I’ll behave. I promise.”

“Sorry. Look, I’m just a bit broken or something. Call it anti-social. I’m not very good with people I don’t know,” she apologised whilst slurping some of her coffee.

“Well, you didn’t lie. So, accounting, huh?” he asked, hoping this was a safer topic.

“Yeah. I know where I am with numbers. They just make sense to me. But it’s just a job. What I really like doing is painting.”

“Ah, hence the connection with Frank? I’ve seen some of the stuff he leaves lying around.”

“Yeah, we met at college and set each other this art challenge. We’ve been friends ever since.”

Tina relaxed as she found a topic she was comfortable with, and could focus on talking about Frank more than herself.

“Frank’s an amazing artist.”

And the conversation flowed from there.

As Pete left that coffee shop there was a definite spring in his step.

“You’ll never guess who I just bumped into,” Pete declared as he got back to his room to find Frank still there.

“No, I won’t,” Frank said distractedly.

“Your friend Tina.”

“Tina?”

“Yeah, you know, red hair, fiery temper, a little bit gorgeous…?”

“I know who she is. I’m just surprised you do.”

“Well, I didn’t really. I only ran into her once before. She seems like a nice girl.”

“Yeah she is. Just don’t expect more than friendship.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just what I say.”

“Sounds like the voice of experience?”

“No, just someone who actually knows her. She’s been through a lot.”

“Maybe she just needs some TLC?”

“Emphasis on the ‘T’. Honestly I mean it. You seem like a nice guy and everything. Just be careful of her. She’s been through enough pain.”

“Heard, loud and clear. So, what you looking so happy about anyway?”

This was said sarcastically, as Frank clearly looked depressed. Or anxious. Pete couldn’t quite decide.

“Nothing. I should get going anyway.”

And with that he picked up his coat and went out.

‘Ships that pass in the night’ Pete thought to himself. He headed off to get a shower, but passed the desk on his way, where Frank’s drawing still sat. ‘Freud would have a field day!’ he mused.

Frank in the meantime was on his way to face the music. He had spent much of the morning moping and trying to decide what to say and do, but it just made him break out into a sweat.

He stopped off on his way to buy a small box of chocolates, still debating whether it was ‘a bit much’, but he didn’t want to turn up empty handed.

Mind you, he didn’t want anything that could be launched at him either. No, he’d still give Jake the chocolates. If he opened his door at all.

Maybe he should just phone or text? No, he needed to see him.

Frank realised he had actually stopped walking as he worried. ‘Come on feet, carry me to him’ he commanded in his head.

He was shitting himself (not literally, you understand). Yesterday had gone so horribly wrong. But Frank reasoned with himself it couldn’t actually get any worse, and therefore he had nothing to lose.

Frank ever so nervously approached Jake’s door and rapped quietly. He stood there anxious and sweaty. He couldn’t hear any movement on the other side.

After a couple of minutes he knocked again, this time a little louder. Again he waited.

Just as he was about to turn around and give up (almost relieved), he heard a groaned, “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” Frank announced, rather uselessly.

The door creaked open a little and some red tinted green eyes peaked through the gap.

“Oh it’s you,” said a gravelly Jake, and opened the door enough to let Frank in.

For the first time since they’d first met Jake looked a mess. He was still in his pyjamas, and his hair was un-brushed.

“You’re the last person I expected to see today.”

Frank pushed the box of chocolates out in front of him.

“I came with a peace offering.”

“Hmph, it’ll take more than chocolate.”

“Jake, I’m sorry. Please let me explain.”

“What’s to explain? You’re homophobic. I get it.”

“No, I’m not. Please don’t think that.”

“You thought I should be ASHAMED, Frank!”

“No. I didn’t mean that. I asked because I don’t know. I…”

“You didn’t know if I was ashamed? Make sense, and fast.”

“I’m confused.”

“No shit.”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a virgin,” Frank cried out.

“Oh, I would never have guessed!” Jake bit back sarcastically.

“Until yesterday I’d never even kissed another guy.”

“Not even a kiss?”

“Not even a peck on the lips.”

“How is that even possible?”

“Try having a dad like mine for just five minutes.”

“So it’s your dad’s fault?” Jake asked incredulously.

Frank lifted up his shirt.

“Yeah. This is his fault,” he exclaimed, pointing to a scar on his side.

Jake looked stunned. He tentatively reached out a finger to trace the scar.

“This?” he breathed.

Frank just looked into Jake’s eyes and nodded.

“Why?”

“Because he’s fucked up, Jake. Because he thinks I’m some sort of spawn of Satan. Because he thinks beating the crap out of me would beat the gayness out. Because he is ashamed of me. Because he’s a twat. Because I hate him…” tears were trickling down Frank’s cheeks now.

Jake was shaking his head in disbelief.

“He actually damaged you?”

“He only stopped when I told him I was straight.”

The pain in his eyes shot Jake through the heart.

“Fuck! You’re not though, right?”

“What do you think?” he asked with a grimace.

“So yesterday…when you asked…?”

“I was actually asking. I’ve been told to be ashamed of what I am all my life. I’m terrified someone will find out. They did once. At school.”

“Let me guess, that didn’t work out too well either?”

“You could say that. I’ve got another scar to prove it.”

“Arseholes!”

“Yeah.”

Frank’s head was hanging down as the visions of trauma flashed back.

Jake took Frank’s chin in his hand and coaxed him into lifting his head.

“Hey. Look at me.”

Hazel eyes met green.

“I am not ashamed. And nor should you be. What greater gift is there than love? And love is love, no matter what.”

“I think Tina would disagree.”

“What?”