Broken Fairytales (51 page)

I started to walk up the path when I realized I didn’t see Zack’s
black motorcycle
out front
where it usually was parked.
I walked tentatively
up
the front steps and knocked lightly, knowi
n
g no one would answer.
I knocked again. My mind instantly flashed to Zack’s mom. I hoped nothing had happened.
It was always his worst fear, but
the day before had been great.
He’s said she’d been up making d
inner and laughing and joking. She had
to
be fine.

I dialed Zack’s number again, and the phone went di
rectly to voicemail again.
I
even tried Molly
, but she didn’t answer either
, so
I walked back home hoping Zack would call me back soon. I was on edge not knowing what was happening, my mind racing with horrible possibilities
,
and u
ntil I heard from
him
my mind wouldn’t settle.

Four hours later
I hadn’t heard anything
and had a permanent
nervous
feeling swirling in my stomach.
Rachel had convinced me to go shopping in town
when she saw how agitated I was
, so we’d driven to the little
cluster of
shops
.
She was engrossed in trying on new tops and skir
ts, but my mind was elsewhere.

During dinner
with my family, I tried to stay in the moment and enga
ge in the conversation centered
around
Chase and Rachel
’s relationship
. They
had finally revealed to my parents that they were together, and my moth
er couldn’t have been happier.
She was hitting them with question after question which was embarrass
ing them both, and should have made me smirk, but I was too preoccupied, having still not heard from Zack.

After dinner, I asked Rachel to walk back
down to
his
house with me.
The whole place was
still dark and closed up.
We drove to his spot, but h
e wasn’t there
either.
The only e
vidence left that we’d
been there
the night before was his guitar pick.
It sat at the mouth of the
cave, half-buried in the sand.
He must have dropped it when
we gather
ed everything up that morning.
I picked it up, fingering it
lightly before putting it in
my pocket.

“I just don’t know where he is,” I said, as Rachel and I trudged back across the sand.

She put her arm around me.  “I’m sure t
hey just took off for the day. He’ll call.
You’ll see him soon.”

“Let’s try one more place,” I suggested. It was Friday, and Zack had his regular gig at
Phil’s Tavern
. He never missed work, so even if he’d been MIA all day, he’d be at his job.

Rachel followed me through the door and up to the bar where we grabbed two seats. I was already on edge upon seeing someone who wasn’t Zack in his normal spot on the patio setting up behind the microphone, so Rachel forced me to order a drink. When I tried to order a beer, Rachel shook her head at Nina,
the
bartender, and ordered
her to make me vodka tonic
.

When Nina placed our drinks in front of us, I
asked if she could get
Phil
, the owner, to come out so I could talk to him. If Zack wasn’t at work, maybe
Phil
would know where he was.
I’
d met Phil
when I’d first gone to see
Zack play
.
He had lived on the island for twenty years
,
and his bar was his life. He was a big man with red hair and kind blue eyes
and
a deep, rumbling laugh that shook his protruding stomach
when he found something humorous.

He was also kind man who had
taken good care of me once he realized who I was dating and refused to let me pay for drinks
whenever I came in, which was often
. Zack had been working at
Phil
’s every summer since he turned eighteen
.
I knew h
e
sort of looked up to
Phil
, who was twenty years old than him and had given him his first job, as almost a second father.

“Hey Em
ily
,” Phil
said, throwing the bar rag over his broad shoulder as he came out of the kitchen. He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I could see the worry lines etched into his ruddy face.

“Zack’s not playing tonight?” I asked, playing it off as if I’d
just
come in expecting to sit outside for Zack’s set.

Phil
shook his head. “No, he called me a few hours ago to let me know he wouldn’t be in, so I called
Chris
in to take his place.”

I instantly knew
Phil
was holding back information. He said that with too much nonchalance fo
r me not to read
into it, but I wasn’t going to probe.
If Zack had asked him not to say anything, he wasn’t going to let me know what was going on. No matter how much he liked me, his loyalties lay with Zack.

“Where is he?” Ra
chel chimed in, not knowing Phil
like I did.

“Who’s this?” he asked me,
his
thumb gesturing to Rachel.

“This is my best friend, Rachel,” I s
aid as Rachel leaned toward Phil
, waiting for him to answer her question.

“She’s feisty,” was all he said, as he glanced at Rachel.

“She is,” Rachel said. “Do you know where Zack is?”

“Yes,”
Phil
said warily, careful not to give aw
ay too much with his expression
I noticed.

“Phil
, if you speak to him, can you please tell him call me?” I asked. “I’m worried, and I haven’t heard from him all day.”

Beside me, Rachel started to speak up, but I stopped her with my hand, shaking my head at her. She kept quiet.

“He’s okay, Em,”
Phil
said, and the way he said it
,
I knew something had happened to Zack’s mom.

My heart sunk at the dark thoughts flooding my brain, and I wished Zack would call me. At least he had his family with him. He wasn’t alone, but I could only imagine what he was dealing with in that moment.
Phil
patted my hand a few times before whispering to Nina that our drinks were on him that night.

R
achel and I sat sipping vodka tonics
as I waited for the phone to ring. Chase met up with us at nine, and I tried to maintain some sort of positivity throughout the night, but it was tough.
When we got home
around midnight
, I put Zack’s sweats
hirt on, inhaling his familiar scent that clung to the fabric
– clove cigarettes
, the beach,
and something that was distinctly Zack
.
It made me feel better
but on
ly for a short time.
 

By the time I started to drift off to sleep, I
was
worried beyond belief
but had enough alcohol in my system that my eyelids still got heavy
.
I had just
drifted off when my cell phone
ringing on my ni
ghtstand woke me
.

“Hello,” I said, suddenly wide awake and knowing exactly who it would be.

“
Hey
,” Zack
said, sounding utterly deflated and exhausted.

“Zack,” I breathed, so happy to hear his voic
e. “Thank God!
How’s your mom?”

He sighed heavily, and I heard an ambulance siren in the background. It sounded like he was outside.

“How did you know?”

“You’ve never dropped off the radar like that before, and when I went to your house and everyone was gone, I just assumed.” He didn’t need to know I talked to
Phil
.

He sighed again, and I could literally feel the weight he was carrying around.
“She’s okay. I’m at a hospital on the mainland.
She was having trouble breathing last ni
ght,
and then she had a few seizures,
so
my aunts
brought her here
.
It’s been really touch and go all day, but she’s stable now.”  Hi
s voice was wavering slightly.
“I’ve been with her al
l day, so I couldn’t call you.
I’m sorry
. I know you called me a bunch of times
.”

“No, Zack, don’t even worry about it. I’m so sorry about yo
ur mom, but I’m glad she’s
okay
now. Do you want me to come meet you at the hospital?”

There was silence on the line for a few seconds, as if he was weighing his options.

“No,” he finally said.
“It’s late. Go to sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. I’m here if you need me,” I said, wishing it would help ease some of his worry but knowing it wouldn’t. There wasn’t anything I could do to fix what was wrong.

“I know,” he sighed
,
before I heard the line click.

I didn’t sleep
well
that night
and woke up feeling wor
se than I had the night before.
I went through the motions of l
ying on the beach
and enjoying my time with Rachel
, but my mind was elsewhere.
I tried to ignore the nagg
ing feeling in my stomach but
just
couldn
’t. I’d felt something shift.
I wasn’t sure if it was the reality of the situation Zack was in or the tone in his voice, but a part o
f me knew that something changed
between us
that day
.

When Zack didn’t call me the next day or the day after, I knew my suspicions had been confirmed.
On the fifth day that I hadn’t heard from or seen
him
, I started to get angry. It was a selfish feeling, but I couldn’t help it. He was dealing with so much, and I shouldn’t expect him to even think of me when he was worried about his mom, but I felt awful that he refused to let me in when he needed someone the most.
At least his family was with him.

I
n an effort to calm myself down
I walked to his house, as I’d done
that first
day, expecting to s
ee the same things I’d seen
when I pee
red in the kitchen window –
same
newspaper on the table, same dishes in the dish drainer, same sandals discarded by the entrance to the living room.
My expectations were confirmed.
Zack’s house looked exactly the same.

I ventured over to Molly’s house to see if maybe one of them had returned and fought back the tears as I looked in the window to see all traces
of them gone.
At some point they had returned, packed up their belongings a
nd left the island, the
house
closed up for the winter. My chest constricted
,
as I realized Molly hadn’t even said goodbye.

My shoul
ders slumped as I walked home. At least Zack wasn’t gone, but of course, where else would he go. He lived on the island year-round. I missed him
, and it hurt like
hell.
Wh
at was worse,
we were leaving the be
ach in
a week
, and I
didn’t know if I’d see him again.
I was sad, angry, hurt
,
and worried all at once, and I didn’t kn
ow how to cope with any of it.
Thunder
rumbled noisily over
head
,
and the rain st
arted when I was halfway home.
I burst into tears on the spot, not knowing how else to react
and feeling incredibly drained
. 

By the time I got home, I was soaked, sobbing uncontrollably and
just
wanted to crawl into a hole. Rachel met me on the porch, havin
g seen me walking up the road.
She wr
apped a beach towel around me.
Losing all strength, I fell into her and we slid down to the ground where she held me as I cried and stroked my hair.