Broken Heart 02 Don't Talk Back to Your Vampire (23 page)

"Lorcan read me the story." I gulped. "The crow queen really is your mother?"

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"That's always been the problem with mortals. They rely more on their eyes and their intelligence than they do their hearts and their intuition. Why do you think magic has faded so much from this world?"

"Lack of belief."

"And lack of practice." She smiled sadly. "The day I begged my mother to save Ruadan, grief knotted my soul and impaired my judgment. Maybe it would've been better to let him join his brothers on the Other Side. But I couldn't let him go."

"I'm sorry."

"There are rules, my darlin', for all of us. Even though I am as near to a goddess as you're likely to get, I can't just part the veil for a visit whenever I please. There is a balance we must maintain, no matter who we are or where we live. I need to focus on my work to be done in this world."

"Which doesn't include ridding vampires of the taint."

"Is there a reprimand in there?"

"I suppose there is."

"Do you believe there is a reason for livin'?"

"Is this a cog-in-the-clock-of-life lecture?" I chuckled. "I heard it from my mother and I've said it to my daughter."

"We are who we are for a grand reason. Not everyone knows their purpose, but they serve it all the same." She leaned forward and touched my shoulder. "You should tell him how you feel and ask him for what you want. Lorcan is a lovely soul, but as stubborn as—well, as you." She winked at me.

Then she faded away and it was as if she'd never been there.

I thought about what Brigid had said and shivered. If I was going to cross to the Other Side, I wanted only two things. One, that Tamara would be cared for and two, that I could make love to Lorcan.

Making love to Lor seemed like a very selfish wish. I knew that he had feelings for me. And heavens above, the man could kiss.

Was it wrong to lust after a monk?

The phone call wasn't as heinous as I'd dreaded. A woman answered; her voice was cheerful as she called her husband to the phone.

"Evangeline?" Michael sounded both pleased and surprised.

Six months ago, I received a letter from Michael. It was the only secret I had ever kept from Tamara.

My reasons for not responding to the letter were mixed, filled with right and wrong justifications. Michael had no parental rights. He'd made his position very clear sixteen years before. Tamara was mine and I couldn't bear the thought of sharing her. Then there was the fact that I was a vampire—how was I supposed to explain that? I sighed.

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As much as I believed in the power of forgiveness, I had found precious little to give to Michael.

Now I had no choice. Tamara could live in a world where parents didn't drink blood for dinner.

"I'll be honest," I said. "I wasn't sure I would ever call you."

"I know you don't think I deserve a second chance."

Yes, you do. We all do.

"All I can say is that I was young and stupid. My parents—well, they made it easy to walk away from you, Eva."

I knew from Michael's letter that he was a very successful architect married to his college sweetheart.

They had two children, a four-year-old boy and a ten-year-old girl. He had hired a private detective to find me, and once he had my address in Broken Heart, he'd mailed the letter. He wanted to see Tamara; he wanted to be part of her life. He offered to send child support, including back pay.

I wouldn't be human (figuratively) if I didn't admit to a little
nyah-nyah-nyahing
. And, yes, I realized I had the upper hand. Michael would be my puppet and I would pull the strings. But these thoughts were unworthy and they didn't occupy my mind for too long. The truth was that I was scared. Scared of losing my daughter. I had been a single mother for too long. Like I said, I plain didn't want to share her.

"Evangeline?"

"I'm sorry." My throat knotted and my eyes ached with the need for tears. "I haven't talked to Tamara. I didn't tell her about your letter."

"I see." He paused.

"I'm dying, Michael. I need… would you…
shit
."

"How can I help? What do you need?"

"I need you to be her father. After I… when I… go… I need you to take her and raise her and
love
her." I cleared my throat, clutching the receiver so hard it cracked. "Are you willing to do that?"

"Yes." He didn't hesitate. I blessed him silently for making this difficult conversation easier on me. "When will you talk to her?"

"Soon. I didn't want to get her hopes up."

"I know this is difficult for you, Eva. But I want you to know how sorry I am about everything. I hope Tamara can forgive me. And I hope you can, too." He sighed and in that sound I heard his pain, his loss, his worry. Michael wasn't evil incarnate, not a two-dimensional creep. He was a man who'd made mistakes and choices, just like every other human being. At least he was trying to make things right. If he was reaching out his hand, then by golly, I would take it.

But I didn't know if Tamara would join the forgiveness train. As a teenager, she angsted about everything—from a pimple to a Cure song—but knowing that your father left you and your mother to
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fend for yourselves—yikes. Mending that wound would take a lot of work on Michael's part.

And I wouldn't be there to help.

"Evangeline?"

"I'm sorry. My mind keeps wandering. Let me talk to Tamara. I'll call you back." I hesitated. "What's your wife's name?"

"Susan."

"Is she… I mean, what's she like?"

"She's smart, kind, and funny. She reminds me of you."

It was the perfect thing to say. I pressed a hand against my aching, dry eyes.

"She's the one who said I should find you and Tamara and try to mend things. If you're worried about how she'll treat our daughter, believe me when I say she will love her."

Our daughter
. Oh, my God. Never had a plural pronoun been applied to Tamara. I wasn't alone anymore. And neither was she.

"Thank you." I cleared my throat, but the knot tightening it wouldn't release. "I'll call you soon.

Good-bye."

"Good-bye, Eva."

Lorcan came into my room and found me dry-crying. I heaved and whimpered, without shedding a tear, and I couldn't stop. He crawled into the bed with me and held me, cooing nonsense and stroking my hair.

I felt such pain—such horrible, wrenching pain—and I was drowning in it. The loose ends of my life were tying up. Tamara would have a father. The Consortium would have my library and my house.
And
Lorcan
… I stopped blubbering and looked at him. He was the only loose end left, I supposed. How neatly the things in my life were weaving together—and it was a tapestry nearly finished. I should be grateful for such blessings. But fear blew through me like an Arctic wind. I didn't want to die.

Oh, God.

I cradled Lor's face between my hands and kissed him. When I pulled back, his silver eyes were mercurial. He took my hands and kissed each wrist. Pleasure zinged through me.

I gazed at him, words tumbling around in my mind. I wanted to tell him everything I felt, everything I wanted, but it wasn't fair. I would certainly feel better—the tapestry weaving its final threads—but I doubted Lorcan would appreciate my sentiments.

"If things were different," I said, "we could… date, I guess." I laughed at the idea of vampire dating. "I like being around you, talking to you, holding your hand. I wish we could—"

"Eva." He pressed a finger against my lips. Then he smiled—such a lovely smile he had and so rarely did

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he show it. My heart turned over in my chest. Oh, heavens, he was beautiful, right down to his soul.

"There's something you should know,
a stóirín
."

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too." I hugged Lorcan tightly. Finally, someone loved me. I was worthy of love. Yes! All I'd ever, ever,
ever
wanted was someone to love me.
Oh, please… please love me
.

The Arctic wind blew again, chilling me to the bone. I shivered. Lorcan tucked me under the covers.

"You are so lovely, Eva. It's too bad I had to give you the taint."

"But you… you didn't. You wouldn't."

"Yes, I did. And because I did, you must make me pay."

My teeth chattered. For a moment the room blurred. Were there others around me? When did Jessica and Patrick and Stan get here? I heard snippets of voices.

What's wrong with her?

She's having a seizure. Hold her down. Where's the syringe?

What do you mean she's in the final stages? It's only been a couple of weeks.

Save her! Save her NOW!

Lorcan's roar made the whole room vibrate. "Lor?" I whispered.

I'm here, Eva. Don't go. Please don't go.

"Eva?" The beautiful voice drew me away from the chaos. I blinked and the people and the voices faded into nothing. I was in my room—no, my prison—with Lorcan.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing's wrong, love. It's just you and me." He patted my clasped hands. His eyes glowed as bright as twinkling green stars. Oops. Wrong color. Silver. Lor's eyes were silver.

"I killed you," he said. "Then I gave you the taint. You should seek your revenge. You should kill me. An eye for an eye… a child for a child."

"Child for a… what are you talking about? What child?" I shook my head. "That doesn't make sense. I
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would never hurt you."

"No, you wouldn't. I keep forgetting that you're not bloodthirsty or vengeful. That presents quite the problem."

I felt dizzy, as if everything around me was falling away. My mind clouded, thickened with confusion.

When it cleared again, I couldn't remember what had been said. What were we talking about?
I love you,
Eva
. Excitement glimmered. Lorcan declared his love for me. Soothed by this memory, I smiled.

"Free me, Eva. Free me from the blackness of my soul."

"What? How?" My smile dimmed. "Forgive yourself, Lor. Didn't we already talk about this?"

"I can't forgive myself. I want to die. I want peace."

"No." Panic raced through me. What was he asking me to do? No, it wasn't fair. I was dying. I wouldn't leave Lorcan to the same fate.

"I love you. I love you so much." He sighed, his gaze sad. "If you love me, you'll do as I ask. I want to die. I want to be free."

A ribbon of understanding twirled. Oh, of course. That made sense. Lorcan wanted peace. I loved him enough to give him closure.

"I'll do as you ask," I said. "I'll do anything you ask."

"I know," he said softly. "Now sleep. When you wake up, we'll be together and you'll help me."