Broken Memphis (22 page)

"I'm glad," I say, tossing a peanut at his open mouth and missing. "Sorry. I nearly failed gym."

Pax grins in a smartass way. "I bet you filled out the gym uniform though."

"Oh, yeah, and I didn't wear a sports bra, so there was a lot of unnecessary bouncing."

Laughing, Pax caresses my leg between his under the table. He opens his mouth for Tallulah, who carefully drops the peanut inside.

"I think she worries she inherited my athletic skills."

Still smiling, Pax keeps cracking shells. "Loving you is easy, Bebe."

Surprised by the tenderness in his tone and words, I only stare at him. He finally stops fidgeting with the shells and focuses on me.

"You're too good for a jackass like me, but you're stuck with me now, and you know it."

"Yeah, I know it."

"I won't let you go," he says with more a serious tone. "I can't walk away from this now. I tried and it hurt me in here."

Pax taps at his chest then glances at Tallulah. "I never had a family except for Ford. I had some people like Marcy who tried, but I never really let them in. I never trusted anyone like I did my brother. Life was easier for me with not trusting, you know?"

Nodding, I've seen the way the brothers hold themselves away from others. Not with Shay though. Now, not with Tallulah and me either. I even noticed them opening up with the club guys like Lucky and Joker. They want to belong but haven't learned how.

"I love you," I say because I can't think of anything else.

His blue eyes bright, Pax grins. "I knew you were the one when I pissed you off at dinner and you came back and still joked around with me. I admit I didn't really want you to be the one. I got scared of having all this on me. A woman and a kid is a lot for a lazy fuck like me, but I can't let you two go now."

"Good."

Pax reaches across the table and takes my hand. "I don't know nothing about rings and jewelry and shit. I figure when we get the real deal, you can come with me and pick what you like."

I frown as he slips a ring-shaped peanut shell onto my finger. "This is a perfect first ring since of how I'm nuts and all."

Staring at him, I can't be sure he's saying what I think he's saying. Pax realizes he's being too vague for someone as dumb as me.

"I want to marry you. If you want, I can do the thing where I get on my knee."

"No," I whisper. "You want to marry me for real?"

"I'm a bad guy to bad people. I don't always do right by the good ones either. Even with all that, I promise to love you, Tallulah, and any other kids we have. I'll love you as much as possible, and I'll fight to keep you safe and happy. I can't promise much, but I can promise that, Bebe."

Standing, I move to his side of the booth and join him. He wraps an arm around me, and I kiss him hard. Pax feels like I always imagined home would be like. Tallulah is staring at us when our lips part. Pax grins at her and takes a shell off the table. He cradles her little hand and slides the shell over two fingers.

"Will you be my daughter, Tallulah Green?"

Giggling, she bounces in the booth. "You can be my dad."

Pax has the oddest look on his face, and I know what he's thinking. I felt the same way when I first held Tallulah in my arms.
How can I be responsible for this tiny innocent person? What if I fail? What if she realizes one day that I'm a loser?
All those worriers are written across his handsome face, but Tallulah is oblivious. Showing me her shell ring, she reminds me how Pax is her dad now.

By the time the appetizers arrive, I'm a weepy mess. Pax looks even more freaked out while our kid is in heaven. The moment is bizarre, yet perfectly us. We're not normal people, and I'm okay with this fact. If I was normal, I wouldn't have Pax. If he were normal, he wouldn't be Pax.
No, I like things just the way they are.

41

Pax

Pizza, Games, and Threats

Chuck E. Cheese is loud and smells like pizza. I loved the place as a kid, so I bring Tallulah while Bebe does Christmas shopping.

My appearance scares a few of the parents out of the restaurant. Grinning, I watch them go, happy for more room for Tallulah and me. We play
Mario
racing before squirting water in a clown's mouth. I kick ass on the shooting hoops games while she cheers me on. I don't care if I'm a big kid. Tallulah thinks I'm awesome, and her opinion is the only one in the place that matters.

After an hour of playing, we sit down for pizza. Everything is perfect until I see a walking nightmare enter a place of childhood innocence.

"Hey, Homerun," Zombie says, stopping at our table.

Dark hair sticking up, he appears to have come from a wild night of partying.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, standing up to face him.

"I like the salad bar."

Frowning, I glance in the direction he's pointing, having never realized they served salad.
Why the hell would I eat lettuce at Chuck E. Cheese?

Returning my focus to Zombie, I catch him reaching out to pat Tallulah's head. Instinct takes over, and I slap his hand away before shoving him away from her.

"Fuck off," I growl.

Reacting the way any asshole would, Zombie pushes me, and my hip bangs into the table. Tallulah gasps in fear and slides under the booth to hide.

"What is your problem?" Zombie yells, stretching out his arms.

"I don't want you touching her."

"Why?" he asks, lowering his voice as if genuinely shocked.

My anger wants to remind him how he rapes, tortures, and murders women for fun. Tallulah doesn't need to hear such things, yet my temper isn't always easy to manage.

"I don't want to argue," I say. "Let's just put it this way. If you touch her, I'll hack off your fingers. I don't want you looking at her, or I'll have to dig your eyes out your ugly face. You know, don't even breathe on her. That way, I won't be forced to tear out your lungs. Yeah, just stay the fuck away from her and Bebe, so we'll have no issues."

Patting Zombie's shoulder, I smile. "It's not personal, buddy. A man needs to protect what's his, or he'll look like a pussy."

"I don't know, buddy," he says, patting my shoulder harder. "Seems to me you look weak right now by pissing yourself over a little girl getting a hello."

"You think I'm weak?" I ask, laughing even while wanting to gut the fucker. "That's so funny since you're the one who looks scared."

Even smirking, he wants to gut me too. Until he takes his last breath, Zombie only exists for violence.

"Have fun babysitting."

Once Zombie walks far enough away that I'm sure he can't jump me, I squat down and look under the table. Tallulah isn't crying, but her little body shakes. Her eyes widen when she sees me.

"It was smart to hide," I say, holding out my hands.

Tallulah crawls out from under the table and into my arms. I pick her up and wipe dirt from her pants.

"That guy is scary," I whisper. "I'm glad you're so smart. Lots of kids are dumb and wouldn't get out of the way."

Tallulah leans her head against my shoulder. "I want to stay with you."

"You're my little girl, and I'll always protect you."

Tallulah grins, but she's freaked now. Zombie takes his fucking salad and leaves. I figure Tallulah will relax. Yet even while we eat pizza, she clings to me. Bebe notices this fact as soon as she walks in.

"What happened?"

"Nothing much."

Tallulah climbs into her mother's arms and studies me. Suspecting she'll snitch me out, I decide to beat her to the punch.

"Zombie came around being creepy, so I told him to fuck off. Tallulah got scared because he's a freak. The end."

Bebe frowns, wanting more drama out of this moment. I decide to give it to her since Zombie knows no boundaries.

"If you ever see him coming," I whisper to her, "and I'm not around, you run. Don't play cool or try to fight him like you did Creepy Spencer. The guy carves up women. He's a monster, so just run, okay?"

Based on her expression, I know Bebe gets it. A good girl from another world might shrug off Zombie with his goofy smile. Bebe knows men like him though. Understanding the lies they tell, she's also seen how quickly they can turn violent.

One day, Tallulah will need to understand too.

42

Bebe

Who Wants a Tom?

Pax and I decide I should be a fulltime mom and wife. Not only will I need to leave town soon, but also Tallulah needs more stability. On my first day home after quitting my cleaning job, I spend hours scrubbing the house for the upcoming holidays. Shay laughs when I tell her this fact. In fact, she laughs so hard and long that I hang up on her. Like a bitch, she calls me right back while still laughing. I sense being a stay-at-home mom will involve more silly time with Shay.

When they return from walking Folgers, Pax and Tallulah wear big smiles. They've clearly been making plans again. Grinning, I set out dinner and wait to hear what they have in mind.

Tallulah sits at the table, looking over the casserole. Her expression makes me feel like a world-renowned chef. She smiles at me then glances at Pax strutting into the kitchen.
Oh, he's got something planned.

"We were talking," Pax says, wrapping me in his arms, "about how much work it takes to get Tallulah's hair into braids and ponytails. She really doesn't like having her hair pulled. I mentioned how you wanted to get her the short haircut. You know, the Tom thing."

"It's called a bob," I say, laughing.

"Yeah, a bob. So she wants a haircut to make it easier for you to keep it pretty. Girls like being pretty, don't they, Tallulah?"

My smiling daughter nods. "Tell Mom the other thing."

Pax smiles at Tallulah then kneels down in front of me. He kisses my stomach before staring up at me and setting my entire body crazy with need.

"Tallulah wants a little brother or sister, so we'll need to start working on that."

"Now?"

"No," Pax says, snuggling my stomach. "We'll do it March 13."

"Why then?"

"It'll be Friday the 13th. Feels lucky."

Tallulah laughs at an inside joke. Grinning, I try not to give away how overheated Pax has my body.

"If we have a boy, I want to name him Roy," he says.

"Why?"

"Roy Reed sound badass."

"Roy though? It's an old F U C K I N G man's name."

Pax glances at Tallulah. "She's spelling again."

"Dad doesn't like spelling," Tallulah tells me.

I'm so busy melting at how she's calling him Dad that I nearly miss Pax's fingers inching up my shirt. My body suddenly goes into overdrive at the feel of his lips on my belly button.

"I thought of lots of names that start with 'R,' but none work."

"What about Randy?" I ask, wiggling under his touch.

"Randy Reed sounds like a nerd."

"Rick Reed."

"Perv."

"Roddy."

"Ah, a wrestling reference. Nice, but no on the name."

"I'll think about Roy," I mumble as he sucks at my waist. "Now get off me, so I can get our plates ready."

Pax stands up and kisses my cheek. "March 13th will make it a winter baby. Tallulah and I did the math. Winters are boring, so a baby would make shit fun."

"Uh, I'd be pregnant through the summer."

Pax leans into my ear and whispers, "Just thinking of you with one of those bumps is giving me a bump in the pants."

"What poetry," I tease, wiggling away. "March is months away, so I'll have lots of time to think about it."

"I'll do that Lamaze thing with you," Pax says, pouring drinks for us. "Tallulah and I will change diapers. We don't mind poop, do we, kid?"

Laughing, she bounces in her seat. "Thank you," she adds when I set a plate in front of her.

"My little girl has great manners," Pax announces. "I'm taking credit for that."

I laugh at his sincerity. "When can we get the haircut?"

"Tomorrow," Pax says then looks at a nodding Tallulah. "She'll have a new haircut for Christmas and her big birthday."

The mention of the upcoming holidays sends Tallulah into giggles. Joining them at the table, I eat a few bites of food before the logical part of my brain kicks in.

"Babies are a lot of work."

"So am I, but we manage."

Grinning, I point out something that might give Pax pause. "They can cramp a couple's style."

Pax gets my meaning but only smiles. "We've gotten good at sneaking around and doing what we can when we can."

His wink makes me laugh. "Where will we put the baby?"

"My room," Tallulah says.

"Babies cry and take up space."

My daughter shrugs. "I know."

"Here's what I was thinking," Pax says, caressing the back of my hand. "We'll turn my room into a playroom. We'll need to clean the hell out of it and paint and shit, but it's plenty big enough. That way, Tallulah will have a room for her toys and schoolwork. I'll move my stuff into the bedroom upstairs. That way, we're all together. In a few years, we can find a house that isn't so broken up. For now, staying here sounds best."

"I like this house," Tallulah mumbles with a mouth full of food.

Pax and I share a glance. Our daughter craves stability. In love with this house, she already talks about the playset Pax wants in the backyard. Living here makes her feel safe.

Tallulah and I will soon leave Little Memphis though. Eating dinner, Pax is thinking the same thing. I see the worry in his eyes as he finishes his meal. Our new life is damn perfect, and he has big plans, yet the future relies on what happens with the club. If they go down in flames, Little Memphis will never be our home again.

43

Pax

The Girl I Used to Know

I've seen plenty of dead bodies in my life then gone out to eat. Seeing Maggie so torn up makes me want to vomit though. Ford's expression hides his disgust. Knowing him, I feel he's as freaked out as I am. We stand in Maggie's bedroom and stare at her butchered body on the bed. Dried blood covering the walls and ceiling, Zombie made one hell of a mess.