Broken Pieces (Cape Isle, #3): A Cape Isle Novel (23 page)

“Alright, guys, I'm out of here,” I mumble as I clock out at the fire station. I get a chorus of goodbyes as I walk towards my truck. I pull out of the parking lot and head towards the cemetery. Just like every other night, I park under the old oak tree and make my way to her grave.

I squat down in from of the newly placed headstone and just stare at it for a second in silence. My thoughts are all over the place today. I wish I could talk to someone, but the woman I want to talk to is going through enough. She doesn't need any more of my shit and I don't want to seem weak in her eyes.

“I could really use your advice right about now, Mom,” I whisper into the night air.

Just like every other night, I don't get a response. A few birds chirp in a nearby tree and I hear a car door shutting in the distance. People and things are going on about their daily lives all around me. I sigh and pull a blade of grass out of the ground before sitting in front of my parent’s graves.

“I really need you both. I know I'm a grown man, but I really wish you were here to tell me that everything is going to be okay.”

* * *

I pull into Lexie's driveway later than usual. From the front window, I can see the kitchen light is still on. She gave me a key a few weeks ago, so when I walk up the steps, I just let myself inside.

The house is dark and quiet. Lady greets me at the door and I scratch her head, before leading her towards the back yard. As I walk into the kitchen I stop short, when I see Lexie sitting at the bar. She is still in her work clothes and there is a glass of wine in front of her. Her eyes lift to mine and I see they are red-rimmed from crying. My once lively, outgoing girl is sitting in a dark house, drinking and crying all alone. I've done this to her.

Me
.

The question I keep wondering is why she keeps letting me do it. Why doesn't she just cut me loose? The Lexie I know would have done it weeks ago, but she hasn't. She just lets me take what I need, and I'm too weak to let her go.

“Hi,” I whisper.

She doesn't say anything for a long second…

This is it. This is when she finally tells me to get the fuck out. I can see her warring with herself. I wait and wait, but no words ever come. She finally lifts her glass to her mouth and takes a sip. I internally sigh. I don't know whether it's in relief or frustration. I know I've changed, but she's changed more. Her spark is gone. I've killed it. Just like everything around me that I touch, it's died.

I think about pushing her, seeing if I can get her to react, but I don't. She looks so fucking tired and so sad. She looks like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and I know tonight isn't the night to try to bring my Lexie back.

I know how brave and strong she is, but at the same time she is also very broken.

Aren't we a fucking pair, two broken souls not having the first damn clue as to how to put our pieces back together?

We can't keep living like this. We can't keep doing this to each other. I've taken enough from her and I refuse to take anymore.

I walk to the other side of the kitchen island. I put my hands down on the counter and lean against it, dropping my head and closing my eyes. I take a deep breath, before looking back up at her.

She is still studying me with those emotionless eyes.

“I'm going to go,” I whisper.

“Where are you going?”

“Home, Lexie. I'm going to go back to my house.”

She nods her head and takes another drink of her wine. “You haven't spent the night there in a few weeks. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I can't do this anymore, Lexie.
We
can't keep doing this anymore.”

She tilts her head to the side, but otherwise shows no emotion as to what I just said. “What is it that we can't keep doing, Zack?”

I run a hand through my hair and shake my head. “I don't know, but I know I can't keep watching you lose more of yourself to me. I think broken people like me are better off alone. I keep taking and taking and you keep giving and giving.”

“What is it that you want me to do, Zack?”

“I want you to show some type of emotion. Be sad, be angry, just be something other than this void of a person.”

“Like you? Because you seem to be doing so fucking well for yourself.” The words sound like Lexie, but they have no anger behind them. She is just stating facts and she's right.

She has taken pieces from herself and given them to me, trying to keep me whole, but it hasn’t worked—I'm still broken and now she is just left with nothing.

I walk over to her. I run my finger down her cheek, hoping for something that never happens. She just stares up at me.

“I'm so sorry, Angel. I'm so very sorry. I should have left a long time ago, but I didn't. I love you so much.”

I feel my eyes burning with un-shed tears. I lean down and kiss her forehead before letting her go. Calling Lady over to me, I do what I should have done a month ago… I leave. I look back over my shoulder one last time to see her watching me go.

One move is all it would take, one tiny glimmer of hope that she wants me here and I would stay. I would stay and I would continue to take, but she doesn't do that. She stares back at me and doesn't say a word as I walk to the door, quietly shutting it behind me.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Lexie

I
WAKE UP THE NEXT
morning and go through the motions of getting ready. That's all I seem to do lately. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm just here.

I see the strange looks Summer and Jenna give me at the bakery. I pretend like everything is fine, I've gotten good at that, but when I'm in the comfort of my own home, I let the facade fall.

Pretending to be normal day after day it's so damn exhausting. I rarely see Zack and when I do, he has the same lost look on his face. He is who I want to talk to, but I don't even know where to start. He feels like a stranger to me, even though he holds the key to making this all better. If he would just show me one little glimpse of the Zack I know is in there somewhere, maybe we could fix what's broken. I'm trying to be strong for him. I watch him crumble night after night. He is barely hanging on and I'm not sure I can be the one to hold him together anymore.

He is right… I am void of the person I use to be. I am and I know it.

I sigh as I pull my hair up in a pony-tail and grab my car keys, making it to work early. I don't sleep well on a good night and last night definitely doesn't qualify as a good night.

I use my key to let myself in, locking the door behind me, before making my way back to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Summer says, as I set my purse down.

“Morning.”

I sit down at the counter and watch her bake in silence. This has been our usual routine for the past few weeks. However, this morning when she offers me a cupcake and I shake my head, my sweet best friend snaps.

She slams the cupcake down on the counter with such force that crumbs go everywhere. “You're going to eat the fucking cupcake, Lexie Sinclaire or so help me God I'm firing you!”

“No, you're not,” I respond shaking my head.

“What's it going to take, huh? What's it going to take to get my best friend back?”

She leans on the counter, much like Zack did last night, and I feel a pang in my chest.

I can't believe I just watched him walk away. I didn't say a fucking word.

I lift my eyes to Summer's. “Zack left me last night,” I mumble.

“What?” Her eyes go round with shock.

“Yep. Told me he couldn't keep doing this. He walked right out the door and I didn't do a damn thing to stop him. What's that say about me, Summer?”

“Oh, honey. It says that you are lost. Both of you are, sweetie.”

I nod my head because she's right. We are lost.

“How do I find myself again?” I whisper.

She comes around the counter and wraps her arms around me. “We'll find her. She's down deep in there somewhere. We'll find her.”

She holds me and I cry. I cry all of the tears that I've held back. I cry for me and I cry for Zack. I cry for what feels like hours and Summer doesn't say a word. She holds me and lets me get it all out. When I'm done, she hands me a tissue and I wipe my nose and face. I must look a wreck.

“Now, here is a fresh cupcake. I want you to eat this and then I want you take a few days off.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up her hand, cutting me off. “You took no time off when Joanna was sick and you only took three days when she died and that was for the funeral. Take a few days. Go to the beach. Find my Lexie and bring her back.”

She passes me the cupcake and I let out a small smile, the first one in what feels like forever.

“There she is,” Summer whispers, with a wink.

“I knew your cupcakes where magic,” I respond, before taking a bite.

* * *

I do what Summer says and for the next few days, I try to find myself. I spend my days at the beach, looking out into the waves.

On Wednesday, I go have dinner with my brother and Katie. Nick asks if me if I want him to kick Zack's ass, but I just shake my head. I think Zack is in enough pain, but I do plan on giving him a piece of my mind soon.

By the time Friday rolls around, I feel like I can actually breathe again. The sadness and hurt is still there, but it's not the overwhelming pain I was feeling. I still ache to talk to Zack. He was my best friend before he was my lover and I miss him. I decide that I'm going to his house. It’s my turn to talk and he is going to listen what I have to say.

It’s time to fix us.

I pull into the bakery parking lot and go inside.

“Hi, Lexie,” Jenna calls out from behind the counter. She gives me rare smile and I give her a big one in return.

“Hey, Jenna. Have ya'll been busy?”

“Nah. Not too bad. What are you doing here?”

“I need cupcakes.”

“Of course you do,” she laughs.

“Not for me,” I protest.

“Uh-huh.”

I laugh and tell her what I need and I watch her pack the box full of sweets.

She comes back up to the register and I pay.

“You look good,” she says quietly.

“I feel good.” What I feel is determined.

She smiles at me again as I take the box from her outstretched hand.

“I'll see you Monday.”

“See you then,” I wink.

Zack only lives a few miles from the bakery. I'm not sure if he's home from work yet or not, but I decide to go ahead and go over there.

When I pull into his driveway, I see his truck already parked. I turn my car off and take a deep breath, before grabbing the cupcake box and walking up to the front door. I have never been nervous to talk to Zack, but right in that moment, my hands actually shake. I give myself a little pep talk, and decide it’s now or never.

I ring the doorbell and step back.

He opens the door looking freshly showered and completely shocked.

“Lexie?”

“I brought cupcakes,” I say holding out the box.

“I see that.”

We stare at each other for what feels like forever, not saying a word. The silence between us is heavy. He looks so tired, even more than he did when he left my house a week ago.

“Can I come in?” I ask, quietly.

“Of course,” he steps back, allowing me to walk past him.

Lady comes over to me and I bend down to show her some attention, which gives me time to compose myself. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him, and it flusters me.

“Here, I'll take those.” Zack walks over to me and takes the cupcake box, before walking to the kitchen.

I follow closely behind him and decide to get this over with.

“Okay. You had your chance to talk. Now it's mine.”

He turns to look at me with a raised eyebrow. “Okay.”

“Okay. I'm not going to sit here and play the blame game. We are both equally at fault, but you retreated into your silent corner first Zack. I just followed suit. What else was I supposed to do? The only person I wanted to talk through my heartache and problems with was you and you weren't talking.”

He tries to talk, but I hold up my hand to stop him. “I let it go on because I knew we were both hurting, you more than me, but I'm not going to let you fucking do this anymore. I love you too much.”

“Lex—”

I hold my hand up once again, if he stops me I won’t be able to get it all out.

“I know I'm not easy to love, Zack. I overreact more than I should. I'm dramatic and sometimes a little insecure, but I also love fiercely. I will always stand in your corner and do whatever I can to make your life better.”

“Lexi.” He tries a third time, but I interrupt him.

“Will you let me finish? I didn't fall into love with you. I walked into love with you, knowing you would never do anything to purposely hurt me. I chose to do that and I would keep choosing that same path over and over again because I know that we have something special. I want our something special back. I know you're still grieving and so am I, but can we please share that with each other?
Please.
”

I stop talking and stare at him, waiting for his response. I'm not leaving this house until I have my best friend back. I'll talk until I'm blue in the face if I have to.

He looks so casual standing there with arms crossed against his chest. He’s giving me nothing. I just offered him my heart, and he hasn’t said a word.

“Is it my turn yet?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“I missed you so fucking much, Angel,” he whispers.

“Me too. I missed me too, but I was just trying to be strong for the both of us.”

“You didn't have to do that.”

“Yes I did. I didn't know what else to do.”

We stare at each other again. I don’t move from my spot and he doesn’t move from his. It’s like there is an entire ocean between us.

“Are we fixable?” I ask.

“Everything that's broken is fixable, Lexie. How long it will take depends on how many cracks there are.”

“How do you think we're coming on those cracks, handsome?” I whisper.

He smiles a real smile and walks towards me. “They’re healing. I think you being here now, means that at least one just mended.”