Authors: Theresa Kay
My face is sticky and when I wipe at it, my hand comes back wet with blood. A nose bleed? The stark white pillow has a sopping patch of red. There’s another shout from the hallway and I hurriedly scrub my face with the pillow case. Without a mirror I can’t really tell if all the blood is gone, but I’d better get my visitor out to her worried parents. This is already not going to go over well with them.
I pull Stella into my arms and carry her into the hallway. “Um… Mr. Vestra? She’s here.”
Vira flies up the hallway and gathers Stella into her arms while Stellan glares at me over his wife— no, his
bondmate’s
shoulder. “What was she doing with you?” Ice laces his words and I can tell nothing I say is going to satisfy him so I just shrug and avert my eyes. He advances up the hallway, a predatory look in his eyes. “So help me, if you’ve harmed her….”
“Father!” Lir steps out from a door to my right, sleep tousled and wearing a worried frown. “Stop it. She wouldn’t hurt Stella.”
If only the carpet would swallow me. The door to my room is behind me, so I slide slowly backwards, hoping to get away from the father son confrontation about to take off in the hallway.
“You don’t know that Steliro. She may have some of our DNA, but she was raised with humans. They’re no better than animals,” says Stellan, redness creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. “I don’t know what possessed you to bring her here, but you need to get rid of her today, now! She’s completely unstable. Who knows what she’s capable of. I want her out of my house and out of this city!”
“
I
know what she’s capable of. I—”
“How could you possibly—”
“She’s my bondmate!” Lir’s face is just as red as his father’s and his words come out in a shout. At the shocked look on his father’s face, Lir backs down and repeats it, this time softer. “She’s my bondmate, Father.”
Stellan shoots a glare my way, but I’m sliding back into my room before he says anything else.
My first stop is the bathroom where I wet down my sleeve and scrub at my cheek. The dried blood comes off easily, but my skin is left red and irritated, the dark circles under my eyes standing out against the bright color. I look like I haven’t slept in months.
I turn away from the mirror too quickly. Black stars flash across my vision and my legs falter. One elbow smacks into the counter top, but I catch myself on the doorway before I fall all the way to the ground. I rest my dizzy head against the door frame and take a few deep breaths, waiting for the room to stop spinning before I trust my legs enough to hold me. Stellan is right. I am unstable and not just mentally. Whether it’s the bond, the city, the chaos, or some other variable, the panic attacks have been hitting harder and more frequently since yesterday. Though my mind feels clearer this morning, my body appears to be failing me.
The slam of a door sounds through the house like a shot and then the door to my room opens slowly. Lir pokes his head around, his eyes finding me in the dim room. “Jax?”
I find a weak smile for him and he comes farther into the room, slowly. His eyes take in the tears on my cheeks and he moves to my side. He places a hand on my back, softly, carefully, and rubs it in a small circle. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? I didn’t mean… The dream thing… I’m sorry… I—”
“Stop.” I release the door frame and rest one hand on his chest. “Not your fault.”
“You’re bleeding and you look like you’re about to fall over. The bond is not supposed to be like that. It’s supposed to heal, to give strength, to be a good thing.”
I give him a wry smile. “And we all know how good I am about doing what I’m
supposed
to.”
He smiles, but it’s nothing more than a simple upwards twist of his mouth, a nervous reflex to my awful attempt at a joke. His hands drop to his sides and he sighs. “My Father would like to speak to you… If you’re not up to it, you don’t have to.”
“But there’s still a Council meeting to get through later, right? Might as well get some practice.”
“He’s just worried about Stella. He’s mad at me, not you. Though it might be prudent to discuss the bond issue with him before presenting it to the entire Council.”
The puff of breath that escapes from my nose is like a near silent laugh. “I’m pretty sure your father’s feelings about me are clear, but he can’t possibly dislike me any
more
.”
The four of us gather in the living room, Stellan sitting in a chair, Vira perched on the arm and Lir sitting next to me on the couch. I stare at the floor twisting my hands in front of me.
“Now, explain to me why you think this girl is your bondmate,” says Stellan.
“It is something I
know,
Sir. I’ve linked to her. Met her in her dreams. A severe wound on her leg healed from one dream session that lasted barely five minutes.” That’s what he meant by heal? The bond fixed my leg?
Everyone looks to me.
“Yeah my leg—” My voice cracks and I clear my throat before trying again. “I was bitten by a rattlesnake—”
“A bite she protected me from,” interrupts Lir.
I shoot him an irritated look. I’m already about to climb up the walls, if he wants me to talk then he needs to be quiet. Vira closely watches the silent exchange between us.
Stellan interlaces his fingers and gives me a bored look. “And?”
“The bite got infected and Peter, the guy we were staying with, had to cut into my leg to remove the infected tissue. When I first woke up I could hardly walk, but then…well, look.” I pull up the leg of my pants to show the golf ball sized scar on my calf. “This happened only a few days ago.”
“How were you able to do this when you have no
kitu
and my son’s was not functional?”
Simple is probably best. “I don’t know,” I say. “I just found out about it myself. Somehow… I don’t need one. But there’s something else you need to know. I—”
“Is that how Steliro has survived with you? Can you help the children?” Hope shines in Vira’s eyes and uncertainty turns in my stomach. I don’t know how it works. I don’t know how to use it and I don’t know what exactly it does. How to explain it to them?
“Yes,” says Lir. I look at him in confusion, not sure what he’s agreeing with and then it dawns on me that he’s answering his mother’s questions. “She linked to Stel last night, Mother.”
Stellan looks intrigued, Vira ecstatic and Lir… I don’t know, maybe apprehensive.
“Link to me,” says Stellan, his voice hard. It’s not a request.
“I—I can’t. I don’t know how.”
“Then how did you do it with Steliro?”
A thrum of panic spreads into my limbs. “I didn’t even know what I was at the time. I just…”
Stellan turns to Lir and up goes the eyebrow. “Steliro?”
“I don’t know, Father…Sir,” says Lir. His gaze stays trained on the floor.
Stellan’s eyes harden and his voice goes quieter. “Then explain to me your theories. You must have at least one.”
“I…” Lir’s eyes come up and I can see the conflict in them. Pain flashes across his face for a moment and I can feel him try to reach out to me through the link, but shying away from it when his gaze catches on my face. He sets his face and Lir the solider, the obedient son returns. “It might be brought about by strong emotions.”
Strong emotions? I suppose that could be true, but why won’t Lir even look at me? I get my answer when Stellan stands, watching me like a hawk. He steps toward me and I shrink back at cold calculation in his eyes, my heart climbing into my throat, choking me. Something cold, hard and sharp pounds at my defenses, battering against my mind. It’s not the subtle, liquid connection I get from Lir, more of a very large, very solid rock bashing against the link, trying to force its way in no matter the consequences to the rest of me.
Attempting a deep breath only leaves me with short gasping pants in and out of my nose, and a warm stream of what can only be blood drips from my nostril. The booming of my pulse starts to drown out the world around me and a whimper escapes my mouth.
It’s enough to break Lir out of whatever trace or sense of duty that was stalling him. He opens his mouth, but Vira speaks up first.
“Stop it Stellan,” she scolds. “You are scaring her.” Vira reaches my side and pulls my face to look at her, compassion flashing in her eyes as her gaze falls lower. “It is hurting her.” She turns her view back to Stellan. “We will figure this out without tormenting the poor child.”
Stellan gives a curt nod and his body relaxes into a less threatening pose. Vira grabs my arm and, brushing past Lir and her husband, leads me out of the room and into the bedroom I slept in.
Vira sits down on the bed and pats a spot beside her. “Sit,” she says. “Relax.”
I sit. “Thank you.” I twist my hands in my lap and bite at my lip. “I really don’t know how it works. I…”
“Hush now,” she says. “We will figure this out. I realize Stellan may seem hard, but he is really just worried about Stella… about Lir, about us, about the city. My bondmate just takes the world’s problems on his shoulders and he does not always think things through.” She watches as my limbs relax. “My son does not either. He was not trying to betray you in there. Please do not think that of him.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Really? You were quick to believe the worst of him yesterday.” Her words are not unkind, just assessing.
“That was…a misunderstanding. He was supposed to help me find my brother. Not bring me here.”
“Your brother? Is he…like you?”
“Yes. We’re twins.”
Vira’s head tilts and she smiles. “That is wonderful. We do not often have twins, though I know you met Rym and Trel. Do you know which of your parents was one of us? You might have family here.”
Family? The thought had never even crossed my mind. My father was an only child and had never introduced us to any relatives. But I never knew my mother and my father had never mentioned her side of the family.
“My mother,” I say. There’s no way my father, with his ordinary brown hair and eyes could have been E’rikon. “She died. When we were born.” Vira reaches toward my hair, pulling one of the long, deep red strands to her and running her fingers over it. “Stella said I looked like I was from the Reva family.”
“Yes, that is a possibility.” She studies me, measuring me with her gaze. “I do not know how much Lir has told you about us, our society, his father’s position here or even his own, but I do see the connection between you two. However, I do not see how you might form a future together. The people will not accept you, not as a bondmate for our son.”
“But…”
She holds a hand up and gently shakes her head. “Even your heritage would not be enough for them. The balance here is fragile and Lir has many responsibilities. Just bringing you here and arranging for a meeting with the Council was a huge risk and the repercussions of that are yet to be determined. My son’s actions were impulsive and I do not wish for either of you to suffer for that.” She pauses and picks up one of my hands. “Please do not mistake my words for harshness, Jax. I wish things were different. There is just too much distrust between our species and Lir cannot put his own interests over those of his people. It is the price of leadership.”
“I understand.” I do, well kind of. I’ve gathered that Stellan is important and, as his son, Lir is too. I’m not quite sure how the whole thing works though, but it’s not as if I expected this brief happiness of mine to last anyway. Last night, the dream, it was wonderful, but I know I could never be what Lir would need to me to be, no matter how much I wish I could. Despite everything, Jace has been my goal and the only thing I’ve given myself permission to hope for. I blink quickly to dispel the tears I won’t admit are forming.
“Stellan has always preached isolation, segregation from the humans and up until recently the relations between our species have been not so much peaceful as mutual indifference.” She pauses and presses her lips together. “My son has openly defied his father by bringing you here. This comes after a series of acts that went against Stellan’s wishes and his orders, the first of those acts being joining the patrols to search for Kov’s killer. To do this, Lir had to align himself with certain others, most notably Vitrad… my brother…the most outspoken of Stellan’s opponents and the head of our military.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Lir has too much faith in his uncle and not enough in his father. Had he come to us before parading you through the city and announcing his return to the Council we may have been able to help. Even with Stellan’s position as Chancellor, our hands are tied now and there is no time to prepare you for everything that might happen today. I do not know how your request will be taken and Stellan cannot cancel this meeting. I am frightened that Vitrad is going to use it as an opportunity to tip the fragile balance in his favor. I do not know what that may mean for you, but it puts my family in an even more precarious situation than it is now.”
“And you want me to…?”
“The Council does not react well to unknown variables or things they do not or cannot understand. Currently that is exactly what you are. If you cannot make your link work, it is best for you to appear as human as possible, make yourself seem like less of a threat.”