Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) (15 page)

‘Izzi?’

His voice breaks into my thoughts and I try to shake myself out of this self-pitying stupor I’m in danger of falling into. ‘I’m sorry, Mack. I shouldn’t have said any of that…’

He moves closer, filling the space I left when I stepped back from him. ‘Baby, I don’t know if I can do this.’

I feel my stomach sink, and I still can’t believe my broken heart is allowing these feelings to manifest. After Aiden’s death I didn’t think I’d ever feel this way again, about anybody, never mind a dangerous, outlaw biker. And I certainly didn’t think I’d be feeling anything like this so soon. But I am. And it sickens me, but it also excites me; I feel alive, for the first time in a long time.

‘We don’t even know what
this
is, Mack.’

I feel him take my hand and pull me gently against him, and it takes everything I have, every ounce of strength, not to respond. But maybe pulling back from this is the only option. I can’t let it go too far, because it really can’t happen. The mess it would cause… ‘Why don’t we just leave things as they are and… and see how this plays out, OK?’

I look up at him. He has the most beautiful eyes. They’re not the eyes of a killer, but that’s exactly what he is. He’s taken lives, committed crimes I only ever thought existed in TV dramas and movies. In reality he’s no better than the bastards I’m trying to rid this God-forsaken world of. Which makes me no better than him. It’s so fucked-up it’s almost funny.

‘Izzi? You hearing me, darlin’?’

I nod, my eyes still fixed on his. ‘So, what do we do now?’

He places his palm against my cheek and his skin is warm and rough against mine. ‘I was kinda hoping
you’d
have the answer to that one.’

I smile, and he smiles too, which eases the situation slightly. ‘I really am tired.’ I have good reason to be. Viper’s bar is a step beyond
Laney’s
; the crowd want way more than Mack’s crew ask for, and these past couple of days have seen me struggle to find my way in an even seedier underworld than the one I first walked into. But I learn quick. Ask Sam. He knows how quickly I can pick things up; how fast I can adapt to new surroundings. But I’m exhausted. And I’m scared, because I don’t know how I’m going to continue to split my time between the two bars without someone finding out. My naivety’s starting to rear its head, and that’s dangerous. Which is why I need to concentrate on getting the job done as quickly as I can because a part of me just wants to walk away and forget this ever happened now. And another part doesn’t want to go anywhere; the part that knows if I leave this alone, I’ll regret it.

‘Why don’t we go home, huh?’

Mack’s still smiling, and his smile is just as beautiful as his eyes. It really does change his whole face; all the hardness just evaporates and he seems different. Kind, almost. Maybe he
can
be kind. And then I remember he’s killed people. Kind people don’t kill, do they? But
I
want to kill. I
need
to kill, and just thinking that makes the bile rise in my throat, so fast I have to sprint to the bathroom, making it to the sink just in time to throw up all the guilt and the pain and the anger; the seething frustration that just won’t leave me alone.

‘You OK?’

I keep my head bent over the sink, watching as the running water washes the last of the vomit away. It hasn’t lightened the load. I don’t feel any better for that. ‘I’m fine. Must’ve been something I ate.’ I straighten up and look in the mirror, and I almost recoil at the image there in front of me. My eyes seem dead; my face looks haunted by all the things that have dragged me down to this level. But I’m too far along the road to turn back now.

He stands behind me, his hands on my hips as I continue to stare at my reflection.

‘You look beautiful.’

I burst out laughing, I can’t help it, and he joins in, the sound of our laughter echoing around the empty bathroom.

‘Seriously, Izzi…’

I shake my head, which silences him. I don’t want to hear him say anything else. I started this, and now I’m ending it.

‘Fuck me,’ I whisper, the words falling from my mouth before I can really think about what I’m saying. ‘Hard.’ I want to be with the Mack Slayer I first met. The man I only ever intended to be with because I needed to be. I want the real Mack, not a sanitized version that
I
caused; I created. I want him to hurt me; to fuck me so violently the pain wipes away all those feelings I think I might have for him. I want him to destroy them. Before he destroys me. Before I destroy him.

I close my eyes as he runs his fingers over the back of my neck, pushing them up into my hair. It’s a nice, almost calming sensation, but that isn’t what I asked for. It isn’t what I want. But then I feel the atmosphere change. Without even opening my eyes I feel it, filling the air, a dark, suppressing feeling; foreboding, even. I’m aware of his fingers tangled in my hair, pushing me forward over the sink; of his other hand pushing my dress up over my hips as he literally tears my panties from me before he nudges my legs apart with his knee. And I know I’m wet, I can feel it. That warped excitement is back, and this is what I need to feel. This makes me strong. And as he thrusts his rock-hard cock into me with the force of a man who cares little about the woman he’s fucking, I cry out loud, a twisted pleasure washing over me.

With each thrust he almost pulls out of me completely before pushing back inside, slamming me up against the sink, knocking the breath right out of me, but this is how I want it. This is turning me on.

He speeds up a touch, which means every thrust is harder, and as he slams into me one more time pain rips through me, causing me to scream so loud it’s deafening. And he’s coming. I can feel him pumping into me, filling me up with his poison and I’m taking it. I crave it. It’s the drug I need to get through this.

His cries mingle with my screams, and as he gives one final thrust, making sure every last drop he has to give is received, his fingers tighten in my hair, yanking my head right back as he lets forth a sound so animalistic it verges on terrifying. It’s so loud I know for sure anyone else inside the clubhouse will have heard it. But no one’ll come running. I don’t want them to. Me and Mack, we aren’t finished yet.

He finally untangles his fingers from my hair and pulls me up, his cock still surprisingly hard as it remains inside me, and I lean back against him and open my eyes, staring at our reflection in the mirror. My expression hasn’t changed all that much. I still look haunted. But so does he. Two tired and twisted messed-up souls.

‘I need you to come for me, baby,’ he whispers, his mouth close to my ear, his breath warm on my neck. ‘I need that to happen, OK?’

I say nothing, I just nod, my eyes still fixed on our reflection. With one hand he keeps my dress pushed up over my hips while the other gently strokes my thigh, and I close my eyes, because it feels good. The contrast between the violent sex we’ve just had and his now gentle touch is almost surreal.

‘Keep ‘em open, darlin’,’ he murmurs as his fingers run lightly over my slit, making me shiver, my exposed skin breaking out in goose bumps. ‘I want you to watch me do this. I want you to see yourself come.’

I do as he says. I open my eyes and watch as he continues to run his fingers back and forth across my slit, skirting the wetness that’s almost spilling out of me, and I clench my muscles tight in anticipation.

‘You watching, baby girl?’

I breathe in sharply as he finally homes in on my swollen clit, rubbing it with his thumb as his lips touch my shoulder and I almost cry out in frustration. But instead I bite my lip, and wait to see how he’s going to finish this. Because his cock is still inside me, I can feel it, hard and ready to go again. Jesus! This man is a machine!

But then he withdraws, his thumb still rubbing my clit as he carefully slips two fingers inside me and I widen my stance, bending my knees only slightly as he pushes deeper. Watching him do this is making me crazy; my stomach’s in knots, my skin almost burning up with excitement, despite the goose bumps. I can feel the climax already building, and I know it’s going to be a killer.

‘We almost there, darlin’?’

I nod, biting down on my lip again as his fingers continue to thrust hard and deep, my clit now crying out for that beautiful release, and when it comes; when
I
come the cry that erupts out of me is almost as brutal as his was just minutes earlier. He’s shaking me to my very core, my whole being is engulfed by a raw, white-hot pain and I don’t want it to end. So when it all dies down, and he pulls his fingers out of me, I’m swamped by a feeling of emptiness so heavy I feel like crying. My eyes fill up with tears I can’t explain and I have no clue what to do next.

But he saves me the bother of trying to work out what happens now as he wipes his hands on his jeans and walks away, without a backward glance.

Chapter Sixteen

Mack

‘
Shit!
’

‘We dropped the ball, boss.’

‘You think?’ It ain’t Duke’s fault last night’s run went a bit awry. A couple of Viper’s crew, and one of ours, got caught in the crossfire of a fight that broke out because one of our guys saw an ex-girlfriend with a member of an MC three towns away; a gang we were delivering a stash of weapons to. And those weapons were well and truly tested out, believe me.

‘It’s shit we can do without, Duke. And why’ve they sent
you
in here? Where’s that dumbass fuck, Bone? It was
his
coked-up bitch that caused all this.’

‘I don’t think she…’

I hold a hand up to silence him. I know what he’s gonna say, and I’m not in the mood. ‘She knows the rules, OK? So don’t start defending her. She fucks Bone over then becomes a club whore just a few miles down the road. That ain’t polite. And under normal circumstances…’ I can’t stop the heavy sigh escaping as I stand up, kicking my chair underneath the table. ‘He should’ve had a bit more self-control, given what was going on. We’ve probably got more bad blood to deal with now, and like I said, it’s shit we can do without.’

‘Viper’s outside.’

‘Yeah. I know he is. He got my money?’

Duke nods, and I’m thinking, maybe, it’s best to give him a bit more time before patching him in. He’s still a bit wet-behind-the-ears, but he learns fast.

‘What mood’s he in?’ I’m hoping he’s in a good one. Would mean at least one of us was.

Duke shrugs. ‘Hard to tell. He seems OK. Left him outside enjoying the show.’

I lean back against the table and shove my hands in my pockets. Izzi’s out there tonight, even though I’m beginning to have second thoughts about her showing it all off now. But if I pull her, if I tell her she has to stop it ain’t worth the shit I’ll get from her, and from every horny bastard who comes in here. She’s one of my best girls. But she’s
my
girl, although, after yesterday I ain’t really sure where we stand no more. She’s my girl. And I think I’m in love with her, I know that now, because the things I feel for her are crazy and wrong and like nothing I’ve ever felt before. So, yeah, I think I’m in love. But all that means is that things are more confused and fucked-up than they ever were before. In love is the last thing I want to be. The last thing I need.

‘You want me to go see if Viper needs anything?’

Duke’s voice pulls me back to reality and I look at him. ‘No. I’ll be out in a minute. Just go tell him I’m on my way. Oh, and Duke? If you see Izzi, tell her I need to see her.’

Duke’s face cracks into the hint of a leer, which he loses pretty quickly when he sees my expression. Like I said, he’s still wet-behind-the-ears.

I get up and walk over to the window of my office here in
Laney’s
. I can hear the thump of the music coming from the main bar area, and as the time for Izzi to step out onto that stage gets closer, I feel that silent rage start to build from deep within me. I can’t handle her up there, no matter how hard I try. I’m fucking her, she’s mine. She’s the President’s old lady, so maybe she shouldn’t be spreading her legs for all and fucking sundry to see.

‘Fuck!’

I punch the wall, allowing a trickle of frustration to spill out. I don’t even notice the pain shooting across my knuckles.

‘You’ll damage the wall, doing that.’

I swing around, and she’s standing there, covered only by a short white robe and I know she’s wearing very little underneath. The guys love her in her silver bikini with the barely-there panties and the porn-star heels that make her legs look freakin’ amazing. My cock’s a big fan of that outfit, too. But maybe it’s time to lay it to rest now. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on as far as our relationship’s concerned, but I know this crap can’t carry on. It’s over. Izzi’s taking early retirement from the stripping business.

‘Duke said you wanted to see me.’

The old Mack needs to make a quick return. And he ain’t all that far away now.

‘Go put some clothes on.’

She narrows her eyes, and I know the fight’s coming. I’m expecting it. I’m ready.

‘Sorry?’

‘You ain’t doing it no more, Izzi.’

‘Look, I’ve accepted the fact you don’t want me doing anything even remotely sexual with anyone else out there, but pulling me completely?’

‘I can do what the hell I like in my own club, darlin’. And I’m saying your stripping days are over.’

‘Because
you
can’t handle it? Grow the fuck up, Mack.’

I stride over to her. I ain’t in the mood, and she’s gonna do as I say, for once. Her attitude’s a turn-on, I ain’t saying it isn’t, but sometimes she gotta know when to leave it alone.

‘Things have changed, Izzi,
OK
? Us – what’s happening here, it’s changed. I need to keep the respect of those guys out there, and I ain’t sure that’s gonna happen if they see my girl taking it all off,
 
night after night. Some things gotta stay private now.’

‘They’ve seen it all already, Mack. Nothing’s private anymore.’

‘They ain’t seeing it again. You got that?’

‘Fuck you!’

She turns to leave but she ain’t going nowhere. I grab her arm and yank her back into the room, slamming her back against the wall, and my mouth’s on hers before she has a chance to spout any more smart remarks. And she fights me, of course she does, it’s our game. It’s what we do. We fight, we fuck, we try to forget what’s really going on here because it’s so messed-up it’s unreal. But I’m winning this one. My grip on her wrist tightens and it takes just seconds before I feel her start to relax; feel her respond to my kiss. Yeah. I won. I always win.

‘Bastard,’ she whispers, her mouth resting against mine.

I smirk and slide a hand underneath her robe, making contact with naked skin. ‘Everyone loves a bad boy, darlin’.’

‘You really want me to stop?’

‘I’m
telling
you to stop, Izzi. I ain’t giving you a choice.’

‘Can’t I at least do a farewell dance? Some of those guys are gonna be
so
disappointed to hear what you’ve done.’

‘They’ll get over it. There’s plenty more tits and ass out there for them to jerk off over.’

‘Is that all I am, huh? Just tits and ass?’

‘Baby, if that’s all you were I wouldn’t be telling you to quit, would I?’

I stare into her eyes and I feel it again – that strange, scary feeling I’m trying desperately to ignore.

‘What are we doing, Mack?’

Like I know the answer to that one? ‘I don’t know, baby. I really don’t know.’

I rest my forehead against hers, gently stroking her cheek with my thumb and the urge to just stay here, with her, like this, it’s overwhelming.

‘We can’t be together. Not really. It’s too much…’

I shut her up with a kiss, because I ain’t into analyzing anything, least of all shit I’ll never understand. I want her, so fucking much it kills me, but I don’t want
this
.

‘Look, maybe I’m overreacting, OK? Maybe you… maybe you should keep on dancing.’

I watch her expression change slightly, a brief flicker of disappointment crossing her face. But she pulls it back quickly, and that defiance I’m way more used to seeing in her returns.

‘Can I go now?’

I pull my hand away from her thigh and shove it in my pocket. ‘Yeah. Go on, get outta here.’

I watch her leave and pull out a cigarette, lighting up and drawing deep. I need a whiskey to go with it, and I’ve kept Viper waiting long enough so I leave the sanctuary of my office and head out into the bar.

It’s packed out again, and that’s mainly because they know Izzi’s on tonight. And Cora. And I know every guy in here wants to see them play together again, but that ain’t happening. I’ve compromised enough. They’re still getting Izzi. They’re still getting both my best girls. They’ll just have to use their imagination if they want them both at once.

‘Hey, man.’

Viper smacks my shoulder a touch too hard for my liking, which pisses me off, but I’m not gonna rise to it. He’s just letting me know he still ain’t happy that one of my guy’s personal problems resulted in two of his men receiving stab wounds that have put both of them out of action for a few weeks. He’ll get over it.

‘Some place you got here, bro.’

He don’t come here that often. Neither of us frequent the others’ clubs that much, it just ain’t done, not unless there’s something to discuss. Something important. He has his territory, we have ours.

‘Why
you
delivering the cash anyway?’ I indicate to Duke behind the bar to leave a bottle of my best bourbon on the counter. ‘You usually get one of your men to do the menial work.’

‘Thought I’d come over myself tonight. Been a while since I saw what you got going on in here.’

I pour the bourbon and hand him a glass, narrowing my eyes slightly as I stare at him. ‘That all?’

He downs his drink and slams the glass back down on the counter, nudging it towards the bottle. ‘I just wanted to make sure you know that you need to keep your men in line. What happened last night, that coulda all turned to shit real fast if it hadn’t been for some quick thinking from my brothers.’

‘My men were there, too. You couldn’t have finished the job without them.’

Viper’s dark eyes meet mine. ‘We wouldn’t have needed to finish anything if that dumbfuck Bone had held his temper. He almost started a fucking war neither you or I have time to fight. Keep ‘em in line, Mack, or I’ll have to look for another, more reliable club to do business with.’

I ain’t gonna fight with him over this. Bone was in the wrong, and I’ll deal with him, later. Right now, I just want to drink. And then go home and sleep. Or go home and fuck Izzi until she’s raw and begging for mercy. I ain’t sure which way the night’s gonna go just yet.

‘I’ll sort it.’

I refill our glasses; slightly bigger measures this time. Maybe that’ll pacify him enough to stop him from trying to take the upper hand. Sometimes he forgets we have a fifty-fifty deal going on here. Neither one of our crews is in charge.

‘You got some nice-looking ass working in here, Mack.’

Yeah. We’re OK. This is the Viper I know. ‘I’m sure you got yourself some pretty nice pieces on your payroll, too.’

‘Too right!’ He downs his second whiskey and helps himself to a third. ‘Got myself one pretty little mama just started a coupla days ago. And she ain’t afraid to do nothing, man, I get hard just thinking about her tits…’

He absent-mindedly rubs his crotch and I turn away, my eyes focused on the stage as I hear one of Izzi’s favorite songs start up. She loves heavy guitar music; got to be rock when she’s taking it off, and that’s fine by me. The harder and dirtier the music the better.

I watch as she walks out onto the stage at the back of the room, all swaying hips and long dark curls and the crowd’s appreciative roars of approval almost lift the roof. They love her. So do I. But I need to stop.

I look back at Viper, but he’s leaning across the counter talking to Odi, so I leave him to it and turn my attention back to Izzi. She’s in everyone’s favorite silver bikini, her sky-high stripper heels making her legs look unbelievably long and I ache to get between them. The way she leans back against the pole and sways her hips, her fingers buried in her hair, her eyes closed – I feel that inner rage start to build again, and I grab the edges of the counter behind me, my fingers tightening as the frustration grows.