Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) (30 page)

‘But you were never mine to take, were you? So, no. I never made you my property, Izzi. I couldn’t. And I’ll ask you again – do you really want to be with a man who treats you like that?’

‘Like what, Mack? Like a toy he can pull out and play with whenever he wants? Because
you
treat me like a princess, didn’t you?’

‘No. No, I didn’t. But maybe I want to.’

I can’t stop the laugh; it’s a knee-jerk reaction to a ridiculous comment. ‘Yeah. Of course you do. Because that’s what guys like you do.’

‘Guys like me?’

He narrows his eyes but I’m not buying his crap. ‘Guys like you, Mack. Outlaws. Bikers. You treat all your women with respect, don’t you?’

He laughs, and I keep my eyes fixed on his, I’m not breaking this stare. ‘You know nothing about me or the world I live in, Izzi. What you’ve been exposed to; I don’t know what the hell kinda crap they been feeding you…’

‘Have you ever been in love, Mack?’

That stops him in his tracks, and his expression shifts slightly. ‘No.’

‘It’s an emotion that can fill you with the most incredible happiness, yet it can also rip you in two. It can make you feel invincible, and it can hurt like hell. And when it’s ripped away from you in a way so brutal and unexpected, it’s a pain like no other.’

‘Izzi…’

‘You don’t ever want to feel that pain, Mack. And I can’t go through it again. I can’t. So I’m staying with Zeb because he keeps me numb and he gets me through and now that I can’t avenge Aiden’s death…’ I shift my gaze and drop my head and I try to ignore the ache that tightens my chest.

‘He – Sam – he’s right about one thing, Izzi.’

I slowly look up, and his face is kinder now. He’s lost the harshness that was there before, but the confusion is still evident. ‘Right about what?’

‘Killing Viper was never gonna solve anything.’

‘Wasn’t it? I mean, isn’t that the way clubs like yours deal with things? One of your own is killed and you seek revenge? Isn’t that what you do? Because I’m sure as hell you don’t just shrug and walk away.’

‘That’s different.’

‘That’s
different?
Jesus…’

‘Yes, Izzi, it’s fucking different. My world isn’t your world…’

‘It is now.’

He moves a step closer, and his eyes bore into mine. ‘Tell me the truth, darlin’. Right now – right at this very moment in time do you
really
want to end a man’s life?’

I hold his gaze and I try to push aside all the crap that’s running round inside my head now, but it’s like everything’s suddenly shifted. Something changed tonight. I just can’t work out what that something is. ‘I…’ And I don’t know, if I want to kill a man. Now. I don’t know. All of a sudden I’m not sure anymore. Or maybe I really am just starting to wake up. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Then don’t do it. Don’t even think about it, leave the whole fucking thing alone, Izzi. Walk away from that retribution and start again. Take the pain you still feel and let it make you stronger, but don’t let it stop you from living.’

It’s my turn to be confused now as he takes another step towards me, and he tucks a finger under my chin and he kisses me; the most beautiful, gentle kiss that just contradicts everything I thought he was.

‘Whatever shit they’re spinning you, Izzi, you don’t have to go with them.’

‘I can’t stay here, Mack. Not now. Viper will always be watching me, and I don’t know what he’ll do…’

‘He won’t do anything, baby.’

‘His word means nothing. I’m not that naïve, I know he won’t forget what I came here to do.’

‘He won’t do anything. Because you’ll be with me.’

I look up into his eyes and I shake my head because it can’t happen. It was never
supposed
to happen. But I messed up and I let emotions get in the way and I – I messed up.

‘You’ll be with
me
, Izzi. And I won’t let anything or anybody hurt you, darlin’, you have my word on that. And
my
word, you can trust that.’

I shake my head again, and I wish he’d stop talking now. I know what I have to do, and it isn’t this.

‘I have to go, Mack. I have to get out of here and start again, I can’t stay.’

He bows his head and rakes a hand over his hair. ‘Then let’s leave together.’ He slowly raises his gaze and I stare at him.

‘No, Mack. No. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be…’

‘She’s right.’

We both swing around to see Sam standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets, his expression impassive.

‘Zeb’s in the truck, Izzi. We’re all ready to go.’

‘Hang on. You can’t
make
her go anywhere.’

Sam looks straight at Mack, and his eyes are cold and hard. ‘No, I can’t.’ He turns his attention to me, and I feel my stomach dip, but then I remember everything this man taught me; everything Zeb taught me, and the strength slowly returns, flooding my body, and I almost breathe a sigh of relief. I can still do this. I don’t really have a choice.

‘He isn’t making me do anything I don’t want to do, Mack.’

‘Jesus… yes, Izzi he is! You’re telling me you
want
to go with them?’

I walk over to him, and I cup his cheek in my hand and guide his face down until my lips touch his, and I kiss him. I let him kiss
me
. I let his arms fall around me and I press myself against him and I lose myself in something I can’t have, just for a few more seconds. And then I pull back slightly and look into his eyes, and I see a different man. The kind of man I don’t need. And I wish with all of my fucked-up heart that things were different.

I take a step back but he grabs hold of my wrist and pulls me back against him. ‘You want to live the rest of your life numb, Izzi?’

I search his face, I stall for time, but I can’t change my mind. I can’t live with the fear and the worry and the pain I might have to endure, all over again. I can’t do it. So I don’t say anything. I just kiss him one more time before I break free of his grip and walk over to Sam.

Sam’s eyes meet mine as I pass him, and he rests his hand on my shoulder and smiles, just a small smile but it’s a reassuring one. I know what he’s trying to do, and I’m grateful. So I smile back and squeeze his hand and head off to find Zeb. He’ll make it OK. He’ll take away the crap and numb the pain, and that’s what I need.

I don’t need Mack Slayer.

Mack

I watch her walk away and that numb feeling she was talking about, I’m feeling it too.

‘You have to decide what you want now, Mack.’

I look up to find him there in front of me, in my space, and I want him outta here. But I want
her
to stay. ‘Just leave me alone.’

‘I can’t do that. Not now.’

Jesus. I fucking need this, don’t I?
‘Whatever the hell you came here to do, you’ve wasted your time. I don’t care who the fuck you are, I want you off my compound.’

‘I said I wanted to work with you, Mack. Remember?’

I look at him, and I’ve gotta give the guy kudos because he ain’t going nowhere without a fight. He’s got some balls, walking in here like he owns the place, throwing orders around like he has some kinda right.

‘I still want that to happen. I really do want to work with you. But it can’t happen here.’

I narrow my eyes and stare him down, because I don’t have a clue what the hell he’s talking about. I don’t want to work with him. I want Izzi to stay, and I want to show her the kinda man I can really be, or the kind she can help me become, because, right now, I’m not sure I know
who
I want to be.

‘Do you want her, Mack?’

I’m even more fucking confused now. ‘What?’

‘Izzi. Do you want her?’

I step back and laugh, and I hate the fact nerves were present there. I’m not nervous. This guy doesn’t intimidate me. He’s nothing. He’s just another hustler who’s spent his life trying to get by using whatever means he can. And isn’t that exactly what
I’ve
been doing?

‘Because, if you do – if you want her, then you’ll find her.’

‘I thought she belonged to Zeb.’ I say that with more than a hint of sarcasm, which he ignores.

‘She does. For now. But what they have, it isn’t real. He’s her escape, her way of avoiding the reality she’s still too scared to face. And she’s his project. His toy, if you like. But she’s taken that role on willingly. She knows what she’s signed up for. But you were wrong, when you said I didn’t care about her, because I do. She’s become like a daughter to me these past few months and I care deeply about what happens to her.’

‘And you’re OK, are you? With her and Zeb? You’re OK with that whole messed-up scenario?’

‘For now, yes, I’m fine with it. She still needs some time out. She isn’t ready yet. But she’s slowly waking up, Mack. And one day she’ll want more than Zeb can give her. And I’m hoping that day isn’t too far away because I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life not caring, about anything or anyone. I want her to live again.’

I don’t know where this is going, but there’s a strange feeling kicking up in the pit of my stomach; I can’t explain it. But it’s telling me things are changing, whether I want them to or not.

‘One day she’s going to wake up, and she’s going to want something else, Mack. Something more.’

I can’t keep the frown off my face. This is all just too crazy for me to take in.

‘I saw the way she looked at you; the way you looked at her…’

‘Then let her stay here.’

‘You know that can’t happen. You know, just like I do – just like
she
does, that Viper won’t let this go. He gave me his word that he won’t touch her, but we all know his word, on that score, means nothing. He’ll hunt her down and he’ll kill her, eventually, if she stays here, or even close to here. So you know she has to leave. Come on, Mack, you aren’t that naïve.’

I drop my head and sigh heavily. I can’t deal with this shit. It’s too fucking much.

‘Do you
want
her?’

His question causes me to look up, and he knows my answer. I don’t have to say a fucking word.

‘Then you’ll find her.’

‘And then what? I mean, if I can’t bring her back here…’

‘We all start again, Mack. Together. Somewhere new. Somewhere people don’t know us.’

‘
All
? You think I want to be anywhere near you or…’

‘We all start again.’ His eyes stare straight into mine, his expression silencing me, man, he is freakin’ pissing me off big time. ‘Together.’

He starts to back off, his eyes still boring into mine, and I’m struggling to get my fucked-up head around any of this. ‘You want me to leave all of this behind, huh? This club, this chapter, they’re my fucking family!’

‘It’s up to you, Mack. Everything is entirely your decision. But she can’t come looking for you. She can’t ever come back here. So, if you want her, you’ll have to decide whether the sacrifices you’ll have to make are going to be worth it.’