Broken Song (5 page)

Victor was awarded our mansion, and full custody of my daughters, and all but a hundred thousand dollars from our bank account.  He couldn't touch the millions in the trusts I had already set up for the girls and I still get half my residuals and royalties, the rest goes to child support until they turn eighteen next year.  He won't allow me to call them and they are locked down from social media.  I wrote them every day for months but never received a single response.  They don't want anything to do with me; up until my doctor's visit last week, I still wrote every day.

I went from the top of the world to nothing.  My entire world fell down around me.  My music, my home, my family... all stripped from me.  I couldn't give a rat's ass about the damn money, that's all Victor ever wanted.  I just miss my girls so much.

I paused and took a shuddering breath.  Sandra's eyes were watery as she patiently listened to the joke that was my life.  Then I closed my eyes and spoke so low it was almost a whisper, “I guess this was karma slapping me in the face, showing me we can't escape our past.  I'm nothing but poison. Everything has been taken from me.  And now I won't even be a woman any more.  The fucking universe is even taking that from me.”

She tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

I opened my eyes and looked at her.  I don't even know why I am telling her everything.  I'm just spilling my guts.  She looked at me expectantly, that flicker in her eyes looked to be going over everything I have shared so far, dissecting it, studying it.  I almost stood and walked away but her innocence and her damn strange grey eyes kept me in place.  I wanted to reach out for the hope she was offering.  My shoulders slumped in resignation.

I whispered, “I went in for a checkup last week, after I felt a lump in my breast.  The doctor... she... the doctor told me I had breast cancer.  I...  they...  because of the type and progression... they want to do a mastectomy.  They want to take my breasts from me.  I asked about hormone therapy, chemo, or a lumpectomy.  You read about those treatments all the time.  She said we would see limited results in my case.  I called in a specialist for a second opinion.  Yesterday he told me the same thing, and that it may be too late for even that.”

I started crying. “I can't Sandra.  I've lost everything, now... this.  I know I deserve it.  I can't do it anymore... I'm alone.”

She was suddenly hugging me, stroking my hair as I cried into her shoulder.  I just shared my life and was blubbering into this total stranger's shoulder.  I don't even know why I could share this much with her.  She gently shushed me. “Shhh... It's all going to be OK, Penny.  You aren't alone, I'm here... and nobody deserves what you have been through.  But it isn't as bad as you may think.  Give me the forty eight hours, and I will show you how wonderful life is.  How wonderful
YOUR
life is.  And what kind of impact you can have on others.”

She pulled me to arms length and looked directly into my eyes, her sparkling grey eyes promising hope.  God they were beautiful.  I don't know why but I wanted that hope, I grabbed onto it like a lifeline and nodded my head through blurry eyes.  She gently wiped away my tears and smiled a smile full of promises, compassion and understanding.

I sniffed and wiped my face with my arm and smiled back.  “But only forty eight hours San.  I can't do this anymore.  God I'm a mess.”

She nodded.  “OK, then lets not waste any time.”  She looked at the time on her cellphone.  “Nine AM on Friday.  So I have until nine AM Sunday to show you that your life is a gift and you have so much more to give.”  She said it like it was a done deal.  Just who is she?

She grinned and handed me a plastic baggie and she took two.  I looked at her, she giggled and motioned toward the dogs; apparently the girls had done their thing as I spoke.  I cringed and retrieved one steaming pile while she got the others.  We sealed the baggies and dumped them in the trash, she made a silly face while plugging her nose.  I hate myself for the giggle that escaped my lips.

“
Line up kids!” She chirped and the dogs all ran excitedly up to her and they all sat.  She clipped a leash on each then handed me the boys.  Monster ran around in a little excited circle.  She snickered. “Oh yes Monster, very impressive.”   Then she looked at me and put a hand beside her mouth and whispered, “He's showing off for you.  I think he likes you.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Yes Monster, very manly,” I said.  Sandra snorted then bumped my hip and we started walking again as she started texting on her damn phone.

 
I got the bemusing blonde talking about her childhood as we walked.  It didn't sound like anyone in her family except her father treated her well.  They all sort of treated her like the family idiot.  Though her father has never had the time to visit her in Seattle all the years she has been here.  But the daughter of a family friend, Jane, befriended her and encouraged her.  She became like a big sister to her and protected her from the teasing from all the other kids in school.  She even encouraged her to stick with it when she flunked out of senior year.  She tutored her in the subject that prevented her from graduating... math.  Getting her to take summer school.

Sandra was quite proud to show her father the high school diploma that Jane helped her get.  Her father was so proud, but her step-mother and step-brother just pointed out that it took her three months longer than a “normal” kid.  They were always down on her because she was gay and that she was “stupid”.  But she doesn't let that get her down.  Jane told her that book learning is not the end all be all of intelligence and that Sandra had so much more to share with the world.

She had moved to Seattle when Jane did to start her “new life”.  Jane had encouraged her.  That's when she found out about all the homeless people and the children in the burn and cancer wards that would probably never lead a normal life again.  Her heart broke for them and she had decided that that was her purpose to help those people in need.  She tried to take some courses to become a councilor or even an advocate, but the classes were too confusing for her.

She heard about special animals, therapy animals that helped people in the hospitals.  And she found that she had a particular knack for training animals for it.  She spent a year trying to meet all the requirements and finally did.  She was actually able to get her four dogs and three rabbits certified and, with Jane and Bobbie's help, completed all the required paperwork.  I have no clue who this Bobbie person is.

Sandra is now in high demand at many of the childrens wards now.  She says she wants to start a non-profit foundation so she can get more people and animals so they can help more children and more homeless people, but the mountain of paperwork is just too confusing for her and she doesn't want to bother Jane with it.  She is determined to do it herself one day.

She grinned at me and said, “I hope my dad can see that I did all this on my own.  I want him to be proud of me.  I can take care of myself and help other people just fine.”

I can see why people may think this remarkable woman isn't smart, but I am seeing something beyond that in her I just can't quite put into words.  An... unconventional intelligence.  She has something special.  A drive to do good, a drive to prove her worth, and I still can't shake the feeling that I am seeing a spark of something that is always calculating in her eyes every time she captures mine with hers.

Why is she grinning?  Shit.  I'm staring at her again.
  I grinned back then looked away as we walked.  We walked up to the Second Street Shelter.  There was a long line out the door, there must have been a hundred people or more outside.

Sandra grabbed the leashes and unclipped them and the dogs ran along the line stopping and playing with some raggedy looking children as Sandra walked me to the end of the line.

Now it was again my turn to be amazed.  Sandra walked the entire line, saying hello to each and every person by name and they all referred to her as Dandelion.  She made eye contact with each and introduced me to them.  There were times she informed someone that she had a cot for them that night at a sister shelter somewhere in the city and to let the people running them, who's names she also knew, to shuffle Ted or the McKenzie family to another shelter because they now had the room for them because she got Joe or Mary a job somewhere.

When we got to the children in the line who were giggling with the puppies, she stopped and looked at the man with them.  She hugged the homeless man.  “Hey Jerry.  Glad you could make it this morning.  The kids are looking hungry.”  She gave him a scolding look.

He looked embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry Dandelion.  I was coughing again yesterday so we couldn't get in, spent most of the day waiting in line at the clinic.  I didn't feel good sending the kids on their own.”

She smiled at him then looked down at the young kids playing with her dogs.  “Kitty and Len are good kids.  I know you don't want them in foster care Jerry but winter is coming and I worry.  I can't get you a permanent cot in the shelter, there are too many in need and they have to rotate.”

Then she made a show of thinking and appeared to have come up with an idea.  “But I tell you what.  I know a guy who needs a plumber like you for an apartment complex he is remodeling on a hundred and thirty second.  His name is John, I'll tell him you are coming.  He can offer you a small maintenance apartment in the basement rent free and pay you only minimum wage, but it is for five months.  I'd feel much better if the kids were inside this winter.  It could turn into a permanent position if you work hard, like I know you would.”

He looked at her for a long time then finally just nodded once.  She nodded once back then scrunched up her face in thought for a second then wrote down an address on a scrap piece of paper, and handed a note to John from herself in a sealed envelope from her pocket.  I just watched the whole thing in amazement, another thing she had apparently planned out ahead of time.

She then took a twenty out of her purse and held it out to him.  He was making a shunning gesture.  She shook her head at him and gave him a look a mother might give a misbehaving child.  She spoke in hushed tones so the giggling children wouldn't hear, “Tuesday is Kitty's birthday.  Get her a proper cake.  This is for her, not you.  Every child deserves a birthday cake.”  Then she forcibly shoved the twenty into his hand.  He nodded once in resignation.

Then she turned away to hug and say hi to Kitty and Len then we moved down the line.  When we got to the doors, she clicked her heel on the ground once and the dogs came running then sat down in front of her as she clipped them all up on leashes again.

She looked through the window on the door and gave a tiny wave and it opened.  She grinned at the man that opened it.  He looked like a Hell's Angels biker with an apron, a hairnet, and a spatula.   “Hi Ralph.”

He nodded and replied, “Hey lil Dandelion.” He let us in.

She looked back at me. “This is my new friend Penny.  Penny, this is Ralph Unger.  He runs the shelter here.  He's also got one of the biggest hearts when it comes to my people.”

The big burly man blushed.  I shook his hand.  “Nice to meet you Ralph.”

He looked me up and down with a critical eye. “How you know our Dandelion?”

Sandra backhanded him in the gut, as he oofed she scolded, “Be nice Ralph.  It ain't like that.”

He rolled his eyes.  “Yes ma’am.  I'm sorry Penny.  It's nice to meet... wait!  You're Penny Fr... ooof!”

Sandra got his gut a little harder this time, but there was no way it really hurt the big lug.  She shot him a warning glance.  He grinned sheepishly and simply said to me, “Nice to meet you.”  Then he grinned at Sandra as he rubbed his belly. “So violent.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.  Then handed him a check.  He looked at it and shook his head. “You're a fuc.... umm... friggin' angel.  You know that don't you?  I'm pretty sure you are keeping the shelter doors open around the city single-handedly.”

She blushed and shrugged then Ralph asked, “You want to man the soup line for breakfast.  I'm opening the doors in five minutes.  Or do you ladies have somewhere else to be?”

Sandra smiled politely and said, “I was going to say not today.  It is check day so we're handing them out and then I gotta hit St. Vincent's Hospital, but I know a guy who can deliver the other most important check, so why not.  Oh, and Bernie down at the South Market has a bunch of expired loaves waiting for you for tonight's line.”

Before I knew it the blonde whirlwind dragged me and the dogs through a side door.  There were lines and lines of cots, must have been at least a hundred of them in the huge room.  All of them were empty except a corner cot with a familiar man snoring away in it.

She sat noisily on the cot facing the man.  The noise startled him awake.  He sat up and looked at her then looked away at a fixed point in space.  “Sup Dandelion,” Leo said.

She just picked a point on the wall to stare at herself.  “Sup Leo.  Didn't want you to sleep through the chow line.  Get yer lazy butt up.”  Then she dug into her purse and held up the check for over ten thousand dollars to the Anchorage Street Shelter and a five dollar bill.  “Delivery.”

He grabbed them and nodded with a slight smile as he glanced over at her.  “Solid Dandelion.”

She grinned back. “Solid.”  I marveled at how much trust she put in the man, but it was blatantly obvious it went both ways.