Broken Survivor (6 page)

“I’m better than that,” she whispered and groaned as soon as she flopped onto the bed face-first. At times like this, the longing for her mother intensified. As if being a teenager wasn’t hard enough, add a dick for a father and being a witness to her mother’s murder into the mix and it felt utterly hopeless. She was so distracted, she didn’t hear anyone join her until the door softly clicked shut.

“I’m okay, Chrys, go ahead and enjoy the party,” she mumbled. Assuming her sister was checking in on her, she didn’t bother to lift her face from the pillow she cuddled closely.

“That’s good to hear and all, but it’s just not the same without you.” She stiffened at the sound of Cole’s voice as he sat beside her. “Let me make you feel good, Hol. We’ll bring the party right here, just you and me.”

Her jaw was tight as she ground her teeth in frustration. “Are you drunk already? I’m not interested, Cole, thanks, but I’m sure there are plenty of girls at the party who’d be happy to take you up on that offer. Why don’t you go find one?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He nuzzled her hair and started to nibble up the column of her throat. Goose bumps rose along her arms, and she tried to shake him off.

“No, I’m not about to put myself in a situation where you have your friends ready to pop out again. I can’t believe you even did that to me to begin with.” She sat up shoved his shoulders back and held out her hand after she got up to put distance between them. “Let’s take this downstairs, okay?”

“I guess.” He nodded but didn’t look happy about it. “But I’m not ready to give up on us yet.”

“Let’s go.” Holly sighed and held the door open for him to leave. The plan was to walk him back to the party and then try to make another escape to her room, solo.

“You sure about this? It’ll be good.”

“Positive.” As far as she was concerned, there had never been anything between them besides the embarrassing little strip show while his asshole friends watched from the shadows. “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but I’m done here, okay? Enough already.”

“Enough already? I tell you when it’s enough.” He pushed her against the wall. “I like you, Hol, we’ve got chemistry.”

“Well, maybe I’m just not attracted to you.” Okay, that was a low blow, and a bold-faced lie, but he didn’t seem to be getting the point, and she was tired. “I also have a lot going on, and I’m not interested in forming a new relationship with anyone right now until I can pull myself together.”
Not to mention I don’t have any faith in the opposite sex, and I don’t need to add a relationship with one of them to complicate things more.

“Message received.”

She could tell he was angry with her. He was tense and had his jaw clenched tight by the time he finally got the point. His fists tightened at his sides, and it kind of made her nervous.

“Excuse me.” She slid by him to head back to the party. This far away from the crowd, no one had seemed to notice their argument, and there were safety in numbers. He was clearly drunk, pissed off, and he’d already pushed her into a wall, so she wasn’t going to give him the opportunity to get more violent.

“Whatever,” he grunted, and she almost fell when he brushed past her on the way to the living room. He looked back, narrowed his gaze, and flipped her the finger before he ripped their boom box from the wall and threw it through the front window.

Party over.

“What the hell happened?” Chrystal rushed to her side as she shook and began to panic “We are in so much trouble.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Get everyone out of here, and I’ll deal with Dad in a minute.”

“We’ll do it together.” Her sister gave her hand a quick squeeze and dragged her to the couch. “I’ll be back in a sec…”

Christian was going to go ballistic over the damage to the window, and they’d be the ones who had to deal with his wrath.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Chrystal said as soon as everyone was out. They had to make the dreaded call, but there was no answer.

“Hi, you’ve reached Paige.
Leave a message at the beep.”
Beeep!

“Dad, I know you’re going to want to come home as soon as you hear this,” Holly started. “Someone just broke the front window and we’re freaking out,” Chrystal picked up another receiver and jumped in. “Call us when you get this message, okay?” They’d decided that Christian might not be so mad if they convinced him the window had been broken in some sort of freak accident. No matter what happened, though, the truth would stay with them.

Cole was an ass, and hopefully that would be the last of him.

***

They fell asleep on the couch together and woke up around dawn to the sound of a door slamming and their father yelling.

“What the hell is going on here?” With Christian’s dramatic entrance into the house, Holly already knew to expect the worst. “I leave you two here thinking I can trust you enough to take care of things, and I come home to this. Look, look at it!”

He came over, gripped both of them by the collar, and dragged them to the broken window. After shaking them he knocked them to the floor. “Do you realize I’ll have to pay for this now? What the fuck happened? And so help me, it’d better be the truth.”

“I-I don’t know,” Holly lied. “We were in the living room and somebody just broke the window.”

“Bullshit!” Christian seethed.

“It’s true,” Chrystal cried. “It freaked us out. With the window broken, you never know if someone will break in during the night with easy access like that, and we were by ourselves. Why do you think we called you right away?”

“You’re fucking lying!” Their dad turned and punched a big hole in the wall.

Way to make the situation better, Dad, good one!

As tempted as she was to let him know he was just adding to the bill his landlord would send him, Holly kept her mouth shut and flinched with every blow to the wall instead. She’d been afraid of him for most of her life, and he was intimidating as hell when he got like this. His freak out continued, and they ducked every time he threw something their way. Anything he could get his hands on, including the phone, remotes, the ashtrays, and a few pictures on the walls. It was like watching a two-year-old throwing a tantrum, only 1,000 percent worse. After a thick glass ash tray hit her in the arm and Chrystal narrowly dodged the phone thrown at her head, Holly tried to fight back her fear.

“Stop it!” she cried. “Please…” But her cries fell on deaf ears.

They crab crawled backward toward the front door to escape, and he stalked after them.
If looks could kill, we would have been dead a long time ago.

“Calm down, Dad, we didn’t break the window, someone else did,” Chrystal pleaded.

A knock sounded at the door and turned into pounding, distracting him.

“Who the fuck is it?” he growled. They moved out of the way and stood holding each other while he threw open the door.

“Is everything all right?” The pudgy man outside looked past him at the girls who stood there crying.

“We’re fine, what’s it to you?” Their dad’s fists tightened as he glared at the guy, trying to intimidate him. It didn’t take much. Christian had always been a bully.

“Well, there’s an awful lot of screaming and pounding.” The man took a step back. “So I just thought I’d check in before the police got here.”

“Police?” Their father’s face changed almost instantly. He was still mad, but he clearly wasn’t out for blood anymore. “Shit!” He looked at them. “I don’t want to go back to jail, you hear me?” He slammed the door in the neighbor’s face and folded his arms, standing in front of it. “Now watch what you say to them, and help me clean this place up a bit before they get here.”

Not wanting to press their luck, they did as he asked, and the three of them scrambled to pick up the broken pieces.

It wasn’t long before the police showed up and separated them. Three cops drilled Christian inside the apartment and another took the girls outside for questioning so his presence wouldn’t intimidate them.

“Can you tell me your version of the events?” the officer asked.

Chrystal nodded. “The window got broken and he got really upset.” She pointed toward the townhouse behind them and swallowed nervously.

“Okay,” the cop said, “can you tell me how the window got broken to set him off like that?”

Holly shrugged and stuck to the same story. “We’re not sure. Someone broke the window last night while we were home, so we called our dad at his girlfriend’s house, feeling a little freaked out. He got here early this morning angry about it.” They stayed vague. That’s what they’d been taught to do, especially when it came to the police.

“And what happened after he got angry?”

“It got loud. I’m sure the neighbor can vouch for that.”

“The neighbor also said he looked like he was out to kill. I think he almost wet his pants.” The cop looked at Holly’s arm, which was still red thanks to the ashtray Christian had thrown, and then at her chest, which still had a bruise from Chrystal’s purple-nurple punishment the night before.

That’s what I get for wearing a short sleeve V-neck.
Holly turned away and fidgeted to cover her arm. “We did say he was angry,” she whispered.

“Okay.” The officer nodded and jotted down a few more notes on his pad. “You both look relatively unharmed and don’t seem to want to press any charges, so there isn’t much more we can do. Do you have a safe place you can go to for a while? I think it’ll be in the best interest of everyone to let him cool down for a day or two, don’t you?” He lifted his chin toward the house and gave them a sympathetic look.

The girls looked at each other for a moment before agreeing with a yes in answer to his question.

The officer escorted them both inside to pack a few belongings, and only left them when they were safely on their way to the bus stop. Neither planned on going back to their father’s, so they were on their own again.

***

They ended up back on the other side of town where they’d grown up and stayed with their friends, Janet and Nadia, until Christian chilled out enough to find them again. Moving in with Christian had been a big mistake, but they’d been vulnerable and stupidly hoping he would love them enough to change now that their mother was gone. It was also a chance for the sisters to be together again because Chrystal was set on not returning to Karen’s.

About a week later during the World Series game between the Toronto Blue Jays and Philadelphia Phillies, their dad finally made an appearance for a so-called “heart-to-heart talk.”

“Hey, can you give me a minute?” Christian motioned to the kitchen as their friends’ mother Darla gave them her permission to talk there. They sat down at the table and waited while he paced the floor. “I’ve been doing some thinking this past week, and I’ve decided… shit.” He cleared his throat. “I think it’s best that you don’t come back. The other day proved to me that you deserve better than what I could give you, and honestly, I’m just not sure I can do it anymore.”

“But you were never there anyway,” Chrystal said.

Holly stayed quiet and wondered,
what is he up to this time?

“Darla’s offered to keep you both for now, and if that doesn’t work out, we’ll deal with it then. I’m not exactly out of the picture here. You’ll still be able to get in touch with me.”

“We get it,” Holly exclaimed. “You want the relationship, just not the responsibility of fatherhood.”

“If you could even call it that,” Chrystal snorted. “No offense.”

“Hey, don’t get lippy with me.” He actually laughed and messed their hair. It kind of pissed Holly off. “Believe it or not, I am trying to do what’s best for the both of you.”

“Sure, whatever.” Her sister rolled her eyes while Holly scowled.

“Well, good.” He stopped in front of them and bent down to give them an awkward hug before looking at the door with longing. “Look, I’ve got to go, but if you need anything, anything at all, you just give me a call. I’ll see you both next week, and we’ll get you enrolled in school again. It’s better late than never, right?”

“Yeah,” Holly answered and had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. “Bye.” What he’d said made sense. They really were better off without him, but hearing that from him still stung. He was their only living parent left. They should’ve been able to count on him, and time and time again, he’d screwed that up. It was official, the sperm donor didn’t even want them, and that was just another heartbreaking reality of what had become their life.

Chapter Five

“Good morning, my name is Jace Yates, and I’m the social worker here at Radcliffe High.” The man held out his hand and then pulled it back when he saw how skeptical both girls were of him. “Well, all right, then.” He cleared his throat and took a seat behind his desk. “It’s come to my attention that you girls have been through quite a bit in the last year, and I wanted you to be aware of the resources available to each of you.”

“What sort of resources?” Chrystal inquired.

“Well, there is me, of course, so if you ever need to talk or need help with anything, you can come to me and I’ll do my best to help you out. I have the ability to access the people or places you may eventually need or would like, such as counseling services and support groups, for example. The school also has guidance counselors you can reach out to as well as office staff if you’re more comfortable speaking with them than me. In light of your past hardships, and the fact that you both are dealing with a late enrollment, we thought it might be beneficial for the two of you to see me before starting out the day officially. I’d also like to schedule weekly meetings with both of you so we can help you cope with the trauma you suffered due to your mother’s untimely death. It is also my understanding that your living arrangements are new, and your father is now not in the picture full-time.”

“Wait, where are you getting all of this?” Holly felt as though her jaw was about to hit the floor.
Un-freaking-believable, have our lives been broadcast? Who is this joker anyway?

“Your father was nice enough to inform us when he enrolled you here.”

“Really? Because ‘nice’ is not a word I’d use to describe Christian.” She looked away and willed herself not to cry in front of this stranger.
How dare he air our dirty laundry like that to a bunch of people we don’t know, the asshole!
The last thing she wanted at the moment was to open up to some Joe Schmo she wasn’t sure she could trust. My God, it was hard enough on her own coming to terms with things. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to face her mother’s death yet. Getting high or drunk and becoming numb had been the solution for months to cope, and it was easier to deny it all.

She’s just on vacation and will walk through the door at any minute, damn it! She didn’t die, please God let this be a nightmare. Wake up,
wake up!

She abruptly stood up and held out her hand. “Mr. Yates, it’s been a pleasure, but, um—but I need to go. Schedule anything you want, and Chrystal will give me the information.” She ran out the door before anyone could respond and continued through the hallways looking for a bathroom for some privacy. Tears streamed down her face as the flashbacks began again.

The matted long, blonde hair turned red from the pool of blood surrounding her head like a halo of death, eyes wide open with shock and unseeing, fingers missing, and blood splattered on the walls and on her still, lifeless body.

The memories where coming through all at once.
For the love of God, make it stop. Please make it stop.

Holly crashed through the doors, finally found what she sought, and rushed into an empty stall. Slamming and locking the door, she slid down to the filthy floor and spent the first and second period of her very first day at a new school crying out some of her innermost turmoil and pain.

***

Despite her skepticism, meeting Jace turned out to be a good thing. He nipped being called Mr. Yates in the bud at the get-go, and she couldn’t help but feel comfortable with the laid-back atmosphere he surrounded her with. He asked questions and got her to open up a bit but didn’t push her to give what she wasn’t ready to. He was the first man she actually learned to trust. That in itself felt like a huge step for her.

School was a different story. A lot of people treated her as if she had the plague once they found out how screwed up her life was, especially anyone in her classes who she tried to befriend. It was as though they weren’t sure what to say or how to act, and she hated seeing the pity on their faces whenever they looked at her, as though it was her fault or something.
Puh-leease!
So she either kept to herself or hung out and fit in with the older crowd who seemed to understand her better.

The drunken hazes and experimentation came to a halt for the most part. They didn’t make her feel free as they once had, and Christian wasn’t around to encourage them. But just as things began to look up, fate seemed to decide she needed another fall.

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” Holly was running late coming home because she’d missed the bus, and the crowd that awaited her arrival was ridiculous. Her heart raced as she took in the people sitting in the living room, which included Darla, Chrystal, and one of Emma’s friends, Charlotte.

“Everything is going to be fine, but we need to have a talk.” Darla patted the cushion beside her.

Nothing good comes from ‘we need to talk.’ Deep breaths, Holly. Big, deep breaths...

“Okay.” She dropped her bag at the entrance and slowly moved toward them.

Once she was seated, Darla held both of her hands, and like ripping off a Band-Aid real quick, just got to the point. “Holly, we love you, I hope you know that, but we can’t financially afford to keep you both.”

“What?” Her heart hit the bottom of her stomach, and dread filled her. “Where will we go? How long do we have to get out?” She looked toward her sister for answers, but Chrystal turned her face away, and again she kept getting looks of pity from the others.
What the hell!

“I think you’re misunderstanding, honey.” Charlotte moved closer. “Chrystal is still going to be staying with Darla, Nadia, and Janet, and you’ll be coming to live with me and Sierra.” Sierra was Charlotte’s only daughter and Holly’s former best friend, but her true colors had shone through when she’d given Holly the cold shoulder after Emma died, when Holly needed her the most. Living with her was definitely going to be interesting. But to be separated from Chrystal? That was her only close family left.

“Please, I won’t be too much trouble, and I don’t need much,” she pleaded and began to cry. “Don’t send me away.”

“I’m so sorry, honey.” Darla pulled her forward and held her. “It’s nothing you’ve done, and I’d love to have you here. In fact, my door is always open for a visit, but we can’t do this anymore.”

“O-okay.” She tried to dry her face, but the waterworks were in effect, and there was nothing she could do other than smudge her makeup everywhere. “When do I have to go?” She whispered as she looked down.

“Take tonight to pack up, and I’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow,” Charlotte said.

The two women stood to shake hands, and with one parting look in her direction, Charlotte left.

“If you’ll excuse me.” Holly rose and went downstairs to pack. This was going to be house number four in less than a year. Life sucked!

“Hey.” Her sister knocked before entering their room, but Holly could only spare her a glance. She was too choked up to speak. “At least you won’t be too far away and we can still see each other every day, right?”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded. “Sure, but it still hurts. Nobody wants me, Chrys. I mean, they do, but never for long. Am I that unlovable?”

“Of course not. I wish we could stay together too, but it could be worse.”

“Yeah, and like you said, we’ll still get to see each other.” She repeated her sister’s earlier words and tried her best to hide how shattered she felt. “I’m feeling tired right now. Could we talk later?”

“Sure, let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Alone again, Holly fell on the bed and sobbed into the pillow.
It’s going to be all right. Be strong, you’ve made it this far. You can do anything.
She snorted. “What a crock of shit. I’m too fucked up and everyone can see it.”

***

Charlotte was awesome and really made her feel welcome, but her daughter didn’t feel the same way. Sierra barely spoke to her, and Holly felt as though she was trespassing whenever Sierra was around. The last thing she wanted was to cause a rift between Charlotte and her daughter.

One night, about two weeks after she moved in, Holly was done feeling sorry for herself and dragged Nadia and Jules to a party because the need to get drunk again was coming on strong. Charlotte had a few rules: Holly had to be in by midnight on weekends and ten thirty during the week, which wasn’t so bad. The tension in the house was the only problem, so she tried to stay out as much as possible to avoid being uncomfortable.

“Are things getting better?” Jules wrapped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

“Charlotte’s awesome and I know she’s trying. I just get the feeling I’m causing problems, though. I’ve heard Sierra complaining a lot, and she hasn’t been too quiet about not wanting me in the house. I don’t know what her problem is or what the hell I did. The other day, they thought I was sleeping, and I could hear her yelling at her mother about me.” She changed her voice to mimic what she’d heard. “She’s a charity case. Why the hell is she here anyway? Yeah, well she’s not welcome, and I don’t have to pretend she is. If she doesn’t like it, tell her to get the heck out.”

“Puh-lease, it was nothing you did,” Nadia fumed. “That daughter of hers got too good for us as soon as she started high school. She was pulling the attitude way before what happened with your mom. It just took you that long to notice. It’s like she made new friends at her school and suddenly we were trash.” She chugged the rest of her drink. “What do you say we get another one?” She held up her empty cup. “And start having some fun. All of this talking is seriously ruining my buzz.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jules said while draping an arm around her.

They moved through the party guests and spotted Edgar and Ron in the living room. “Look who’s here,” Holly said, pointing them out. It felt like forever since she’d seen her two friends.

“Well, of course.” Jules smirked and dragged them over to the boys. “Hey, baby.” She reached up and locked lips with her boy toy, Ron.

Holly rolled her eyes. “Hey, E, how’ve you been?”

“Better now that you’re here.” He tugged her forward, and she wrapped her arms around his midsection. “Hey, Nadia, what’s up?” He tilted his head toward her other friend, and Holly could see that Nadia felt like the third wheel. Jules had her guy and Edgar seemed to take a liking to her, leaving Nadia to stand awkwardly in front of the four of them. But things soon became equal when Edgar reached behind him to grab a buddy. “Have you met, John?”

“Well, hello.” Nadia smirked at John, and they seemed to hit it off, so much so, that she ditched them eventually for some one-on-one time with him.

A couple hours later Holly had accomplished her goal and was totally sloshed.

“What time do you have to be home?” Ed asked as he nibbled on her earlobe, giving her goose bumps.

“By twelve.” She giggled. “Why?”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but you’re late.” He checked his watch and then showed her the time. It was 12:45 a.m
. Damn!
“Since you’re already in trouble, how about we push our luck a little bit and go for a ride?”

“Are you drunk? Because I don’t get into cars with people who have been drinking.”

The side of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile, and he held out his cup. “Smell it, baby, I stopped drinking when we met up. It’s just plain old Pepsi. Check it out.”

Holly sniffed but didn’t trust her instincts, so she interrupted Jules’s make-out session for a second opinion. “Edgar wants to go for a ride and is trying to assure me he hasn’t been drinking. Smell this for me, would you?”

Jules grabbed the cup and took a big sip. “It’s clean. He’s good to go.”

“See?” He looked triumphant. “So how about that ride?”

“Since when did you get a car?”

“It’s a loaner.” Ron chuckled. “Can we come with?”

The cool car she was expecting turned out to be a minivan, which she found amusing. “Is this your mother’s car?”

Edgar shook his head. “Not quite.”

“We’ve got dibs on the back.” Ron pulled Jules with him to the backseat.

“Lucky bastard.” Edgar snickered and then turned to her. “Shall we?”

They were on their way downtown when the gas light turned on, so they pulled into a gas station to fill up.

It all happened so fast that Holly needed a minute to register what the hell was going on. One minute they were going for a leisurely drive, and the next she was blinking in shock as blue-and-red lights flashed all around them and they were directed to put their hands up. Police swarmed them with guns drawn, yelling for them to each slowly get out of the van.

“It’s stolen, are you friggin’ kidding me?” Holly raged. “Of all the stupid things to drag me into. You son of a—”

Holly’s door opened, and an officer dragged her out and frisked her against the side of the vehicle before she could finish reprimanding her so-called friend. Edgar and Ron were fucking idiots.