BrookLyn's Journey (6 page)

“Why not you?”

“I’ve never been with anyone, especially a girl. I’m not pretty.”
BrookLyn
was what Tiffany referred to as sheltered. Sheltered
,
because
she
was never allowed to do anything other than go to school, the library and church.
S
he
was always under the watchful eyes of the wardens who sometimes called themselves
her
parents.

“You’re beautiful,”
Gabriella
said.

What?
“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I would. I’ll go further. I think you’re stunning,” she added.

BrookLyn
thought
maybe
she
might not be ugly but
she
kn
ew
she
wasn’t
stunning
.
She
didn’t even think
she
was pretty.

“You have no idea how beautiful you are. Your brown eyes,
your
soft skin
—
everything about you
is
beautiful
.
Believe it
,
BrookLyn
,
no matter what anyone else says
.
” Gabriella look
ed
at BrookLyn as if she was staring straight into her confused heart and mind.

BrookLyn
didn’t quite get it
,
so
she
said nothing.
She
sat
there
trying
to understand what was going on.

“You want me to stop?”
Gabriella
pull
ed
her
soft
light brown
dreads back into a ponytail.

“No
.
Y
es
.
W
ell
,
I don’t know. I’m scared.”

“Of what? Me?”
She
focused her
seemingly
ever-changing eyes
directly at
BrookLyn
.

“No
.
N
ot you. I’m afraid of what we’re doing. I’ve never
...
”

“How did it feel?”

“It was okay. But
that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.”
BrookLyn’s
head was one ball of confusion
. This entire day had been filled with so many different feelings. From rehearsing to get permission to go to the party, to needing to ride home without Tiffany, to being locked out...now this.

“I really like you and don’t want you to be scared. I’d never hurt you
.
”
Gabriella spoke
with the gentleness of someone
she
’d known all of
her
life.
S
omehow
BrookLyn
felt
as if
she
had known her longer than
she
’d
kn
own
herself
.

“I don’t even know what I’m doin
g
—
or supposed to do.”

“I’ll lead and you can follow. That doesn’t have to be tonight
,
or ever for that matter. But if it comes to a moment like this again, I’ll take it slow.”

For the first time in my life, I think my heart may have melted.
Gabriella
’s
words wrapped around
BrookLyn’s
anxious heart
,
calm
ing it and
making
her
feel more comfortable with each soft-spoken word.
BrookLyn
felt
hypnotized.
Right now
,
she
saw a different Gabriella than
she
’d
ever
seen
in church.

“I guess.”

She
wasn’t sure where
they
would go from here
or what
tomorrow
would
be like
, but before
she
could ask her anything,
Gabriella
covered
her
mouth again. She had sweet soft lips and
BrookLyn
liked the way she smelled as she pulled
her
closer.

What in the hell
is
going on here? What
do
I know about feeling good?
That’s what
her
mother would say.
Maybe she
didn’t know anything about it before tonight
,
but
she
knew whatever
this
was
, it
felt good.

“You okay?”
Gabriella
pull
ed
away from
her
.

“Think so,”
she
said.
She
was starting to feel safer than
she
had been earlier.
She
wasn’t ready to go any further but this felt nice.
She
leaned
in.

Gabriella
smiled and held
BrookLyn
in her arms
.
“I’ll make you feel good all the time. I’m not saying just like this. I mean
,
I’ll keep you safe.
I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend
?
”
BrookLyn
was clueless.

Gabriella
laughed at
her
.
“We won’t tell anyone outside of my friends because of your parents. But we can be together
,
if you want to be with me.”

“And how would that happen? I have parents that never let me out of their sight.
” BrookLyn’s thought
s
always came back to her parents.
Why couldn’t I get into the house?
She shook it off.
“
Plus, we go to different schools
,” she continued.
“
I’d never see you even if I wanted to.”

“We’ll see each other. So?”
Gabriella looked at BrookLyn as if it should be the easiest decision in the world.

It wasn’t.
“Let’s just try and figure it all out later. I’m tired.”

“I am too
, but
I’ve liked you for a long
time and
I
can’t believe that you’re finally in my house. That blows my mind. I’m not willing to go to sleep and miss a moment of you being here beside me. I wanna watch you dream. You go to sleep and I’ll hold you.”

“Are you serious?”
How
is
she just going to watch me sleep?

“Yes, I am.”

“Does your family know that you like girls?”
As
tired
as BrookLyn was,
questions kept popping into
her
curious head.

“Yes.”

“What do they say?”

“My aunt isn’t happy about it. She said I’m supposed to like boys. How can you make me like something I don’t? She was really mad at first and used to call me names. Nothing I can do to change how I feel. I tried
,
but boys ain’t my thing. I can’t ignore it. Everybody else is okay with it, I guess. They’ve never said anything different.”

“What does she say?”
Her
parents would be ten times worse
,
she was
sure.

“She says God made Adam and Eve. He made women for men. She says that two girls can’t make a baby. I don’t want a baby. I want to be happy and won’t live a lie. If I was with a boy I wouldn’t be happy. God won’t stop loving me if I love a girl.”

“You sound like you really know what you want
.
”
BrookLyn
thought
she
did too
—
until tonight.
Gabriella
definitely threw
her
off
her
well
thought out course.

“I used to be scared about it. My older cousins and
my
counselor, Ms. Evans helped me. I used to think God would turn His back on me
,
like my aunt said
,
but too many people told me different. They
told me
God loves you no matter what. I believe them. Nobody told my aunt who to love
,
so I won’t let her tell me.”

“God won’t turn His back. He wouldn’t be God if He did
.
”
BrookLyn’s
eyes were getting heavier as
she
tried to listen.

“I always tell her that if He didn’t want me to love girls
,
then He wouldn’t have made me this way. I didn’t just wake up one day and say that I was going to like girls instead of boys. It’s something inside of me.”

“Did you see that something inside of me too?”

“No
.
B
ut I saw something in you that I never saw in anyone else. Like I told you before, from the first second I saw you in church, I wanted to be with you. I just wasn’t sure if I ever could.”

“Does it mean that I like girls too
...
if we’re together?”

“It means we’re together
,
if we’re together. I know I like girls and right now, I hope you like me
.
”

BrookLyn
was fading off.
She
could hear
Gabriella
talking
but
didn’t want to open
her
eyes.
The rollercoaster of a day had finally caught up with her.

“You do know you asked me a question and then had nerve to fall asleep when I answered?”
Gabriella
laughed.

BrookLyn
hoped
she
hadn’t been
snoring.
“I’m tired
.
”
She
yawned
,
stretching for emphasis.

“Your snoring gave that away.”

BrookLyn felt her cheeks flush with
embarrass
ment
,
but
she
just smiled
,
closed
her
eyes and breathed deeply
, letting her
fears soar out into the cool night
through the
opened window.

Gabriella
wrapped her arms around
BrookLyn
and held
her
close.
She
didn’t know what tomorrow would
bring,
but knew it would be different
, because she
would be different too.
She
was comfortable in
Gabriella
’s
arms and it felt good.
The sweet smell of her breath and warmth of her body comforted
BrookLyn’s
shaken
spirit
and she fell asleep to
dreams full of bright colors and stars
.

Chapter T
hree

BrookLyn
woke up startled that
she
was wrapped in someone’s arms
,
forgetting for a moment where
she
was. Wondering if
she
were lost in a dream,
she
turned
her
head slowly
.
S
eeing Gabriella it all came flooding back to
her
.

BrookLyn
remembered being locked out of
her
house
,
and
now
the thought of having to deal with that misery
was
g
iving
her
an enormous headache.
Then thoughts of last night with Gabriella edged into her awareness.
Am
I her girlfriend for real?
Do
I
even like girls
? How do I know?
I
know I
enjoyed Gabriella kissing and touching me
. How do I
know if
I’m
ready for more
?
She
shifted
her
body
and
stretch
ed, waking
Gabriella
.
She smiled at BrookLyn.