Brothers in Blue: The First Love Match (11 page)

The smoker was over near the kitchen windows and Ariel slid them open to ask John which bar b- cue sauces he wanted her to grab for him when she heard him having a conversation in low tones with Jeff.

             
“So whats going on with your girl?”

             
“What girl?”

             
“Your girlfriend. The other night you and her couldn’t keep your hands off of each other so I know you must have fucked her by now.  How was she?”

             
“Jeff, I’m not going to answer that, it’s not any of your business.”

             
“Man, she’sa lot younger than you, are you just messing around or are you serious about her? Those kinds of girls don’t usually just mess around; she seems like the sort of girl who wants a family someday, and some stability.”

             
“Shit, I know that Jeff. I think I fucked up with her.”

             
“What happened?”

             
“I was trying to do the right thing, you know, take things slow and just be friendly and all that, but she dressed up in this little lacy number the other night and I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself. I let things get out of hand and she’s not even on the pill.”

             
“Well you used a condom right?”

             
“No, twice with no condom and she was a virgin.”

             
“A virgin?”

             
“Yeah.”

             
“Well, she’s already looking at you with those puppy dog eyes, looks like she’s fallen pretty hard for you.  If you’re not going to make this a long term thing I think it’s only fair that you tell her now, and of course give her my number.”

             
“Very funny Jeff, it’s not that I don’t like her, or want her, I’m just not ready to be stuck. I’m going to have to talk to her and make sure she understands, you really thought she was looking at me with that look, huh? I was just in a long term relationship that went bad. I just want to relax and let things happen as they do, I’m not trying to rush this.”

             
“Then I think you better talk to her soon. It was kind of shitty to take her virginity and then tell her that you aren’t ready to commit.”

             
“Dammit Jeff, I know that. It just happened.”

Ariel took a step back from the window and whirled around walking right into something. Brad was standing behind her and as she collided with him she was sure that he had heard the same conversation that she had just overheard taking place outside the window. She flushed bright red. How embarrassing. It was bad enough that John just told his friend that she basically begged him to take her virginity but now two of his friends and she also knew that he didn’t even want to be in a relationship with her. She just kept repeating in her head that she shouldn’t’ cry, crying wasn’t going to help her in this situation, but she knew she had to get out of this situation and fast. She mumbled something to Brad, it was probably incoherent but she didn’t care, if she had it her way she would never see him again. Thankful that all she had brought with her was her phone she grabbed it off the desk in the den and walked back out the front door. Thankfully no one was blocking her car in the driveway; she slipped into her car and drove home.

How stupid, she should have known that this guy wasn’t really into her; she was a cheap rebound that he was mildly amused with. He had even attempted to keep things somewhat platonic and instead of reading the signs she had let it all go over her head and just made a big mess of things. At least it could be ended easily before she went thinking they were in a real relationship or something. Who was she kidding? She already had thought this was real, so real she had given up her virginity only to find out he wasn’t interested in anything with her.

As she reached her house she grabbed her purse and cell phone from the cup holder in her center console. She grabbed her keys and went into the house collapsing onto the sofa. Her phone was vibrating on the coffee table and she picked it up, it was John. There was no way she was going to have this embarrassing conversation with him. She hit ignore and turned on the TV wishing her roommate was home to chat with. He always had a way of cheering her up when she was down. After a while she let the dogs out and took a warm shower, the whole time trying not to think of how good John’s hands would feel on her body. He was the sort of man that made her feel safe inside, but now he had broken her trust.

Ariel went to sleep early and slept fitfully, dreams of John flitted through her mind and she woke as the first rays of morning sunshine entered her room. She decided that today would be the first day of her new life, the life where she didn’t let anyone hurt her ever again. She could prevent it if she never gave anyone else the chance. Changing into shorts and a lightweight t-shirt she laced up her Nike’s and went for a  morning jog. Returning home she saw her roommate’s vehicle in the driveway and went inside. They watched the news together and Ariel made lunch while Sean did his laundry. Maybe this was the best sort of relationship for her, no strings, no deep emotional feelings but still the companionship that she craved. She decided that she would work this weekend, she had no intention of dinner with John’s family that was for sure. She called Ed at work and he told her she was free to come in and work her shift at the ER, they were short a morning staff person so the sooner she came in the better anyhow.

As she went into work she glanced down at her phone before turning it off. There were messages, all from John.  The first:

Where did you go? Did something happen? Why did you leave early?

Ariel, Call me when you get this I’m really worried about you

And the last message:

Brad
just told me that you overheard me talking to Jeff, shit, I’m sorry. Will you please come by this evening so we can talk about this? Let me explain.

She held down the power button until the phone turned off, not only was she not going to respond to this she was just going to let the so called relationship end without all the drama that some girls seemed to enjoy. She just saw herself getting hurt over and over and didn’t want to be sucked in by anymore nice gestures. The doors to the ER entrance opened with a whoosh and Ariel smiled at Jim the afternoon security who usually hung around the lobby. Swiping her badge the next set of double doors opened for her and she clocked in to work. The day went by rather quickly and she even stayed a half hour later than usual to let her night supervisor take an early lunch break. She didn’t want to go home or even to the parking lot, she was worried that John would be out there waiting to talk to her.

As the shuttle from the hospital drew closer to the back of the employee parking lot where she had parked her, car she saw John’s truck parked in the next spot. It would seem that he was bent on them hashing this situation out, but in her mind there was nothing to sort out at all. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself she didn’t look at his truck but got off of the shuttle and headed right for the passenger door of her car. John was already climbing out of his truck and she continued in her path ignoring him until he was right behind her saying her name as she opened the car door.

             
“Ariel, please stop for just a minute.”

She turned
around, he looked so hot this evening. He was wearing a fitted navy blue t-shirt with low sitting jeans that looked so good and hugged his hips perfectly. She was sure he was wearing the tight briefs that she loved to seem him in as well.

             
“I really don’t want to talk to you John.”

             
“I get that, and I just wanted you to know that what you heard wasn’t exactly what I meant.”

Turning towards him Ariel braced herself for what she felt would come
next, but she felt her shudders in her shoulders first and knew she was going to cry, if not now, then soon. She felt John’s arms around her and it felt like she was home.

             
“So you are ready for a real relationship, something long term or at least with the commitment that you and I spoke about last week?”

She looked up at John and saw the frown cross his face.

              “Well I’m not saying that I would never want that, and it’s not that I don’t want you, I just want some time to be free. I was with someone for a long time and I just don’t want to jump right back into something.”

             
“So basically, what I heard was correct, but you still want to go out on occasion and have sex, so fuck buddies is what you want us to be.”

             
“I wouldn’t put it quite like that Ariel, I could see myself caring for you deeply, I would like to date you and if other things happen, then they happen, but I can’t say I’m looking for a marriage, or even a steady girlfriend right now. I can promise not to have sex with other women if that’s the commitment you’re looking for.”

             
“Well I don’t know how you think that what you just proposed is any better than what I overheard. I just thought you were different, you were taking me to meet your parents and seemed to want to spend a lot of time with me.”

J
ohn’s hands were on her shoulders and she shrugged them off backing away from him. Any amount of distance would be better than having him able reach out and touch her. The thing was, she loved the way he touched her body, she could see herself giving in to the scenario that he was proposing, and who knows, and maybe one day he would love her. The downside of course is that she knew that she deserved someone who did want her, all of her, and all of the time and John didn’t think she was special enough to even give a real commitment to her a try.

             
“John, I think it’s better that we just don’t see each other again. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, and only me, not where I’m an occasional roll in the hay a few nights a week with no strings. I want be cared about and cherished, not treated like a whore.”

Wow did those words come out of her mouth, maybe they were a bit strong, but she felt pretty strongly about this. How could he think that she was just
going to be an occasional date, especially after the feelings that she had felt developing for her him. Stupid. She was just stupid.

John stepped forward.

             
“Ariel, wait, come on, I have never treated you like a whore, and I certainly don’t want to . . .”

John was cut off as Ariel opened her car door and slid in, slamming the door in his face and starting the engine. She rolled down the window and looked up at John who was standing right next to her car. The tears were running down her face hot and blinding
as she swept them away with her palm.

             
“John, what I heard you say really hurt my feelings. I feel embarrassed by the way I acted and ashamed that I gave myself away so freely when I was so wrong on your intentions. I feel stupid and betrayed, but I’m happy that I know so I can stop myself from falling even more deeply for you. Good bye, John. I don’t need your pity or your empty dates, or anything from you.”

With that she turned her head and stopped on the gas getting out of that parking lot as fast as po
ssible.

The next two weeks went by pretty quick, Ariel who used to see John all the time at the hospital hadn’t seen him at all.  She saw Jeff and Brandon a few times but they hadn’t had time to say more than hello. Ariel found that she missed John. He was really the sort of guy that she could’ve seen herself married to, but he obviously cared so little for her. Her blindness to his disregard for her was just another strong indication that in the future she needed to just take things a bit slower and think them through. Life slipped back into its familiar routine, late nights at work, fast food when she did remember to eat and sleeping in till the afternoon on her days off.

A few weeks later Sean was in the kitchen cooking chili and the smell turned Ariel’s stomach. She ran off to the bathroom and Sean came in to see what the matter was. She was retching over the toilet when he came in the bathroom door.

             
“Sean, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m gonna have any of that chili tonight.”

             
“I can see that. You reacted pretty strongly to it, does it smell any different to you than normal or do you think you’re coming down with something?”

             
“I felt fine until it wafted over to me and no, nothing about it smelled any different.”

             
“If I didn’t know you were a virgin I would say to go and buy a pregnancy test.”

Ariel gasped and Sean looked back down at her.

              “Wait a minute Ari, did you have sex with that John guy? Come on you can tell me if you did, I am nurse and all.”