Brought Together by Baby (6 page)

Ruthlessly, desperately, he slammed the door of his mind shut as the memories of that night and what had followed threatened to overwhelm him. There would be time to rake over the past, but his focus now was on his son—the prize who made everything worthwhile.

After the night of Holly’s humiliating rejection and his own stupid mistakes he’d retreated back into himself, not anticipating ever being vulnerable to or caring about anyone again. Once more he’d been wrong. His heart had opened wide the instant he’d seen his child and he knew he’d do everything to protect, guard and love his unplanned but oh, so precious son.

None of his medical training had prepared him for seeing his own fragile baby connected up to IV lines and monitors. The tiny body had been pale and bruised after the trauma of the accident and an emergency Caesarean, but his heart-rate had settled and he was breathing on his own: excellent signs given the stress he’d been under. Julia had haemorrhaged so badly that the baby had, indeed, needed the blood transfusion Robert Mowbray had predicted.

In these early stages two unanswered questions rose above the others. Had the baby been starved of oxygen or blood supply long enough to cause brain or organ damage? And had he been adversely affected by Julia’s consumption of alcohol? It would be a while before they knew, and Gus had never felt so scared or so helpless.

The ordeal would have been worse had he been living through it alone—his default position. But he wasn’t on his
own: despite all that had gone wrong between them Holly had remained staunch in her support of him and her concern for his son. He had no idea
why
Holly was doing what she was doing. It didn’t make sense. She’d made it clear there was no room in her life for him, and she’d shown no interest whatsoever in her sister’s pregnancy.

There had been no rows, no raised voices…He would have found it easier had Holly reacted that way. Instead she’d remained frighteningly cool, exuding a calm dignity that had made him feel worse than ever. But what had cut him to the core had been the disappointment, regret and disdain in her eyes when she’d looked at him. Now, after months of silence, Holly was reacting in a way he hadn’t anticipated, and part of him remained reserved and aloof, confused by Holly and how she made him feel.

But, however much she puzzled him, he was grateful for Holly’s support. She had already eased one embarrassing moment, coming to the rescue when Mr Haggerty had asked about Julia’s distinguishing marks. He hadn’t relished admitting zero knowledge of Julia’s tattoo. Doing so would have meant revealing that he’d never seen his own wife naked. Gus bit back a mirthless laugh as he imagined the unwanted speculation
that
information would spark.

He looked at Holly, sitting on a chair beside the special cot. There was a soft, loving expression on her face as she gazed at the sleeping infant, but a shadow of pain remained in her eyes, arousing his curiosity. Something twisted inside him…something scary and unsettling. Alarmed, he dragged his gaze away, relieved when he looked towards the doorway and saw Seb and Gina approaching them. The couple had been unobtrusive but supportive, and Gus was grateful.

Gina rested a hand on Holly’s shoulder, and Holly glanced up at her friend with a tired smile. ‘Hi.’

‘I’ve brought your bag and things from your locker,’ Gina said, handing them over before she turned, including Gus in her smile. ‘If there’s nothing else you need, we’re going to head home and give you some space.’

He watched as Holly swivelled on the chair and gave her friend and Seb a hug. ‘Thank you both—for everything.’

‘You’ve been great, thanks,’ Gus echoed sincerely.

‘We haven’t done much.’ Gina grimaced. ‘I’m just so sorry. We’re here any time at all if you need us.’

Seb nodded his agreement. ‘Please ring, either of you, if there is anything we can do, or if you want to talk.’

Gus couldn’t imagine doing so—asking for help was alien to him—but he appreciated the offer, surprised by how open and friendly Seb and Gina had been with him. He shook hands with the handsome Italian doctor, and was further taken aback when Gina gave him a hug, too.

As the couple left after a final round of goodbyes he noticed the way Holly watched them, as if she wanted to go with them rather than remain with him. The knowledge stung and increased his defensiveness.

‘If there’s somewhere else you’d rather be you don’t have to stay,’ he remarked, a sharper edge to his voice than he’d intended.

Holly didn’t look at him, but he saw her shoulders stiffen. ‘There’s nothing more important than the baby.’

‘You didn’t show any interest during Julia’s pregnancy,’ Gus pointed out, confusion and hurt driving the accusation. ‘You never once came to the house.’

‘I was never once invited. And I didn’t think I’d be welcome.’

Holly’s words and the soft, sad tone in which she voiced them gave him pause. He wanted to continue to blame her—it made it much easier to maintain a distance that way—but…

‘Julia said she approached you when she discovered she was pregnant and you turned her away.’ As he forced out the words he saw the genuine surprise and puzzlement in her response.

‘That’s not true.’ She shook her head, a few honey-blonde strands escaping her ponytail and feathering her pale face. Sky-blue eyes, clear and direct, gazed into his. ‘Julia would never have come to me. Our relationship broke down years ago. She always knew how to hurt me most…and this time she excelled herself.’

Gus didn’t know why, but he believed her—although he had no idea what lay behind her final words. Nor did he know why the sisters had become estranged. Hell, he hadn’t even known Holly
had
a sister until that fateful night at the Strathlochan Arms, when his life had changed for ever. It was one of the questions that remained unanswered: why, when they had been so close, and he’d thought so honest with each other, had Holly withheld the information about her sister and former fiancé? Especially once she’d known what the idea of family meant to him.

Before he could say more one of the specialist nurses monitoring the baby’s condition came to carry out scheduled observations. Holly stood up to give the woman room.

‘If you’ll excuse me? I’m going to freshen up.’

Picking up her bag, she headed towards the restroom. Her chin was raised in stubborn but dignified defiance, and although she appeared outwardly calm he had seen the hurt in her eyes. He hurt, too. He just didn’t know what or who to believe any more. Could he come to trust Holly again? Or had too much happened for them ever to re-establish any kind of friendship?

Holly had let him down. The disappointment and pain of her rejection and lies persisted. Yet he couldn’t deny responsibility
for his own part in events. Guilt and self-disgust weighed heavily upon him. Having avoided each other for months, Gus was sure the last thing either of them wanted was to be thrown together by the tragedy of Julia’s death and the survival of the baby.

And for now he needed to maintain his guard—because he feared he remained as vulnerable to Holly as ever.

* * *

Thankful for the time alone, Holly sucked in a steadying breath and cast a quick look at her reflection in the restroom mirror. There was more colour in her cheeks. Now she had to return to the unit, when what she really wanted was to sneak home and lick her wounds. Wounds she had tried to convince herself were healing but which were, as these last hours had proved, quite evidently as raw and painful as ever.

But she couldn’t leave. This was no longer about her and Gus. Now it was about the baby. A baby who tore at her heart and made the empty void inside her ache anew, but with whom she had fallen in love the moment she’d seen him, held him and breathed in his unique baby scent. She wanted to be involved in her nephew’s life, although it would mean a level of involvement with Gus that she didn’t know how to cope with.

However much she might want to, she couldn’t forget that Gus was grieving for the wife he’d just lost: her sister. The woman he had chosen instead of
her
. A blatant, public betrayal by both Gus and Julia that hurt as much now as it had then. And, as instinctive as her love for the baby was, each time she looked at him the knife inside her twisted—because he was the physical manifestation of all that had hurt her and all that was lost to her for ever.

Pain squeezed the fragmented pieces of her heart. She felt confused. And guilty. Because whilst she would never have
wished harm on her sister—least of all such a violent death, leaving a baby without his mother and a husband without his wife—there was also an undeniable element of relief. After a lifetime on the receiving end of Julia’s bullying and vindictiveness she was now free. Except she wasn’t. Not entirely. Because she was still living with the consequences of Julia’s actions and manipulations.

Having freshened up, she brushed her hair and retied her ponytail, her thoughts straying back to the previous August, when Gus had arrived at Strathlochan Hospital. Apart from the obvious zing of physical attraction, Gus’s eyes had captivated her. Not just their unusual and compelling shade of smoky green, but their expression the first time he’d met her gaze. She’d seen past the guardedness and stony reserve to the inner aloneness. Something had caused that distrust, wariness and soul-deep pain in his eyes.

She’d been drawn to him from the first moment. Not only was he gorgeous to look at, but she’d been impressed by his innate care for his patients. Over those first days and weeks his green eyes had looked at her in ways that had made her heart race and her spine tingle, firing her with a searing desire she’d never experienced before. She had suddenly been so excited about the future.

Until the night of their first date.

A date that had never happened…

Having taken ages to get ready, she’d been buzzing with nervous excitement and on the point of leaving the house when a text had arrived from Gus. That he was cancelling at the very last minute had been a bitter blow, but she’d known he’d been unwell, so she’d set her crashing disappointment aside, concerned instead for his welfare. Her reply had been met with silence and she’d heard nothing more until she’d arrived at work the next day.

The A&E department—indeed, the whole hospital—had been abuzz with gossip and speculation. A shiver of anxiety had rippled down her spine when she’d noticed her colleagues watching her with sympathy and a measure of ghoulish anticipation, but it was when she’d learned the nature of the gossip that her world had fallen apart.

‘What happened to your date last night, Holly?’ her friend and fellow nurse Kelly Young had asked as they’d changed into scrubs in the locker room.

Holly had tried to manufacture a smile. ‘We postponed it. Gus wasn’t feeling well,’ she explained, unable to mask her disappointment.

‘Is that what he told you?’ Olivia Barr queried, her tone matching the smirk on her face. ‘He was well enough to entertain your sister last night. He and Julia were all over each other and left together to go to his room!’ the department’s least popular nurse continued with evident enjoyment. ‘Julia was seen leaving after breakfast this morning, but Gus has phoned in saying he’s too ill to work today. I’m not surprised, given the night he must have had!’

‘That’s enough, Olivia. You don’t have to rub it in,’ Kelly reprimanded, leaping to her defence. After Olivia flounced out, she added, ‘You know what Olivia’s like, Holly, so don’t let her nastiness get to you. We’re all on your side.’

Holly tried to smile but the damage had been done. She felt sick to her stomach and it took a supreme effort of will not to show her real feelings in front of Olivia. She didn’t want to give her gossipy colleague the satisfaction of seeing how upset she was at the news of Gus’s betrayal. More than anything she wanted to disbelieve Olivia’s words, but as more staff came forward to confirm what they had seen at the Strathlochan Arms, the more wretched, hurt and angry Holly felt.

Julia acting that way was no surprise; it was far from the first time that her sister had hurt her—although this betrayal cut more deeply than the rest. However, it was the realisation that Gus had not only lied to her, but had staged a public rejection of her—and with Julia, of all people—that ripped her heart to shreds. He must have known the consequences—that his assignation would be the talk of the hospital and that not only would she find out but she’d be plunged into the midst of gossip.

How could he have done it?

To this day the question still hammered inside her. She’d played second fiddle to Julia all her life. Her sister had been the pretty one, the one who could turn on the charm and guile to get what she wanted, regardless of the hurt she’d caused along the way. Given past history, Holly had been scared of Gus and Julia meeting—of Julia going after Gus and turning his head. And now her fears had been realised. One look at Julia and Gus had been ready and willing to cast aside their friendship, and in doing so had proved that he hadn’t cared about her at all.

Holly rubbed her hands along her arms, feeling the chill despite the warmth in the room. If she’d thought that first day had been terrible, it had been nothing compared to the next day when Gus had returned to work.

The atmosphere in the department had been electric, Holly recalled, with everyone waiting for the moment she and Gus came face to face. She bit her lip, failing to force back the memories and the sting of tears that threatened even now. Gus
had
looked terrible, his face unnaturally pale and drawn, making it clear the virus had been genuine and had taken its toll. But she had been too hurt and angry to rustle up much sympathy for him. He’d been well enough to reject her and
replace her the same night with her sister, making her the town’s laughing stock.

How had Gus expected her to feel? Or hadn’t he even thought of her at all? She’d been so furious, so humiliated, so wounded that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to look at him. Knowing everyone was watching them and waiting for something to happen, she’d tried hard to avoid him, but every moment had been a strain and it had been inevitable their paths would cross eventually.