Bruno (2 page)

After he’s settled into my vintage Mercedes, I drive to the most beautiful view in all the land. Well, our land at least. I would say it’s popular, but only a few people know about it. Bruno showed it to me the first time we ever hung out. I’ve loved it ever since. I think every ‘couple’ has a ‘spot’. This is ours.

The hill our spot is on isn’t too big or too small – it’s just right. Below is a forest of trees and at least three different lakes, all located in one compact area. The only way to reach our spot is by taking a one-lane dirt road up the hill. No one bothers to get their car dirty. I don’t mind. This view is well worth it, especially with Bruno.

Bruno grabs the blanket I keep in the trunk of my car and spreads it out on the hood. He climbs up and pulls me up alongside him. The sun is setting and it’s one of those romantic moments you only see in the movies. Except this isn’t the movies, this is real life, so it makes it even more beautiful.

His words shock me. I thought he was talking about last spring, but now I realized he’s talking about before we became friends. “Why do you say that?”

“Because,” he rubs his elbow with his right hand, “you had so many friends. You are popular in a way I could never be. I never thought you’d give me the time of day.”

“What? That’s silly. You are just as popular.”

“But in a different way. I am popular because I don’t date. I am popular because I make good grades, speak a foreign language, and don’t follow the crowd. You are popular because you come from a good family, are stunningly gorgeous, fun to be around, and the nicest person anyone will ever meet.”

My cheeks get red. He’s never complimented me like this before. Our relationship is different. Bruno is the silent, keep-to-himself type. I am the loud, out-going, typical all-American girl. We became friends after my most recent ex cheated on me with some girl at his college. It just seemed to me all guys were the same. Then I met Bruno. He’s… different. He doesn’t use girls or judge them. He’s soft-spoken and a lover of all things. He’s a good guy.

Now he’s laughing harder, which makes me laugh harder. I haven’t thought about the way I became friends with Bruno since it happened. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve known about him before then, I just didn’t have a way of approaching him.

“I am so glad you did, Saige.”

I’m really glad I did, too. Maybe even more glad than he is. But I don’t say this. I will save it for another day. We sit in silence and finish watching the sunset.

My glass of milk has just been devoured when I hear my mom open the garage door and fumble with the pizzas. My brothers hop off the couch to help her with the food. They set it on the table, take a couple slices, and head back into the living room to finish watching whatever show is on ESPN at the moment.

My mom smiles at me wearily. “Did they bother you any?” She asks.

“No, they were kind of quiet compared to the usual chaos.” I help her with her coat and set her purse on the nook.

A paper plate with two pieces of extra cheese pizza is handed to me. We sit alone at the table, listening to the curse words coming from the living room. Whoever my brother’s wanted to win whatever sporting event they were watching obviously weren’t winning.

Between my first and my second slice, my mom tells me about running into Mrs. Castino at the supermarket. My mom doesn’t just mention running into people. I know there’s a story coming about whatever they spoke about.

“She had bags under her eyes. I asked her how her boys were, if there was anything she needed…”

Her voice trails off, waiting for my reaction. I haven’t talked about Bruno much to her since last spring. I think she is waiting for me to break down and tell her everything. Or maybe just to see if I look too sad for her to continue. I gulp, pretending to swallow a bite of pizza, but really I’m swallowing the lump in my throat.

“Bruno’s been having the same symptom’s he had last year. They are going to run some more tests. She has to take him into the city next week. Alex is going to come over here if they’re Aunt can’t look over Alex like she did last year while Bruno was in treatments. Did you know he might be sick again, Saige?”

I shake my head no. I really didn’t know. I could have guessed, though. Bruno never said it, but I guess I could tell. It was just easier to think he was healthy again.

THREE

Whenever Bruno was first diagnosed with cancer last year, I was mad he didn’t tell me. That’s really selfish, huh? To be mad at someone for not telling you they might die. I feel bad looking back, but I was hurt he didn’t trust me enough to let me know.

I remember the day it happened. He had promised to Skype with me that night. We hadn’t been talking as much as we normally do at the time (and now I know it was because he was getting tested). The day before he was diagnosed with Leukemia, he had promised to Skype with me. He told me he missed me and had lots to tell me. He made plans to teach me key notes on the guitar and sing me one of the sappy love songs that I like so much. I joked that he needed to sing in English so I could actually understand the words. He promised he would.

The months leading up to that day, Bruno had been more tired than usual. I’m a night person and I’d always get mad when he’d fall asleep early, considering he used to be a night owl, too. I thought it was him just not wanting to talk to me. The only time he ever told me about him getting tested was when we had plans to hang out and he couldn’t come. He told me his white blood cells were down and he needed to see why.

I thought about joking about it being cancer. The only reason I would ever even think of joking about something so serious was because I never in a million years would think Bruno (or anyone I know) would be diagnosed with it. I had read countless books about children getting cancer. I knew all the signs. But I ignored them when they happened to Bruno. I was such a bad friend.

The day we were supposed to Skype, he never logged on. I waited around all night. I didn’t fall asleep until 5:30am. I wrote him an email that I know he’d receive on his phone. I was so angry that he’d ditch me. So hurt that he’d skip out on the one day he promised to be there.

I woke up with the next day with a text on my phone. “Saige, I’m sorry,” it read, “but I was diagnosed with cancer and I’m in the hospital starting chemo.”

I didn’t reply all day. I didn’t say anything at all until the next evening. I was in a trance. My parents didn’t even find out that Bruno was sick until two days later when my brother told them. When I finally responded, I wrote him a long, heartfelt email and even wrote him some snail-mail letters that he could receive in the hospital. I would have sent flowers, but they weren’t allowed on his floor. I guess the smell of life was too much for the people who could only smell death.

Last spring seems far away. But sometimes, it seems like it just happened. Almost loosing Bruno weighs heavy on my mind every day, as I know it does for his mom. It even affected my parent’s to know that it could happen to their children, too.

I can’t go through that again. But more than that, I don’t want Bruno to go through what he did again. Cancer isn’t fun. It makes your body do things you never thought it could. And no, I don’t mean jump over a high beam or backflip off a high dive. It makes you feel disgusting and tired all the time. Some people even say it makes you feel dead when you’re not even dead. How could medicine that was supposed to keep you from dying make you feel like you’re not even living?

Bruno is the most religious person I know. He’s also very optimistic. Which is why it broke my heart when I heard him say: “I wonder if the chemo is doing my body more bad than good. Is taking chemo even worth it?”

I lived for the day when he would be off the medicine. When the doctor’s would tell him that he’s all better and he doesn’t need to feel bad anymore. I just wanted everything to be the way it used to be. I waited my whole life for someone like Bruno, it seemed unfair that as soon as I would get him death could take him away. I was so naïve that I didn’t know things would be changed forever.

Once chemo was done and Bruno was feeling more like the old, pre-cancer Bruno, I asked to go to the doctor’s meeting with his family. At first they objected. Not because I wasn’t close enough the Castino’s to go, but because they wanted to protect me from getting dissapointed. But I pleaded to go, and finally they gave in.

Doctor’s really tick me off. That day I was madder than I’ve ever been. More mad than the day my brother broke my limited edition N’Sync Holiday tape back in ’99. I was expecting the doctor to make it all better. After he had poked, prodded, and hurt Bruno for so long, I think it’s only fair for him to tell Bruno that he’s perfectly fine again and to go back to being the Bruno everyone loved.

But he didn’t.

“Even though your cancer is gone for the time being,” he said, “you aren’t truly cured until you have no cancer cells for five years. The cancer could come back before then, which is why we need you and the people close to you to keep a look out for the signs. Don’t hesitate to come in for a checkup when bruise’s show up where they shouldn’t be, or when you feel tired like you did before.”

If Mr. Castino hadn’t been blocking my escape from the door, I would have run out right then. How could a doctor say that? How could months of feeling worse than death still mean Bruno wasn’t cured?

Bruno’s mom looked like she was let down, too. Bruno’s father did all the talking about paying off the bills, and who to contact if the signs occurred again. Bruno just sat and starred. When he caught me looking at him, he titled his head and smiled. He didn’t have curls, then. The chemo had taken them all.

“Amore Vinci Omnia” he mouthed to me.

That’s my favorite saying from a book we had to read for advanced English. He remembered because it’s one of the things I wrote to him in my heartfelt email the day after he told me he had cancer.

He’s never told me he loved me. Not then and not now. I’ve never said it either. But we love to love. Even if we’ve never been in love, we’re always on the lookout for it. I’m a sucker for anything romantic. I know he is, too, even if we don’t show it.

Thinking of my English class leads me over to my bookshelf. I pull out several novels, searching for “The Canterbury Tales”. I can’t find it anywhere. I look under my bed and atop my dresser. I move clothes around in my closet, even though I have no idea why it would be there. It isn’t. I go back to my shelf and search for my other favorite book of poems. I can’t find that either. I’m about to call for my mom (because mom’s always know where everything is), when I hear the doorbell ring.

I wait for my brothers to yell “I got it!” or “Bye!” if they’re expecting somebody, but I just hear silence. My mom is usually so inviting of any guest, but I don’t hear her soft voice of “hello, how are you’s” either. The doorbell rings again.

“I’m coming!” I call, bounding down the stairs.

Without even looking through the peephole, I yank the door open. Standing on my doorstep with the same superman backpack he uses for just about everything is Alex.

“Hiya, Saige!” He says, smiling up at me.

I look at the street, expecting to see his mom’s car, but the street’s bare.

He walks past me and dumps his blanket and backpack on the floor. “Want to play trucks?” He asks, digging in his pockets and pulling out toy cars.

“Those are cars, silly.”

“Mommy wouldn’t let me bring my monster trucks.”

I lay the car rug that used to belong to my brothers on the floor. I made my mom still keep it because it’s pretty cool. It had its own little city on a rug and you can go just about anywhere you want in the comfort of your own home. It’s good I made my mom keep it, Alex loves it.

I bend down and start running a toy car around the streets of Rug City. I listen to Alex’s sound effects and think of how cool it has to be a little kid. He just comes into any home and starts to play, no worry in the world.

“Where’s your mommy?” I ask, after playing for ten minutes.

“She’s with B. She had to take him to get the Band-Aid.”

When Bruno started going to the hospital a lot, Alex was too young to understand why. He just kept asking why Bruno never came back with any Band-Aids. When you’re five, I guess Band-Aids make everything better, and when you go to the hospital you’re expected to get the best Band-Aids. Mrs. Castino started keeping blue metallic Band-Aids in the car. Whenever Bruno would return from any type of treatment, he’d put a Band-Aid somewhere on his body. Sometimes it was his arm, sometimes his leg, or even at times his forehead. Then he’d point to it and say “all better!” just so Alex wouldn’t worry.