Buddha's Money (16 page)

"Cute," Ernie said. "How do we get in?"

"I will swim." Lady Ahn began to unknot her robes.

Ernie stood back, arms crossed, a half-grin on his face. Prepared to observe.

I grabbed her arm. "No. I will go in."

"You can swim?" she asked.

I remembered the plunge on Slauson Avenue. Free on Thursdays. Compliments of the L.A. County Board of Supervisors. Half the kids there to swim were black. Half the kids were Mexican. About every third week, someone drowned.

"I can swim," I told her.

"Hurry, then. I had to make sure that the monks weren't planning any ceremonies back here today. They weren't but they missed me as soon as I slipped away. They have already started their search."

I stripped down to my undershorts; Lady Ahn calmly folded every article of clothing as I handed them to her.

Ernie gazed at the golden cross on my chest. "I didn't know you wore that."

"Only when I break into heathen temples." I glanced at Lady Ahn. "Sorry," I said.

No expression showed on her face.

I tested the water. Icy as hell. I splashed some of it on my chest and arms. My body exploded with pimpled flesh.

Lady Ahn knelt down and grabbed a handful of mud. "Here. Rub this on. It will keep you warm."

"No time." I took a deep breath and, feet first, leapt into the pool.

The shock almost collapsed my lungs. I felt as if a huge fist of ice was squeezing my heart out of my rib cage. Everywhere, my skin burned. Not with fire, but with a searing flame of cold as intense as a blowtorch. Somehow, I managed to keep the blood pulsing through my body. Still quaking with cold, I continued to sink into the water. At the bottom, I followed the beam of light Lady Ahn held steadily on my target. Reaching the narrow cave entrance, I slithered in.

Inside, after a few feet, it became pitch-dark again. I rose quickly, expecting to break water, but nothing happened.

My lungs ached with stale air. I let it out in a steady stream of bubbles. Soon, my lungs were empty, and screaming to be refilled.

I must've swum up half the depth of the pool, maybe twenty feet. Still no air. Panic churned inside of me. I fought it down.

I kept swimming, frantic to breathe again. Maybe I should turn back?

I stopped, swiveled around, started to kick back the way I had come. But then I stopped. No way. I'd never hold my breath that long. I had to go on.

I turned and continued up through the darkness. Reaching forward, groping for the surface, praying for it to arrive. My chest writhed in agony.

I had to have air and I had to have it soon.

Something slimy grabbed my arm.

I wrenched at it. A poisonous eel? The tentacle of a great squid? Whatever the hell it was, I jerked it from my arm, my fingers sinking into mushy flesh, and broke free.

Just some plant. Was this chamber clogged with seaweed? Or filled to the top with water? Had the airhole Lady Ahn mentioned been caved in centuries ago?

I kept swimming upward; a blind creature thinking only of air. Suddenly my head smacked into rock. I almost passed out. I clawed upwards, fingernails shredding against the roof of the stone chamber. No air. I had to go
back!

I groped blindly, my lungs searing with the sharp prick of a dozen daggers.

Air! I needed air!

I kicked, trying desperately to turn myself around. I'd have to swim back down to the bottom again, out of this tunnel, and then back up to the surface of the pool.

But how would I make it? There was no way I could stand this flaming pain in my chest any longer. I needed air now!

Suddenly, my flailing arm broke through to open water.

The rock wasn't a roof after all. Just an outcropping. I shot up past it, an explosion of pain searing my lungs. The opening from the rock wall to the outcropping was very narrow; rock scraped the flesh of my chest as I pushed through.

And then I felt it. The surface.

I exploded up like some demented sea lion; roaring, gasping for air. I inhaled greedily. My lungs filled with dust and decay but also with air. Sweet air!

I inhaled and exhaled with conscious effort. Savoring the sensation.

In the darkness which surrounded me, I groped along a craggy limestone wall and found a ledge. Propping my elbows atop it, I pulled myself onto dry land.

I crawled forward, still groping. Objects. Some made of wood. Some of metal. Some box-shaped, others like teapots or vases or delicately carved icons. Some were cool to the touch. Smooth. Carefully varnished.

What treasures these must be if I could only see!

Finally, I found what I was after. Even though it was larger than I expected, there was no mistake.

It had the smooth, solid feel of jade. Curved, its surface pimpled with details. All along the inner and outer surface, it was intricately crafted with minute design. Not a pattern. Everything slightly different. Never repeating itself.

I'd found the jade skull.

I hefted the skull in both hands, turned it upside down, imagined it filled to the brim. I could almost smell the biting, rancid odor of the fermented mare's milk Kublai Khan used to drain from it seven centuries ago.

The skull made me feel oddly powerful. Any man who could drink from an object such as this had to be a man amongst men. A king. An emperor. Definitely a standout at Eighth Army Happy Hour.

Something slithered against my thigh. I recoiled instinctively and reached down. A snake! No, whatever it was wriggled out of my grasp. A lizard, I decided. Maybe a salamander.

No sense waiting down here to find out what other types of critters might be intrigued by a warm body. I took three deep breaths, then lowered myself back into the icy water.

Sinking down with the jade skull was easier than com- ing up. I knew what to expect now and wouldn't panic. I'd make my air last longer. When I reached the bottom, I cradled the antique in my arms to protect it from jagged granite. As I swam back into the bottom of the pool, I was almost blinded by the quavering beam of the light far above. Soon, I could see her. Lady Ahn. Crouched forward. Ernie hovering behind her.

When I hit the surface I gasped for air and sputtered. Ernie clamped his hand over my mouth, leaned forward, and hissed: "Monks."

I eased out of the pool, shivering. I rose and held the jade skull in front of my chest.

As the beam of Lady Ann's flashlight ran through it, an expanding aura emanated from within. The skull glowed eerily, shooting off emerald rays into the darkness, filling the world with its green-toothed grin of death.

Lady Ann's face remained impassive but tears ran down her smooth cheeks.

Ernie sneered, as if to say, "What's the big deal?"

In the distance I heard men talking, footsteps.

Motioning for me to grab ahold of the hemp rope around her waist, Lady Ahn also made it clear to Ernie that he was to keep track of me by grabbing the elastic band of my shorts.

My body rattled with cold. Lady Ahn tucked the bundle of my clothing under my arm, switched off the flashlight, and moved forward. The voices followed us through the maze of tunnels like whispers in a nightmare.

Lady Ahn knew the tunnels well. She never faltered. She never slowed.

Soon, we were running.

WHEN WE FINALLY EMERGED FROM THE MOUNTAIN OF Mysterious Peace, I blinked, blinded by the light. Actually, the morning was heavily overcast and almost as dark as night. The cloud cover above rolled fast, pushed by an impatient wind. Still, nothing could make me go back into the dank bowels of the volcano from which we'd escaped.

We hadn't heard any monks behind us for some time, so we stopped, and I enjoyed the luxury of slipping into dry clothing.

"Let me see this damn head," Emie said.

Lady Ahn offered the skull to him and he held it up to the sky. Its grin was sinister, as if it came from the wickedest man in the world. But even in this shadowed world, it was clear that the etchings circling the jade sphere were of an exquisite quality.

Lady Ahn stared at Ernie nervously, probably afraid he might drop the skull.

"Come on," she urged. "We have much jungle to cross before we reach the boat."

We were about a half mile from the spot where we had originally entered Bian Mountain. After gently prying the jade skull from Ernie's grasp, Lady Ahn led us through an opening in the thick foliage. The passage was narrow, overhung with branches, and seemed more like a game trail than a pathway for humans.

"I hope they don't have any warthogs around here," Emie complained.

"Are you kidding? People would ve killed them off for
bul-kogi
centuries ago."

"I don't know," Ernie grumbled. "I don't think many of the locals are dumb enough to come to this island. Only us."

We must've been less than a hundred yards from the shore when the clouds opened and rays of sunshine filtered to the ground. Lady Ahn paused long enough to smile back at me, both of us appreciating the golden slivers of light.

Above her, crossing over the path, loomed a large knot- ted branch. She ducked under it, and Ernie was just about to follow when the knot quivered.

I'm not sure what warned me, but somehow I knew that this wasn't good. I shouted and leapt at Ernie's back.

I slammed into his spine, tackling him forward, and his head jerked down toward the ground.

"What the—?"

As we fell, two wickedly curved spikes of brown ivory swished down in a vicious arc. By a fraction of an inch, the spikes missed Ernie's skull. We crashed into the ground. I rolled and watched the dark knot unravel itself from the bark. As it dropped from the sky, I realized that the spikes I had seen weren't spikes at all but claws.

The creature thudded on top of Ernie.

He grunted, air exploded from his lungs, and then he screamed.

I scrambled to my feet. The beast, whatever it was, was large and furry and brown. A bear? A giant monkey? No time to think about it now. I grabbed a rock.

The creature shrugged when the rock hit but made no sound. It didn't release its grip on Ernie's neck. Again I slammed it with the rock: It just seemed to cling tighter.

Lady Ahn was back now, a sharp branch in her hand. Screaming. Poking at the beast.

It rolled Ernie over and I realized what had fallen on him. It had a tiny face and huge hairy arms, longer than a man's. A short body. Clicking claws dug into Ernie's back.

A sloth! A goddamn giant sloth.

Ernie had a grip on its paws and with all his strength was barely managing to keep the big ivory spikes from ripping his face apart.

I grabbed one of the arms and pulled. No dice. The thing was incredibly strong.

Ernie's face was blue from lack of oxygen.

I crouched and grabbed a better hold, with two hands, on one of the sloth's arms. Bracing my feet against a rock outcropping, I managed to slowly force the arm away from Ernie. Once I was above the open arm, I leaned down on it, letting my weight do the work. It took forever.

When I finally shoved the big clawed limb to the ground, I stepped on it, pinning it firmly with all my weight. Bone and ligament crunched beneath my heel but the ugly beast didn't let out so much as a whimper.

The other furry arm was still wrapped around Ernie. I grabbed it. As it started to budge, Ernie croaked out a choking sound.

Lady Ahn dragged Ernie away.

But now I had a giant sloth spread-eagled between my feet and my outstretched arms. How in the hell was I going to get out of this?

The sloth kept trying to close his powerful arms. I held him back, but my strength was ebbing. His hadn't lessened at all.

Menacing beetle eyes watched me, huge curved claws twitching and clinking together, just waiting for the chance to slash my neck.

Lady Ahn knew what to do. As soon as Ernie was safe, she grabbed her sharp branch. When she jabbed the creature's neck, the arms spasmed. Stumbling at the unexpected movement, I almost lost my grip. Lady Ahn stabbed down with the stick again. The ferredike face beneath me twisted from side to side, trying to avoid the sharp point of the probing spear. A slice opened in the sloth's neck. Shoving down, arms straining, Lady Ahn jabbed the stick deep into the creature's throat.

Hot blood squirted upward, splattering my pant legs. Droplets splashed across Lady Ann's muddy linen leggings.

The sloth strained with its long muscles one more time, so violently that I almost fell. Finally, it shuddered and lay still.

I watched the sharp claws slap into the mud. Lady Ahn stepped back. She grimaced at her bloody spear, then tossed it into the foliage.

Still rubbing his neck, Ernie stumbled to his feet.

"What the fuck was that?" he wheezed.

"Just a teddy bear," I said when I could, breathing heavily. "It wanted to hug you."

Lady Ahn took three quick breaths, scooped up the jade skull, and started down the trail. Ernie and I glanced at one another, amazed at her resilience. Then we turned and followed.

As I HEARD THE FIRST CRASH OF BREAKERS ON THE SHORE, I
noticed Lady Ann's shoulders were heaving. I hurried forward. Her cheeks were wet with tears. When I tried to speak to her, she turned her face away.

At the tree line we finally halted. There, on the pebbled incline along the beach, stood Fisherman Yun next to the prow of his ancient skiff.

Nothing ever looked so wonderful.

The three of us rushed forward.

As we stumbled across the rocks, Fisherman Yun's weathered face broke into a broad smile. Just as suddenly as the smile had appeared, however, it faded. Yun gaped.

Out of the trees emerged a line of seven men with shaved heads and long robes. They strode quickly toward us. Lady Ahn moved behind me, covering the jade skull with her hands.

Ten feet away, the men stopped.

"Anyonghaseiyo,"
one said. Good day.

Another opened his robe and raised an AK-47, pointing the business end of the automatic rifle directly into my face.

Ernie stopped. Air seeped slowly out of his mouth. He leaned toward me. "I hope they're here for the clambake."

18

THE SLOTH, I FIGURED, WAS AN IMPORT.

It was a dangerous, slow-moving tropical animal that would never have survived in Korea during all the thousands of years the peninsula has been populated by aggressive hunters and rice farmers.

The species must've been brought to the island of Bian-do by Lady Ann's ancestor, Ahn the Righteous Fist, to help protect the treasure hidden deep in the bowels of the mountain. Who knows what other sorts of creatures lurked in the thick foliage of Bian Island? I didn't want to find out.

As we stood on the rock-strewn beach gaping at the mouth of the AK-47, Ernie decided to act nonchalant. He stared at the monks, like a punk on a street comer trying to intimidate the gang from another block.

One of the monks stepped forward. His head was shaved, and the brown leather of his skin stretched tightly across high cheekbones.

"Chosim heiya ji,"
he said. You must be careful.
"Yogi
ei dongmul manhayo."
There are many animals here.

I translated. Ernie nodded toward the automatic weapon still pointed at us. "You ought to be careful with that thing, too."

The leathery monk barked an order. The AK-47 was lowered.

Lady Ahn stepped forward, arms wrapped around the jade skull, head bowed. Gracefully, she lowered herself to a kneeling position on the beach.

"We have greatly bothered you," she told the monk in formal Korean. "For that I am full of regret."

Ernie fidgeted, not liking all the groveling, even of a formal kind, but I shot him an evil look, warning him to shut up.

It was our only chance. Koreans have to work these things out in their own way. Ways that have been mapped out by thousands of years of culture.

While they talked, Ernie and I moved a few feet farther apart. If we had to charge, one of us might be able to reach the gunman.

The leather-faced monk narrowed his eyes at us.
"Umjiki-jima!"
he said. Don't move. Ernie and I froze.

He spoke to Lady Ahn in rapid Korean. So rapid I had trouble following it all. But in general he was berating her for having stolen the skull, for not coming to him and explaining why she wanted it. He knew of her descent from the last emperor of the Sung dynasty; he knew, too, that the precious jade skull held the key to untold wealth.

Lady Ahn raised her voice and interrupted him. Ernie grinned. I held my breath. Pissing the monk off was a gamble. This guy held all the aces. Nobody even knew we were on this island.

"If I had come to you," Lady Ahn said, "would you have turned the jade skull over to me?"

The monk thought about it for a moment. "No. I would not have."

"Then I had no choice. I had to devise a plan. I had to seek help. Not from Koreans. It would be too tempting for a Korean to betray me and keep the wealth for himself. So I had to seek help from these foreigners, who have no family here. Who have no ties to ancient clans or to secret societies. Had I asked for the jade skull, you would've laughed at me."

"No." The monk shook his bald head. "I would not have laughed. I understand your desire to see the Sung dynasty rise again. To see a fully Chinese emperor once again sit on the Dragon Throne. Not a Mongol. Not a Manchu. Not some intellectual with political ideas stolen from the West. But a true Chinese leader of royal blood. Don't you think we have wanted the same thing, too?"

Lady Ahn raised her head, staring up at the monk, her jaw clamped tightly. The monk continued.

"But where would we find such a leader? The answer is simple. No one can find such a leader. Such a leader must rise by his own strength. No matter what the obstacles. So the answer is no. Had you asked for the jade skull, I would have turned you down. But you didn't ask, you
took
it!"

The other monks murmured in assent.

Fisherman Yun crouched silently in his boat, a look of grave resignation on his face, as if he expected to be executed any moment. Ernie's teeth clicked madly on his ginseng gum, his eyes darting like two bumblebees swarming from a hive. He was about to make a move, no question about it, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

The monk turned to his own men. "She
took
it," he said again. "And with a bold plan. With fierce warriors performing daring feats at her command!"

The monks murmured again, a little more fiercely this time. Ernie didn't understand enough Korean to follow this. The monk with the AK-47 raised it slightly.

The chief monk turned back to Lady Ahn and held out his open palm. "Rise, Lady Ahn," he commanded. "Rise!"

Ernie picked this moment to dart for the shore. A monk stepped in front of him.

Ernie flung out his elbow, catching the monk square in the jaw with a loud crack, slamming his bald head back.

Everyone on the beach exploded into action. One monk leapt at Ernie and grabbed him by the ankles; another snatched the skull out of Lady Ahn's hands. Three more swarmed toward Ernie. They piled on until he lay on his back punching and cursing and kicking.

I tried to pull them off of him, but somebody threw me to the ground with a deft judo move. When I looked up, the monk with the rifle held the barrel on me. Smiling.

After a few well-placed karate chops, Ernie lay silent on the blanket of pebbles. I watched his chest rise and fall. He slept as soundly as a lifer after Happy Hour.

The monks dusted off their robes and resumed their positions behind their leader.

During the fight, Lady Ahn had risen to her feet. She now stood staring solemnly at the leather-faced monk.

He motioned. A young monk stepped forward. Holding the jade skull out with two hands, the monk said, "You earned the jade skull." He offered it to Lady Ahn. "It is yours, good lady. Do with it as you wish."

She accepted it, then bowed. He barked another order. The monk with the rifle pulled out the curved ammunition clip, switched the rifle to safety, and tossed both the rifle and the clip to me. Startled, I barely caught the weapon before it hit the ground.

The chief monk spoke again, this time in English.

"The rifle belonged to the man who tried to invade our island two weeks ago. He wore the uniform of a North Korean commando and carried one of their weapons, but he wasn't one of them." The monk waved his arm behind him. "This island has no military value. The man was a mere thug. His mission was to sneak into our temple and steal the jade skull. However, he was careless, and the brown sloth caught him before he could complete his job." The monk turned and stared into Lady Ann's eyes. "The man was hired by another foreigner who stalks our land. This foreigner is a Mongol, a member of a people who have plagued our peaceful country before. This foreigner knows of the Tomb of Genghis Khan and he knows of the jade skull. He is ruthless; he will stop at nothing to possess it. We have no use for that rifle. But if you and your soldiers insist on keeping the jade skull, you will need it."

Lady Ahn bowed until her head was level with her waist. "We are grateful, Honored Monk."

She stood upright and the monk looked her over one last time. "Make your ancestors proud," he said.

With that, he barked a final order and he and his entourage disappeared into the trees and shrubs that lined the shore.

ERNIE CAME TO AND JERKED HIS HEAD UP.

"Where are they?" he said. "I'll knock me some bald-headed monk out."

"Relax, Ernie," I said. "They're gone."

We were in the boat now, Fisherman Yun rhythmically pulling on the oar, Lady Ahn sitting forward, clutching the jade skull, staring into the distance.

Ernie rubbed the back of his head. "What happened?"

"You got your ass kicked."

"I mean, besides that."

"The monks decided they liked Lady Ann's style. They let her keep the skull."

"What do you mean they let
her
keep it? We
all
stole it, right? Fair and square."

Lady Ahn didn't move, although she must've heard Ernie's comment.

"She still plans to trade it for Mi-ja," I answered. "Don't worry about anything else."

This time I noticed her back tense a little. Maybe she was having second thoughts about releasing the jade skull after all she'd gone through to possess it. I had no such doubts. The skull had to be traded for Mi-ja. I'd see that it was. One little girl's life was more important than all these bitter squabbles over ancient treasure.

Mi-ja was real. And she needed our help. And she needed our help now.

I decided to keep an eye on Lady Ahn.

Not that I hadn't before.

LADY AHN'S MOTHER WAS SO SAD TO SEE HER DAUGHTER GO that she couldn't hide her tears. As we left on the ferry, Lady Ahn held hers through what seemed to be a massive display of will.

After the ferry stopped at the first island on its way back to the mainland and picked up a few more passengers, Lady Ahn told us about the KNP inspection routine at the dock in Ok-dong.

"They don't inspect every bag," she said. "Just the ones that might produce a tip for them."

A bribe is what she meant.

Plenty of smuggling went on in these islands. Foreign products not stamped by the Ministry of Customs were illegal. A few hundred won, however, would convince most KNPs to look the other way. But they wouldn't look the other way for an AK-47 automatic rifle. Or an antique of such obvious value as Kublai Khan's jade drinking cup skull.

Our problem was how to slip both items past them.

Lady Ahn shoved the jade skull deep into a twenty pound sack of unhusked rice, threw away some of the excess grain, and slung the heavy bag over her shoulder. The sack looked big and awkward. It might work. It might not.

Ernie had dismantled the stock from the main firing chamber of the AK-47. The disassembled mechanism fit easily into the bottom of his leather bag.

Still, it was a big risk. Either item, if discovered, would set off alarm bells from here to Seoul. The first thing that would happen is that they'd be confiscated. The second thing that would happen is we'd be thrown in jail.

Ernie and I would almost certainly be court-martialed for carrying a Communist-made weapon. I thought of getting rid of it. In fact, I damn near told Ernie to toss it over the side. But finally, I reconsidered. Now that we had the jade skull, there was no telling who might be after us.

At the time, I figured I was just paranoid.

The skull was a bigger risk than the machine gun. The Korean government would take possession of it and we'd never see it again. And then we'd have nothing to use to bargain for Mi-ja's freedom.

Once they knew they weren't going to obtain the jade skull, the kidnappers would only want to cover their tracks. Killing Mi-ja was the sure way of doing that.

Leaning on the rail of the ferry, the three of us talked it over.

The sky was gray. Gulls swooped into the choppy waters of the Yellow Sea. The crisp air reeked of fish.

Lady Ahn thought we should be prepared to pay a large bribe.

Ernie objected. "No way. I'm not coughing up no more money to no more KNPs." He waved his hand dismissively. "You just leave it to me. I'll get this stuff past them."

Maybe he would. Still, I counted out the dollars I had on me. Less than forty. Lady Ahn had about fifteen thousand won, almost thirty bucks.

That might work. But it would leave us broke and with no money to make it back to Seoul.

The worst case was that it would only be enough money to piss off the KNP, and instead of letting us off the hook we'd be charged—in addition to arms smuggling and theft of national treasures—with attempted bribery of a public official.

Ernie occupied himself with trying to hustle three college girls wearing caps and backpacks and hiking boots. He passed out ginseng gum all around, and soon the four of them were laughing.

Lady Ahn and I went to the galley and bought two tin cans of iced coffee. We walked back up on the deck. As we sipped, the lush islands of the Korean west coast floated by.

She wore a freshly pressed pair of beige denim slacks, a sky-blue blouse, and a brown windbreaker with a snap-on collar like the race car drivers wear. Shades would've completed the picture, but Lady Ahn was too busy studying the world to allow anything to intervene.

As she breathed slowly, I watched her and thought of reaching for her hand. Somehow, I never quite worked up the courage.

THE CROWD DEBARKING FROM THE FERRY PUSHED AND shoved. Everybody shouted, trying to reach the narrow exitway past the Korean National Police inspection counter.

Some of the women with bundles atop their heads had to stop and open them. Others were waved through by white-gloved policemen.

When it came our turn, Lady Ahn went first, followed by me and then Ernie right behind. The fat policeman pointed at Lady Ahn's bag. He told her to drop it on the counter.

Ernie stepped forward. "Wait just a minute, honcho," he said. "I saw that little lady in front of us and you let her squirt on by without so much as a howdy-do."

The fat policeman stared at him blankly, not understanding a word he said. Ernie leaned forward, jabbing his forefinger into the palm of his open hand.

"You have to understand here,
chingu.
Us
Miguk
people, we don't put up with this kind of treatment. No, sir."