Bullied (20 page)

She went on to say, “I know you told me that you want to leave Seton High School, but you are already going to change schools after this year and start at a new high school in September. We only have two or three months to go before this school year is over. What I would like you to do is stay at Seton high for the next several months because you are going to be leaving there for good in June. It just wouldn't be a good idea to change schools twice in one year.”

The idea of leaving Endicott and going somewhere else, I thought, was a great idea. Mom went on.

“I spoke to the Sisters about grabbing you by the hair, ears and other places. I told them not to do that anymore, and they promised not to touch you again. Therefore, if you do go back to Seton High they will not be touching you at all, for any reason. However, if you do not behave, they are going to call me. Ok?”

I nodded, and my mind was reeling with all of these sudden huge changes in our lives.

“As for you not being a Catholic anymore, that would hurt me deeply, and I want you to reconsider. Will you?” she asked.

“OK, Mom”, I said. I thought that putting up with the Catholic Religion, at least for a year or two, is OK because I know I will not be active afterward. If this is my last year at the school, I can handle it for that long. Luckily, we will be moving.

“Ok Mom. I will still be a Catholic.”

“Will you please stay in school there for the rest of the school year, just for a few months, if they don’t touch you anymore?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Naturally, all of this news about Mom getting married and our family moving away was a huge surprise and my mind was reeling. My life up to this point was what I considered hell, and, in spite of my efforts, was getting worse. At last, I will be leaving Endicott, the school bullies, family bullies, the hair and ear grabbers, and maybe life will be better. I sure hope so. As for Mom getting married, I knew Mom loved Dean.

As for this person, Dean, he was the one I liked the best out of all Moms many boyfriends to date. The first thing I liked about him was, naturally, the car that he drove but also, Dean was a shorter and less threatening person than many of Mom’s boyfriends in the past. In addition, he was trim, smart and soft-spoken. Dean also worked at General Electric, where he had met Mom and was a “Tech Rep” who supported General Electric radar systems in various airplanes, so he was always going to an air force base somewhere. He did not say a lot, but what he did say made sense when he said it. I cannot say that about most of her past boyfriends as well as most of the adults I know. I also understood that Dean was a college graduate, the only college graduate I ever met except for Mary and Ted. Up to this point I had always thought that Mary was the smartest person I knew. Maybe there is something neat about getting a college education, after all, I thought.

Dean was also very different than Mom's other boyfriends in other ways because he seemed to have respect for Lauren and I, and he did not “talk down” to us like so many of her past boyfriends had. He also looked us straight in the eyes when he spoke and seemed sincerely trying to communicate rather than just making up things to say. He also had a good sense of humor that I really liked. Mom liked it too because they were always laughing and looking at each other when they were together. I guess having Dean around will not be such a bad thing; it might even be very good.

I do not know where we are going to move to but no place can be as bad as here. However, I still have to go back to Seton high school on Monday and have three months to go before I am out of school for the summer. I do not know what I will be running into, but I dread the idea of it. Nevertheless, three months is not that long, and after what I have been through for the last ten years, I can deal with it.

Three days later

Well, here it is Monday already and my alarm just went off so I have to get up and get ready for school. The pain is back in my chest, stomach, and thighs and I have no idea what this day will be like, but I prepare myself for the worst. Walking out my Grandmas’ front door, I go down to the front walkway and turn right on the sidewalk. Walking down the block toward my high school, I see Bernie and his brothers also walking to school. They look back, see me and wait for me to catch up to them. That is a surprise. They have never waited for me before.

We walk towards the school together and I know as long as I am with the brothers I will not have to fight anyone. I did not want to join their gang for years because I would then also have to do what Bernie told me to do. However, for the next few months it might be nice to have some friends around. Somehow, they all knew about my dramatic exit from Seton High last Thursday afternoon. Evidently, there were some kids outside the principal’s office when the Sisters and I were screaming at each other. I was so blind with my own rage when I left the Principals office I do not recall who they were.

"Are you going to stay at Seton high?" they asked.

“Yes, but only for a few months”, I said. The brothers exchanged glances.

“Why just for a few months,” Bernie asked.

“Because my Mother is getting married this summer and we are going to move somewhere,” I said.

I told them everything about my Mother's upcoming marriage and about Dean, my soon to be cool stepfather with the 56 Corvette.

Arriving at school, and walking into the classroom, I was looking around carefully and especially at the Sisters face. She looked at me with a pleasant but somewhat sad expression, and said,

"Hello Patrick. How are you today?”

“Fine, Sister,” I said.

The day went smoothly and I was careful to obey all the rules. At 3:30 PM, I was walking home from school, and on my guard, when a tall kid named Tim grabbed me from behind, my anger came quickly and I turned immediately and punched him hard in the stomach. He bent over in pain trying to catch his breath. Darn, that really works well, I thought. It felt good to punch him, too, and that pain is gone.

I walked toward home as fast as I possibly could without running. Arriving home, I evaluated what had been an exceptional day. The other Sisters I had seen all day looked at me with a silent unsmiling expression and seemed to watch me carefully. Some of the other kids seemed to look at me in a different way than they had last week, especially my old friend, Patty. I told everyone that I would be leaving Seton high at the end of the school year because I was moving. Some of the kids seemed surprised but most were not.

I guess the kids had heard about my bad temper because they seemed somewhat careful in speaking to me. I was also careful to be very polite to the sisters and kids. I got through the whole day without anyone grabbing me or touching me in a non-friendly manner, except for Tim, and he lost that one. What a surprise! I also went to school and back with only one incident, and without enduring punches, shoving or even name-calling. The paper route also went well. I finished it in about an hour and a half and went home for dinner. What a great and unusual day!

Arriving home, Mom had dinner already on the table and as the three of us sat and ate, Mom said,

"I talked to Dean today, and it looks like we will be moving to Massachusetts, somewhere near Westover Air Force Base. That Air Force Base is near Springfield, Massachusetts but I told Dean I would rather live in a smaller town, not in Springfield. We also decided we would probably get married in July or August and move to Massachusetts before school starts in September. How does that sound?” Lauren and I nodded and looked at each other. I knew we were both thinking the same thing. Will things be any better than living here?

Lauren had also been receiving bullying from Rick, and some of the same boys that picked on me. This bullying came regularly from Rick and his brothers. Except for Rick, however, I could handle each of the brothers individually including Freddy. The bullying that Lauren experienced was mostly verbal, and not to the physical extent that I received, but it was something that she dreaded. We both had some friends we would miss but enthusiastically looked forward to our move. I can hardly wait!

It is now August and time for the big move. My new stepfather, Dean, has already found a nice three-bedroom house to rent in a small town outside of Springfield. One day, he suddenly appeared with a brand-new, blue and white Chevrolet station wagon, instead of that fantastic Corvette. I was surprised.

“Dean, where is the Corvette?” I asked.

“I traded it in for the station wagon,” he replied.

“Why did you trade it in, why not just keep it?” I asked.

“I needed the money to buy our new car, besides, the Corvette only had two seats, so where would you and Lauren sit, on the roof?” he joked.

“Yes, we are going to be a family now, so we definitely need a bigger car, right?” Dean said.

“Yeah, I guess so”, I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

The logic of trading in that great car made sense to me, but I would still miss it because I had hoped to drive it someday. Oh well, Dean was still the well-mannered, polite, and clear communicating person he had always been since we met him. Now, our new family of four is still the same but it has a brand new light blue and white station wagon, instead.

We prepared for the move with the help of our Mom. Mom told us that we were going to haul all our belongings in a U-Haul trailer pulled by our station wagon so we had to make sure we were bringing only the things we would use. For example, we could not bring our player piano with us or most of our furniture because Mom planned to sell it. We all went to work getting rid of the clothes that were too small and things we did not use any more like old toys. I managed to fit quite a bit of the things I had to take with me like my slingshot, fishing stuff, baseball glove, and other things I wanted to take into my big wooden toy chest that my grandfather made for me years ago. I did not know at the time that I would still have that chest fifty years later.

The big day finally came and we said goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa who had sad expressions on their faces and climbed into the station wagon for the eight-hour trip. Lauren and I got in the back with the second seat down and we had a lot of room back there to lie down and read books.

Sometime late in the afternoon that day, we arrived at our new home in Massachusetts. It was a nice looking grey and white single-story house with three bedrooms, two baths on a large hillside lot with lots of big trees in the back yard. This was like heaven for Lauren and me and the very first time we had ever lived in our own single-family house. Lauren and I even had our own separate large bedrooms. Things were looking good, so far.

Now that this move is complete, the big mystery throughout my entire body and mind was, would this really make a difference in the quality of my life as I hoped it would? Since I suffered abuse, humiliation and beatings back in Endicott, why would not the same thing happen to me here? I still wake up every day with that pain that anticipates several conflicts that day. I also have all of those passions, a penis that is stiff every morning and many times during the day. The mystery is still with me as to why I am living this uncomfortable struggle story life and enduring the tortures of puberty many times a day. Do not worry, I tell myself. I am a better fighter and still have the guns that I have been close to using many times. If I find out that, even though I am almost sixteen, nothing really changes for me except the location, I will be very angry. Ever since I saw my Father’s dead body many years ago, I have wondered if I would be better off dead than alive. At this point, however, if I have to go there like my Father did, I plan to take many other bullies with me.

In walks around the neighborhood, I did meet a few kids my age and nobody seemed to want to fight or intimidate me. I decided I could lose some weight now because I really may not need it anymore. Therefore, I stopped eating and lost most of my extra 30 pounds before I started school, only about a month later. When I ceased coming out of my room for breakfast and lunch, Mom got very worried, and spoke with Dean about it several times and I overheard their conversations.

“Dean, I am really worried about Pat. He is not eating very much anymore.”

“Marguerite, he is really OK, and if he wants to eat, there is plenty of food around here. He can eat anytime he wants to.”

“Dean, it is not good for his health. He has to eat something!”

“Leave him alone, Marguerite, he is a big boy and he will eat when he needs to.”

I thought, darn, it is nice to have another man around to keep Mom from bugging me all the time. Mom was surprised but seemed to be pleased when she had to buy me several pair of new pants with much smaller waist sizes so I would have clothes for school. I was surprised how easily that fat fell off me and how much better I felt.

When school started in September I went to class for the first time and everybody was nice to me. I was pleasantly surprised and, for the first time, I felt like a normal teenage kid in school. I met some brothers named Tom and Bob who became my friends and we had fun hanging out together. After school, we could go to each other’s houses and play games or do other things. I did not have a paper route so Dean gave Lauren and me a small allowance of a few dollars a week that was enough for both of us. I was very lucky, I thought, and had never enjoyed such a nice life. I just hoped it would last.

Since I really did not care what my popularity level was or how I “fit in”, I kept to similar habits that I developed over the last few years in New York. I had no interest in standing in a group of kids chatting and getting to know people. Preferring to get to school at the last minute and leave quickly at the end of the day, I would time my walk or my drive, after I had my own car, to arrive just as everyone was entering the building. Yes, I made a few friends but I never tried to pretend that I was someone different from who I actually was. “Like it or leave it” was my rule. I figured they could accept me either the way I was, or not at all. It did not matter.