Bunny Tales (6 page)

I was really upset. I had had the car for only five months and my parents had worked so hard to be able to get it for me. How dare she, or anyone for that matter, lay a hand on something that did not belong to her? Furthermore, she was a law student; I could ruin her if I could prove she did it. Instead I let it go. It was the end of the semester, finals were coming up, and I did not want to create a big issue, particularly since I could not prove it. I basically took it out on Justin. I told him I was not going to date him if it meant he was going to allow some bug-eyed girl to mess with me or my property. He finally confronted her one day, about four months later, as she walked out of class. She acted like she didn’t know what he was talking about. I didn’t care at this point; I was glad he did it, but it was too little too late.

At the end of the semester, I yearned to get away, but I had to plan my summer wisely, because when you graduate law school and look for a job, you must account for how the summers were spent. Since there was not a major international law market in Los Angeles, I became interested in pursuing an internship in entertainment law. Justin had given me a list of Pepperdine alumni who worked in the entertainment industry as possible contacts. The only one that piqued my interest was a guy who worked for Playboy. I imagined it would be fun and exciting to work for a magazine—at the time I didn’t know that it wasn’t the magazine part of the company. I sent him my resume and we arranged an interview. It went very well, and he said he would give me a call in a few days.

However, in the meantime, I decided that I needed a change of scenery. I wanted to travel, but I had to use my time sensibly. I came up with the perfect solution: study abroad! I wanted to go somewhere I had never been, and Spain was the perfect answer because I could also improve my Spanish skills. I applied for another school loan to go; I didn’t need additional loans but I figured if the extra courses helped me graduate a semester early, then it would all even out. I signed up to study in Madrid for two months and decided to follow that up with a two-week vacation in Italy. I asked Justin if he wanted to come. He had never been anywhere outside of the United States besides Brazil, but if I was going to be serious with a man, he had to be cultured. And that meant he had to travel, learn, and explore. We spent the summer living in Madrid. We grew to love our daily
café Americano
and a
Napolitano
for breakfast; for lunch we had
jamón con queso
, and in the evenings we walked around sampling delicious
tapas
such as croquettas and stuffed mushrooms and shrimp sautéed in garlic. We also appreciated the spirit and customs of the Spanish people. We traveled to Barcelona, Sevilla, and Ibiza, and in the process, we fell in love with Spain. We went to Italy afterward, where we met my mom and got to see the Pope in his summer residence in Castel Gandolfo, followed by Florence, Venice, and Rimini. But Justin and I were not used to spending so much time together, especially under the stress and fatigue of constant travel; at the end of the trip, we were ready to kill each other.

Despite my rigorous study schedule at law school, it didn’t take long for me to become a bona fide Malibu beach bunny. I went to the beach all the time, lugging my huge law books. I quickly adapted to the local style—the Uggs, the boy-beaters, the short jean skirts. And every weekend, I’d go out to Hollywood and all the hottest clubs. The social atmosphere in law school was not the greatest. Law school is very competitive. There is an enormous amount of intellectual snobbery; everyone thinks he or she is the smartest. And heaven forbid others perceive you as attractive; one cannot be good-looking and smart. People do not like that and will resent you. And there I was, like Elle Woods in
Legally Blonde
, with my blonde hair, pink tank tops, and low-rider jeans. I walked away from law school with only a couple of friends, and that is because they are both confident good-looking women who do not define themselves solely by their intellectual ability, but actually have some personality as well. One of those girls was Vivian; she was a lot like me, and we bonded over our blondeness, our boobs, and our preference for “bad boy” types. It was with her that I first met Hef.

If you had told me then that a year and a half later I would be a member of Hef ’s “party posse” and live at his Mansion, I would have laughed. But more importantly, I would have been insulted. It was 2000, and I had just started my second year at Pepperdine. To kick off the new semester, my friends and I went to the hot club of the moment—the Sunset Room in Hollywood. I had met one of the owners, Chris Breed, a good-looking Brit who was always welcoming and gracious toward me and my friends. Sunset Room consisted of an elegant restaurant as well as a nightclub, with a large dance floor surrounded by private tables and a bar. In the back, by a beautiful saltwater aquarium, was the passageway to the VIP section. That section included about five cushy booths and another bar, as well as an outdoor section (for the smokers) with another five covered cabanas. I had casually chatted with several celebrities there in the past: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Leonardo DiCaprio. You never knew who you would run into. As we made our way to the VIP room, we noticed Hugh Hefner sitting at a booth with a platinum blonde on either side of him and another older man. Despite the fact that I grew up in Communist Poland and various parts of Canada, I knew who Hugh Hefner was. First, because of his association with Canadian Pamela Anderson—she became famous by being a Playboy Playmate. Secondly, since I moved to L.A., I saw Hef and his troupe of gorgeous blondes frequently featured on TV. My friend Vivian wanted to go say hello, but I was a bit hesitant. I could see all these girls going up to Hef, and I found it more than a little embarrassing. I was intrigued by Hef and attracted to him in a way that I did not understand. What would I say to him? I guess I could tell him I almost interned at Playboy. I didn’t realize then that Hef worked from home and never went to the Playboy offices. When Vivian announced she was going to speak with him, I reluctantly went with her.

The older man sitting with Hef made small talk with us and invited us to sit in the booth. This was Doc—Dr. Mark Saginor, otherwise known in Hollywood as “Dr. Feelgood,” Hef’s personal physician and one of his closest friends. Later, we would learn that Doc also treats the girls in Hef’s posse for their assorted medical needs. Hef was very polite and very sweet. He looked at us with a warm smile, making us feel welcome at his table. He was relaxed, drinking his Jack and Coke, with Buffy Tyler and Katie Lohmann sitting at his side, doting on him. He was wearing a black suit and a pink shirt with a white collar and cuffs. I was fascinated with him and the girls. A million questions ran through my mind as I sat there observing them: Were these girls just props? Did they sleep with him? What was their life like? Did he love them? I wanted to talk to the girls, but they seemed in a world of their own. After a couple of drinks, Doc asked us for our phone numbers and invited us to a “Fun in the Sun” party at the Playboy Mansion the following Sunday afternoon. We had no idea what that meant exactly, but we reasoned that if any fun was going to be held in the sun, then it couldn’t be too bad.

When I woke up the next day, I remembered the invite to the Mansion and I was nervously excited. The very first time I came to Los Angeles to visit Pepperdine School of Law, my ex-boyfriend Sean and I were driving down Sunset Boulevard when we noticed a Star Maps sign at the corner of the street. We decided to pull over and buy a map for fun. The street corner happened to be Charing Cross Road, and the man selling the map informed us that the Playboy Mansion was just down the street. We had to drive by it. We stopped and took a quick glance at the gates. I wondered what was going on inside, imagining all sort of debauchery. Sean suggested that I walk up to the gate and see if they would let me in to see Hef. “No way, that’s embarrassing. Plus I am not sure I want to see what’s inside,” I said. My only contact with
Playboy
magazine was when Sean and I were driving from college in Montreal to my parent’s house in Kitchener, and out of boredom and curiosity I picked up a
Playboy
at the gas station. It was the fortieth anniversary issue and it contained the one hundred stars of the century. I was simply curious about their choices. Sean had always told me I should be a Playmate. Even when I was at McGill, guys used to call me Pam Anderson’s little sister, which was silly because we look nothing alike, but the Pam phenomenon was so big in Canada that any girl with blonde hair and boobs was always compared to her.

That Sunday, as Vivian and I drove to the famous 10236 Charing Cross Road address (guaranteed to be on any quality Star Map), we had no idea what to expect. As we approached the gate, a voice coming out of a huge rock asked us who we were and confirmed we were on the list of invitees. As the gates opened and we drove up the winding road, the bright yellow “Caution: Playmates at Play” sign welcoming us, we were guided through the main door of the house into the backyard. There we were greeted by nothing short of paradise: a sprawling green lawn with free-range exotic birds, a pond with ducks, a beautiful pool with a waterfall and nature’s truest bounty—sexy girls frolicking in the sun, talking, swimming, playing volleyball. I didn’t see anything too crazy; I had imagined I might see naked people prancing around or making out in the deep dark corners of the Mansion, but it was not like that at all. It was surprisingly civilized and tame. At one corner of the pool, Hef sat playing backgammon with two friends, one of whom was Doc. We went over to say hello. As we were walking away, I recognized his Girlfriend and Playmate Buffy Tyler and sat down to speak with her. I thought she was very cool and friendly. I asked her if she lived at the Mansion, and she told me that she and Katie Lohmann shared a room. I asked what it was like, and she told me she was having a lot of fun. I had many more questions, but I didn’t want to drill her; I thought she was nice enough to answer any of the questions in the first place.

As Vivian and I stood there taking in the surroundings, we were approached by Jenny—the lady who is in charge of Mansion party invitations—and she took down our information and then took our photos. We got some towels and lay out on the lawn, close to the pool. We just observed these fascinating new surroundings. We also kept visiting the bar, where the bartenders made fresh fruit smoothies and you could order food from the menu du jour. When at the bar, I noticed one of Hef’s Girlfriends surrounded by a group of wanna-be Girlfriends. I smiled at her, and she came over to tell me I was pretty. I was flattered by the unexpected comment. At that moment I would have never guessed, in a million years, that this girl and I would be roommates at the Mansion one day and have many adventures together. As evening approached, everyone was slowly leaving to change for dinner. Vivian wanted to stay for the dinner and movie, but I kept worrying about all of the homework that awaited me at home. I also did not want to create additional problems between Justin and I; he was already not too thrilled about my going to the Mansion, and I didn’t want to make things worse by staying there until late at night. Vivian and I ended up leaving before dinner. I had a good time that day, but I didn’t think I would go back to the Fun in the Sun for a long time; it wasn’t worth fighting over with Justin.

This first experience was followed by invitations to all of the Mansion parties. Although I went and was fascinated by the whole Hef party posse scene, I kept my distance from him. Between schoolwork, my relationship with Justin, and going out with my friends, I had no time for anything else. After attending a couple of Mansion parties, I began receiving regular phone calls from Jenny at the Mansion inviting me to come back on Sundays for Fun in the Sun, which was a weekly thing. The problem was that Vivian was not invited to Fun in the Sun, though she was receiving the invites to other parties. I felt really bad about that and, although she constantly told me we should call them and see if we could go over, I never told her I was already invited to them. I was not going to go alone, and I certainly did not want to hurt my friend’s feelings, so I just ignored the whole thing. I was perfectly satisfied only attending the parties at the Playboy Mansion.

As for school, I was finally able to take some international law courses and think about my eventual career in law. I began working for one of my professors, Professor Mendoza, assisting him in writing a book about international business transactions. I became efficient at doing research, learned a lot about writing a book, and was able to make some extra money to help pay my bills. He was a great professor, and I am grateful for the experience. However, I was coming to the gradual realization that I was not going to be able to carry out my dreams of becoming an international lawyer as originally planned. It was very likely that I would have to continue my studies with a master’s degree and potentially move back to the East Coast, where the international law curriculum was broader. It was probable that I would have to spend some additional years in academia, researching and writing before I actually got to handle the type of cases I was interested in. This was discouraging to me. I really wanted to go out into the world and have a break from studying, at least for a while. I did not know what other area of law I could practice. For the first time in my educational career, the future was not clearly laid out for me.

After my second year, I felt very tired. Justin and I had been arguing a lot, and he would be spending the summer studying and taking the bar exam. I knew he would be more stressed out than ever, and I did not want to be around for that. I wanted to travel again, and it had been several years since I had been to Poland. But I could not waste a summer traveling frivolously, nor did I have any money to do so. I realized that if I could study in Poland, I could graduate a semester early, and I could get school loans to cover my trip. I found the ideal program via Catholic University, which would allow me to take international law courses in Krakow, Poland. It was a perfect opportunity to earn credits and spend time with my family. I had the fortune to study at Jagiellonian University, one of the oldest and most prestigious universities in Europe. It was founded by King Casimir the Great in 1364. Among its most famous alumni are Nicolas Copernicus and the late Pope John Paul II. And its law faculty is regarded as one of the finest in central Europe. It was incredibly inspiring.