Burden to Bear (5 page)

CHAPTER SIX

          Douglas leapt to his feet to run after Sarah, but realized he was not wearing any shoes.  “Sneakers?  Sneakers?” he called out in frustration while he routed unsuccessfully under the couch and then under his bed.  He finally found them in the bathroom where he had kicked them off the previous evening before hopping into the shower.

He grabbed his coat and ran outside, peering down the street.  Sarah was not in sight.

He began to jog down the street towards her apartment.  No use wasting this opportunity to get some cardio in. 

He made it to Sarah’s apartment just as she was fumbling with her keys at the front door.

“Sarah, I’m so sorry,” he said.  “I know you want more of an explanation, but I don’t really have one.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and turned the key in the lock.

Douglas followed her inside.

“I think you’re making it all up,” Sarah muttered, refusing to look at him.  She threw her keys and bag down on the table near the door.  “I really don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Douglas knew he had to say something.  Sarah was the type to feel guilty about doubting another person.  The guilt would probably send her straight back into Wilson’s arms.

“Ok, I’ll explain everything,” said Douglas.  “Just please sit down and let me say this properly.”

He took her gently by the shoulders and guided her to the couch.  He sank into a cushion beside her.

She peered up at him and blinked away some tears.  Sarah always cried when she was angry.

Douglas wiped the tears off her eyelash with his finger.  Then he gave her a silly cock-eyed grin.  She could not help but smile back.

“That’s better,” he said.

Sarah pouted.  “Are you going to give me some sort of explanation?” she demanded.

Douglas heaved a sigh of trepidation.  “Yes.  Ok.  Here it goes…

“I love you, Sarah.”

“What?”  This was not the explanation that Sarah expected.

Douglas leaned in closer.  “I love you, and I made the whole thing up about Wilson because I’m jealous.  I want to be with you, and it drove me crazy to see that guy with his filthy hands all over you.”

He leaned back to gauge her reaction. He was not entirely sure what she would do.

Sarah was silent. 

He stared fearfully at her impassive face.

“Are you going to hit me?” Doug asked.  Sarah occasionally smacked him when he frustrated her.  She had done this since they were little kids.  He never hit her back. 

Sarah giggled.  “Noooo.” Her voice faltered a bit.  “I’m not going to hit you, Doug.”

They both sat in silence for a while.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sarah finally asked.

Douglas stammered,” I…  I guess I was afraid you’d reject me.  You seem to like those well-dressed guys that can dance and stuff.  I didn’t think I was your type.”

Sarah shook her head and laughed.  “No, you’re not my type.”

Douglas’ heart sank.  He had failed miserably.  Not only had he botched this plan to keep Sarah safe from Wilson, but he had also revealed his most secret feelings about her.  To top it off, she was amused.  He had nothing left.  He had lost.

Douglas began to rise.  “I guess I should go.  I should have minded my own business.” He had not cried in twenty-three years, but for once in over two decades, he could feel his eyes welling up.

Sarah put her hand on his leg.  “No.  Stay.”

Douglas exhaled deeply.  He wasn’t being outright rejected.  He fell back on the sofa.

Sarah lifted her head and gazed at him seriously.  “How long have you felt like this?”

“Since we were five,” he joked.

“No, seriously,” Sarah begged.  “How long?”

“Always,” Douglas replied.  “But it just keeps getting stronger and stronger.  I can’t help it.  I don’t want anyone else.”  He flushed.

“That’s why you won’t date other girls,” Sarah mused.

He nodded in affirmation.

“You felt like this, even when I was dating Marley?” she suddenly asked.

“Yup,” he said.  “I hated that guy.”

“Well, that was pretty obvious,” she said.  “You always made me feel like I made bad choices.”

Doug frowned.  “I’m sorry.  I should have said something.  I didn’t mean to make you feel like you were in the wrong.”

Sarah began fumbling with her coat.  She hadn’t removed it when they came into the apartment.  Now, she was sweating, especially now that she was overcome with all these emotions.  “I’m hot,” she complained.

Douglas helped her remove her coat.  He hung it in the closet.  “I’ll get us another drink,” he said, disappearing into the kitchen.

Chum-Chum and Noodle hissed and then scattered as he entered the kitchen.  He saw their water dish was empty, so he refilled it and then grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge.

He tossed one to her and bounded into the big easy chair facing the couch.  He knew that it was necessary to give Sarah some space right now.  He did not need to crowd her.  He was happy enough that she had not tossed him out after the bombshell he had just presented her with.

“I’m not sure whether I feel the same about you as you feel about me,” Sarah finally said, a bit reluctantly.  To herself, she was wondering whether she had realized all along how Douglas felt about her.  She felt guilty, like maybe she had led him on a bit.  She loved his companionship and his attention.  However, she knew it was wrong to demand so much from him and give nothing in return, if he desired more than her friendship.

He is very handsome, she surmised.  There’s a very hot guy under all that hair.

Before, when confronted with the muscularity of Douglas’ chest and the flatness of his abdominal muscles, she had always swept the thoughts from her mind before they could foster any feelings resembling attraction.  She had never considered Douglas anything other than a friend and a brother.  However, now, she had been given free license to contemplate him as a lover, so she allowed those thoughts to flood her mind. 

Douglas was biding his time, thumbing through webpages on his phone, looking for sports scores.  He did not notice Sarah’s eyes sweeping up and down and over his entire body, calculating whether she was sexually attracted to him or not.

Sarah interrupted his search.  “I’m keeping you from studying,” she said. 

Douglas looked up and grinned.  “It’s fine.”  He was pleased that she still wanted to be in the same room with him.

Sarah shrugged.  “Why don’t we make it a study date?  Go home and grab your books.  You can study here.  We’ll order pizza tonight.

Douglas was pleased.  He hopped up and raced to the door.  “Be right back with my books,” he said.

He returned with a six-pack of beer and his backpack.  Sarah ordered a couple of pizzas.  She herself would only eat one or two slices but Douglas could eat an entire pizza in one sitting.  They sat on her living room carpet, studied, chatted and debated into the late afternoon.

At sunset, Sarah pulled aside the long curtains that concealed her balcony door, and they watched the sun slip away, replaced by violet, then purple, then a dark blue winter sky.  Douglas lounged lazily next to her. She could hear his heart beating loudly.  He smelled so dusky, like springtime and fresh earth. 

She rubbed his leg affectionately.  He pulled himself a little closer and laid his head softly on her shoulder.

Sarah turned her head and kissed his tousled head of rough black hair.  She stroked his cheek with her hand.  Then she kissed him gently on the lips.  She had never been so drawn to any man. 

Douglas kissed her back tenderly, and then more intensely.  Sarah felt a searing current of desire run through her arms and legs.  She quivered.  She wanted him completely.  Douglas tacitly understood.  He massaged her tongue with his.  He rose up on his knees and engulfed her in his arms, then gently laid her on her back.

Sarah grabbed his lower thigh with one hand and began to rub it sensually.  She slowly worked her way up to his groin area.  She put her hand into his pants and then massaged him delicately while he moaned in delight.  Doug rapidly removed his pants, underwear, and then his t-shirt.  Sarah gazed into his eyes for a moment while she rubbed her hands in circles over his broad shoulders examining every giant muscle, and then over both bulging biceps on his upper arms.

At that point, Douglas was panting with desire.  He looked as if he was about to devour Sarah alive.

Sarah struggled out of her blouse, wrenched off her skirt and panties and flung them across the room.  Both she and Douglas giggled when the lacy panties caught on a corner of the mirror near the doorway. 

Then Douglas’ eyes grew solemn again.  He plunged his head into her ample breasts, licking and kissing.  Sarah’s nipples stood erect, and she began to writhe with desire.

“I love you so much,” Douglas whispered into her ear as he crouched above her.  She could not believe that this massive, handsome beast wanted her as badly as she wanted him.  His breathing became raspy.  “You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world, Sarah,” he rumbled.

Sarah groaned as he nibbled her ear, then her breasts, then down along her navel until he found her core.  He began a slow, insistent rhythm with his tongue, in the exact spot which made her lose all control.  In moments, Sarah was arching her back and crying aloud in pleasure.

She wailed over and over in ecstasy.  Then she climaxed suddenly and loudly, delirious with sensation.

“We’re not finished,” Douglas whispered playfully.  He kissed her gently on her breasts, on her neck and then on her mouth, and she was filled with longing once again.

He gently entered her and then pushed himself into her repeatedly, each time more urgent than the last.  Sarah felt so full of him that she believed she would burst; yet she craved more and more of him inside her.  She knew the downstairs neighbors had to hear the shrieking and pounding on the floor above them, but she was too caught up to care.  Douglas had the stamina of a wild animal, and after they finally climaxed, howling in rapture together, she was covered in sweat and unable to move.  Douglas rolled beside her, groaning.

“Wow,” she wheezed, spread-eagled on the floor.  “That was amazing.”

“Yes,” Douglas agreed, gasping for breath.

Sarah giggled.  “Is this how you always make love?”

Douglas chuckled. “It just gets better.” He kissed her damp forehead.  “You were marvelous, Sarah,” he said.

Sarah snuggled onto his hairy chest.  Soon both were blissfully snoring, cuddled together naked on her living room floor.

CHAPTER SEVEN

        They woke the next morning as the sun began to peep above the horizon and flood the living room with light.

Douglas yawned loudly and sat up.  “Guess we never made it to the bed,” he observed.

“I grabbed a blanket off of the couch during the night,” Sarah explained.  “Didn’t want you to get cold.”

Douglas glanced down at his massively hairy arms and legs.  “I don’t usually get cold,” he mused.  “Still, it’s awesome cuddling under the blankets with you.” 

Sarah stood up and wrapped the blanket around her bum.  She was still a bit shy. 

Douglas pretended not to notice her embarrassment.  “Go shower first,” he offered.  “I’ll make coffee.”

“That sounds lovely,” Sarah said, and slipped away to the bathroom, massively impeded by her blanket skirt.

Once she shut the bathroom door behind her, she quickly showered and dressed.  When she returned, Douglas was already in his coat and was gulping down a mug of coffee. 

“I forgot a book I need for class this afternoon,” he said.  “I’ll just shower at home real quick, and then head out to class.”

Sarah nodded.  “Ok.  I’ll talk to you after classes, then.”  Douglas was always neurotic about being perfectly prepared for his classes.

“Sounds good,” Douglas grinned.  Then he was gone.

Sarah was a bit glad for some time alone before class.  Her life had changed so quickly in the last twenty-four hours.  All the things she thought she had once felt for Wilson seemed so flat and meaningless now. 

“I believed he was ‘The One,’” she mused aloud.  “I was so foolish.  I barely know him.”

She determined that she would have to end things with Wilson later that evening.  “Wow, I haven’t even checked my phone since yesterday morning,” she remembered.  “I wonder if he called?”

She dug through her purse and found her phone.  There were three calls, all from Wilson, one voice message, and four text messages.

In the first voice message from the night before, Wilson asked if he could drop off some dinner while she was studying.  The phone log showed that he had called two more times before midnight.

He had texted her to ask if she was okay, and then said goodnight.

This morning, he had already texted twice and asked if they could meet for coffee.

“Stalker,” she huffed.  Maybe she was being overdramatic, but come one, she hadn’t even slept with the guy and he was blowing up her phone!

She ignored the text messages and packed up to go to class.  She was not certain how she was going to word this break-up conversation.  She was determined to do it in person.  She had been dumped via text once.  It felt lousy. 

Sarah could barely pay attention during her first class that morning.  Her thoughts were monopolized with the best way to let Wilson know that she was no longer interested.  She did not want him to think that she had led him on.  On the contrary, she had been sincerely interested up until the point that Douglas had told her that he loved her. 

“I can’t tell him all this, though,” she thought.  “I have to let him down gently.”

Class ended, and she finally realized she was the only person still seated at the lecture tables.  Almost everyone else had left the room.  Sarah gathered up her books and stuffed them into her backpack. She would have to ask a class mate for notes from this class.  The few sentences that she had scribbled in her notebook were absolute gibberish.  She sighed.  The beginning of a relationship was so exhilarating, but the end of them was always debilitating – even when you had another suitor lined up.

She decided to grab a bite to eat from the café before her next class.  As she plodded down the hallway, still lost in thought, she walked into someone leaning against the wall.  She glanced up to apologize.

It was Wilson.

“Oh, um, hi,” she said.  Then she blurted, “What are you doing here?”

Wilson looked concerned.  “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, Sarah, but I was so worried.  I tried to call and text, and I haven’t heard from you.  I hope I didn’t scare you off with what I said yesterday.”

Wilson’s handsome face looked so worried and so sad.  Sarah was racked with guilt.

“Oh Wilson,” she sighed.  “I’m the one who should apologize.  I should have texted you back.  I just got so caught up with – “ She stopped.

Wilson was studying her earnestly. “How about I buy you a coffee,” he offered.  “I know you are very busy with your exam.  I shouldn’t be bothering you, but I just want to see you for a few minutes.”

Sarah acquiesced.  They sat at a small table in the café together while Sarah drank her coffee.  Wilson noticed the way she was gulping it down.  “You’re starving,” he said.  “You are studying too hard and aren’t taking care of yourself.  Let me buy us some lunch.”  Sarah did not know why she agreed, but she told him that he could buy her a salad and some soup. 

Wilson stood at the soup bar quite for a while fixing two bowls of soup for each of them.  When he returned, he set Sarah’s in front of her with a grin.  “It’s cream of broccoli, but I put some extra cheese and crackers in it for you,” he said. “Just the way you told me you like it.”

Sarah thanked him.  He was such a nice guy, she mused.  He remembered the littlest details, like their conversation about soup that night they had stayed until 5 a.m. at the diner.  Most girls searched their entire lives to find a guy this attentive.  If she didn’t have such a conclusive feeling about Douglas, she knew that she would give him a second chance, creepy staring be damned!  However, she had no doubts that she and Douglas were meant to be together.

Wilson was insanely handsome and charming, and would easily find another girlfriend.  She doubted he would spend too much time mourning the loss of her.

The soup was absolutely delicious.  Sarah dug in her spoon to scoop up bigger and bigger mouthfuls of the creamy concoction.  After finishing it, she began to feel a little excited and dizzy, almost the same way she had felt while eating lunch with Wilson the day before.

He was watching her.  She looked up at him, and when he smiled, his eyes and teeth were dazzling.  She was entranced by him.

She could only focus on Wilson’s handsome face.  She wanted to kiss him so badly.  She leaned forward, and their lips met.  She kissed him, and then beamed at him deliriously.

When she leaned forward to kiss him again, he gently pushed her back into her chair.  “Not here, love,” he said softly.  “Let’s go to my place.”

Sarah nodded.  She stood up from the table and took a step towards the exit of the café.  She almost tripped.  Why was she suddenly so clumsy?

Wilson stood beside her, strong and helpful, and grasped her arm.  He guided her to the door and into the hallway.  “Good thing my car is outside,” he said.

Sure enough, the yellow Ferrari was parked on the curb.  “You know you can’t park there,” Sarah said to him, only positive that the car was indeed Wilson’s from the blur of bright yellow that popped into her bleary vision from the distance.  “You’ll get a ticket. It’s only for library staff.”

Wilson frowned and pulled her towards the car.  Sarah was beginning to have problems moving her legs along.  “Don’t move so fast,” she giggled.

She and Wilson eventually made it to the car. Wilson unlocked it quickly with his keypad, flung open the door and helped her inside.  He swiftly snapped the seatbelt over her.  “We’ll be at my place in a minute, ssssweet Ssssarah,” he said.  Sarah shook her head and tried to gulp down some of the fresh air.  Did she hear a slight hiss when he said her name?

On his way over to the driver’s side door, Wilson snatched a fluttering white ticket from beneath the windshield wiper.  He tore it up furiously and dropped the pieces into the street.  Then he slid into the car, pumped the gas, and raced away from the university.

Sarah turned her head towards him slowly. Moving her head was suddenly difficult.  “Isn’t your friend home?” she protested.  “Shouldn’t we go to my place?”  Her bleary brain was fantasizing a mid-day romantic rendezvous.  She didn’t want to have sex with Wilson if his friend was listening in the next room.

Wilson glared at her from the driver’s side.  “If we go to your place, your little mammal friend might show up,” he said.  “Wasn’t he there last night?”

At this point, Sarah was too woozy to answer.  She felt herself drifting into some semi-conscious state where she was knew that she was in Wilson’s car and that Wilson was with her, but was unable to respond.

Wilson hissed.  “His stink is all over you!”  He rolled down the windows of the car to let the fresh air in.   “It’s disgusting what I have to put up with sometimes just to get a decent meal.”

The car sped on.