Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (49 page)

Now
?

No
, tomorrow. What the fuck, Nathan
?

Baby
, what’s wrong
? There’s a chuckle to his voice.

I stop talking to him to get in the shower. My parents walk
past me on my way out of the bathroom and I tell them ‘goodbye’ again. I dress in some dark-denim Bermuda shorts, two tanks—pink and blue—and some cute sandals that match my shirts and earrings. I grab my phone, walking down the stairs and out the front door.

Nathan is sitting
in his truck in my driveway. He gets out, helping me in.

He gets back in the truck
, and says, “I take it your talk with your parents didn’t go so well?”

I turn
to him, angrily, “Why couldn’t you just say ‘okay,’ when I asked you to come get me?”

“Tracey
, what’s the problem?”

“You took forever to answer me, and you act
ed like I was bothering you.”

He pulls the truck from the drive. “You are never a bother to me
, Tracey.” I look at the road, going over my emotions. “So are we picking up Glen and Scott to hang out with them?”

“No, fuck them. Just go back to your house.” He looks at me strangely. “What?”

“That’s what I am trying to figure out.”

I throw my head against the headrest
, lifting my knees to my chest. Nathan steals looks at me the entire ride to his house. I don’t speak, only stare out the window.

I can’t help but think about my
parents’ conversation, and it’s really getting to me. Using him, not being able to give him enough of what he is giving me, me having nothing, and him having everything. It’s all starting to make sense. They have a point.

We make it to his house and his mother is standing in the driveway on a ladder
, fixing flowers that hang from the garage gutters. Nathan helps me from the truck.

“Hey, Natalia
,” I say when I touch the ground.

“Hello
, Tracey. Nice of you to come by,” as if I’m not over here all the time.

“Mom, do not hurt yourself up there. Do you need some help?”

“No, Nathan, I got it. Go spend some time with Tracey.”

“Okay
, mother. Be careful.” He is stern with his statement. I guess she hurts herself often, by the way it sounded.

We walk through the house to his room
, and along the way, I speak to everyone I see. People are a little calmer today. Knowing Nathan, he probably told them to be, since I was coming over.

We walk into his room and I head to the bathroom. I’m caught up in my emotions and I don’t want him to see me break
down.

But of course
, he follows right behind me. “Tracey, what is going on? What happened?”

“Nathan
, just tell me the truth.”

“About what?”

“Am I enough for you? I mean, you have everything together, your whole life is together. And I’m barely getting started. I can’t be.” I walk into the bathroom, trying to close the door, but he stops me. I leave it alone, leaning over the double-sink counter.

“Is this something your parents said?”

“Why does it matter?” I look at him through the mirror.

“Honestly
, it doesn’t, but I ask, because your parents don’t know the truth.” He turns me around to face him. “They don’t know who I really am or how old I really am. If they knew I was over ninety and had all of these things, their perspective would be different. Plus, they would think something was wrong, me looking this good at ninety-three, but—” He shrugs.

I smile at his remark
, not putting that piece of the puzzle into my confusion. My smile fades. “Why does it matter if I wanted you to come pick me up now or later?”

“Tracey
, I was asleep. I answered. I’m okay. You’re okay. I don’t understand what’s wrong.” He stares at me for a moment.

I don’t know how to respond. I don’t know how I feel. I’m confused
, and suddenly, no longer sure.

“What makes you doubt
us, babe?” he asks, in a comforting voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Your mind—it’s full of doubt.” He looks around. “Can we go back in the room, and talk
outside
of the bathroom?” I stalk past him acknowledging his messy bed from the door way. It is usually made up. I walk to it. “I told you I was asleep.” He walks to me.

T
he intercom goes off. “Nathan there is an Annabelle here to see you.”

“Who the fuck is Annabelle?” I turn to him, becoming more pissed off.

He throws his head back looking at the ceiling. “Tracey, calm down.”

“No, she better be your replacement sister.” I walk to the intercom and press the button. “Tell her he will be right down.”

“No Tracey.”

“Yes, let’s go.” I turn to the door and he’s standing in front of me.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Let her go away.”

“Why?”

“She is not causing any problems. You are upset and we are trying to talk about what is bothering you. We-”

Someone knocks on the door softly. Nathan moves me back so that he can open it. He looks away from me and a body jumps on him, wrapping her arms and
legs around him, and kisses him–hard.

Shit just hit the fan. In all of five seconds
, I grab the girl by her neck, ripping her from him. He grabs me by my waist, pulling me from her, and Taylor walks in the room, taking me from him.

“What the hell is your problem?”
‘jumpy’ blurts at me.

“Nathan, you have two seconds to handle this
,” I say as Taylor’s arm wraps around the top of my chest.

“Nathan who is she?”
‘jumpy’ asks, like we are having a cordial conversation.

“No, who are you?” Taylor’s grip tightens. I huff in frustration. “All I know is
, if you take another step towards him, you are going to lose your legs.”

Nathan smiles at me. “Come here
, Tracey.” ‘Jumpy’ gives a disgusted look. “Taylor, let her go.” She slowly drops her arm and stares at ‘jumpy,’ then looks at him. “Come here, babe.” he says again.

I reluctantly walk over to him. Maybe too slow
, because he reaches out to grab me. “You better not kiss me before you wash your face.” I look from him to ‘jumpy.’ She takes another step forward with her arm stretched out. “You can lose your arm too.” I’m ready to punch her face.

Nathan moves behind me
and faces her. “Look, Annabelle—” He wraps an arm around me. “That was inappropriate and disrespectful. Why are you even in my house?” He pauses. “And how did you find out where I live?”

She looks at me
, then back at him. “Melissa told me. And when did you get a girl, and why is it not me? I thought you didn’t have
girls
.” She says the word like it’s a disease.

“Doesn’t matter. She is, and whatever
you and I had ended. I already told you that. You shouldn’t have come here.”

She takes a step forward
, and Nathan grabs me tighter, anticipating another Pepper move.

Taylor moves in front of her. “Look
—Annabelle, right? My brother is trying to be nice about telling you to leave. We are really trying to save you, because if you don’t, my sister will definitely make sure of it.” Annabelle folds her arms. “Can you please leave, and tell whatever other girls you know that know Nathan to
not
come by here. Don’t give out our address to anyone else either. We don’t need that right now.” Taylor’s voice is calm and comforting, like she is telling a child not to play with sockets, and why.

“Nathan I
—”

I’m not taking this. “Really!?” I try to move from Nathan
, but he won’t allow me. “He has nothing to say to you. Stop talking to him and leave.”

She opens her mouth to speak. I calm
, because if I stay upset, I am going to set her on fire. “Okay, Annabelle, what is it that you need to say to Nathan?”

She tries to speak
, and I cut her off. “Nathan, do you care?”

“No
, baby.”

“Nathan, tell Annabelle to leave.” Maybe she needs to hear it from him again.

“Get the fuck out, Annabelle. Now!” he says with amusement.

Taylor turns Annabelle towards the door as
she glares at Nathan. “You always were a dick, Nathan,” she says as Taylor pushes her out the door.

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to talk to her on her way out the door.” Taylor closes
the door behind them and I hear, “Don’t disrespect my brother…” said harshly, trailing off.

I turn to him
. “Go wash your face.”

He looks at me
, laughing, and walks to the bathroom. “Why don’t you come wash my face?”

“No!” I say with aggression.

His phone rings on the nightstand. “Can you answer my phone, since I’m washing my face?”

I pick up the phone
, sliding the green bar to answer. “Yes, Scott?”

“Hey
, Tracey. Where is Nathan?”

“Washing his face.”

“O-Kay. Uh, we are supposed to go out today, Glen said.”

“Maybe later
—much later. We’ll call you.” I hang up.

Nathan comes to my side and kisses my cheek. “That shit was not cool
, Nathan. You almost got that girl killed.”

“I wouldn’t have let you kill her. But I agree with you
, it wasn’t okay. He touches my cheek, and I calm down. “So back to my question: What’s wrong, and what makes you doubt me?”

“I don’t know
. It just doesn’t seem right. We don’t match.”

He turns me to him. “How don’t we?”

“You have it all figured out, and I don’t even know where I’m going to school.” I pause. “My mom told me I would be using you for your success if I stayed with you.”

“And how did you respond to her?”

“I said that I didn’t even know what that meant, but I love you and you love me—equally—and I have nothing to use you for.”

“So why has your mind changed?”

I’m not sure. “Why didn’t it shock you when that girl kissed you?”

“It did.”

“I couldn’t tell.”

“Yea
h, as fast as you ripped her off of me, you couldn’t.” He grabs my waist and tries to pull me to him. I’m not budging. “Come here, Tracey,” he says through his teeth, pulling me harder. I stumble forward. “Let me show you a kiss that will
shock
you.”

I smile against my will. He kisses me, taking away all
my doubt and worry, including the episode with ‘jumpy.’ I grab his arms and he moves me to lie across his bed, never interrupting the kiss.

“What’s wrong with you
, Tracey?” His voice is seductive and soft as he speaks against my lips. He moves his hand against my lower-back, pushing me against him.

“Where did all this
built-up aggression come from?” He kisses me deeper and my breathing becomes heavy. “You—trying to fight the world?” He moves to kiss my ‘melt my soul’ spot, under my ear. “What’s going on with you?” He kisses and melts it.

I move his head back to kiss
my lips. My emotions are going crazy. Every emotion I had that didn’t know which way to go, I put into the kiss, raising my bent legs up to his sides.

The hand on my back moves to my thigh and squeezes. “Mm
,” I moan against his mouth, and he deepens the kiss even more. I clutch the waistline of his pants.

“Okay, I took care of that.” In walks Taylor and, right behind her, good ol’ Mom.

Nathan and I jump up quickly,
straightening ourselves. He stands and I sit up on the edge of the bed, legs crossed. I look at the messy bed that makes it look like we finished instead of just started. “Umm, this was like this before I got here.”

Taylor and Natalia laugh as I walk from the bed to the desk chair. “Well
, don’t stop on account of us,” says Natalia.

“Maybe you all can knock before you walk in.” Nathan straightens the bed, and then invites his mom to sit down.

“Nathan, I just walked out of the room and said I’d be right back. You two don’t waste any time,” Taylor exclaims sarcastically.

“Yea
h, well, that is
so
not appropriate,” I counter, as I sit next to Natalia and hug her. “Hi.”

“Are you okay
, Tracey? You looked so upset when you walked in.”

“Yea
h, my parents are just giving me a hard time right now.”

She turns to me. “Would you like to tell me about it?”